Gambling Addiction Recovery Quotes

If, by the virtue of charity or the circumstance of desperation, you ever chance to spend a little time around a Substance-recovery halfway facility like Enfield MA's state-funded Ennet House, you will acquire many exotic new facts [...] That certain persons simply will not like you no matter what you do. Then that most nonaddicted adult civilians have already absorbed and accepted this fact, often rather early on [...] That sleeping can be a form of emotional escape and can with sustained effort be abused [...] That purposeful sleep-deprivation can also be an abusable escape. That gambling can be an abusable escape, too, and work, shopping, and shoplifting, and sex, and abstention, and masturbation, and food, and exercise, and meditation/prayer [...] That loneliness is not a function of solitude [...] That if enough people in a silent room are drinking coffee it is possible to make out the sound of steam coming off the coffee. That sometimes human beings have to just sit in one place and, like, hurt [...] That there is such a thing as raw, unalloyed, agendaless kindness [...] That the effects of too many cups of coffee are in no way pleasant or intoxicating [...] That if you do something nice for somebody in secret, anonymously, without letting the person you did it for know it was you or anybody else know what it was you did or in any way or form trying to get credit for it, it's almost its own form of intoxicating buzz. That anonymous generosity, too, can be abused [...] That it is permissible to want [...] That there might not be angels, but there are people who might as well be angels.

Issues are like tissues. You pull one out and another appears!

How long does it take to recover from a sex addiction? Saying that, what is a sex addiction anyway? I mean, I get a gambling or drink addiction could lead to bigger problems in life if you continue to do it, but how can sex addiction lead you anywhere but having more fun and more sex in life? Even if I was a recovering sex addict, would this actually bother me? Fuck yeah it would, because I wouldn't want to be in recovery and having less fucking sex, would I?

Quit while you’re ahead. All the best gamblers do.

It is commonly understood that the opposite of addiction is connection. That in our addictive behaviours we are trying to achieve the connection. Think of it: the bliss of a hit or a drink or of sex or of gambling or eating, all legitimate drives gone awry, all a reach across the abyss, the separateness of ‘self’, all an attempt to redress this disconnect.

The running away, the chasing, the numbing is a characteristic of any addiction. And the question is, but where to? Where after? Life has creation and destruction. Addiction, gambling is the way down. No end to that. Recovery is the way up. To peacefulness, stability, healthy, lightness, flow, productivity, prosperity, friendship, self-esteem, bliss, love.

I created this prayer collection to offer ways for people to bring about change in their lives. Everyone needs help at various times in their lives. No matter what we need or experience in life, we can always pray to make a difference for ourselves. We don’t have to be swept away by events or circumstances beyond our control. God is there to lend a helping hand, especially when we ask.

When asked how many of the people he met in those encampments had lost housing due to high rents or health insurance, Eric could not remember one. Meth was the reason they were there and couldn’t leave. Of the hundred or so vets he had brought out of the encampments and into housing, all but three returned. Eric grew weary of wanting recovery for the people he met more than they wanted it for themselves. Such was the pull. Some were addicted to other things: crack or heroin, alcohol or gambling. Most of them used any drug available. But what Eric and Mundo most encountered by far was crystal methamphetamine.

Named addictions are few—alcohol, drugs, food, sex, gambling, and shopping, for example—but they are merely symptoms of a general unnamed addiction from which we all suffer.

if all members of the Jewish community practiced the implicit behaviors in many of the steps, our synagogues would be full and we would indeed be closer to mashiach-zeit (the time of the Messiah).

A researcher at the Beit T’Shuvah treatment and recovery center for addicts in Los Angeles recently conducted a study that found that the rates of depression and anxiety among affluent teens and young adults (such as those in Beit T’Shuvah’s community) correspond to the rates of depression and anxiety suffered by incarcerated juveniles.11 Director Harriet Rossetto explains these results this way: “If from the time you’re born all your options are dictated for you and all your decisions are made for you, and then you’re cast out into the world to go to college, it’s like a country under colonial rule that falls apart when it gains its independence. They get to college and have no idea why they’re there or what they ought to be doing there. They’re lost. They’re in such a painful place, and they seek to anesthetize that with drugs or other harmful activities like alcohol, gambling, or mutilation. Things that express their emptiness and sense of desperation. Often they become addicts simply because they don’t know what else to do.

Every problem gambler’s story is unique. But in many ways, their stories are also all the same. Most sports bettors are drawn to gambling because they love sports and because gambling offers the chance to make the games more exciting. For some people, though, the pursuit of that excitement takes over their lives, leading to addiction—followed, for those fortunate enough, by recovery.

