“
My first kiss. That was my first kiss. And he’s a duke. I just kissed a duke. And I didn’t even see it coming. I’d always imagined this slow-motion, front porch, end-of-the-first-date sort of thing. The anticipation, the nerves. But it was just…sudden and unexpected. This is insane.
“Something wrong?” she says, her hazel eyes soft and expressive, as if I’m about to unload the weight of the world and she’ll gladly bear it all.
“I--I don’t know. I’m trying to figure out what’s going on with your cousin. Everything he’s done up until now…and then…I just can’t figure out who he is, that’s all.”
She just smiles and waits, like she knows I’ll continue once I figure out what I want to say.
“It’s just…at the dance at the Pommeroy’s, he tried to tell this other titled guy that I wasn’t good enough to dance with. He told the guy he should dance with a lady instead. Like I’m not worthy or something because I’m just some commoner.”
Emily furrows her brow. “That is quite unlike him. I’m sure he meant no harm.”
“But it was just so pompous, and every time I think maybe he deserves a chance or something, I think about it again and realize what a jerk he’s been. Why would he tell Lord Brimmon I’m not good enough?”
Her head snaps around and she looks at me. “’Twas Lord Brimmon?”
I nod and narrow my eyes at Emily’s reaction. “Why does it matter who it was?”
Emily hesitates.
“Tell me,” I say.
“Brimmon’s known as a rake at best and a scoundrel at worst. If Alex was trying to talk him out of dancing with you, it was for the sake of your reputation, not his.”
My jaw drops. Could that be true? Could I have been wrong about him?
Sigh. I’ve gotten nothing right in 1815. Nothing. I’ve been judging him for that comment since the moment he made it.
“So…it had nothing to do with me not being good enough?”
Emily laughs. “Oh, heavens, no. You’re his guest. How could that be true?”
“Oh…But then he was saying he’d dance with me because it was expected. Because I was his guest, he would do it out of duty. He acted like it was a chore.”
Emily looks downright amused. “Harksbury has hosted many guests. Alex danced with precisely one of them: you.”
“Oh.”
I stare down at my hands and try to suppress the urge to grin, but I can’t stop it. It spreads until I’m beaming.
Alex danced with me because he wanted to. Not because he had to.
Is it really possible there’s more to him than I thought?
“Well now I’ve screwed everything up…” I trail off. I don’t think I can admit to the botched kiss moment with Alex. “He’s going to think I’m a total freak.”
She furrows her brow. I don’t know if she’s wondering what’s gone on between Alex and me, or what a freak is. “I am certain he would not think such a thing.”
I wish I could believe her. But I know the truth: there’s no way Alex is ever going to kiss me again.
No matter how much I want it.
”
”