Funny Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to Funny. Here they are! All 200 of them:

β€œ
If you were half as funny as you think you are, you'd be twice as funny as you really are.
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H.N. Turteltaub (The Sacred Land (Hellenic Traders, #3))
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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George Carlin
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I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.
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Mark Twain
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What the hell is that?" I laughed. "It's my fox hat." "Your fox hat?" "Yeah, Pudge. My fox hat." "Why are you wearing your fox hat?" I asked. "Because no one can catch the motherfucking fox.
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John Green (Looking for Alaska)
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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?
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Chris Rock
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Well, don't expect us to be too impressed. We just saw Finnick Odair in his underwear.
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Suzanne Collins (Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3))
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Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.
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Billy Sunday (Billy Sunday, the Man and His Message: With His Own Words Which Have Won Thousands for Christ)
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Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
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Phyllis Diller
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Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.
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Ellen DeGeneres (Seriously... I'm Kidding)
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It's funny how humans can wrap their mind around things and fit them into their version of reality.
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Rick Riordan (The Lightning Thief (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #1))
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It's not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
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Marilyn Monroe
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From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
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Dr. Seuss (One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish)
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Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.
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Lemony Snicket (Horseradish)
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They love their hair because they're not smart enough to love something more interesting.
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John Green (Looking for Alaska)
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The longer and more carefully we look at a funny story, the sadder it becomes.
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Nikolai Gogol
β€œ
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
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Yogi Berra (When You Come to a Fork in the Road, Take It!: Inspiration and Wisdom from One of Baseball's Greatest Heroes)
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Let us find the dam snack bar," Zoe said. "We should eat while we can." Grover cracked a smile. "The dam snack bar?" Zoe blinked. "Yes. What is funny?" "Nothing," Grover said, trying to keep a straight face. "I could use some dam french fries." Even Thalia smiled at that. "And I need to use the dam restroom." ... I started cracking up, and Thalia and Grover joined in, while Zoe just looked at me. "I do not understand." "I want to use the dam water fountain," Grover said. "And..." Thalia tried to catch her breath. "I want to buy a dam t-shirt.
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Rick Riordan (The Titan's Curse (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #3))
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I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
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It's not because I want to make out with her." Hold on." He grabbed a pencil and scrawled excitedly at the paper as if he'd just made a mathematical breakthrough and then looked back up at me. "I just did some calculations, and I've been able to determine that you're full of shit
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John Green (Looking for Alaska)
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I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm not doing well in terms of being a functional human, you know?
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
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When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.
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Cathy Guisewite
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Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, wearing stripes with plaid comes easy.
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Albert Einstein
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I figured all your classes were stuff like Slaughter 101 and Beheading for Beginners." Jace flipped a page. "Very funny, Fray.
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Cassandra Clare (City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, #1))
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If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
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Jerry Seinfeld
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You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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It's funny. All you have to do is say something nobody understands and they'll do practically anything you want them to.
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J.D. Salinger (The Catcher in the Rye)
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Don't gobblefunk around with words.
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Roald Dahl (The BFG)
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome.
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Isaac Asimov
β€œ
You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm. It's really funny.
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Brandon Sanderson (Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1))
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That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
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George Carlin
β€œ
Don't be so humble - you are not that great.
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Golda Meir
β€œ
When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.
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Taylor Swift
β€œ
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds the most discoveries, is not "Eureka!" (I found it!) but 'That's funny...
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Isaac Asimov
β€œ
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
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Stephen Hawking
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I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me." "It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.
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Cassandra Clare (City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments, #2))
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A word to the wise ain't necessary, it's the stupid ones who need advice.
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Bill Cosby
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If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
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Lawrence Ferlinghetti
β€œ
[My mom's] funny that way, celebrating special occasions with blue food. I think it's her way of saying anything is possible. Percy can pass seventh grade. Waffles can be blue. Little miracles like that.
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Rick Riordan (The Sea of Monsters (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #2))
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Funny, when you finally faced reality, it was amazing how clearly you could see things.
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Mary Higgins Clark (Loves Music, Loves to Dance)
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Um...is that thing tame?" Frank said. The horse whinnied angrily. "I don't think so," Percy guessed. "He just said, 'I will trample you to death, silly Chinese Canadian baby man'.
