Harris Funny Quotes

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But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands down—or cheeks up.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
Don’t put your wand there, boy!” roared Moody. “What if it ignited? Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!” “Who d’you know who’s lost a buttock?” the violet-haired woman asked Mad-Eye interestedly. “Never you mind, you just keep your wand out of your back pocket!” growled Mad-Eye. “Elementary wand safety, nobody bothers about it anymore . . .” He stumped off toward the kitchen. “And I saw that,” he added irritably, as the woman rolled her eyes at the ceiling.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Malfoy glanced around. Harry knew he was checking for signs of teachers. Then he looked back at Harry and said in a low voice, "You're dead, Potter." Harry raised his eyebrows. "Funny," he said, "you'd think I'd have stopped walking around...
J.K. Rowling
A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.
Harry Styles
What's a dementor?" I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister." "So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says.
Becky Albertalli (Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Simonverse, #1))
Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.
John Green
Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
IF WE DIE FOR THEM, I'LL KILL YOU, HARRY!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
Oh, there you are, Albus,' he said. 'You've been a very long time. Upset stomach?' 'No, I was merely reading the Muggle magazines,' said Dumbledore. 'I do love knitting patterns.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6))
Vampires. They wrote the book on possessive.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
Oh, of course," said Ron, clapping a hand to his forehead. "I forgot we'll be hunting down Voldemort in a mobile library.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up" "There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!" "And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6))
Which way did they go, Peeves?" Filch was saying. "Quick, tell me." "Say 'please.'" "Don't mess with me, Peeves, now where did they go?" "Shan't say nothing if you don't say please," said Peeves in his annoying singsong voice. "All right- PLEASE." "NOTHING! Ha haaa! Told you I wouldn't say nothing if you didn't say please! Ha ha! Haaaaaa!" And they heard the sound of Peeves whooshing away and Filch cursing in rage.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
I snuck a look to see how Eric was taking this, and he was staring at me the same way the Monroe vampires had. Thoughtful. Hungry. "That's interesting," he said. "I had a psychic once. It was incredible." "Did the psychic think so?
Charlaine Harris (Dead Until Dark (Sookie Stackhouse, #1))
Fred and George, however, found all this very funny. They went out of their way to march ahead of Harry down the corridors, shouting, "Make way for the Heir of Slytherin, seriously evil wizard coming through ...... Percy was deeply disapproving of this behavior. "It is not a laughing matter," he said coldly. "Oh, get out of the way, Percy," said Fred. "Harry's in a hurry." "Yeah, he's off to the Chamber of Secrets for a cup of tea with his fanged servant," said George, chortling. Ginny didn't find it amusing either. "Oh, don't," she wailed every time Fred asked Harry loudly who he was planning to attack next, or when George pretended to ward Harry off with a large clove of garlic when they met.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter, #2))
Why would I go looking for someone I know wants to kill me?
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter, #3))
I hate witches. Humans had the right idea, burning them at the stake.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
But there's a juicy artery in your groin," he said after a pause to regroup, his voice as slithery as a snake on a slide. "Don't you talk dirty," I told him. "I won't listen to that.
Charlaine Harris (Dead Until Dark (Sookie Stackhouse, #1))
You think you’re funny,” she said coldly. “But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him alone.” “I will if you go out with me, Evans,” said James quickly. “Go on . . . Go out with me, and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.” “I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Never try to understand the students. They hate it. They would much rather be tragically misunderstood, wallow in self-pity, stew in their own —” “That’s enough, Phineas,” said Dumbledore.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Come on," I said, taking his hand. Clutching the afghan with the other hand, he trailed down the hall after me, a snow white giant in tiny red underwear.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
Her voice was now so shrill only bats would be able to hear it soon, but she had reached a level of indignation that rendered her temporarily speechless..
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
One more lesson like that and I might just do a Weasley.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
I expect what you're not aware of would fill several books, Dursely.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Well, I don’t know how to break this to you, but I think they might have noticed we broke into Gringotts.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
The wacky thing about those bad guys is that you can't count on them to be obvious. They forget to wax their mustaches and goatees, leave their horns at home, send their black hats to the dry cleaner's. They're funny like that.
