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My chest constricts tighter and tighter. I want to be released from what won't let me go. I want uncomplicated joy. But I see now that, without realizing it, I've been waiting for permission -- from Melissa, from Will, from all the people who have disappeared from my life before a sense of closure could be reached. I want their blessings to fall in love again, to dream a new future, to move forward. I keep waiting for some kind of sign, or reassurance that it's okay to go entire days without thinking of them -- that it's necessary to forget a little if I am going to live. No matter how many apologies, acts of contrition, or sacrifices I offer up, I'm realizing I need to accept that things may never feel fully resolved -- with the living or the dead.
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