Hilarious Absurd Quotes

Is my paranoia getting completely out of hand, or are you mongoloids really talking about me?

It was moving, but so absurd that I nearly laughed out loud. I imagined a new line of Hallmark cards: "Thank you for not killing my boyfriend, even if it risks killing you.

Here I was! Living in a district that echoed a dead San Francisco. Gay, Cambodian, and not even twenty-six, carrying in my body the aftermath of war, genocide, colonialism. And yet, my task was to teach kids a decade younger, existing across an oceanic difference, what it meant to be human. How absurd, I admitted. How fucking hilarious. I was actually excited.

Have you ever wondered What happens to all the poems people write? The poems they never let anyone else read? Perhaps they are Too private and personal Perhaps they are just not good enough. Perhaps the prospect of such a heartfelt expression being seen as clumsy shallow silly pretentious saccharine unoriginal sentimental trite boring overwrought obscure stupid pointless or simply embarrassing is enough to give any aspiring poet good reason to hide their work from public view. forever. Naturally many poems are IMMEDIATELY DESTROYED. Burnt shredded flushed away Occasionally they are folded Into little squares And wedged under the corner of An unstable piece of furniture (So actually quite useful) Others are hidden behind a loose brick or drainpipe or sealed into the back of an old alarm clock or put between the pages of AN OBSCURE BOOK that is unlikely to ever be opened. someone might find them one day, BUT PROBABLY NOT The truth is that unread poetry Will almost always be just that. DOOMED to join a vast invisible river of waste that flows out of suburbia. well Almost always. On rare occasions, Some especially insistent pieces of writing will escape into a backyard or a laneway be blown along a roadside embankment and finally come to rest in a shopping center parking lot as so many things do It is here that something quite Remarkable takes place two or more pieces of poetry drift toward each other through a strange force of attraction unknown to science and ever so slowly cling together to form a tiny, shapeless ball. Left undisturbed, this ball gradually becomes larger and rounder as other free verses confessions secrets stray musings wishes and unsent love letters attach themselves one by one. Such a ball creeps through the streets Like a tumbleweed for months even years If it comes out only at night it has a good Chance of surviving traffic and children and through a slow rolling motion AVOIDS SNAILS (its number one predator) At a certain size, it instinctively shelters from bad weather, unnoticed but otherwise roams the streets searching for scraps of forgotten thought and feeling. Given time and luck the poetry ball becomes large HUGE ENORMOUS: A vast accumulation of papery bits That ultimately takes to the air, levitating by The sheer force of so much unspoken emotion. It floats gently above suburban rooftops when everybody is asleep inspiring lonely dogs to bark in the middle of the night. Sadly a big ball of paper no matter how large and buoyant, is still a fragile thing. Sooner or LATER it will be surprised by a sudden gust of wind Beaten by driving rain and REDUCED in a matter of minutes to a billion soggy shreds. One morning everyone will wake up to find a pulpy mess covering front lawns clogging up gutters and plastering car windscreens. Traffic will be delayed children delighted adults baffled unable to figure out where it all came from Stranger still Will be the Discovery that Every lump of Wet paper Contains various faded words pressed into accidental verse. Barely visible but undeniably present To each reader they will whisper something different something joyful something sad truthful absurd hilarious profound and perfect No one will be able to explain the Strange feeling of weightlessness or the private smile that remains Long after the street sweepers have come and gone.

The fact that you are alive is hilarious. The fact that the universe can come to this, that anyone finds it normal, is comically absurd.

And to make matters worse, the two deer shining the lanterns inside the ambulance’s headlights were tired and explained through an intercom system that would not be working again until the morning.

the role of relationships in sustaining change seems absurdly obvious, and yet relationships are never designed into any of our solutions. Our health services are designed around the lone individual. The doctor sees the patient. In fact, at my local doctor’s surgery – ironically, in Peckham, close to the site of the great experiment – if I show up with another family member I am reprimanded and told to make another appointment.

Buying a home is always an impulse buy. It's an impossible thing for your brain to absorb fully: to warp your whole emotional and financial life around the shape of this absurd physical thing, this new collection of problems and regrets, ants and undiscovered mold, bad drainage, and cracked foundations that will be your burden until you sell it or it kills you. A thirty-year mortgage is hilarious when you are young and you don't even remember what day it is; it's a grim thing when you are older and see that this debt is a bright, un-ignorable line from the now of your life to its addled decline.

Pamela pulled off her cloak and Alexei gasped. "You have on breeches!" He stared in disbelief. "Breeches!" "I've never worn them before, and they are extremely comfortable. I quite like them." She smoothed the fabric over her hip. "Besides, you don't expect me to duel in a dress, do you?" "I do not expect you to duel at all!" Pamela ignored him. "That would be most unfair, dueling in a dress, unless, of course, you would be willing to wear a dress as well?" "Don't be absurd." He snorted in disdain. "I have no intention of ever wearing women's clothing again." "Again?" She raised a brow. "It was an unavoidable disguise," he muttered.