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Rick Riordan (The Son of Neptune (The Heroes of Olympus, #2))
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It's funny, isn't it? When you are young you just want to be old, and then later you wish you could go back to being a kid.
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Lauren Oliver (Before I Fall)
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Headline?" he asked. "'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said. "'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said. "'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?
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Stephanie Lennox (I Don't Remember You)
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The funniest people are the saddest ones
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Confucius
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The most important things are the hardest to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst, I think. When the secret stays locked within not for want of a teller but for want of an understanding ear.
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Stephen King
β€œ
It's funny how you can forget everything except people loving you. Maybe that's why humans find it so hard getting over love affairs. It's not the pain they're getting over, it's the love.
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Melina Marchetta (On the Jellicoe Road)
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Never miss a good chance to shut up.
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Will Rogers
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Damn, Claire. Warn a guy before you do a face-plant on the floor next time. I could have looked all heroic and caught you or something -Shane
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Rachel Caine (Glass Houses (The Morganville Vampires, #1))
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Can you be a girl for a few seconds?" "I'm always a girl" I frown. "You know what I mean. Like a silly, annoying girl" I twirl my hair around my finger. "Kay.
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Veronica Roth (Divergent (Divergent, #1))
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I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist
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Gena Showalter (Seduce the Darkness (Alien Huntress, #4))
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But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.
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J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
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Not that smart. Not that hot. Not that nice. Not that funny. That's me: I'm not that.
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John Green
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What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Everything is funny, if you can laugh at it.
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Lewis Carroll
β€œ
She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it..
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Masashi Kishimoto (Naruto, Vol. 18: Tsunade's Choice (Naruto, #18))
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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I have a passion for teaching kids to become readers, to become comfortable with a book, not daunted. Books shouldn't be daunting, they should be funny, exciting and wonderful; and learning to be a reader gives a terrific advantage.
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Roald Dahl
β€œ
Puns are the highest form of literature.
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Alfred Hitchcock
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A ghostly smile flickered across his face. "If you weren't so psychotic, you'd be fun to hang around." "Funny, I feel that way about you too." He didn't say anything else, but the smile grew, and he walked away.
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Richelle Mead (Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy, #1))
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It's not funny, Jace," Alec interrupted, starting to his feet. "Are you just going to let her stand there and call me names?" "Yes," Jace said kindly. "It'll do you good-- try to think of it as endurance training.
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Cassandra Clare
β€œ
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they'd lock us up?" All the time.
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Wendy Mass (Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life)
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Don’t put your wand there, boy! ... Better wizards than you have lost buttocks, you know!
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J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter, #5))
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Perv." He pointed to himself. "Male and eighteen. What's your point?
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Rachel Caine (Midnight Alley (The Morganville Vampires, #3))
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What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat and a fake smile. Yeah, winning attributes.
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Gena Showalter (Oh My Goth)
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I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.
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Lauren Myracle
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Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
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Robert Benchley
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It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.
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Adlai E. Stevenson II
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funny how a beautiful song could tell such a sad story
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Sarah Dessen (Lock and Key)
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Did you see that dress?” "I saw the dress.” "Did you like it?” He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?” When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school.” I smiled and fell asleep.
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Richelle Mead (Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy, #1))
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It's a funny thing... but people mostly have it backward. They think they live by what they want. But really, what guides them is what they're afraid of. What they don't want.
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Khaled Hosseini (And the Mountains Echoed)
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Now that I look back, I don't know why I was so stressed about it all this time. Funny how sometimes you worry a lot about something and it turns out to be nothing.
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R.J. Palacio (Wonder (Wonder, #1))
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The funny thing about facing imminent death is that it really snaps everything else into perspective.
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James Patterson (The Angel Experiment (Maximum Ride, #1))
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Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
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William Goldman (The Princess Bride)
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I'm going to wake Peeta," I say. "No, wait," says Finnick. "Let's do it together. Put our faces right in front of his." Well, there's so little opportunity for fun left in my life, I agree. We position ourselves on either side of Peeta, lean over until our faces are inches frim his nose, and give him a shake. "Peeta. Peeta, wake up," I say in a soft, singsong voice. His eyelids flutter open and then he jumps like we've stabbed him. "Aa!" Finnick and I fall back in the sand, laughing our heads off. Every time we try to stop, we look at Peeta's attempt to maintain a disdainful expression and it sets us off again.