Analyzing the available data about AA requires that we begin with a clear definition of success. Success, after all, can mean any number of things. Should one measure it in days of sobriety? Weeks without a binge episode? What if people who are making substantive progress slip and have one drink during an otherwise successful period of time: Should they “go back to zero,” as is the practice in many AA chapters? What if they stop drinking but acquire a gambling problem instead?

As I walked into the casino committing suicide was the very last thing on my mind. Yet twelve hours later it was the only thing on my mind.

Another trait that gamblers possess is optimism. All gambling episodes begin with the positive belief that this time they just might win. Optimists generally don't prepare themselves to consider suicide. On the day that I walked into the casino on that day that led to my high-speed search for a concrete wall, I was happy, excited, looking forward to playing the slots.

The twelve-step program has no benefit to a dead person. In order to recover, the addict must stay alive.

Slot-machine addicts don’t commit suicide because they have lost all their money, or feel guilt, or shame, or feel weak or are tired of lying. They commit suicide when they finally conclude that they will never be able to quit gambling, that no amount of will power or treatment will ever help them to stop. They commit suicide when they finally decide that all hope is gone.

It is possible for all slot machine addicts to stop playing. There is no one path to that outcome. Everyone is different. The paths are long and hard and full of failure. But if you keep trying, you can get there. Something will eventually work. Know that, stay alive, and don't give up.

Please don't kill yourself today (you can always do it tomorrow).

Compulsive gambling is curable; thousands have done it. By curable, I mean that the compulsive slot machine player no longer plays slots. This doesn't mean that they don't have a desire to, just that they don't act on that desire. That is the goal after all - to not waste time and money sitting on that stupid stool endlessly pushing that stupid button.

First you must understand and accept that there is always hope that you can stop gambling. Then read about all the choices and try as many as you want. If GA doesn’t work, try mindfulness. If it doesn’t work try DBT. Combine them - do GA, financial controls and mindfulness. Try them all. Just keep trying. If you do, you will find the right path. You will succeed.

A little past 4 on a January morning in 2005, I dragged myself out of a casino north of Seattle after twelve straight hours on a slot machine, pushing the play button as fast as I could until I had lost all my money. I got into my truck and sat in the parking lot for several minutes. I finally decided that I would take the one path that absolutely guaranteed I would never gamble again. I unclipped my seatbelt, pulled out onto the I–5 freeway, and pushed the accelerator of my ten-year-old F-150 to the floor. To my surprise within a minute or two I was doing 110 mph. My goal was to find a solid concrete bridge abutment and plow into it head-on.

Had I been successful in smashing into an abutment and killing myself, my death would not have been listed as a suicide, and certainly not as a gambling related suicide. I did have several beers that night so it likely would have gone down as drunk driving.

If suicide in general is significantly underreported, documenting a suicide as gambling-related is orders of magnitude more difficult. As you well know, gambling addicts are very secretive. Even if a gambler had written a suicide note, and even if gambling was the real cause of their suicide, they probably would not say so.

Gambling suicides are also frequently impulsive. My attempt to find a concrete wall to splatter myself on is, unfortunately, quite common for compulsive gamblers. I've had many conversations with other gamblers who tell the same story — looking for something to smack into on the way home from the bad beat at the casino.

This book is focused on preventing the despairing gambler from committing suicide.

The therapeutic community has established that those with a gambling problem are impulsive. They are deficient in impulse control compared to the general public. In fact, in the 1980's, the DSM (2) identified compulsive gambling for the first time as a mental disorder and placed it in the category of Impulse-Control disorders. It wasn't until the latest version of the DSM (DSM-5 that came out in 2013) that compulsive gambling was moved to the addiction section.

I want to address something here specifically about the intersection of mindfulness and slot machine addiction. Remember that mindfulness is a practice that helps you be in the present, that helps you shut off the guilt and shame of the past and shut out the thoughts of fear and anxiety about the future. Mindfulness asks us to live in the present because the present is the only thing we can control.

Unlike most other addictions and disorders, gambling most often is done in secret.

I would assert, and I know this personally from years of living with it, that the shame of not being able to quit, of being too weak to stop, of being unable to do the right thing, unable to do the thing that everyone else that I know could easily do - that weakness, that level of shame changes your life. You can deal with the financial losses, and you can even deal with the lies (they have a short half-life, either you get away with it, or you apologize and say you won't do it again). But the shame, guilt, and loss of respect for yourself when you can't make yourself stop, that awful sinkhole of personal failure, never goes away.

