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God desires to heal you - Jehovah Rapha - God's nature is to heal, as can be seen through the life of Christ who came to heal and to save. God wants to heal you, but healing requires that you reach out and tough Him and that you allow Him to touch you. Matt 14:36 - All who touched him were healed. A spiritual touch - a touch in the deepest part of your soul where your strongest passions and emotions lie. Because your abuser wounded you in this tender place - you have built up a protective wall around this area to keep others out. The wall has successfully kept out those who would hurt you, but it has also kept out God, who longs to heal you.
God is not like your abuser. He doesn't want something from you, He wants to give to you. He has gifts for you - joy, freedom, love,acceptance, and purpose. He wants to hold you and comfort you, but unlike your abuser, He will not touch you against your will. He will not force Himself upon you or demand that you love Him.
So, He waits. He waits for you to turn to Him, waits for you to extend your hand and receive the gifts He
longs to give.
Oh friend, God's heart breaks over what your abuser did. But there is something that grieves Him even more, and it is this - You are afraid to treust Him. You do not love Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. Your focus is upon your suffering and doing everything you can to keep from being hurt again rather than trusting the One who loves you and wants to heal you.
The choice is yours. If you choose to pour your emotions and energies into things other than God, God will respect your wishes. But if you choose Him, He wants nothing held back. Trust Him! He is trustworthy.
pg 168-9
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