Homer Simpson Quotes

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try.' Homer Simpson

I didn't lie, I was writing fiction with my mouth." Homer Simpson

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson

I promise I'll do anything for you, especialy if it's easy. Homer Simpson

I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman. Homer Simpson

This doesn't happen in America! Maybe Ohio, but not in America!" Homer Simpson

Trying is the first step towards failure

When will people learn? Democracy doesn't work!" (Homer Simpson)

[Ned Flanders]: Well looks like someone's having a pre-rapture party. [Homer Simpson]: No, Flanders. Its a meeting of gay witches for abortion, you wouldn't be interested.

Stop thinking about fun and have it” Homer Simpson

Never! Never, Marge. I can't live the button-down life like you. I want it all: the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles. Sure, I might offend a few of the bluenoses with my cocky stride and musky odors -- oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about "What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?

But Marge, what if we chose the wrong religion? Each week we just make God madder and madder.

America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well ... all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky starts we don't live in Paraguay!

You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, To Kill A Mockingbird, and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! - Homer Simpson

I'm not popular enough to be different

It’s easier to put off until tomorrow what needs to be done today, and drown the upcoming months and years in today’s cheap pleasures. As the infamous father of the Simpson clan puts it, immediately prior to downing a jar of mayonnaise and vodka, “That’s a problem for Future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy!”66

Batman's a scientist.

Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button.

I'd be vegetarian if bacon grew on trees

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers.

I'm nothing but envious that you've been happily married for two years. Try hauling your cookies on a new blind date every Friday, only to have your, already extremely low, expectations dashed as you meet men who look like Quasimodo and have Homer Simpson's IQ. 

Trying is the first step towards failure". - Homer Simpson

If you pray to the wrong god, you might just make the right one madder and madder.

A person’s life persuades better than his word,” said one of Aristotle’s contemporaries.

Corgan: ...Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely. You know, my kids think you're the greatest. And thanks to your gloomy music, they've finally stopped dreaming of a future I can't possibly provide.

I don't eat anything new unless I've eaten it before

You see, Marriage is like a Coffin, and each Kid is another Nail.

He who is tired of Weird Al is tired of life.

It was on this trip that Faye acquired a new suitor by the name of Homer Simpson.

I was as good as resisting Griff Shipley as Homer Simpson was at resisting a donut.

Well, excuse me for having enormous flaws I don't work on.

When you want to change someone’s mood, tell a story.

THE UNANNOUNCED EMOTION: Don’t advertise a mood. Invoke it

A bully wants you to cower or blush or run away in embarrassment. If you want to reverse the power, try pretending deep affection with just a little bit of pity.

Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?

It has become commonplace to conclude that humans are simply irrational—more Homer Simpson than Mr. Spock, more Alfred E. Neuman than John von Neumann. And, the cynics continue, what else would you expect from descendants of hunter-gatherers whose minds were selected to avoid becoming lunch for leopards?

Don’t push back. Keep asking questions. Insist on drilling down to definitions (“Define Star Trek”), details, and sources. And see if you can outlast your bullying opponent. If you can—if he walks away exasperated—then, despite all I’ve written about previously…you win.

Rhetoric is the art of influence, friendship, and eloquence, of ready wit and irrefutable logic. And it harnesses the most powerful of social forces, argument.

Trying is the first step to failure.

I believe that children are our future. Unless we stop them now.

Kids, just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I’m not listening.

There’s three ways to do things. The right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way! “Isn’t that the wrong way?” “Yeah, but faster.

Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder. -Homer Simpson

As Homer Simpson said to Marge when she warned him that he would regret his conduct, “That’s a problem for future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy.

If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers! —Homer Simpson

The study of the human mind has so far assumed that Homo sapiens is Homer Simpson.

Suppose we've chosen the wrong god. Every time we go to church we're just making him madder and madder. -Homer Simpson

Hugo diagnosed oesophageal varices, which made sense as the patient was the colour of Homer Simpson - from the early series, when the contrast was much more extreme and everyone looked like a cave painting. 

In an episode of The Simpsons, Homer tells the queen: “I know we don’t call as often as we should, and we aren’t as well behaved as our goody-two-shoes brother Canada. Who by the way has never had a girlfriend. I’m just saying.

First, we try to “download” the right definitions, doctrines, and beliefs into the brains of people who don’t know the apostle Peter from Homer Simpson. By doing that, we communicate that having the right thoughts is the means of salvation. We’re telling them that it’s the stuff that happens between their ears that matters. When we focus on ideology, we’re not touching thirsty hearts. Thirsty people don’t want to memorize theology any more than they want to learn a new language.