At some point in the recovery process, the addicted gambler will learn that they have an addiction, that their brain has been compromised by their gambling behavior, and that it is now preventing them from stopping that behavior. That knowledge will help a little to reduce the shame. The problem that still exists is that your friends and family likely don't know you have an addiction, or they don't really understand what that means. You know that they are judging you, you still feel the helplessness of that judgment, and yet you still don't really understand why you can't stop. It gets even worse. In order to justify your new reality that you can't quit, that you have an addiction, the thing that will irrefutably prove your inability to quit, and that will show to others that you do, in fact, have an addiction, is to continue to gamble. You can then say with confidence to your therapist or family, I have an addiction! I went to the casino again, I can't stop. Because if I do simply stop, I wouldn't have this inability to stop. My addiction excuse would disappear, and I would have to go back to knowing that I'm stupid and weak and immoral for all the gambling I have done. So, in order to not feel weak, stupid and immoral, I'll run with that addiction idea and just keep on gambling! This is where Dr. Linehan's concept of Radical Acceptance can be very powerful for addicted gamblers. It is a way out of the negative spiral described in the previous paragraphs. Don't get stuck in the guilt and shame cycle. Accept that those things are in your past, cannot be changed, and need to be understood simply as what you've done, not who you are. Then you can move on to finding solutions for your goal of changing future behavior, for your goal of living a gambling free life.

Do not confuse acceptance (or forgiveness) with "acceptable". What we have done - the gambling, lies, deceptions, etc. - is not acceptable. Radical acceptance simply means that yes, you did all those things. You gambled and lied and deceived - all of that happened, and you now accept your prior behavior as fact. Beyond acceptance comes forgiveness.

Most of us are compassionate people. We are often compassionate to others, but seldom with ourselves. Do you think it might be time, as you work toward your recovery, to forgive yourself? What would that mean to you? Could that possibly free you up and give you strength to focus on your future in a more positive fashion?

In the 12-step program, the reason you are successful in recovery is because you stopped trying to impose your willpower on your addiction and have instead turned your recovery over to a higher power. But if our personal willpower is unable to conquer our addiction, then how do you explain all the people who are in long-term recovery who don’t believe in a higher power? How did they recover? Fortunately, there are many paths to dealing with addiction that don’t involve a higher power.

Your mission, if you chose to accept it, is to understand, fight and ultimately defeat your urge to go gamble. Here’s a bold statement: If you can win these battles, you will stop gambling. What would happen if every time you got that strong urge to go gamble you fought it, wrestled it to the ground, stomped on its throat till it croaked and then kicked it into the gutter? Seriously, how fun would that be? How good would that feel?

Think of the 10,000 suicide victims last year who might still be alive today if they had won that battle with their urge on their fateful day. Believe this: This next urge might be your life-or-death battle. You need to win it. Prepare. Arm yourself. Fight as if your life depended on it. Because it does. What follows are your weapons in this fight.

Urges are a normal part of your recovery. They will always be with you in one form or another. Just as what we are instructed to do during mindful meditation, when we have thoughts, and we accept them just as thoughts, and then we let them pass, simply accept the urge as an urge and as something that is normal during your recovery, and then mindfully allow it to slip away. Urges have a very short half-life — they will lose their power over you in less than a half-hour. Know that it will pass if you can just wait a while.

You experience an urge (as I have been all week while writing this chapter), then you step back, both metaphorically and literally, and say to yourself, “I’m having an urge that makes me want to go gamble.” Then you pause. Then you again step away a few more paces and say to yourself, “Now I’m noticing that I’m having a thought that creates an urge and makes me want to go gamble.

Compulsive slot machine playing, i.e., sitting on that ugly stool, pushing that stupid button for eight hours without a break, does the same thing as mindfulness! Mindfulness asks us to be acutely aware of our current surroundings, of the sights and sounds right in front of us. I can think of no activity, including mindful meditation, that has us slot machine addicts focused so intently on the sights and sounds in the present moment as when we compulsively play a slot machine. And while most people can meditate for several minutes (some even up to an hour or more), us slot machine addicts can push that button for many hours without a break, all the while very mindfully aware of the present sights and sounds. This is why the treatment professionals call slot machine addiction "escape gambling". This is why those evil machines have such a hold on us. When we sit down on that stool pushing that button, we know we will enter another world, a world outside of our day-to-day existence, outside of that day-to-day world that is too often full of confusing and painful thoughts. In the slot machine world, our focus becomes completely involved with the machine - the visuals, the sounds, the anticipation of a win. There is no room what-so-ever for any other thought to intrude into our consciousness. We are totally in the present (for however long it takes to lose all our money). Mindfulness by machine addiction.

