Jefferson Fisher Quotes

The fastest way to lose your peace of mind is to give someone a piece of yours.

Speaking directly doesn’t mean you lack empathy or consideration for the other person’s feelings. Being direct means that you have the self-assurance that you can respect the other person, as well as yourself, enough to communicate your needs openly without fear.

I’m attaching the contract,” or even “I attached the contract,” sounds more forward, more active, and more assertive. You’re leaning into your confidence by telling them what you’re doing and then doing it.

Confidence doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you do it scared. Confidence doesn’t mean you’re always right. It means you tell them when you’re wrong. Confidence doesn’t mean you avoid mistakes. It means you embrace them.

An easy exercise to help you find your personal values is to poll the person who knows you best, like a close friend, your partner, or a family member. Ask this person each of the following questions and write down their response. What do you think I find important in my life based on my daily conversations? What are three words you would use to describe my character to someone who doesn’t know me? What topics of conversation do I get most enthusiastic about? What quality is most important to me in the friendships I have? What emotion do you wish I’d show more of?

The first thing to know about standing up for yourself is when to do it, because not everyone is worth getting out of your chair for. It’s a know-your-worth mentality. Not everyone is worth your peace of mind. You have to know and consciously decide if the person standing in front of you is one who means something to you.

In passing, I continually marvel at how different today’s lawyers and politicians are from us of the first generation. We did not possess a single orator to compare with the present crop. Jefferson and Madison were inaudible. Monroe was dull. Hamilton rambled and I was far too dry (and brief) for the popular taste. Fisher Ames was the nearest thing we had to an orator (I never heard Patrick Henry). Today, however, practically every public man is now a marvellous orator—no, actor! capable of shouting down a tempest, causing tears to flow, laughter to rise. I cannot fathom the reason for this change unless it be the influence of a generation of evangelical ministers (Clay always makes me think of a preacher a-wash in the Blood of the Lamb who, even as he calls his flock to repent, is planning to seduce the lady in the back pew); and of course today’s politician must deal with a much larger electorate than ours. We had only to enchant a caucus in a conversational tone while they must thrill the multitude with brass and cymbal.

Among many other slurs, the Republicans attacked the president as a “hideous hermaphroditical character, which has neither the force and firmness of a man, nor the gentleness and sensibility of a woman.” The Federalists were no better, calling Jefferson “a mean-spirited, low-lived fellow, the son of a half-breed Indian squaw, sired by a Virginia mulatto father.” Even

This is also why overexplaining kills confidence. The more words you use, the less you actually say. Using too many words to say something small creates a big problem. The temptation to overexplain stems from the fear that the other person isn’t going to believe you (a social evaluation trigger). But the more words you use, the less believable you sound. The more words it takes to tell the truth, the more it sounds like a lie. The longer you talk, the more it sounds like you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Stop carrying the weight of other people’s words. Stop attending every argument you’re invited to. If sports are your jam, just because they throw a pitch doesn’t mean you have to swing. Let it go by. Just because they hit it to your side of the court doesn’t mean you have to send it back over the net. Let it fall to the ground. There is no requirement, no compulsion, that just because they said something, you are obligated to say anything at all. “I just have to say…” No, you don’t. There’s nothing you have to say. There are only things you want to say. But who are you

You can change everything in your next conversation.

The list of those who told me they had been physically assaulted by David Miscavige: Mike Rinder, Gale Irwin, Marty Rathbun, Jefferson Hawkins, Tom De Vocht, Mark Fisher, Bruce Hines, Bill Dendiu, Guy White, Marc Headley, and Stefan Castle. Those who said they had witnessed such abuse: John Axel, Marty Rathbun, Janela Webster, Tom De Vocht, Marc Headley, Eric Knutson, Amy Scobee, Dan Koon, Steve Hall, Claire Headley, Mariette Lindstein, John Peeler, Andre Tabayoyan, Vicki Aznaran, Jesse Prince, Mark Fisher, Bill Dendiu, Mike Rinder, David Lingerfelter, Denise (Larry) Brennan, Debbie Cook, and Lana Mitchell.

