Janet Lansbury Quotes

Once I’ve fulfilled my child’s basic needs, my only responsibility regarding feelings is to accept and acknowledge them.

We all need someone who understands.” - Magda Gerber

Toddlers test, and that’s exactly what they are supposed to do. A toddler has failed if he makes life too easy for us.

It’s always hardest to remember to acknowledge a child in the heat of a difficult moment, but if a child can hear anything during a temper tantrum, it reassures him to hear our recognition of his point-of-view. “You wanted an ice cream cone and I said ‘no’. It’s upsetting not to get what you want.” When a toddler feels understood, he senses the empathy behind our limits and corrections. He still resists, cries, and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner. These first years will define our relationship for many years to come.

A positive goal to strive for when disciplining would be to raise children we not only love, but in whose company we love being.”  – Magda Gerber

Einstein once said, “I believe in intuition and inspiration…. At times I feel certain I am right while not knowing the reason.

So I’ve made a special effort to accept all my children’s emotions, especially their anger…to let them know that it’s always okay for them to be mad at me. I’m not going anywhere.

Eventually, when she knows you mean what you say and she’s unable to rattle you, she’ll settle into a routine of occupying herself when you are busy with the baby.

remember how hard it was to love my child when she was at her very worst and feel super proud that I did it anyway.

People will forget what you said; people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” -Maya Angelou

The most effective leaders lead with confidence, keep their sense of humor, and make it look easy. This

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned since becoming a mom -- reinforced by observing hundreds of other parents and babies interact — is that there is a self-fulfilling prophecy to the way we view our babies: If we believe them to be helpless, dependent, needy (albeit lovely) creatures, their behavior will confirm those beliefs. Alternatively, if we see our infants as capable, intelligent, responsive people ready to participate in life, initiate activity, receive and return our efforts to communicate with them, then we find that they are all of those things.

Imagine driving over a bridge in the dark. If the bridge has no railings, we will drive across it slowly and tentatively. But if we see railings on either side of us, we can drive over the bridge with ease and confidence. This is how a young child feels in regard to limits in his environment. Seeking

Gain perspective. Our attitude toward limit-pushing behavior is everything, and our perspective is what defines our attitude. Testing, limit-pushing, defiance and resistance are healthy signs that our toddlers are developing independence and autonomy. If we say “green,” toddlers are almost required to say “blue,” even if green is their favorite color, because if toddlers want what we want, they can’t assert themselves as individuals.

Yes, it is counter-intuitive to refrain from assisting a child!   But when we help a child to do something she might be able to do for herself, we are robbing her of a vital learning experience and ultimately not helping at all.

Sportscasters don’t judge, fix, shame, blame or get emotionally involved. They just keep children safe, observe and state what they see, affording children the open space they need to continue struggling until they either solve the problem or decide to let go and move on to something else: “You’re working very hard on fitting that puzzle piece. You seem frustrated.” “Savannah, you had the bear and now Ally has it. You both want to hold it. Savannah is trying to get it back… Ally, I won’t let you hit.

Boundaries and discipline, when offered non-punitively and in the context of empathy and respect, are gifts we should feel proud of and one of the highest forms of love.

Babies are whole people – sentient, aware, intuitive and communicative. They are natural learners, explorers, and scientists able to test hypotheses, solve problems, and understand language and abstract ideas.

Instead of labeling a child’s action, learn to nip the behavior in the bud by disallowing it nonchalantly. If

Curiosity rocks. Don’t discourage it. Our instinct as parents is to say, “Oh no, don’t do that” when our toddler surprises us by suddenly being able to reach or climb onto something ‘out of bounds’. But our children’s abilities are developing daily, and we don’t want to discourage them.  Remembering to say, “Wow, you can reach that now!” or “Look at the leaf you found,” before adding “but this isn’t safe for you to touch (or put in your mouth). I’m going to move it,” encourages our baby to continue following his healthy instinct to explore.

Our child has better things to do. Sometimes not following directions is a good thing, because it reflects our child’s healthy, delightful instinct to learn the way young children learn best — through play, exploration, and following inner-direction: My daughter is 2.5 years old and when we go to activities (structured playgroups, mom/toddler stuff), she does not follow direction (or very rarely will follow direction). Maybe she will to a degree, but generally speaking, she is the wild flower that is rolling around, running, and dancing circles in the big open room while all the other kids are sitting quietly by their moms’ side…. should I be concerned about this, or leave her to her own exploration (it’s winter here so the big open space to run is a real treat!), or keep on trying to get her to listen to the ‘animator’ who is trying to run a session? – Lenore Hmm… Listen to an “animator” or roll, run, and dance? That’s a tough one.

insistently placed Eliza in the car seat, Eliza kicked and screamed. Then, as Holly started the car in complete

Our children love, appreciate, and need us more than they can ever say.