If you can eliminate the need for escaping from your negative thoughts, you can eliminate the need to gamble. Make that your quest.

Addicted gamblers carry a substantial burden of shame and guilt. Unlike most other addictions and disorders, gambling most often is done in secret; and in order to keep their addiction secret, gamblers will lie, deceive, and steal. Not only are they ashamed about gambling, and losing money, they are even more shamefully about all the lies and deceptions that they constantly need to employ with their family and friends.

The belief that blind trust is necessary in a successful relationship is false and is a distraction to the real issues of recovery. Recovery is less about trusting the gambler and more about trusting ourselves. We have already experienced the dangers of trusting someone who has not earned our trust. Trust is something that will come over time during the recovery process. How much trust to give the gamblers, and when, is a personal decision.

My aunt remarked to me how silent my husband always seemed to be. He never participated in dinner discussions and often retreated into the bedroom when the family was together. Once in recovery he emerged as a man with the ability to join in conversation and not run off to his private world. I had come to believe he was incapable of socializing. I came to understand that retreat was what he did as a gambler.

I was standing in the way of my gambler's recovery by treating his symptoms with bailouts and sympathy, taking on his responsibilities and softening his consequences. He couldn't feel how bad his illness was because I was helping him numb the pain it caused him.

The spouses and loved ones begin to understand that the work of their recovery must begin from within and that they are responsible only for themselves. They will learn that it is possible to love their gamblers without enabling.

Here is your four-step plan to stay alive: 1. Accept the fact that you might consider suicide after a bad relapse. Do that now. 2. In the minutes and hours after a relapse, give yourself permission to ignore the consequences of your relapse. Don't think about the lost money, or the consequences for family, work, or your own self-worth. 3. Wait four days before taking any direct action to address your gambling issues. Do not gamble during this time. Do not chase your losses. Do not "confess" to a significant other during this time. Do not rob a bank to cover your losses. Wait four days to make plans for recovery. Wait until your brain both is willing and able to help you make good decisions. 4. After four days, start to restore hope. Call the state helpline, get a recommendation for a therapist. In most cases the state will pay for therapy. Then go see the therapist. Find a GA meeting and start attending. Make thoughtful, careful plans about how to go about discussing your addiction with loved ones and how to deal with your financial problems. But most of all, understand that there is hope for you to live a life free of gambling. Thousands upon thousands have recovered. You can too.

The first step in that preparation begins now, well ahead of the relapse. Get out a three by six index card and write these thoughts on it: - 1-800-273-8255 (National Suicide Prevention Hotline) - This will pass - My brain can’t be trusted right now - I won’t kill myself today (I can always do it tomorrow) - For now, I will IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE, IGNORE - 1-800-273-8255

Put these steering wheel cards and things somewhere in your car. Put your radio station of choice on one of your preset buttons. Do this now. Don’t wait. Then, if you relapse and when you get to the casino before you go in, take them out and put them on your seat or steering wheel. Set your radio to the station you have chosen, so that all you need to do is turn it on. Please don’t avoid doing this because you might be embarrassed or think it’s stupid. So what if it’s stupid? You are at the casino. You are already being stupid. Not to mention, these simple stupid actions just might save your life.

Immediately after you step through the exit of the casino and find yourself outside, stop. Then look at your hands for ten seconds. Examine them, turn them over, look at the lines, the freckles, the dirt under your fingernails or your chipped nail polish. Really focus, really study them, for ten full seconds. This is a surprisingly powerful mindfulness technique. It forces you to jump back into the present, thereby interrupting your thoughts about what just happened.

Several years ago, I knew a man, a friend of a friend who I would occasionally run into at the casino. He was clearly a heavy-duty compulsive slot machine player – maximum bets, completely focused, playing fast. He was also a family man, hardworking, very organized, a successful businessman. One night after losing a great deal of money, he came home and immediately (and impulsively) blurted out a confession to his wife (who did not know that he had a gambling problem). He confessed that he had lost all their savings and maxed out their credit cards – they were now completely broke. His wife reacted as expected. She was upset in the extreme. She packed her bag and left him to go spend some time with a relative. So then…after she had abruptly left him, at that point he knew he had lost all their money and perhaps lost his wife as well, and that his children and his family would now find out his dirty little secret. He was alone with his darkest thoughts. It was simply too much to bear. When he didn’t show up for work the next day a business associate found him in the garage, in his truck, with a hose from the exhaust stuck in a window. He was dead. It is clear to me that he didn’t kill himself because of that day’s gambling experience – the bad beat, the big losses. After all that had happened to him many, many times before. He killed himself as a result of his completely impulsive decision to confess to his wife!