Jim Butcher (White Night (The Dresden Files, #9))
Yeah,” said Harry. “No more pretending we care what happens when Jupiter and Uranus get too friendly . . .” “And from now on, I don’t care if my tea leaves spell die, Ron, die — I’m just chucking them in the bin where they belong.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Oh come on Pam, they're funny. They're like humans but miniature...tea cup humans!
Charlaine Harris
At least my happiness doesn't depend on Ron's goalkeeping ability.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
I am not forgotten, you know, no, I still receive a very great deal of fan mail. . . . Gladys Gudgeon writes weekly. . . . I just wish I knew why. . . .” He paused, looking faintly puzzled, then beamed again and returned to his signing with renewed vigor. “I suspect it is simply my good looks. . . .
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
As I climbed up into the high old bed, the large fly in my personal ointment did the same. Had I actually told him he could get in bed with me? Well, I decided, as I wriggled down under the soft old sheets and the blanket and the comforter, if Eric had designs on me, I was just too tired to care. "Woman?" "Hmmm?" "What's your name?" "Sookie. Sookie Stackhouse." "Thank you, Sookie." "Welcome, Eric.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
Thanks. Seriously, you must have better things to do with your life than waste it on the hopeless?' 'I've already learned Parseltongue. What else is there?' 'Elvish.
Michelle Hodkin (The Unbecoming of Mara Dyer (Mara Dyer, #1))
You know, I don’t get why Fred and George only got three O.W.L.s each,” said Harry, watching as Fred, George, and Lee collected gold from the eager crowd. “They really know their stuff. . . .” “Oh, they only know flashy stuff that’s no real use to anyone,” said Hermione disparagingly. “No real use?” said Ron in a strained voice. “Hermione, they’ve got about twenty-six Galleons already. . . .
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Excellent,” said Lupin, looking up as Tonks and Harry entered. “We’ve got about a minute, I think. We should probably get out into the garden so we’re ready. Harry, I’ve left a letter telling your aunt and uncle not to worry —” “They won’t,” said Harry. “That you’re safe —” “That’ll just depress them.” “— and you’ll see them next summer.” “Do I have to?
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
You saved Dad's life. If anyone's got the right to eavesdrop on him, it's you.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
So,” sneered Fudge, recovering himself, “you intend to take on Dawlish, Shacklebolt, Dolores, and myself single-handed, do you, Dumbledore?” “Merlin’s beard, no,” said Dumbledore, smiling. “Not unless you are foolish enough to force me to.” “He will not be single-handed!” said Professor McGonagall loudly, plunging her hand inside her robes. “Oh yes he will, Minerva!” said Dumbledore sharply. “Hogwarts needs you!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Grabbing a scarf off the chair, I threw it at him. He caught it, clutching it to his chest as he flew into the air. "You gave Tink a scarf. Tink is free!" He flew out into the hallway like a little cracked-out fairy, screeching, "Tink is freeeeee!" Ren looked at me. "What the actual f**k?" I sighed. "He's obsessed with Harry Potter. I'm sorry." Tink darted back into the room, holding the scarf to his bare chest. "There is no reason to apologize when it comes to Harry Potter." "You do remember what happened to Dobby, right?" I said. "S**t." Tink's eyes widened and he dropped the scarf.