I missed you," I said. "Missed you, too. Welcome home." We moved in to hug each other, then I sprang back seconds before getting smushed against his still-sopping-wet sweater. "Ben!" "Ooh, poor form on my part," he said, and peeled off his sodden sweater. He wore a thin white T-shirt underneath. The coffee spill had left the shirt a bit damp, and it clung slightly to his chest in a way that made me stare and caught my voice in my throat. That was ridiculous, of course. Ben and I had the kind of friendship where we talked about things like that. I could tease him about his suddenly well-toned body; he'd make some kind of self-effacing joke and parry by bringing up something absurd he'd seen about me in a magazine... But I didn't say a word. And I didn't stop looking. Clearly I was in a sleep-deprived haze. "You could still try the coffee," he offered. "There's plenty in the sweater. I can just wring it right into the mug." I shook off my reverie. "Tempting offer, but no thanks. You really need to give up on the coffee thing. I'm never converting from tea." "We'll see," he said. He set the wet sweater on the hand towel, then turned to me with his arms out. "Better?" "Much," I said, and closed the distance between us so he could fold me into his arms. "Hel-lo! Please tell me I'm interrupting something!" It was Rayna, and at the sound of her voice, Ben and I sheepishly pulled apart. Again, ridiculous. Hugging was nothing unusual for us. Granted, Ben was usually wearing more than a thin T-shirt at the time... "Why is it I'm hearing no one when they come into the house?" "Big house," Rayna said. "Come on-my mom's throwing us a welcome home party at our place." "Tonight?" I asked. "Immediately. Unless I can tell my mom there are...extenuating circumstances." She said the last part with a leer that lingered on Ben's chest and made him blush. Rayna's entire family had spent the last two years dying for Ben and me to get together. They seemed to be under the impression that my parents hired him to be my boyfriend, not my international adviser.

I find it hilarious when someone says "science has proven this" and "science did not prove that". As a teacher, I was always proving my students wrong whenever they said those things. But I can't do the same with the many stupid from the western world who are obsessed with the appearances of the physical world. They shout louder when someone proves them wrong, like a little child would if confronted with a lie. People know nothing about science. The real scientists hate people like me, because I ask questions they never considered. You see, science evolves at the exact same level as consciousness, and if your consciousness is not evolved enough, you will think that you can make gold out of iron or that maggots appear spontaneously out of rotten meat. The great philosopher Aristotle believed that life can arise from nonliving matter. There was an equal level of stupidity and absurdity to his rationalizations, albeit often wise. Until a few centuries ago, it was scientifically proven that the earth was not round but was the center of the universe. It was also scientifically proven that if you are cut and bleed when sick, that will make you feel better, unless, of course, you die. Today, everyone tells me that learning disabilities have no cure and that intelligence can't be increased, even though I have always proven those beliefs to be false. Does anyone care? No! Because science is never scientific but a rationalization at the exact same level of consciousness of a people. If consciousness evolves nearly everything that you are being told now will be proven to be false, and scientists are afraid of that, which is why they stop any among them from being an heretic and prove the religious science of today to be wrong. Now, that requires quite a high level of consciousness, to not be emotionally affected by the fact that you have been fooled by everyone on almost everything you consider to be true, and worse - restart again!

I began writing this book in 2020, a little over a year after arriving as a PhD student at Cambridge University. At this point, I have lived a life that my seventeen-year-old self would have found both absurd and hilarious.

It’s not really funny—none of this is—but somehow, the absurdity of it all, of my life falling apart while I narrate it like a bad sitcom, strikes me as hilarious.

And then, on the final day, it was time for the faux Underground Railroad. This is the part that no one believes. "No adult would ever do that," they say. "You can't be remembering that right." I am, in fact, remembering it perfectly. The counselors "shackled" us together with jump ropes so we were "like slave families" and then released us into the woods. We were given a map with a route to "freedom" in "the North", which must have been only three or four hundred feet but felt like much more. Then a counselor on horseback followed ten minutes later, acting as a bounty hunter. Hearing hooves, I crouched being a rock with Jason Baujelais and Sari Brooker, begging them to be quiet so we weren't caught and "whipped." I was too young, self-involved, and dissociated to wonder what kind of impact this had on my black classmates. All I knew was that I was miserable. We heard the sound of hooves growing closer and Max Kitnick's light asthma wheezes from beind an oak tree. "Shut up," Jason hissed, and I knew we were cooked. When the counselor appeared, Sari started to cry.

Now, however, he understands how liberating it is to get intoxicated while the sun is out. It feels decadent in the best possible way. The world seems alternately kind, forgiving, absurd, and hilarious. “You can’t drink all day if you don’t start in the morning,” he says to Chris and Mike. “Am I right?