When this problem arises, I encourage the parent, if he or she is able to anticipate the hit, to raise a hand to block the child’s aggression and say firmly but matter-of-factly, “I won’t let you hit.” Or, right after the strike, a parent might simply say, “I don’t want you to hit.” If parents show anger, become agitated, or say too much, they risk turning the child’s undesirable behavior into an event. For instance, if a parent begins to lecture, “It’s not nice to hit! Hitting hurts people! We don’t hit in our family,” the parent may fuel the fire by giving too much attention to the child’s action and unwittingly cause the child to want to repeat it.

We register our annoyance before it turns to frustration or anger, and we realize this is a sign that we need to set a limit.

When setting limits, the emotional state of the parent almost always dictates the child’s reaction. If we lack clarity and confidence, lose our temper or are unsure, tense, frazzled, or frustrated — this will unsettle our kids and very likely lead to more undesirable behavior.  We are gods in our children’s eyes, and our feelings always set the tone.

A toddler acting out is not shameful, nor is it behavior that needs punishing. It’s a cry for attention, a shout-out for sleep, or a call to action for firmer, more consistent limits.

A toddler learns discipline best when he experiences natural consequences for his behavior, rather than a disconnected punishment like time-out. If a child throws food, his mealtime is over. If a child refuses to get dressed, we won’t be able to go to the park today. These parental responses appeal to a child’s sense of fairness.

Rule #1: Never, ever take a child’s limit-pushing behavior personally.

SOS! I can’t function. Young children seem to be the last people on earth to register their own fatigue or hunger. They seem programmed to push on, and sometimes their bodies will take possession of their minds and transmit SOS messages to us through attention-getting behavior.

Clarity, please. Children will often push our limits simply because they haven’t received a straight answer to the question, “What will you do if I do such-and-such?

The most effective leaders lead with confidence, keep their sense of humor, and make it look easy.

Deciding between two options is usually all a toddler needs, as long as the question is an easy one.

When a toddler feels understood, he senses the empathy behind our limits and corrections. He still resists, cries, and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner. These first years will define our relationship for many years to come.

Toddlers are definitely capable of cooperating, but they need to be taught through respectful feedback, corrections, and modeling rather than being tricked, manipulated, or coerced.

Children appreciate positive instruction and tend to tune out or resist the words “no” and “don’t”.  Better to save those words for emergencies.

Be careful not to assume a child’s feelings: “You’re afraid of the dog”; or to invalidate the child’s response because we view it as overreaction: “It’s just a doggy. He won’t hurt you.”  It is safest to state only what we know for certain. “You seem upset by the dog. Do you want me to pick you up?

while blocking the behavior with our hands, is the best response. But react immediately. Once the moment has passed, it is too late. Wait for the next one!

When you teach a child something, you take away forever his chance of discovering it for himself.” –Jean Piaget

Wouldn’t life be easier for both parents and infants if parents would observe, relax and enjoy what their child is doing, rather than keep teaching what the child is not yet capable of?

With the knowledge that their parents will always help them handle the behaviors they can’t handle themselves, children feel safe to struggle, make mistakes, grow, and learn with confidence.

Curiosity rocks. Don’t discourage it. Our instinct as parents is to say, “Oh no, don’t do that” when our toddler surprises us by suddenly being able to reach or climb onto something ‘out of bounds’. But our children’s abilities are developing daily, and we don’t want to discourage them.  Remembering to say, “Wow, you can reach that now!” or “Look at the leaf you found,” before adding “but this isn’t safe for you to touch (or put in your mouth). I’m going to move it,” encourages our baby to continue following his healthy instinct to explore. Continuing

Imagine driving over a bridge in the dark. If the bridge has no railings, we will drive across it slowly and tentatively. But if we see railings on either side of us, we can drive over the bridge with ease and confidence. This is how a young child feels in regard to limits in his environment.

Always, always, always encourage your child to express these feelings.

He still resists, cries, and complains, but at the end of the day, he knows we are with him, always in his corner. These first years will define our relationship for many years to come.

We’re taught how to how to acquire things, not what to do when we lose them.

When setting limits, the emotional state of the parent almost always dictates the child’s reaction. If we lack clarity and confidence, lose our temper or are unsure, tense, frazzled, or frustrated — this will unsettle our kids and very likely lead to more undesirable behavior.  We are gods in our children’s eyes, and our feelings always set the tone. With this understanding, it’s easy to see why struggles with discipline can become a discouragingly vicious cycle.