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I was involved in a “third party accident,” they were entitled to recoup three hundred and fourteen dollars from the third party for a CAT scan I had received, and the letter asked me to identify whom the third party was. My surgeries total almost a million and a half dollars, and Tricare wants three hundred and fourteen bucks? I sat down in front of our computer and relished my reply. To whom it may concern: In response to your “Mandatory Third Party Liability” letter. Due to the nature of Naval Special Warfare operations and under the directive of the Special Operations Command in accordance with direction by the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Secretary of Defense I cannot divulge the names of the Al QAIDA in Iraq individuals who were directly responsible for my injuries because that information is classified. I will admit that the individuals directly responsible would have a hard time paying or being contacted due to being blown into thousands of small pieces from the multiple fire missions my team called in upon them after my injuries. Probably of little importance though; after five months of combat operations and dealing with these individuals I am of the opinion they probably do not have insurance. This is unfortunate though because I would like to seek punitive damages. The only good Point of Contact I have for the AL QAIDA organization is a man that went by the name of Osama Bin Laden. He is credited as the head of said organization. If you could contact him you may be able to recover the $314.00 you would not pay. Would you please inform him when you speak to him, there are thousands of civilians and military members waiting to seek punitive damages against him. Additionally, if you could carbon copy the entire United States Government as to his location, it would be greatly appreciated. You may not know, but we have been looking for him for the past seven years. I would have paid serious cash money to watch a videotape of the insurance adjuster who first read that letter.
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