Figuring out how you can face your gambling problem is a complex issue. There are many choices. Recovery is not something you can will yourself to do in a day or two.

Most literature about suicide proposes the encouraging idea that if you can survive the first five minutes (or the first few hours, or the first twenty-four hours) of that moment when suicide seems like the only solution to your situation, then you probably will not kill yourself (at least for a while).

Drug and alcohol withdrawal symptoms and treatment are well understood, but very little is discussed about gambling withdrawal. Here is a commonly quoted list of the symptoms of drug and alcohol withdrawal: nervousness or anxiety, insomnia, nausea, body discomfort, mood swings, poor sleep, lethargy, difficulty concentrating. Do these symptoms look familiar to you? After sitting hunched-over, eyes glued to that screen only inches away, pushing that button every three seconds and watching those complex configurations of colorful images flashing rhythmically, hypnotically, continuously, as fast as your mind can process, for hour upon hour upon hour, do you experience any of those symptoms the next day and the next several days? I know I do.

There are approximately twenty thousand detox facilities for drug and alcohol abusers nationwide. I understand that withdrawal from all forms of chemical dependency is a more dangerous and difficult process than gambling withdrawal and that it often requires medical assistance. But still – twenty thousand to zero? I believe this: The weeks following a major slot machine relapse episode are dangerous for the compulsive gambler. I'm certain that a significant number of suicides have happened to compulsive gamblers who faced this withdrawal period without any help, or without even any awareness of what was happening to them.

The morning, after I wrote the above paragraphs on gambling withdrawal, I was on my walk when, unexpectedly, out of nowhere, Mr. Addiction suddenly wedged his foot in the door of my brain. A minute later he burst through, opened his arms, smiled, and in his best Jack Nicholson voice announced: I'm Back! Let's go! It had been many months since I had gambled and at that moment my defenses were dormant. The guards were asleep. Without even offering a show of resistance, I immediately got in the car and drove south to where my favorite slot machine lived. I played for over eight hours at my usual furious pace until my available money was all gone and my brain was fried. I'm writing about this relapse story now, six days after that episode, having just gone through all of the ugly phases of a serious relapse, immediately after writing about it! Ironic, I guess. Kind of circular. I'm not sure what to make of it. I'm not making this up. Though in retrospect, I've realized that I should have expected Mr. Addiction to show up and test me during this process.

Writing this book is an intense experience. I'm writing about an addiction that I suffer from, I'm doing the research, I'm reading about it for hours, writing about it for hours, I should have expected that that extreme daily exposure to my addiction would eventually lead to strong urges to gamble. I should have been prepared! But I wasn't.

I've been in treatment with people who have robbed banks, who have stolen disability checks from vulnerable relatives, who have embezzled large amounts of money, who have taken valuable items from their parents to pawn. At some point in their recovery, most gambling addicts will finally have to pay the price for their destructive actions.

Once you stop gambling, you can start to feel and think like a normal person (assuming there is such a thing). Your immediate financial situation will improve because you will no longer be stuffing $100 bills into those evil machines.

The recovery process will take time, it will take sacrifices, it will take determination, and it will take very hard work. You can do it. Know that you can rebuild your life – many have.

But why?" you ask, "Why should I see a therapist? Do they have the secret to curing my gambling addiction?" No, they don't. There is no secret, no magic pill that will overcome your addiction. But let me ask you this: Who are you able to talk to about your gambling? I already know the answer for 99% of you. The answer is no one. Am I right? Of course I'm right; gambling addiction is without any doubt the most secretive mental disorder that exists. Gamblers have so much shame and guilt that they cannot discuss their fears, the consequences, or even their suicidal thoughts with anyone. They are certain that no one they know will ever understand it, because they don't understand it themselves.

Not only do [gambling addicts] avoid letting anyone know about their addiction, they can also easily get away with this extreme secrecy. They don't pass out, they don't smell bad, there are no urine tests that show they have recently gambled and for the most part they don't miss work. They gamble alone.