The popularity of perpetual motion machines is widespread. On an episode of The Simpsons, entitled “The PTA Disbands,” Lisa builds her own perpetual motion machine during a teachers’ strike. This prompts Homer to declare sternly, “Lisa, get in here…in this house we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

If we can learn to embrace the Homer Simpson within us, with all our flaws and inabilities, and take these into account when we design our schools, health plans, stock markets, and everything else in our environment, I am certain that we can create a much better world. This is the real promise of behavioral economics.

I can’t believe it! Reading and writing actually paid off.

A ghost terrorizing my children is one thing; ...it's another thing entirely when he starts playing my Theremin

CONCESSION: Concede your opponent’s point in order to win what you want.

Homer: New York is a hellhole. And you know how I feel about hellholes! Lisa: Dad, you can't judge a place you've never been to. Bart: Yes, that's what people do in Russia.

I saw weird stuff in that place last night. Weird, strange, sick, twisted, eerie, godless, evil stuff… and I want in..

Why do things that only happen to stupid people keep happening to me?

Why Dose Evrey Thing I Whip Run Away

You tried and you failed miserably lesson is never try

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough! I'm going to clown college.

Lisa: I pick up books like you pick up beers! Homer: Then you have a serious reading problem.

Trying is the first step to failure" - Homer (Simpson)

John F. Kennedy deployed a chiasmus during his inaugural address—“Ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country”—and thousands joined the Peace Corps.

Simultaneously, scientists have studied the mental states of people considered to be healthy and normative. However, most relevant researches have been conducted on people from Western, educated, industrialised, rich and democratic (WEIRD) societies, who do not constitute a representative sample of humanity. The study of the human mind has so far assumed that Homo sapiens is Homer Simpson. A

It’s a form of amplification, an essential rhetorical tactic that turns up the volume as you speak. In a presentation, you can amplify by layering your points: “Not only do we have this, but we also

Vice is easy. Failure is easy, too. It’s easier not to shoulder a burden. It’s easier not to think, and not to do, and not to care. It’s easier to put off until tomorrow what needs to be done today, and drown the upcoming months and years in today’s cheap pleasures. As the infamous father of the Simpson clan puts it, immediately prior to downing a jar of mayonnaise and vodka, “That’s a problem for Future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy!

... The Sirens of Titan …. … ‘That’s a funny name for a book,’ I said with a gulp. ‘Are those women going to get arrested?’ Mr Peterson didn’t know what the hell I was talking about. ‘They’re not wearing many clothes,’ I pointed out. ‘What’s your point?’ he asked. ‘So I thought maybe the sirens might be for them.’ Mr Peterson frowned. ‘ I think the police are allowed to arrest you for wearing too few clothes,’ I explained. Comprehension dawned on Mr Peterson’s face. ‘No, kid. Not sirens as in police sirens. Sirens as in Homer.’ I frowned. ‘Simpson?’ ‘The Odyssey!’ I looked at him blankly. At some point in the last thirty seconds, we’d stopped speaking the same language. Mr Peterson sighed and rubbed his wrinkled forehead. ‘The Odyssey’s a very old Greek story by a very old Greek man called Homer. And in The Odyssey there are these very beautiful women called sirens …… ‘oh’, I said. ‘So the women are the sirens? And that’s why they’re not wearing very many clothes?” ‘Right. Except in Kurt Vonnegut’s book the Sirens don’t live in the Mediterranean. They live on Titan, which is one of Saturn’s moons.’ ‘Yes, I know that,’ I said. (I didn’t want Mr Peterson to think I was an idiot). ‘It’s the second largest moon in the solar system, after Ganymede, Jupiter’s largest moon. It’s actually larger than Mercury, though not nearly so dense.’ Mr Peter frowned again and shook his head. ‘I guess these days school puts a big emphasis on sciences instead of the arts, huh?’ ‘No, not really. School puts a big emphasis on exam questions. Do sirens breathe methane?

When someone tries to derail an argument with an insult, your response depends on who the audience is. If the two of you are alone, say something like, “This isn’t recess. I’m out of here,” and walk away. You’re not about to persuade the jerk. But if there are bystanders, ridicule the insult. “So Bob’s answer to the problem of noise in this town is that I’m a jerk. Was that helpful to you all?” You turn sophistry into genuine banter.