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Suzanne Collins (Catching Fire (The Hunger Games, #2))
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Life is funny. Things change, people change, but you will always be you, so stay true to yourself and never sacrifice who you are for anyone.
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Zayn Malik
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aren't you, uh... reproducing? "sure, we love reproducing it's one of our favorite things.
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Cassandra Clare (City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, #1))
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I love New York. You can pop out of the Underworld in Central Park, hail a taxi, head down Fifth Avenue with a giant hellhound loping behind you, and nobody even looks at you funny.
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Rick Riordan
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Jazz isn't dead. It just smells funny.
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Frank Zappa
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I waste at least an hour every day lying in bed. Then I waste time pacing. I waste time thinking. I waste time being quiet and not saying anything because I'm afraid I'll stutter.
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
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Homework is not an option. My bed is sending out serious nap rays. I can't help myself. The fluffy pillows and warm comforter are more powerful than I am. I have no choice but to snuggle under the covers.
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Laurie Halse Anderson (Speak)
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Why it's simply impassible! Alice: Why, don't you mean impossible? Door: No, I do mean impassible. (chuckles) Nothing's impossible!
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Lewis Carroll (Alice's Adventures in Wonderland / Through the Looking-Glass)
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Did you hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete? Proving nature's laws wrong, it learned to walk without having feet. Funny, it seems to by keeping it's dreams; it learned to breathe fresh air. Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else even cared.
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Tupac Shakur (The Rose That Grew from Concrete)
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You are the shuckiest shuck faced shuck in the world!
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James Dashner (The Maze Runner (The Maze Runner, #1))
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It seemed funny to me that the sunset she saw from her patio and the one I saw from the back steps was the same one. Maybe the two different worlds we lived in weren't so different. We saw the same sunset.
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S.E. Hinton (The Outsiders)
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Malfoy glanced around. Harry knew he was checking for signs of teachers. Then he looked back at Harry and said in a low voice, "You're dead, Potter." Harry raised his eyebrows. "Funny," he said, "you'd think I'd have stopped walking around...
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J.K. Rowling
β€œ
A Penny Saved is a Penny Earned
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Benjamin Franklin
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Once I pulled a job, I was so stupid. I picked a guy's pocket on an airplane and made a run for it.
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Rodney Dangerfield
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Can I come in? No! I'm in a towel! I'm blind!
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James Patterson
β€œ
Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date. 1. You're wearing that? 2. Something smells funny. 3. Where's the Tylenol? 4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother. 5. I have a confession to make… 6. My dad has a suit just like that. 7. That man is hot. Look at him. 8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever… 9. You're going to order that? Seriously? 10. You're how old?
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Gena Showalter (Animal Instincts)
β€œ
This is Leo. I'm the... What's my title? Am I like, admiral, or captain, or..." "Repair boy." "Very funny, Piper.
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Rick Riordan (The Son of Neptune (The Heroes of Olympus, #2))
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I've got the Mark of Cain," said Simon. "That means nothing can kill me, right?" "You can kill yourself," Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. "As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn't." "There goes my Saturday.
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Cassandra Clare (City of Lost Souls (The Mortal Instruments, #5))
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People are screwed up in this world. I'd rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and ready to explode.
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
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Those sweet lips. My, oh my, I could kiss those lips all night long. Good things come to those who wait.
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Jess C. Scott (The Intern)
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You should eat a waffle! You can't be sad if you eat a waffle!
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Lauren Myracle (ttfn (Internet Girls, #2))
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It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.
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C.S. Lewis (The Screwtape Letters)
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It is a very funny thing that the sleepier you are, the longer you take about getting to bed.
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C.S. Lewis (The Silver Chair (Chronicles of Narnia, #4))
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Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?
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Jennifer L. Armentrout (Obsidian (Lux, #1))
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You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
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Ellen DeGeneres (The Funny Thing Is...)
β€œ
Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.
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Laurell K. Hamilton (Burnt Offerings (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #7))
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You…you got rid of that dress fast," I pointed out between heavy breaths. "I thought you liked it." "I do like it," he said. His breathing was as heavy as mine. "I love it." And then he took me to the bed.