Jennifer L. Armentrout (Wicked (A Wicked Trilogy #1))
Because he sounded so lost-the Eric I knew had never been one to do anything other than assume others should serve him-I patted around under the covers for his hand. When I found it, I slid my own over it. His palm was turned up to meet my palm, and his fingers clasped mine. And though I would not have thought it possible to go to sleep holding hands with a vampire, that's exactly what I did.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
He said, " I'm a witch." And I said, "You're a wizard, Harry,
T.J. Klune (Wolfsong (Green Creek, #1))
She did not seem to want to speak, or perhaps she was not able to, but she mad timid motions toward Neville, holding something in her outstretched hand. "Again?" said Mrs. Longbottom, sounding slightly weary. "Very well, Alice dear, very well- Neville, take it, whatever it is..." But Neville had already stretched out his hand, into which his mother dropped an empty Droobles Blowing Gum wrapper. "Very nice, dear," said Neville's grandmother in a falsely cheery voice, patting his mother on the shoulder. But Neville said quietly, "Thanks Mum." His mother tottered away, back up the ward, humming to herself. Neville looked around at the others, his expression defiant, as though daring them to laugh, but Harry did not think he'd ever found anything less funny in his life. "Well, we'd better get back," sighed Mrs. Longbottom, drawing on her long green gloves. "Very nice to have met you all. Neville, put that wrapper in the bin, she must have given you enough of them to paper your bedroom by now..." But as they left, Harry was sure he saw Neville slip the wrapper into his pocket.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Parvati positively beamed. Harry could tell that she was feeling guilty for having laughed at Hermione in Transfiguration. He looked around and saw that Hermione was beaming back, if possible even more brightly. Girls were very strange sometimes.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6))
Wow, we're identical!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
Look, why don't you go talk to Ron about all this?" Harry asked. "Well, I would, but he's always asleep when I go and see him!" said Lavender fretfully. "Is he?" said Harry, surprised, for he had found Ron perfectly alert every time he had been up to the hospital wing.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6))
[The American President] has to take all sorts of abuse from liars and demagogues.… The people can never understand why the President does not use his supposedly great power to make ’em behave. Well, all the President is, is a glorified public relations man who spends his time flattering, kissing and kicking people to get them to do what they are supposed to do anyway.
Harry Truman
(Sookie's Thoughts on Debbie Pelt) she had been cruel to Alcide, insulted me grievously, burned a hole in my favorite wrap and—oh—tried to kill me by proxy. Also, she had stupid hair.
Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. No one's immune to bribery.
Joanne Harris (The Gospel of Loki (Loki, #1))
Being fed, and having a soft bed, and other people being in charge, seemed the most wonderful prospect in the world at that moment.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
He's a funny man, Dumbledore. I think he sort of wanted to give me a chance. I think he knows more or less everything that goes on here, you know. I reckon he had a pretty good idea we were going to try, and instead of stopping us, he just taught us enough to help. I don't think it was an accident he let me find out how the Mirror worked. It's almost like he thought I had the right to face Voldemort if I could...
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
Fred and George exchanged looks. "You don't mind if we don't kiss you, do you, Ron?" said Fred in a falsely anxious voice. "We could curtsy, if you like," said George. "Oh, shut up," said Ron, scowling at them.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Bob, would you be willing to take on Evil Bob?" Bob's eyes darted nervously. "I'd . . . prefer not to. I'd really, really prefer not to. You have no idea. That me was crazy. And buff. He worked out.
Jim Butcher (Ghost Story (The Dresden Files, #13))
You know how I think they choose people for Gryffindor team?" said Malfoy loudly a few minutes later, as Snape awarded Hufflepuff another penalty for now reason at all. "It's people they feel sorry for. See, there's Potter, who's got no parents, then there's the Weasleys, who've got no money - you should be on the team, Longbottom, you've got no brains.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private school, Smeltings...Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local public high school. Dudley thought this was very funny. "They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?" "No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there. "Welcome!" he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!" "Thank you!" He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not. “Is he — a bit mad?” he asked Percy uncertainly. "Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry?
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
Is it true?" he said. "They're saying all down the train that Harry Potter's in this compartment. So it's you, is it?" "Yes," said Harry. He was looking at the other boys. Both of were thickset and looked like bodyguards. "Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle," said the pale boy carelssly, noticing where Harry was looking. "And my name's Malfoy, Draco Malfoy." Ron gave a slight cough, which might have been hiding a snigger. Draco Malfoy looked at him. "Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask who you are. My father told me all the Weasleys have red hair, freckles, and more children than they can afford." He turned back to Harry. "You'll soon find out some wizarding families are much better than others, Potter. You don't want to go making friends with the wrong sort. I can help you there.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
Imperio!” Moody jerked his wand, and the spider rose onto two of its hind legs and went into what was unmistakably a tap dance. Everyone was laughing — everyone except Moody. “Think it’s funny, do you?” he growled. “You’d like it, would you, if I did it to you?” The laughter died away almost instantly.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter, #4))
Was it my fault that I got out of hand? --Loki
Joanne Harris (Runemarks (Runemarks, #1))
I never thought I'd hear myself say it, but safety first!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
You take I-55 south, and you'll run into I-20. Or you could take..." I was about to be overloaded with information. "Oh that sounds just perfect. Let me do just that, or I'll lose track." Sure, glad I could help." Oh, you surely did." We beamed at each other, just two nice women. I had to fight an impulse to say "I have a tortured vampire in my trunk," out of sheer giddiness.