Vice is easy. Failure is easy, too. It’s easier not to shoulder a burden. It’s easier not to think, and not to do, and not to care. It’s easier to put off until tomorrow what needs to be done today, and drown the upcoming months and years in today’s cheap pleasures. As the infamous father of the Simpson clan puts it, immediately prior to downing a jar of mayonnaise and vodka, “That’s a problem for Future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy!”66

Self-control problems can be illuminated by thinking about an individual as containing two semiautonomous selves, a far-sighted “Planner” and a myopic “Doer.” You can think of the Planner as speaking for your Reflective System, or the Mr. Spock lurking within you, and the Doer as heavily influenced by the Automatic System, or everyone’s Homer Simpson. The Planner is trying to promote your long-term welfare but must cope with the feelings, mischief, and strong will of the Doer, who is exposed to the temptations that come with arousal. Recent research in neuroeconomics (yes, there really is such a field) has found evidence consistent with this two-system conception of self-control. Some parts of the brain get tempted, and other parts are prepared to enable us to resist temptation by assessing how we should react to the temptation.1 Sometimes the two parts of the brain can be in severe conflict—a kind of battle that one or the other is bound to lose.

Persuasion Alert Self-deprecating humor is an acceptable way to brag. Mentioning a moment of boneheadedness at my former company beats the far more obnoxious “I was a high-level manager at a publishing company that had twenty-three million customers the year I left.” The term du jour for this device: humblebrag. So I’m a lousy prognosticator of bestsellers. In retrospect, however, I can explain why the title was not such a bad idea after all. “South Beach” conjures an image of people—you—in bathing attire. It says vacation, one of the chief reasons people go on a diet. The Rodale editors stimulated an emotion by making readers picture a desirable and highly personal goal: you, in a bathing suit, looking great. So

There is no substitute for victory" Oscar Wilde "I didn't say that--wouldn't have. Maybe it was Vince Lombardi" O.W. "Not I, either. Try Count von Schlieffen" Vince Lombardi "What's the big deal. I said it---I think. Doh!" Homer Simpson "Imposter. 'Twas I." Homer the original (Greek guy)

- Io e i miei demoni siamo più intimi che mai.

There is a guy living in Macon, Georgia, whose name is Homer Simpson . . . and he works in a nuclear power plant! That poor guy. Having to live in Macon, Georgia.

NEWSFLASH Lisa, Bart is not a horse!" —Homer Simpson

If life were free of contingencies, then we could live by a few rules written in stone that would apply to all our decisions. Every baby would come with an operating manual, the same guide that worked for her older brother. Every rule of thumb would apply to every situation. The early bird would always catch the worm, everything would be cheaper by the dozen, and the world would come in two colors: black and white. But alas, it doesn’t. Sometimes, under some circumstances (say, jumping out of an airplane for the first time), it’s a very bad idea to look before you leap. Sometimes the enemy of your enemy makes a terrible friend. Girl

I'm not like other men. That's why you buy my pants at that special store.

The person who lived an entirely private life, Aristotle said, was either a beast or a god.

When judging modernity, it is all too tempting to take the viewpoint of a twenty-first-century middle-class Westerner. We must not forget the viewpoints of a nineteenth-century Welsh coal miner, Chinese opium addict or Tasmanian Aborigine. Truganini is no less important than Homer Simpson

Alfie is the goon in the team: think of Scooby-Doo with the brains of Homer Simpson. People often can’t believe he’s a collie because he is as smooth as a piglet and built like a lurcher with long legs and a deep chest. He is a true athlete and can run for miles and miles without tiring. Dog owners call it ‘having a good engine.’ He is obedient to the last – but sometimes ‘obedient’ can be another word for ‘stupid.’ If I ask him to lie down and get side-tracked, he will stay glued to the very spot until eventually I come looking for him ten minutes later. I would take sheep out the same gate every day for a week and on day seven Alfie would still need to be told what to do. But he is a great work dog and very honest, and no matter what situation he gets into he is always listening for my commands and has full faith that I will not see him wrong.

This reality is depicted in a 2010 episode of The Simpsons, “MoneyBart,” when Homer, an irresponsible father, is confronted with his responsibilities and shirks them with alcohol.51 His wife, Marge, tries to get Homer back on track. “Someday, these kids will be out of the house, and you’ll regret not spending more time with them.” “That’s a problem for future Homer.” He shakes his head. “Man, I don’t envy that guy.” Homer pours vodka into a mayonnaise jar, drinks the contents, and collapses of an apparent heart attack.