In 2012, a 24 year old finished his shift at Jack's restaurant in Jefferson County, Alabama. Only minutes after he left his shift, he returned to the restaurant, wearing a bad disguise and carrying a gun. He robbed the restaurant, and quickly left with the cash.   It's too bad that he didn't put more effort into his costume, since it did not cover his face or clothing very well, and it only took one look for several of his fellow employees to recognize him. He also should have considered robbing the restaurant long after he left his shift, not moments later.

Ganhar uma discussão é uma mera técnica de vendas exagerada. Este livro não é assim. Vou explicar-lhe porquê. Primeiro, pode ganhar uma discussão e, mesmo assim, estar errado. Segundo, mesmo que ganhe, não ganhou nada com isso. Ganhar uma discussão não serve de nada. Ganhar significa muitas vezes que perdemos algo muito mais valioso: a confiança e o respeito da outra pessoa e, por vezes, até a conexão com ela. A única coisa que realmente ganhou foi o desprezo da outra pessoa.

Se recuarmos ao tempo da Grécia Antiga, percebemos que a retórica e o discurso não tinham nada que ver com ganhar e perder. Um debate de questões opostas era uma forma de chegar à verdade, expondo os problemas do argumento ao opositor com o objectivo de melhorar e aperfeiçoar o argumento. Os debates dessa época duravam dias, por vezes, semanas, para dar tempo aos participantes de explorar a fundo assuntos divisivos.

... no final de contas, não é a discussão que importa. O que importa é conseguir compreender a outra pessoa e o ponto de vista dela e perceber que talvez a vitória que tanto queria não seja, afinal, aquilo de que precisa.

Normalmente, não é a diferença de opiniões ou crenças que gera o problema, mas sim a dificuldade de compreender a diferença de perspectivas. Quando nos interessamos por compreender o porquê de alguém ter dada crença, em vez de simplesmente a criticarmos porque difere da nossa, começamos a dar valor ao ponto de vista da outra pessoa. A compreensão é uma competência essencial na comunicação e é possível aprendê-la. Não saber dar valor à perspectiva dos outros em momentos de conflito é a mesma coisa que ter uma porta de rede num submarino. Não vamos longe. Contudo, quando temos essa capacidade, temos a possibilidade de criar relações bem sucedidas e duradouras. Esta compreensão não vem do simples envio de sinais, mas sim através de uma verdadeira conexão.

Manter uma conexão não significa que concorda em tudo com a outra pessoa nem que as conversas têm sempre resultados positivos. A conexão é um processo de duas partes que requer a compreensão e o reconhecimento de pontos de vista um do outro, mesmo quando existem diferenças.

Enquanto lê este livro ou vê um dos meus vídeos, pode perguntar-se: como é que me vou lembrar disto quando precisar? A minha resposta é simples: não vai. Não pode ler tudo e achar que vai conseguir aplicar tudo. É meio caminho andado para falhar. É demasiado para absorver, como se tentasse beber de uma mangueira de incêndio.

connect. Behind each rule are proven tactics you can use immediately.

When you learn not to attend every argument you’re invited to, you can prevent the wall from coming between you and the other person and preserve connection.

saying it for? Are you saying it to make a point? Or are you just saying it to be heard? Accountability of defensiveness means recognizing your impulse to point outward and choosing instead to point inward. I use the word choose because that’s what it is. It’s a choice. And that choice is yours.

This is your wake-up call. It’s time you take ownership of your words and realize that not everything that is said requires a response from you. Maybe you forgot, but you get to decide if what somebody says means anything to you. You get to decide whether you take what they did personally. You get to decide the weight or value that you put on their words. And too often what somebody says isn’t worth the paper if you wrote it down, yet you hold it and collect it. And before you know it, you’re carrying a bag of books.

Negative: “You’re impossible.” Positive: (Stand firm.) “I’m interested in a solution. If that’s not on the table, tell me now.

Prioritizing clarity, transparency, and feedback loops in workplace communication can foster a healthier environment.