Charlaine Harris (Club Dead (Sookie Stackhouse, #3))
Listen, Harr,y can I have a go on it? Can I?" "I don't think anyone should ride that broom just yet!" said Hermoine shrilly. Harry and Ron looked at her. "What d'you think Harry's going to do with it - sweep the floor?" said Ron.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter, #3))
There was a lot more to magic, as Harry quickly found out, than waving your wand and saying a few funny words.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
Lea stood upon a fallen log ahead of us, staring ahead. Mouse walked up to her. Gggrrrr rawf arrrgggrrrrarrrr," I said. Mouse gave me an impatient glance, and somehow--I don't know if it was something in his body language or what--I became aware that he was telling me to sit down and shut up or he'd come over and make me. I sat down. Something in me really didn't like that idea, but when I looked around, I saw that everyone else had done it too, and that made me feel better. Mouse said, again in what sounded like perfectly clear English, "Funny. Now restore them." Lea turned to look at the big dog and said, "Do you dare to give me commands, hound?" Not your hound," Mouse said. I didn't know how he was doing it. His mouth wasn't moving or anything. "Restore them before I rip your ass off. Literally rip it off." The Leanansidhe tilted her head back and let out a low laugh. "You are far from your sources of power here, my dear demon." I live with a wizard. I cheat." He took a step toward her and his lips peeled up from his fangs in unmistakable hostility. "You want to restore them? Or do I kill you and get them back that way?" Lea narrowed her eyes. Then she said, "You're bluffing." One of the big dog's huge, clawed paws dug at the ground, as if bracing him for a leap, and his growl seemed to . . . I looked down and checked. It didn't seem to shake the ground. The ground was actually shaking for several feet in every direction of the dog. Motes of blue light began to fall from his jaws, thickly enough that it looked quite a bit like he was foaming at the mouth. "Try me." The Leanansidhe shook her head slowly. Then she said, "How did Dresden ever win you?" He didn't," Mouse said. "I won him.
Jim Butcher (Changes (The Dresden Files, #12))
D'you know what that - (he called Snape something that made Hermoine say "Ron!")" - is making me do? I've got to scrub out the bedpans in the hospital wing. Without magic!" He was breathing deeply, his fists clenched. "Why couldn't Black have hidden in Snape's office, eh? He could have finished him off for us!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter, #3))
It's alright" said a dreamy voice from beside Harry as Ron vanished into the coach's dark interior. "You're not going mad or anything. I can see them too." "Can you?" said Harry desperately, turning to Luna. He could see the bat-winged horses reflected in her wide, silvery eyes. "Oh yes," said Luna, "I've been able to see them since my first year here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am." Smiling faintly, she climbed into the musty interior of the carriage after Ron. Not altogether reassured, Harry followed her.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Divination is turning out to be much more trouble than I could have foreseen, never having studied the subject myself.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6))
Knocking the shrieking goblins aside like skittles
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))
Yer a wizard, Harry!
J.K. Rowling
It's funny. Looking back, none of it seems to matter now, those moments of yearning, craving to belong with people I thought mattered. No more fragments of glass, pieces of a broken mirror you can't put back together and wouldn't want to even if you could.
Rebecca Harris (Be the Death of Me (The Guardian Chronicles, #1))
He'll have that scar forever." "Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?" "Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a perfect map of the London Underground.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
That thing has a name?
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
You've been popping into the fire every hour?' Harry said, half laughing. 'Just for a few seconds to check if the coast was clear.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Does everyone collectively dislike beetroots? I feel like they do.
