Keystone Cops Quotes

I myself feel that our country, for whose Constitution I fought in a just war, might as well have been invaded by Martians and body snatchers. Sometimes I wish it had been. What has happened, though, is that it has been taken over by means of the sleaziest, low-comedy, Keystone Cops-style coup d'etat imaginable.

It's the time ahead that's the worry. Not only the frequent occurrence of breakfast, the days chasing each other like Keystone Cops at the end of an old movie or Benny Hill after girls. It's not the bother of walking with a stick ... it's not the time spent planning how to get to your feet, or the need to persuade those around you to sit on chairs to stop them falling over when you grab them as an aid to standing. It's not even that you may be compelled, in the not-too-distant future, to write off for the 'Adjustable Urinal' ('Secure, yet comfortable to wear like an athlete's support'), the 'Practical Bath Seat', the 'Gentle Pelvic Extender', the 'Complete Video Guide to Manageable Sex Over Sixty', or even the 'Decorative Sticker Window Films' to stop you walking into glass doors. ... The real trouble with old age is that it lasts for such a short time.

I could see the flashing lights of a police car, some type of van, and about a half dozen “Bobbies” all running around like the Keystone Cops.  One of the “Bobbies” was dressed in a large padded suit, the type used to train attack dogs.  It wasn’t until I actually got to the square that I realized that the “Keystone Bobbies” were chasing MY DOG!!!  He was doing a great job of eluding them all, and according to one of the onlookers, had been doing so for quite a while.      The British are great dog lovers but a German shepherd for some reason places great fear in their hearts, probably a holdover from the war.  I’d seldom seen that breed of dog here and had never seen one on the loose.  According to the bystander this one had been loose for some time and had been generally panicking people all around the square.      I broke into a run and crossed the street into the square itself and started screaming “LICKY, LICKY, HERE BOY!!!” Licky was on the far side of the square with the “Bobbie” wearing the padded outfit in hot pursuit.  At the sound of my voice he made an instant turn and on the dead run came straight at me.  He skidded to a halt in front of me, obviously terrified and really glad to see me.  I gave him the hand signal and at the same time shouted “Sit,” and he did.

glared at her. “I was doing just fine until your keystone cops broke into my house. Hell, I was doing just fine after they drove me out – and how do I know that this Wolfe guy isn’t one of yours?” “He is not—” she emphasized every