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Richelle Mead (Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy, #1))
β€œ
Hey Mason, wipe the drool off your face. If you're going to think about me naked, do it on your own time." [...] "This is my time, Hathaway. I'm leading today's session." "Oh yeah?" I retorted. "Huh. Well, I guess this is a good time to think about me naked, then." "It's always a good a time to think about you naked," added someone nearby, breaking the tension further.
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Richelle Mead (Vampire Academy (Vampire Academy, #1))
β€œ
Hooray! Hooray! The end of the world has been postponed!
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HergΓ© (The Shooting Star (Tintin #10))
β€œ
I am your Prince and you will marry me," Humperdinck said. Buttercup whispered, "I am your servant and I refuse." "I am you Prince and you cannot refuse." "I am your loyal servant and I just did." "Refusal means death." "Kill me then.
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William Goldman (The Princess Bride)
β€œ
The human body is the best work of art.
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Jess C. Scott
β€œ
You're beautiful in battle," said Dimitri. His cold voice carried to me clearly, even above the roar of combat. "Like an avenging angel come to deliver the justice of heaven." "Funny," I said, shifting my hold on the stake. "That is kind of why I'm here." "Angels fall, Rose.
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Richelle Mead (Spirit Bound (Vampire Academy, #5))
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I don't know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
You know, sometimes kids get bad grades in school because the class moves too slow for them. Einstein got D's in school. Well guess what, I get F's!!!
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Bill Watterson
β€œ
I have lightning and wind powers," Jason reminded him. "Piper can turn beautiful and charm people into giving her BMWs. You're no more a freak than we are. And, hey, maybe you can fly, too. Like jump off a building and yell 'Flame on!'" Leo snorted. "If I did that, you would see a flaming kid falling to his death, and I would be yelling something a little stronger than 'Flame on!
”
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Rick Riordan (The Lost Hero (The Heroes of Olympus, #1))
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I can't decide whether I'm a good girl wrapped up in a bad girl, or if I'm a bad girl wrapped up in a good girl. And that's how I know I'm a woman!
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C. JoyBell C.
β€œ
This shit is easy peasy, pumpkin peasy, pumpkin pie, muthafucka!
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Gerard Way
β€œ
I'm done with those; regrets are an excuse for people who have failed.
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
You gotta be careful: don't say a word to nobody about nothing anytime ever.
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Johnny Depp
β€œ
It is funny how you do not miss affection until it is given, but once it is, it can never be enough; you would drown in it if possible.
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Libba Bray (The Sweet Far Thing (Gemma Doyle, #3))
β€œ
Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. β€œFine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I’m going to get Wylan’s ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.” Brekker’s lips quirked. β€œI’ll just hire Matthias’ ghost to kick your ghost’s ass.” β€œMy ghost won’t associate with your ghost,” Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain.
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Leigh Bardugo (Six of Crows (Six of Crows, #1))
β€œ
Sage," he said. "What are you wearing?" I sighed and stared down at the dress. "I know. It's red. Don't start. I'm tired of hearing about it." "Funny," he said. "I don't think I could ever get tired of looking at it.
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Richelle Mead (The Golden Lily (Bloodlines, #2))
β€œ
I know it is wet and the sun is not sunny, but we can have lots of good fun that is funny.
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Dr. Seuss (The Cat in the Hat (The Cat in the Hat, #1))
β€œ
Cultivate your curves - they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.
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Mae West
β€œ
Books can also provoke emotions. And emotions sometimes are even more troublesome than ideas. Emotions have led people to do all sorts of things they later regret-like, oh, throwing a book at someone else.
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Pseudonymous Bosch (The Name of This Book Is Secret (Secret, #1))
β€œ
She said this in the same way you might say Fields of Punishment or Hades's gym shorts.
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”
Rick Riordan (The Titan's Curse (Percy Jackson and the Olympians, #3))
β€œ
Being with her I feel a pain, like a frozen knife stuck in my chest. An awful pain, but the funny thing is I'm thankful for it. It's like that frozen pain and my very existence are one. The pain is an anchor, mooring me here.
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”
Haruki Murakami (Kafka on the Shore)
β€œ
Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today's tasks.