Harry Styles
This is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so infernally convinced that they are absolutely right about everything. Has it not occurred to you, my poor puffed-up poppinjay, that there might be an excellent reason why the Headmaster of Hogwarts is not confiding every tiny detail of his plans to you? Have you never paused, while feeling hard-done-by, to note that following Dumbledore's orders has never yet led you into harm? No. No, like all young people, you are quite sure that you alone feel and think, you alone recognise danger, you alone are the only one clever enough to realise what the Dark Lord may be planning.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (Harry Potter, #1))
That was the best Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson we've ever had, wasn't it?" said Ron... "He seems like a very good teacher," said Hermoine approvingly. "But I wish I could have had a turn with the boggart -" "What would it have been for you?" said Ron sniggering, "A piece of homework that only got nine out of ten?
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter, #3))
I had met Salvador Domingo Felipe Jacinto Dalí i Domènech, Marquis of Dalí de Púbol, previously in Spain in the company of his pet anteater and a glamorous model called Mercedes Benz.
Harry F. MacDonald (Magic Alex and the Secret History of Rock and Roll)
Plans are for those without the good sense to savor the present. Others make plans and neglect their opportunities as they trickle through their fingers like dust. We find beauty in what is.
Harry F. MacDonald (Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell)
I feel like Harry Potter just put liquid luck in my butterbeer before Quidditch practice.
Jillian Dodd (Kiss Me (The Keatyn Chronicles, #2))
Don’t worry, You’re just as sane as I am. - Luna Lovegood
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Book 4 Part 2))
Zen cuts straight through the Quidditch match in progress and almost gets taken down by a Beater hurling a Nerf quaffle right at his machopartes.
Megan McCafferty (Thumped (Bumped, #2))
I'm really feeling more like a Harry Potter to your Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger." "Harry Potter? Someone is awful full of themselves." "And this way Charlie can be always-loyal and cooler than cool Neville Longbottom, and Liam gets to be Sirius." Jase shook his head. "Sirius dies." "Lupin?" "Also dies." "A Weasley twin?" "Liam isn't that funny, and Fred dies." I searched over the entire cast of Harry Potter. "All the cool people die.
Tammy Blackwell (Fate Succumbs (Timber Wolves Trilogy, #3))
So, Harry,' said Dumbledore quietly. "Before you got lost in my thoughts, you wanted to tell me something.' 'Yes,' said Harry. 'Professor - I was in Divination just now, and - er - I fell asleep.' He hesitated here, wondering if a reprimand was coming, but Dumbledore merely said, 'Quite understandable. Continue.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (Harry Potter, #4))
But you would think, wouldn't you, that getting hit forty-five times in the neck with a blunt axe would qualify you to join the Headless Hunt? - Sir Nicholas de Mimsy
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter, #2))
We were both chilled from the rain and as hungry as wolves. Over a fine meal of oysters, cappeletti alla cortigiana and orecchiette with tomatoes, anchovies and eggplant served with a crisp dry chablis, we discussed our plans, if not for immortality, at least for defying the eroding qualities of time.
Harry F. MacDonald (Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell)
This isn’t going to work,” Justine murmured. “It is going to work,” I told her, keeping my tone confident. “We’ll breeze right in. The Rack will be with us.” Justine glanced at me with an arched eyebrow. “The Rack?” “The Rack is more than just boobs, Justine,” I told her soberly. “It’s an energy field created by all living boobs. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.
Jim Butcher (Dangerous Women)
FORBIDDEN Pain without learning is forbidden, waking up one day not knowing what to do, being afraid of your memories. It is forbidden not to smile at problems, not to fight for what you want, to abandon all because of fears, not to realize your dreams. It is forbidden not to show your love, to be ashamed of your tears, to not laugh with children, to make someone else pay your debts, bad humor. It is forbidden to forget your friends, to not try to understand why they live far away, to treat people as disposable, to call them only when you need them. It is forbidden to not be yourself in front of others, pretending around people you don’t care about, trying to be funny just so you'll be remembered, to forget about all the people who love you. It is forbidden not to do things for yourself, to be afraid of life and its commitments, to not to live each day as if it were your last. It forbidden to take someone out without having fun, to forget their eyes, their laugh, to not respect love even if it is past, just because your paths have stopped crossing, to forget your past and only live in the moment. It is forbidden not to try to understand people, to think that other’s lives are worth more than yours, to not know that each one of us has our own way and our own happiness. It is forbidden not create your own story, to have no time for people who need you, to not understand what life gives to you, and that it can also be taken away. It is forbidden not find your happiness, to not live your life with a positive attitude, to not think we can do better and be better, to feel that without you, this world would still be the same...