Right now, while you are reading this, your brain is functioning normally. But when you walk out of that casino your brain is seriously screwed up. Your willpower is weakened, your risk-taking tendencies are increased, and your decision-making system is not functioning in a way that can protect you from harm. As you walk out of that casino your brain is trying to kill you (or at least not able to prevent you from killing yourself). This is why, last year alone, thousands of people, who were okay 8 or 12 hours earlier as they walked into the casino, are now dead. This is why you must prepare now, while your brain is working properly. You can do things right now to prepare for that life or death moment. The primary goal of your preparation is for you to be able to walk out of the casino, get into your car, drive away, and totally ignore what just happened. Ignore the emotions, ignore the losses, ignore the despair, ignore the hopelessness – just drive on home as if nothing had happened.

Can someone actually prepare for such an unexpected, unanticipated, overwhelmingly emotional experience such as the decision to commit suicide? The answer is yes, of course.

The essential idea of this book is that the problem gambler must anticipate, even expect that in the course of their quest to stop gambling they will at some point face that horrible decision. That at some point they will seriously consider killing themselves.

The first step in that preparation is to simply accept the fact that they might relapse. This is not intended to plan for or give an excuse to relapse. It is instead an acceptance of the fact that before they will be free of their gambling problem for good, the odds are that they will relapse.

Studies have shown a very high level of relapse for problem gamblers, some as high as an 80% chance of relapse following their first attempt to stop. Relapse is a completely expected event for the compulsive gambler.

The benefits of talking and thinking about a potential suicide far outweigh the misconceived concept that “suggestion” will lead to a dangerous outcome. Suicidal thoughts need to be discussed. They need to be brought into the light and understood.

I’ve seen eight different therapists in the course of my quest to stop gambling, and even these professionals never brought up the topic of suicide. They never asked if I was thinking about it.

The overwhelming obstacle you will face after walking out of the casino, broke and despairing, is that your brain isn’t working properly. Your brain is under the influence of a tidal wave of its own chemicals created by your gambling episode. Think of what you have just done to the three pounds of grey matter between your ears. You’ve spent 4, or 8, or 12 hours (or more) sitting, still, frantically pushing a button thousands of times, and watching a screen of complex symbols and sounds flash into your senses every few seconds – for hour upon hour upon hour. The CIA could not come up with a better form of brain-altering torture – yet you do it willingly!

The process of coming down from a heroin or alcohol high takes several hours or even days, and the glide path is fairly steady and uniform. In stark contrast, the switch from being actively engaged in slot machine addiction to the moment the money runs out, and your emotions instantly switch from hopeful to failure and despair, occurs in a split-second. It is a cliff with a ten-thousand foot drop.

Slot machine addicts’ brains are tuned to hope for, and even expect, that they will get the big reward (a big win) right down to their very last spin. Studies have indicated that the anticipation of a reward activates the dopamine cycle even more than an actual reward.

One second the gambler is active in their addiction – the dopamine is flowing – and the next second the money is all gone and they can no longer anticipate a big reward. At that point they must get off the chair, step away from the machine, adjust their eyes to a larger field of vision, and then walk out the door in a trance, often into a dark and cold night. The intensity and severity of that instantaneous transition from hopeful to hopelessness is so dramatic and dangerous that it has led to thousands of impulsive suicides.

Mindfulness will play a prominent role in learning how to derail your urge to go to the casino.

Slot machine addiction is a solitary undertaking. It is not a social event like drinking or drug use. Slot machine addicts can gamble compulsively for years without family or friends even suspecting.

In their solitude, the gambling addict lives a life completely alone with their fears, consequences, dark thoughts, and often, depression. They have no one to help, no one who will listen, no support at all. They are alone in this secret place - unless they seek help. I know. I've lived there for many years. This is why gambling addicts need to get into therapy. They desperately need someone to talk to, someone who will not judge them, someone who is trained to listen to them share their pain and confusion. The fundamental benefit of therapy for a compulsive gambler is simply that - someone to talk to.

Most gambling addicts have other addictions, or suffer from depression, or are dealing with PTSD, or something else that is causing them difficulty. This, of course, is another important reason to seek treatment. You may well have other problems that you need to deal with.

Many insurance policies do not cover therapy for gambling addiction, but they might cover alcohol treatment or treatment for depression. So, seek help for those problems (if you think you have them), get a therapist, and then open the discussion about your concerns with your gambling.