In leadership, a leader’s ability to communicate directly impacts their influence. Poor communication in leadership leads to distrust, a fear-based culture, and a lack of motivation. If leaders are unclear or inconsistent, teams

Yes, initial conversations, like meeting someone for the first time and making that first impression, are important. But it’s the next conversation that tests whether your first impression will remain a lasting one.

The more words you use, the less I want to listen and the less value your words have. But the fewer words you use, the more I want to pay attention and the more value each word holds. Each word has impact. When you flood the market of conversation with excessive words, you create a deficit of attention.

Dear God, give Jefferson wisdom and always be his friend.

Transmission conveys information, but connection breathes life into it.

find the goal for your next conversation, try asking yourself questions like these: If I had to choose, what’s the one thing that I’d need them to understand? What small step can I take to show them that I heard them? What assumptions am I making? How can I show gratitude for this opportunity to talk? Is there a part of this that I’m trying

It’s the failure to understand the difference in perspective. When you bother yourself enough to want to know why someone holds a particular belief, rather than simply criticizing the belief because it’s different from yours, only then will you begin to appreciate their point of view.

The strategic use of silence reflects intention, not hesitation.

I mean it when I say this: silence is the most effective tool at your disposal to fix communication problems.

More often than not, the person who controls the pace of the conversation is the person most in control of themselves. That’s what’s so powerful about a pause. It gifts you with the ability to control time.

When you pause before responding, it demonstrates that you are in control of your emotions and thoughts. You’re showing the other person that you’re not swayed by impulse but guided by thoughtfulness. Every time you hold back words, you’re putting your value, your confidence, and your power on display.

The person who speaks last often loses. In negotiations, they say the person to speak first loses. But in arguments, it’s the opposite. Why? Because the only way to beat someone saying hurtful things is to say something more hurtful. The only way to outdo someone’s cutting comment is to cut deeper. When you force yourself to have the last word, you’ll likely be the one expected to apologize first. By inserting a long pause, stopping yourself from having the last say, you leave the other person’s words exposed.

When someone is rude to you, insults you, or belittles you, a long pause is your greatest weapon.

The question isn’t “How do I feel confident?” The question is “What can I do to create experiences that build my confidence?” Confidence is found in the doing.

Confidence and assertiveness feed into each other. Together, the pair creates a positive feedback loop: speaking more assertively produces the feeling of confidence, while the feeling of newfound confidence emboldens you to speak more assertively.

The point I’m making is that insecure people often have the urge to say everything. Their insecurity convinces them that they have everything to prove. Everyone must know how smart they are, how right they are, how “better than you” they are.

If you don’t believe your words have value, neither will the other person. Using phrases that undervalue your worth will slowly eat away at your confidence.

You build confidence through being assertive; together, they create a positive feedback loop. The more assertive you are, the more confident you feel, and the more confident you feel, the more assertive you are.

Step 1: Say no. “I can’t.” “I won’t be able to.” “I need to say no / I need to take a pass.” “I made a promise to myself that…

Step 2: Show gratitude. “Thank you for inviting me / including me / thinking of me.” “That’s so kind of you / that means a lot.” “I appreciate you asking me.” “I’m flattered / honored.

Step 3: Show kindness. “Sounds like a wonderful time!” “Hope it goes well! / I know it will be great!” “I’ve heard good things about…” “Hope you’re doing well!

Again, think about your own response when another person uses the phrase I think versus I’m confident. Which person do you trust more?

If you struggle to make eye contact, here’s one trick I use: wait to make eye contact until the last few words of your sentence; end with eye contact. You may be under the impression that you’re supposed to maintain eye contact the entire time. Not true. In fact, prolonged eye contact may make you come across as either too intense or, heaven forbid, even kind of creepy. Instead, catch their eye at the end of your sentence.

Did you want that to hurt?” “Did you want that to embarrass me?” “Was that supposed to make me feel small?

Belittling others can make the powerless feel powerful, the ignored feel seen, and the jealous feel like they’ve gained something. They get dopamine from the attention of the spotlight or from their sense of control over your negative reaction.

Did that feel good to say out loud?

When someone makes a belittling remark, they expect the spotlight to turn to you. But when you ask them to repeat what they just said, the spotlight jerks right back to them. They’ll become uncomfortable.