José N. Harris (Mi Vida)
Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.' Snape froze. Harry stared, dumbstruck, at this message. But the map didn't stop there. More writing was appearing beneath the first. 'Mr Prongs agrees with Mr Moony, and would like to add that Professor Snape is an ugly git.' It would have been funny if the situation hadn't been so serious. And there was more... 'Mr Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a Professor.' Harry closed his eyes in horror. When he'd reopened them, the map had had its last word. 'Mr Wormtail bids Professor Snape good day, and advises him to wash his hair, the slimeball.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (Harry Potter, #3))
Everyone laughed, but nobody laughed harder than Luna Lovegood. She let out a scream of mirth that caused Hedwig to wake up and flap her wings indignantly and Crookshanks to leap up into the luggage rack, hissing. She laughed so hard that her magazine slipped out of her grasp, slid down her legs, and onto the floor. “That was funny!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Myrtle goggled at them. "You're alive," she said blankly to Harry. "There's no need to sound so disappointed," he said grimly... "Oh, well... I'd just be thinking... if you had died, you'd have been welcome to share my toilet," said Myrtle, blushing silver. "Urgh!" said Ron... "Harry! I think Myrtle's grown fond of you! You've got competition, Ginny!
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter, #2))
Disgusting foods, as Madame de Pompadour discovered, do not arouse the senses. They only dull them. Seduction, as you know by now, for women starts with the ears and for men starts with the eyes and for both, travels directly to the stomach. Some say you need sweet murmurings in the ears, but I say laughter, intrigue and delicacies are more powerful.
Harry F. MacDonald (Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell)
As libertines we seek to find and provide pleasures for others before pleasing ourselves. Libertines are never boorish, profane or blasphemous. We seek to lessen any cause for offence while maximizing pleasure. After our liaisons, our return is eagerly anticipated, and our departure is mourned. For most men the reverse is the case. In a world where most men are barely on before they are off again, we take the time and the care to be gentle lovers and build the sighs and the panting of true delight.
Harry F. MacDonald (Casanova and the Devil's Doorbell)
Is it true you shouted at Professor Umbridge?' 'Yes,' said Harry. 'You called her a liar?' 'Yes.' 'You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?' 'Yes.' Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, watching Harry closely. Then she said, 'Have a biscuit, Potter.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
You're supposed to be a spirit of intellect. I don't understand why you're obsessed with sex." Bob's voice got defensive. "It's an academic interest, Harry." "Oh yeah? Well maybe I don't think it's fair to let your academia go peeping in other people's houses." "Wait a minute. My academia doesn't just peep -" I held up a hand. "Save it. I don't want to hear it." He grunted. "You're trivializing what getting out for a bit means to me, Harry. You're insulting my masculinity." "Bob," I said, "you're a skull . You don't have any masculinity to insult." "Oh yeah?" Bob challenged me. "Pot kettle black, Harry! Have you gotten a date yet? Huh? Most men have something better to do in the middle of the night than play with their chemistry sets.
Jim Butcher (Storm Front (The Dresden Files, #1))
It’s not funny,” said Ron, fiercely. “If you must know, when I was three, Fred turned my — my teddy bear into a great big filthy spider because I broke his toy broomstick. . . . You wouldn’t like them either if you’d been holding your bear and suddenly it had too many legs and . . .” He broke off, shuddering.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (Harry Potter, #2))
Ah,' said Fudge, who looked thoroughly disconcerted. 'Dumbledore. Yes. You - er - got our - er - message that the time and - er - place of the hearing had been changed, then?' 'I must have missed it,' said Dumbledore cheerfully. 'However, due to a lucky mistake I arrived at the Ministry three hours early, so no harm done.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
Turning on the shower, he thought of the wildly fancy bathroom at Charlotte's house. It was funny to think of, but the bathrooms he liked weren't fancy; this one, and the one at Seymour's, and the one at Harry's. They weren't fancy, but they were home. He got in the shower. The one squirt that always went haywire hit him right in the eye. He laughed up into the warm water running over his ears.