I can’t help thinking of the Homer Simpson alternative: “Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Why we are not always rational decision makers One of the most important observations from psychological research is that many decisions are made by automatic, unconscious processes on the basis of information that our conscious, rational brains are hardly aware of. There is accumulating psychological and neuroscience evidence that thinking is the product of two separate systems of reasoning: a rule-based system, which is conscious, rational and deliberate, and an associative system, which is unconscious, sensory-driven and impulsive (Sloman, 1996; 2007). In their book Nudge , Thaler and Sunstein, (2008) liken the rule-based system to Star Trek’s Mr. Spock, and the associative system to Homer Simpson.

Neve plonked the chicken down on the table, then stood there with arms folded. 'Give Max his presents, then I'll feed you,' she commanded. The Tesco's bag was handed over and Max pulled out two bottles of Cava (which Neve knew were in a two for five pounds promotion), a small box of Quality Street and a pair of Homer Simpson socks. 'My God, have you no shame?

Goals. What does the persuader want to get out of the argument? Is she trying to change the audience’s mood or mind, or does she want it to do something? Is she fixing blame, bringing a tribe together with values speech, or talking about a decision? Ethos, pathos, logos. Which appeal does she emphasize—character, emotion, or logic? Kairos. Is her timing right? Is she using the right medium?

Operator! Give the number for 911!

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. 'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.

These cues can take many forms. Here are some examples keyed to particular problem situations: ✓ A sign you put on the margin of your computer monitor or on your desk within your visual field reminding you not to start surfing the web instead of doing your work. Or try a picture of your boss on which you have printed “Get to Work!” Or, do as Homer Simpson did in one memorable episode when he displayed a picture of his young daughter, Lisa, with the statement “Do it for her!” beneath it.

In the States, the best ones I've ever eaten were at Bedford Street Bakery, in Brooklyn." "I heard the pastry chef at Qui raving about that place. The woman who runs it is Kiwi, right?" "Yeah. She bakes these beautiful seasonal pastries. I was there around this time four years ago, and there was one with apricots, crème pâtissière, and toasted almonds, and it was just gorgeous." Her shoulders dropped, and her mouth went slack remembering the pleasure. I pressed myself back into the hard bench to hold off the wave of horniness that crashed over me. Jesus, Kieran, get a grip. "That was a quality Homer Simpson drooling noise," I said. Jokes were safe. Jokes meant I wasn't turned on.

That’s a problem for future Homer. Man, I don’t envy that guy. —HOMER SIMPSON

Trying is the first step to failure

No TV and no beer make Homer . . . something, something . . ." "Go crazy?" "DON'T MIND IF I DO!!!

All hobbies suck, but if you keep at it, you might find at the end that you’ve managed to kill some precious time.

Just because something is hard to do doesn't mean you gotta do it.' Homer Simpson

One of the greatest decorum scenes in movie history graces the climax of 8 Mile, Eminem’s semiautobiography. He gets talked into a competition at a dance club in downtown Detroit where hip-hop artists (orators, if you will) take turns insulting each other. The audience chooses the winner by applause. Eventually, the contest comes down to two people: Eminem and a sullen-looking black guy. (Well, not as sullen as Eminem. Nobody can be that sullen.) Eminem wears proper attire: stupid skullcap, clothes a few sizes too big, and as much bling as he can afford. If he showed up dressed like Cary Grant, he would look terrific—to you and me. But the dance club crowd would find him wildly indecorous. Clothing is the least of his decorum problems, though. He happens to be white, and everyone else in the room is black. Eminem nonetheless manages to devastate his adversary by revealing a nasty little secret: this putative gangbanger attended a prep school! All the poor guy’s hip-hop manners are pointless, because the audience finds them phony.

The ancient Romans would call the Ironman’s brand appeal argumentum a fortiori, “argument from strength.” Its logic goes like this: if something works the hard way, it’s more likely to work the easy way. Advertisers favor the argument from strength. Years ago, Life cereal ran an ad with little Mikey the fussy eater. His two older brothers tested the cereal on him, figuring that if Mikey liked it, anybody would. And he liked it! An argumentum a fortiori cereal ad.

even launched a website, Figarospeech.com,

Homer Simpson cover on it. It had a little hole in it right where Homer’s zip was in his jeans. It looked really funny because when I sat in it all the beans came flying out and it looked like he was peeing little white balls.               I