Americans, for the most part, take themselves entirely too seriously. They rarely see the absurdity of the television shows that they watch, of the hilarious silliness of shopping malls, or the dizzying frivolity of the unending fashions invented and discarded by the market.

I pinched my weenus. Shocked that I felt nothing, I squeezed harder. Still nothing. It was kind of addicting. Tim was literally twisting his weenus. Dirk was squashing his weenus so hard it looked like his fingers were touching each other. Wally shrieked with joy as he gripped and flattened his weenus. Carl had his arms crossed over each other and was doing a double weenus yank. And Fred had mashed his weenus in a full hand grip. I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt. The absurdity of the activity was hilarious.

The question ‘Why Derrida?’ is absurd: it makes me smile. There is something at once appalling and hilarious about it. It is like asking ‘Why culture?’, ‘Why education?’, ‘Why think?

...attachment of great intensity and passion, such as one rarely sees. One could not wish, for oneself or for one's friends, any first-hand experience of such extremity of feeling - it is not conducive to comfortable living. And yet there is about it, when observed, something curiously touching and attractive, so that one almost, absurdly, regrets one's own inability to entertain it.

Absurdism: The concept that we cannot reconcile our desire to find a meaning of life with the fact that it is rationally impossible to do so. Also, various philosophers’ ideas on how to lead an absurdist life. Some people who embrace the absurdist outlook find it hilarious in a bittersweet sort of way.

Texas Roadhouse Hey Dudes Shoe Collaboration: An April Fools’ Prank In the world of creative marketing, few brands manage to capture attention like Texas Roadhouse. Known for its mouthwatering steaks and legendary rolls, the brand took its humor game to the next level with the "Hey Dudes Shoe Collaboration," an April Fools' prank that left everyone talking. The Setup: A Perfect Match (Or Was It?) On April 1st, Texas Roadhouse announced a surprising partnership with Hey Dudes, a casual shoe company loved for its comfort and laid-back style. The concept? A limited-edition shoe line inspired by the iconic restaurant. From designs resembling freshly baked rolls to vibrant steakhouse-themed colors, the announcement was too good (or hilarious) to ignore. The Reaction: Fans Fell for It! Social media erupted with excitement. Fans speculated whether the quirky collaboration was real or a cleverly disguised April Fools' joke. Some were ready to purchase, while others laughed at the sheer absurdity of walking around in bread-themed footwear. Either way, Texas Roadhouse succeeded in sparking engagement and bringing a smile to its customers' faces. Why It Worked: The Power of Playful Marketing This April Fools' prank hit all the right notes: Relatable Humor: Combining everyday items like shoes with the love of food was a genius move. Brand Connection: Texas Roadhouse played to its strengths, celebrating its beloved menu items in a fun way. Viral Potential: The idea was outrageous enough to go viral, driving traffic and visibility for both brands. The Takeaway for Marketers The "Hey Dudes Shoe Collaboration" prank serves as a masterclass in playful branding. It shows how a well-executed joke can boost a brand’s image, spark conversations, and create a lasting impression. While no actual shoes hit the market, Texas Roadhouse walked away with a big win in creativity and customer connection.

Texas Roadhouse Hey Dudes Shoe Collaboration: An April Fools’ Prank In the world of creative marketing, few brands manage to capture attention like Texas Roadhouse. Known for its mouthwatering steaks and legendary rolls, the brand took its humor game to the next level with the "Hey Dudes Shoe Collaboration," an April Fools' prank that left everyone talking. The Setup: A Perfect Match (Or Was It?) On April 1st, Texas Roadhouse announced a surprising partnership with Hey Dudes, a casual shoe company loved for its comfort and laid-back style. The concept? A limited-edition shoe line inspired by the iconic restaurant. From designs resembling freshly baked rolls to vibrant steakhouse-themed colors, the announcement was too good (or hilarious) to ignore. The Reaction: Fans Fell for It! Social media erupted with excitement. Fans speculated whether the quirky collaboration was real or a cleverly disguised April Fools' joke. Some were ready to purchase, while others laughed at the sheer absurdity of walking around in bread-themed footwear. Either way, Texas Roadhouse succeeded in sparking engagement and bringing a smile to its customers' faces. Why It Worked: The Power of Playful Marketing This April Fools' prank hit all the right notes: Relatable Humor: Combining everyday items like shoes with the love of food was a genius move. Brand Connection: Texas Roadhouse played to its strengths, celebrating its beloved menu items in a fun way. Viral Potential: The idea was outrageous enough to go viral, driving traffic and visibility for both brands. The Takeaway for Marketers The "Hey Dudes Shoe Collaboration" prank serves as a masterclass in playful branding. It shows how a well-executed joke can boost a brand’s image, spark conversations, and create a lasting impression. While no actual shoes hit the market, Texas Roadhouse walked away with a big win in creativity and customer connection.