Sometimes, it feels as though the other person is looking for an argument. Like they’re trying to suck you into a vortex, where everything and anything you say is twisted and turned or boomeranged back to make you agree with them. Maybe it’s about politics. Maybe it’s about religion. Maybe it’s about how the towels should be folded (actually, never mind the last one). The point is, don’t let them put you in that position where you feel like your back is against the wall or like you’re hitting your head against one.

Before it goes too far, apply a quick Is it worth it? filter. Ask, “Is this something we have to agree on?

Notice the difference between “You’re wrong” and “From where I’m sitting, I see something different.” The idea of seeing something differently makes your response about sharing perceptions instead of disputing facts.

I take another approach.” This response indicates that while the approach is different, the goal is the same. You get the same result, but you just have a different method of showing your work.

When you respond with “I disagree,” it’s direct. And in many contexts, it’s too direct. “I disagree” can expose you to a volley of back-and-forth arguments, potentially escalating the situation unnecessarily. That’s because while you say, “I disagree,” the other person hears, “You’re wrong.” And that can light up their psychological triggers of social evaluation or competence.

Instead, opt for phrases that signal viewpoints, not verdicts. That is, convey your opinion from a particular vantage point as opposed to a blunt dismissal.

I see things differently.

Your peace of mind isn’t negotiable. Even to you. Confidence means if you want to accept, you accept. If you don’t, you don’t.

tend to lean the opposite.” By using history and experience as a backstop, you give yourself an anchoring point or foundation to express your view. Instead of challenging the other person, such as when you say, “I don’t agree with you,” this response relies upon a history of what you typically do, what you prefer to do, or how you tend to think.

People who criticize your boundaries are simply reacting to a loss of privilege. It’s almost as if whereas they were previously able to cut in line, now they have to wait like everyone else.

Their discomfort over your boundary is not a sign that it’s wrong, it’s a sign that it’s working.

Embrace the thought of “No, I don’t have to make this make sense to you. My boundaries were not put up to make you feel comfortable. They were put up for me.

Boundaries have a way of sifting out those who are with you not because of who you are but rather because of what they need you to be. Even close friends. Even family members. There will be people who prefer the version of you without boundaries.

You don’t want to be the person who has too many boundaries, either. The type who has so many that it abuses your responsibilities, like not agreeing to basic collaboration or reasonable requests. A boundary isn’t a catchall excuse. It doesn’t justify bad behavior. It doesn’t relieve you of your obligations. Too many boundaries can be counterproductive.

How you handle a difficult conversation says more about your character than the content of the conversation itself.

Again, clarity is kind. It removes the ambiguity and anxiety that can cloud difficult conversations, allowing both of you to connect to the reality of the situation. When you allow the other person to receive difficult news with dignity, it reinforces their ability to handle the truth and empowers them with a more mature response.

Do you have capacity to talk about Monday’s meeting agenda this afternoon?” “Do you have the bandwidth to talk about the kids’ schedule for tomorrow once they go down for bed?

Don’t have your phone on your desk (it doesn’t count if it’s face down). Don’t hold your phone in your hand (it doesn’t count if you’re not looking at it). Send the message that what you have to discuss is your singular focus.

Using I makes it clear that this is your boundary, your choice.

Depending on your value, it could sound like: I don’t accept how you’re treating me. I don’t work on weekends. I don’t drink alcohol.

It begins with understanding that how often you take things personally is a direct reflection of how much grace you give other people.

The more open you are to the idea that someone’s actions or words might not be intended as a personal slight, the less likely you are to feel offended by them. This grace—this willingness to see beyond yourself—can transform how you interact with the world.

Remember, the person you see is not the person you’re talking to.

The intentional practice of empathy and kindness will fundamentally alter how you treat yourself. You’ll become more forgiving and less critical of your own mistakes, and ultimately a happier person to be around.

Whereas taking things personally results in self-fulfilling negativity, giving grace results in self-fulfilling positivity.

This is your wake-up call. It’s time you take ownership of your words and realize that not everything that is said requires a response from you. Maybe you forgot, but you get to decide if what somebody says means anything to you.