Louise Fitzhugh
WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!” “Bliss, there are children waiting.” And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to see her smiling that I didn’t care. “Yeah, well, they all just jumped on the bandwagon. Most of them weren’t alive when I read Harry Potter for the first time.” I turned to the Canadian family behind me and said, “I’m so sorry. This is the last one, I promise.” Then I took one more picture of Bliss pretending to push the luggage cart through the wall at the Platform 9¾ monument at King’s Cross Station. A little boy stuck his tongue out at Bliss as we left. I pulled her away before she could follow suit. “That kid better watch it. I’m totally a Slytherin.” I shook my head, smiling. “Love, I’m going to need you to pull back on the crazy a bit.” “You’re right. Realistically, I’m a Ravenclaw.
Cora Carmack (Keeping Her (Losing It, #1.5))
The plan, which I really hope I fulfilled, is that the reader, like Harry, would gradually discover Ginny as pretty much the ideal girl for Harry. She’s tough, not in an unpleasant way, but she’s gutsy. He needs to be with someone who can stand the demands of being with Harry Potter, because he’s a scary boyfriend in a lot of ways. He’s a marked man. I think she’s funny, and I think that she’s very warm and compassionate. These are all things that Harry requires in his ideal woman…. Initially, she’s terrified by his image. I mean, he’s a bit of a rock god to her when she sees him first, at 10 or 11, and he’s this famous boy. So Ginny had to go through a journey… I didn’t want Ginny to be the first girl that Harry ever kissed. That’s something I meant to say, and it’s kind of tied in…. And I feel that Ginny and Harry, in this book, they are total equals. They are worthy of each other. They’ve both gone through a big emotional journey, and they’ve really got over a lot of delusions together. So, I enjoyed writing that. I really like Ginny as a character.
J.K. Rowling
Apparently, we're all in the frame," I heard Harry murmur somewhere behind me. And I whirled back to him. Innate, irrational anger surged. Then stopped, dead - as I suddenly took in Handsome, Robert and Doc. They were all staring at me. They were concentrating, all resolute, all a tad furrow-browed… upon my face. Self-consciousness burgeoned. I gingerly fingered my and lips and my chin, "Am I drooling?" "Your arse is hanging out," said Harry, not looking up from the forensics he was scanning. And so it was. Handsome, Robert and Doc averted their eyes as I, wishing I'd merely been dribbling, grabbed the back flaps of my breezy hospital gown, fully placed my back against the wall. Then, thinking better of it, dived hurriedly, carefully, back into bed. If Chinese Lady'd been here, she could've, would've, told me. I missed her already.
Morana Blue (Gatsby's Smile)
Find Mundungus Fletcher?” he croaked. “And bring him here, to Grimmauld Place,” said Harry. “Do you think you could do that for us?” As Kreacher nodded and got to his feet, Harry had a sudden inspiration. He pulled out Hagrid’s purse and took out the fake Horcrux, the substitute locket in which Regulus had placed the note to Voldemort. “Kreacher, I’d, er, like you to have this,” he said, pressing the locket into the elf’s hand. “This belonged to Regulus and I’m sure he’d want you to have it as a token of gratitude for what you--” “Overkill, mate,” said Ron as the elf took one look at the locket, let out a howl of shock and misery, and threw himself back onto the ground. It took them nearly half an hour to calm down Kreacher, who was so overcome to be presented with a Black family heirloom for his very own that he was too weak at the knees to stand properly. When finally he was able to totter a few steps they all accompanied him to his cupboard, watched him tuck up the locket safely in his dirty blankets, and assured him that they would make its protection their first priority while he was away. He then made two low bows to Harry and Ron, and even gave a funny little spasm in Hermione’s direction that might have been an attempt at a respectful salute, before Disapparating with the usual loud crack.
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (Harry Potter, #7))