Keanu Reeves Funny Quotes

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We finally settled on Francis Ford Coppola's version of Dracula, which, unfortunately, Gabriel seemed to think was a comedy. I think it was the combination of Keanu Reeves's British accent and Gary Oldman's elderly Count Dracula hairstyle. They're just misleading.
Molly Harper (Nice Girls Don't Have Fangs (Jane Jameson, #1))
But, as fate would have it, God actually had a surprise in store for me. The one. No, not Neo…though I can’t say I would be sad to get Keanu Reeves, I wanted someone just as sexy but way more low-key. My ONE and only.
Desiree Batiste (The Shaping of a Diamond)
And you shouldn't be---" I say, looking up and taking in his appearance. So damn hot. My throat catches. Words do not form. He's sexier than the ceviche I'm planning on making---slick and smooth, cool and hot. Confession: I may have a problem binge-watching rom-coms and steamy romances, hoping for my own meet-cute. If they happen in the movies, why not in real life? When I'm not in the kitchen, I watch them all, inhaling the happy endings---from Sleepless in Seattle to Pretty Woman to Sixteen Candles, the latter so politically incorrect and cringe-worthy today but made up for with the drool-worthy hotness that is Jake Ryan. Something about this guy reminds me of Keanu Reeves, with his razor-sharp cheekbones, mildly unkempt black hair that nearly touches his shoulders, two-day scruff, penetrating hazel eyes, and, from what I can tell---dressed in a casual but elegant fitted black suit---a buff body. I may have developed a slight Keanu obsession after I saw him in Always Be My Maybe, the story of him being the temporary love interest of an ambitious chef. Even though he played a douchebag version of himself, he was funny and hot as hell. Normally, I only salivate over recipes, but this feast for the eyes is clearly an exception.
Samantha Verant (The Spice Master at Bistro Exotique)
Underneath what? The latest supermodel? Let Google tell it. He’s got a deli number-counter at the foot of his bed.
K.M. Jackson (How to Marry Keanu Reeves in 90 Days)