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Welcome to the Blackcastle Book Club’s official group chat!”
“Seriously? You put a picture from The Land Before Time as the group’s profile picture?”
“Why not? It’s a good movie.”
“Dude, that’s so wrong. It’s a children’s film, and we’re reading about dinosaurs boning.”
“It’s a good thing we’re not making them read the books, isn’t it? But fine, I see your point. I wanted to keep it a surprise, but since you insist on policing my admin decisions, I’ve changed the picture to the cover of this month’s book club pick. Gentlemen, prepare yourselves for **drumroll please** Shagging the Spinosaurus!”
“We already guessed that was the book of the month. We saw you reading it the other day Aren’t you supposed to read it with the rest of the club? Why are you reading it early?”
“Yeah, that’s CHEATING.”
“It’s called vetting. Also, I’m the admin. I can do what I want.”
“I tried looking for it at the bookstore yesterday and couldn’t find it. Donovan, what was the name of the store you went to?”
“Uh… I don’t remember. Just some shop I stumbled on in the city. I’m sure you can buy the book online.”
“I don’t understand. How do you shag a spinosaurus?”
“The same way you shag a triceratops and a T-rex, genius.”
“Oh, you sound so bloody confident. Are you speaking from experience?”
“Gentlemen, let’s get back on track! This is a book club, not a fight club. Our first official meeting is on Wednesday. I want everyone to come prepared with at least one discussion question.”
“Dibs on the ‘how do you shag a spinosaurus’ question.”
“You can’t ask that. It has to be a THOUGHTFUL question.”
“How thoughtful do you want us to be? We’re literally reading about dinosaurs fucking.”
“And humans If you forget them, that’s human erasure.”
“Fuck off, Donovan.”
“Spoken like someone who doesn’t have the IQ to come up with a good question.”
“Yeah? Let’s wait until Wednesday and see. I bet my question will be better than yours.”
“You’re on. May the better questioner win.”
“Okayyy. Moving on. Noah, since you refuse to participate in the LITERARY side of our club, you’re in charge of snacks.”
“Fine.”
“I’m thinking we could do a themed event with dinosaur crackers. Do you think they make custom spinosaurus ones?”
“So we’re going to eat the little dude while we read about him getting it on? That’s so wrong.”
“Poor Spiny. He deserves better.”
“It was an IDEA. I don’t see you guys coming up with anything better.”
“How about jungle juice to stay with the dinosaur theme?”
“Dinosaurs didn’t live in the jungle.”
“How do you know? Were you there?”
“Lol.”
“Don’t talk to your captain like that.”
“You’re our football captain. You’re not the president of this book club. Also, I just looked it up and they did live in jungles, so you’re wrong.”
“Wait, we have a president?”
“Yes, it’s me. Anyway Noah, can you call the dinosaur cracker company and ask them for custom spinosaurus snacks? Hello? Noah?”
Noah Wilson left the conversation.
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