That's a 40 to 1 ratio of substance abuse sufferers seeking treatment vs. gamblers seeking treatment. In other words, substance abusers are 40 times more likely than problem gamblers to seek treatment - i.e., to find a therapist, or an inpatient program, or to attend an AA meeting. It's likely that this ratio is also accurate (if not higher) for GA attendance vs. AA attendance.

When was the last time you went 30 days without gambling? I'm guessing years, right? A thirty-day inpatient program at a facility dedicated to gambling addiction is worth a try simply for that experience alone. Thirty full days without gambling (and thirty days of not drinking, or drug use) will allow your brain to return to the normal state that nature intended. You will get to know "clear thinking" for the first time in years.

Our governments are complicit in gambling addiction. They make millions of dollars by supporting gambling (unlike drugs, for example), so they owe it to you to help you recover from your addiction.

There are just 59 beds for 5 million problem gamblers. In contrast, over 2 million people received inpatient treatment annually for substance abuse in over 15,000 facilities across the country.

AA was created in 1935; GA was started in 1957. I think I'm safe in asserting that we know orders of magnitude more about addiction now than we did back in the thirties and fifties. The AA methods, the dogmatic culture, and the written materials (especially true of GA) are stuck in a time before most of today's addicts were even born.

There is no reason that you cannot attend both GA and Smart Recovery meetings. It's not like going to a Catholic mass early in the morning and a Baptist revival in the afternoon. Do both! They can both help you recover.

To change that negative behavior (going to the casino), CBT asks you to go back and examine your thoughts. Why did you think those things? What other thoughts could you have had that wouldn't have resulted in going to the casino?

When we addicts finally reach the point where we know we have a problem, and when we know we want to stop, from that point on we need to come up with a strong and reasonable excuse of some kind to go use, or go gamble. We become masters at generating these seemingly legitimate excuses for our addictive behavior. This is perhaps the most critical skill that our addiction employs - creative excuse making. Your addiction always is hiding in your brain waiting for an opening.

Do this. Right now, while you are thinking clearly and can prepare positively (sound familiar?) make a list of all the excuses that you use to justify your gambling. You know them all too well. Keep the list handy, memorize it. Tell yourself that when your addiction is cramming any one of those excuses into your brain, that this is the trigger to get you to pause, go back, and figure out why this is happening. What were the emotions? What were the thoughts that caused the emotions? What thoughts would your better-self have had instead?

My problem is what’s officially called a “process addiction,” as opposed to “substance addiction,” which was Rayya’s downfall. Process addictions are characterized by extreme compulsivity around certain behaviors—gambling, shopping, hoarding, eating, sex, control, obsession, gaming, skin picking, etc. Put simply: Rayya was addicted to drugs; I am addicted to people. Although I do believe that Rayya was a love addict, as well. In fact, many folks in the rooms of recovery surmise that love addiction is at the bottom of all the other addictions. Our famished yearning for love is the great yawning chasm that we keep trying to fill with other things—with drugs, alcohol, food, money, sex, cigarettes, gambling, gaming, success, perfectionism, workaholism, internet addiction, you name it. Of all the human desires, the need to feel loved is the most fundamental. When unmet or perverted at a tender age, that need can warp our brains into making dangerous and even insane decisions for the rest of our lives.

If you are the significant other, there is one more thing you should do - check carefully to see if the addict has taken out, or recently increased, a life insurance policy. If they have, then you know what that means. They are considering (or planning) a suicide. You must figure out an appropriate way to intervene. I can’t help you with that - just get help from a therapist, loved one, priest, and do whatever you can (quickly) in a thoughtful way that won’t make things worse.

Often when the problem gambler decides to gamble, they will plan to do it “responsibly”. They will get a set amount of cash and intend to leave when that amount is lost. I have used exactly this plan approximately a million times—basically every time I’ve gone to the casino. The problem with that plan is that after I’ve lost my allotted amount, I don’t want to quit gambling. By that I mean I desperately want to keep playing. I will walk around the casino looking for cash on the floor (you would be surprised how many times I find bills down there), I’ll collect two cent tickets until I have enough to get a dollar bill. I’ll go out to the car and scrounge for change on the floor or in the ash tray. That’s how desperate the addicted gambler gets when they are physically in the casino, staring at the machines, and unable to play because they are out of money. If I do have any credit cards in my wallet that have available cash advance amounts, I will take that card to the cage and get whatever the maximum allowable cash advance. Often that amount is a thousand or more dollars. This scenario is played out by every addicted slot machine player that I have ever known, over and over again. If I went to the casino with $300 in my pocket, knowing that was all I could afford, by getting an advance I could easily walk out having lost $2,300. It is precisely that unanticipated failure of my plan, that now unmanageable loss, the confusion, shame, and despair of my weakness, that leads to the sudden and unexpected impulse to commit suicide. This is why restricting cash advances from your credit card is so important.

