“
It was hard for her, but after groping around for a moment, she found the words hiding in a corner, trying to avoid her. "I wish," she said, seizing hold of them, "that you wouldn't do that. Get married. To someone else."
"Oh?" He blinked. "Do you really?"
"I mean, I'm sure they are very nice. The princesses."
"I believe it's part of the job description," Charlie said. "Like... have you heard of the things they do in stories? Resuscitate amphibians? Notice for parents that their children have wet the bed? One would have to be relatively kind to do these services."
"Yes" Tress said. "I…” She took a deep breath. "I would still...rather you didn't marry one of them."
"Well then, I shan't, Charlie said.
“I don’t believe you have a choice, Charlie. Your father wants you married. It's politics."
“Ah, but you see, I have a secret weapon." He took her hands and leaned in.
Behind, his father moved up to the prow of the ship and looked down, scowling. Charlie, however, smiled a lopsided smile. His "look how sneaky I am" smile. He used it when he wasn't being particularly sneaky.
"What... kind of secret weapon, Charlie?" she asked.
"I can be incredibly boring."
"That's not a weapon."
"It might not be one in a war, Tress," he said. "But in courtship? It is as fine a weapon as the sharpest rapier. You know how I go on. And on. And on."
"I like how you go on, Charlie. I don't mind the on, in fact. I sometimes quite enjoy the on."
"You are a special case," Charlie said. "You are ... well, this is kind of silly... but you're like a pair of gloves, Tress."
"I am?" she said, choking up.
"Yes. Don't be offended. I mean, when I have to practice the sword, I wear these gloves and—"
"I understand," she whispered.
From atop the ship, Charlie's father shouted for him to be quick.
Tress realized then that—like Charlie had different kinds of smiles-his father had different kinds of scowls. She didn't much like what the current one implied about her.
Charlie squeezed her hands. "Listen, Tress. I promise you. I'm not going to get married. I'm going to go to those kingdoms, and I'm going to be so insufferably boring that none of the girls will have me.
"I'm not good at much. I've never scored a single point against my father in sparring. I spill my soup at formal dinners. I talk so much, even my footman—who is paid to listen— comes up with creative reasons to interrupt me. The other day I was telling him the story of the fish and the gull, and he pretended to stub his toe, and.."
The duke shouted again.
"I can do this, Tress" Charlie insisted. "I will do this.
”
”