And too often what somebody says isn’t worth the paper if you wrote it down, yet you hold it and collect it. And before you know it, you’re carrying a bag of books. Stop carrying the weight of other people’s words.

Stop attending every argument you’re invited to. If sports are your jam, just because they throw a pitch doesn’t mean you have to swing. Let it go by. Just because they hit it to your side of the court doesn’t mean you have to send it back over the net. Let it fall to the ground. There is no requirement, no compulsion, that just because they said something, you are obligated to say anything at all.

In the silence of the pause, imagine that their words don’t reach you but fall to the ground. Resist the urge to “catch” them and throw them back. Imagining the words falling to the ground gives you the chance to consider whether it’s worth your time to pick them up or leave them alone. If you feel the pull to get defensive, remind yourself with the phrase “Put it down, [your name].

When you start your sentence with I, you prevent their trigger because it focuses on your feelings and perspective, not on notions that you’re accusing or blaming them. It’s also a more assertive approach. For example: Instead of “You’re always looking at your phone.” Try “I enjoy sharing time together without our screens.

In most scenarios in which you’re questioning someone, why comes across as accusatory. It often implies wrongdoing, blame, or judgment. It hits their autonomy trigger.

To fix it, replace the “why” with “what,” “when,” or “how.

People have a deep desire to feel heard. When you respond to their point with “Yeah but,” it only makes matters worse because it sends the message that you’re not acknowledging them. And if you don’t acknowledge them, believe me, they’ll return the favor. Their door will be shut with the curtains drawn. Instead, simply try validating their feelings or perspective before presenting your own. This approach keeps their door open for dialogue.

Tell them what you’ve learned. When you state that you’ve learned something, the other person will feel like they’ve taught something. Telling them what you’ve learned makes them feel like they contributed to the discussion and that you’re acknowledging their insight. For example: “I’ve learned that this subject is very important to you.

Tell them that they’re helpful. People like to feel helpful, especially if they can help themselves. When you acknowledge that they’ve helped you, they’re more likely to remain more open and forthcoming. You free their defensiveness with acknowledgment. For example: “That’s helpful to know.

When you feel yourself getting defensive, get quiet, then get curious.

When you feel someone else getting defensive, change your words from those that put up walls to those that break them down. It’s a shift toward a connection mindset that opens up to more understanding and acknowledgment, rather than confrontation and the urge to win.

Turn your mind from outward to inward and keep your analytical side engaged. Ask yourself questions like: Where is this coming from? What is driving them to say this? What information am I missing? Get in the habit of becoming curious about the source of the request or statement.

Tell them what you agree with. Now, this doesn’t mean that you have to agree with anything that they said. Instead of thinking micro, think macro. You can agree that the discussion should be had, that the topic is worth talking about, or that the decision needs to be made. For example: “I agree this topic is worth discussing.

I appreciate your perspective.” No matter what side of an issue they’re on, somebody’s point of view informs you of a view you might not have had.

Phrases like the following, however, can have the opposite effect:

I know what you’re going through.” “I had a hard day too.” “Something like that happened to me once.

I’m glad you came to me with this.

You’re conveying that you acknowledge that they have a choice in whom to trust and share information with. By showing gratitude and appreciation for their choice to come to you, you allow them to connect to you. “Thank you for telling me.

More often than not, however, what you’re really doing is turning the spotlight on yourself. You’ve closed off their chance to share, to vent, to express their frustrations. Turning the conversation toward you, even if spoken from a good place, operates to break connection. Rather than immediately changing the subject toward something about you, try this method:

That means if I were to tell you that you’re wrong about a given belief, like political ideology, I’d most likely not just be saying that you’re wrong. I could be saying your grandmother is wrong, your best friend is wrong, or that memory you’ve had since you were ten is wrong.

Fundamental attribution error describes the concept that you tend to overemphasize personality-based explanations and underemphasize external situational factors.

For example, if you see someone walking into the office late, you might paint them as a lazy, uncaring, or unmotivated person (personality-based explanation) and minimize factors like heavy traffic, bad weather, or a personal matter (situational explanation).