Credit card advances at the casino are perhaps the biggest indicator that you have a serious gambling addiction. They are the last resort to get cash after you have spent the money you brought with you, then maxed out your debit card at the ATM, then cashed checks and emptied your checking account.

This is the part that you non-addicts cannot relate to: After the money is gone, the addict is overwhelmingly desperate to keep gambling. The brain juices are flowing. You are in the casino, you have made the drive, you have broken all the barriers you have put up to protect yourself, you have already been gambling for hours, and now you are staring at the machine you were just playing. And you are certain that your machine is about to pay off, big time. But most of all, you just want to keep playing. You must keep playing! And the only thing you need is more money. So, you tip your chair forward to keep others from stealing your machine, and you hustle over to the device that authorizes a credit card advance. You figure out how much cash you might be able to get, and you go up to the cage where the casino guy hands over the last bit of money that you have access to. Then, after several more hours of messing-up-your-brain button-pushing, you stand up, broke, despairing, angry, disoriented, and you stumble out to your car. This is the moment when the impulse to commit suicide washes over you. This is the moment I’ve asked you all to prepare for. The cash advance is all too often the tipping point.

It is possible to turn over all your finances to a third party who will receive your paycheck, pay your bills and then give you a small allowance for spending money each week. This person or company is called a 'representative payee.

Us addicted gamblers are experts at lying and deception. If faced with a choice of going gambling when we really want to or lying to a friend - we will lie.

In some ways, the decision to voluntarily exclude yourself from all the casinos in your area is a litmus test as to how committed you are to your recovery. By doing this you can be proud of yourself and encouraged that you can stop gambling. It is a very positive step. Do it. You are worth it!

If the compulsive gambler desperately wants to keep gambling, and they are cut off from their own funds, they may resort to more drastic means. The options then become pawn shops, stealing, embezzlement, even bank robbery (I've been in treatment (or meetings) with two bank robbers).

There is a chicken and egg problem with gamblers and depression; do they gamble because they are depressed, or are they depressed because they gamble?

The more you can separate yourself from your addiction, the better you will be able to apply the many ideas in this book. CBT, mindfulness, DBT, acceptance, self-compassion. All these techniques require a degree of separation between you and your addiction. Work on that separation. It is important.

There are a lot of tools out there that can make it possible for you to limit your ability to have cash. You can get a credit card that doesn't work in casinos, you can have a close friend handle your bank accounts, you can hire a trusted payee, you can buy a timed safe, and you can voluntarily exclude yourself from all the nearby casinos. If you have the strength and commitment, it is theoretically possible to make it so you can never have cash in your pocket. Theoretically possible, yes, but unlikely. We addicted gamblers, when we are in heat, seem always to be able to find a way to acquire cash. We will use pawn shops, steal, embezzle, and borrow (while lying) from friends. Please understand what financial controls can and can't do. They can help you to resist or postpone a trip to the casino, "Damn...my husband's wallet has only thirty-five dollars in it, not enough...". They can limit the amount of damage you incur when you do go to the casino, "Sorry sir, this credit card will not work here." But, if financial controls are your only plan, or the primary plan that you have for treating your addiction, not only will this probably not work, you might be setting yourself or your loved one up for even more serious trouble. If the addict feels the need to gamble strongly enough, and if the addict does not have any other tools to fight that powerful urge except a temporary lack of cash, guess what they will do? My guess is, they will "get cash" by whatever means they can.

You should never rely on financial controls alone to stop you from gambling. Think of them as a secondary tool, like getting good exercise or meditation. They can help by putting up barriers that can cause you to pause, and then be able to work on your “urge warfare” skills, or they can simply give you more time and separation from your urge. But in the end, they are unlikely to stop an addicted gambler with an overwhelming urge to gamble and with no skills to fight that urge. The addiction will find a way.

When the magnitude of these losses by the addict is discovered, the spouse, or partner, or parent, or whoever else is vulnerable to losing their own money because of the addicted loved one, needs to take actions immediately. The NCPG website has an excellent section on all the precautions a loved one needs to take to segregate and protect their assets from the gambler. If you are in that “significant other” category, do not be shy about doing this. Do not feel guilty about imposing financial controls and protection for yourself and family, you are doing the addict a favor, and maybe even saving their life.