Hen Night Party Quotes

Hen nights should be banned. You're honour-bound to behave atrociously, then feel terribly ashamed afterwards. (This Charming Man)

January? The month is dumb. It is fraudulent. It does not cleanse itself. The hens lay blood-stained eggs. Do not lend your bread to anyone lest it nevermore rise. Do not eat lentils or your hair will fall out. Do not rely on February except when your cat has kittens, throbbing into the snow. Do not use knives and forks unless there is a thaw, like the yawn of a baby. The sun in this month begets a headache like an angel slapping you in the face. Earthquakes mean March. The dragon will move, and the earth will open like a wound. There will be great rain or snow so save some coal for your uncle. The sun of this month cures all. Therefore, old women say: Let the sun of March shine on my daughter, but let the sun of February shine on my daughter-in-law. However, if you go to a party dressed as the anti-Christ you will be frozen to death by morning. During the rainstorms of April the oyster rises from the sea and opens its shell — rain enters it — when it sinks the raindrops become the pearl. So take a picnic, open your body, and give birth to pearls. June and July? These are the months we call Boiling Water. There is sweat on the cat but the grape marries herself to the sun. Hesitate in August. Be shy. Let your toes tremble in their sandals. However, pick the grape and eat with confidence. The grape is the blood of God. Watch out when holding a knife or you will behead St. John the Baptist. Touch the Cross in September, knock on it three times and say aloud the name of the Lord. Put seven bowls of salt on the roof overnight and the next morning the damp one will foretell the month of rain. Do not faint in September or you will wake up in a dead city. If someone dies in October do not sweep the house for three days or the rest of you will go. Also do not step on a boy's head for the devil will enter your ears like music. November? Shave, whether you have hair or not. Hair is not good, nothing is allowed to grow, all is allowed to die. Because nothing grows you may be tempted to count the stars but beware, in November counting the stars gives you boils. Beware of tall people, they will go mad. Don't harm the turtle dove because he is a great shoe that has swallowed Christ's blood. December? On December fourth water spurts out of the mouse. Put herbs in its eyes and boil corn and put the corn away for the night so that the Lord may trample on it and bring you luck. For many days the Lord has been shut up in the oven. After that He is boiled, but He never dies, never dies.

important – her wedding, due to take place in just over a week’s time. And while this place wouldn’t usually have been her first choice for a night out – it was so busy that it was difficult even to turn around –somehow it seemed perfect for a hen party. ‘Hang on a minute,’ she shouted into her phone, reaching around a group of

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Good morning to Karen’s fertile and barren friends. I thought I’d send over the plan for the completely unnecessary, mawkish, and expensive non-tradition borrowed from America that is our friend Karen’s baby shower. Karen thinks it’s always good to demand money and time from people to celebrate her own personal life choices and we felt you haven’t given her quite enough in recent history, what, with the $1500 pound hen do in Ibiza, wedding in Majorca with a strict dress code, and gift registry at Selfridges. (NB: ladies-- if you get a new job or buy or flat on your own, you get a card and that’s it! We want to make sure there’s no prprecedent set. We’re not made of money!!) The good news is, after Karen gives birth she won’t see any of her childless friends unless all they want to do is talk about her baby and nothing else. So you can treat this as her farewell party as well as her baby shower. And save those pennies for a couple of years, that is of course until she comes back to you when she’s stopped breast feeding and is bored out of her mind, demands you all go out to drink, dance, and take loads of drugs, then sends you an offish text the following week saying she can’t really have a night out like that again because “I’M A MOTHER NOW.

EUREKA! THE OLDEST SPIRITUAL ENTITY IN CREATION IS 42 YEARS AS THE LONGEST SERVING LIVING PERFECT MASTER ON EARTH IS 74 YEARS IN OUR MIDST. THE GOLDEN BIRTH THAT GAVE MEANING TO LIFE In the beginning was The Word, The Word was MAHARAJ JI. On Saturday, December 20, 1947 Maharaj Ji took a Nigerian Body as Satguru Maharaj Ji to dwell among men. This Divine evolutionary process, which occurred in the Gold-mining town of Tutuka, Obuasi, Ghana was heralded by the mid-afternoon Eclipse of the Sun 74 years ago and bore fruits 33 years later in faraway London as the Golden Boy, Mohammed Sahib Akanji Akinbami Ajirobatan Dan Ibrahim, on January 1, 1980 out of Divine Providence, be came the Divine Chosen ONE to carry the baton of Mastership as Satguru Maharaj Ji to save the world from peril. This is in fulfillment of the scriptures as well as prediction of the Sages of Our Time that: i. "For you yourselves to know very well that the Lord will come just like a thief in the night." (Thess 5:2). ii. Dr T. Lobsang Rampa, the famous Tibetan mystic, known for numerous predictions on world issues in one of his books "Chapters of Life" made it clear that at the turn of the millennium, the next Living Perfect Master/World Leader to save the world, whose manifestation would bring the Golden Age of Life. All that is needed is for our brothers and sisters who are facing disasters beyond human control to extend their search, since that is the essence of the Master's manifestation. in. Shri Prempal Singh Rawat's "Peace Bomb" Divine Lecture. He said, "there is no doubt and why should there be any doubt about it? There is a Greater Soul coming Who MOHAMMED SAHIB you will understand better. If you listen to Him, you will be greater than now, Right from the most thickly populated Black Nation in the world, Nigeria, Africa, where civilization started." …. on July 17, 1976 at the University of Pennsylvania, State of Pennsylvania, USA. Since the hen comes first before the egg, the spiritual birth of Satguru Maharaj Ji, The Christ/Mahdi of Our Time on January 1, 1980 could have been a mirage if the physical birth of Mohammed Sahib Akanji Akinbami Ajirobatan Dan Ibrahim did not occur 74 years ago. Come and join the commemorative party that gave meaning to humanity's isolated existence. Today, mankind will neither suffer nor die again. Like the warm embrace between the Sun and Moon that welcome Maharaj Ji's birth, it is profoundly significant for all races to embrace one another as children of the same Almighty Universal Father, MAHARAJ JI. Eureka, the world is saved because The Satguru has successfully and firmly anchored the world on its two feet (Black and White). Happy Celebrations!