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”
Holly Black (Ironside (Modern Faerie Tales, #3))
β€œ
Is this Clarissa Fray?" The voice on the other end of the phone sounded familiar, though not immediately identifiable. Clary twirled the phone cord nervously around her finger. "Yeees?" "Hi, I'm one of the knife-carrying hooligans you met last night in Pandemonium? I"m afraid I made a bad impression and was hoping you'd give me a chance to make it up to-" "SIMON!" Clary held the phone away from her ear as he cracked up laughing. "That is so not funny!" "Sure it is. You just don't see the humor." "Jerk." Clary sighed, leaning up against the wall.
”
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Cassandra Clare (City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, #1))
β€œ
If there were an international butt competition, Eric would win, hands downβ€”or cheeks up.
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Charlaine Harris (Dead to the World (Sookie Stackhouse, #4))
β€œ
Things to do today: 1) Breathe in. 2) Breathe out.
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Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
A fit, healthy bodyβ€”that is the best fashion statement
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Jess C. Scott
β€œ
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
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”
Rodney Dangerfield
β€œ
What an astonishing thing a book is. It's a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles. But one glance at it and you're inside the mind of another person, maybe somebody dead for thousands of years. Across the millennia, an author is speaking clearly and silently inside your head, directly to you. Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions, binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs. Books break the shackles of time. A book is proof that humans are capable of working magic." [Cosmos, Part 11: The Persistence of Memory (1980)]
”
”
Carl Sagan (Cosmos)
β€œ
You know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be themselves. I mean, I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never being interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, and for, like, never asking me about how it's going with my girlfriend - but I don't give a shit, man, because you're you. My parents have a shit ton of black Santas, but that's okay. They're them. I'm too obsessed with a reference website to answer my phone sometimes when my friends call, or my girlfriend. That's okay, too. That's me. You like me anyway. And I like you. You're funny, and you're smart, and you may show up late, but you always show up eventually.
”
”
John Green (Paper Towns)
β€œ
This is my depressed stance. When you're depressed, it makes a lot of difference how you stand. The worst thing you can do is straighten up and hold your head high because then you'll start to feel better. If you're going to get any joy out of being depressed, you've got to stand like this.
”
”
Charles M. Schulz
β€œ
Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.
”
”
Cassandra Clare (City of Ashes (The Mortal Instruments, #2))
β€œ
Sane is boring.
”
”
R.A. Salvatore
β€œ
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
”
”
Steven Wright
β€œ
Oh my god, I am so awesome!" Leo bellowed. "So awesome!" Echo yelled back. "He is funny," a nymph ventured. "And cute, in a scrawny way," another said. "Scrawny?" Leo asked. "Baby I invented scrawny. Scrawny is the new sizzling hot.
”
”
Rick Riordan (The Mark of Athena (The Heroes of Olympus, #3))
β€œ
I felt like an animal, and animals don’t know sin, do they?
”
”
Jess C. Scott (Wicked Lovely)
β€œ
Can you surf really well, then?" I looked at Grover, who was trying hard not to laugh. "Jeez, Nico," I said. "I've never really tried." He went on asking questions. Did I fight a lot with Thalia, since she was a daughter of Zeus? (I didn't answer that one.) If Annabeth's mother was Athena, the goddess of wisdom, then why didn't Annabeth know better than to fall off a cliff? (I tried not to strangle Nico for asking that one.) Was Annabeth my girlfriend? (At this point, I was ready to stick the kid in a meat-flavored sack and throw him to the wolves.)
”
”
Rick Riordan
β€œ
I'm fine. Well, I'm not fine - I'm here." "Is there something wrong with that?" "Absolutely.
”
”
Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
Ethan Wyeth: I hope you're thirsty." Gideon Wyeth:"Why?" Ethan: "Cause your dumb and ugly, but I can do something about thirsty.
”
”
Orson Scott Card
β€œ
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl. Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they’re fooled because so many women are willing to pretend to be this girl. For a long time Cool Girl offended me. I used to see men – friends, coworkers, strangers – giddy over these awful pretender women, and I’d want to sit these men down and calmly say: You are not dating a woman, you are dating a woman who has watched too many movies written by socially awkward men who’d like to believe that this kind of woman exists and might kiss them. I’d want to grab the poor guy by his lapels or messenger bag and say: The bitch doesn’t really love chili dogs that much – no one loves chili dogs that much! And the Cool Girls are even more pathetic: They’re not even pretending to be the woman they want to be, they’re pretending to be the woman a man wants them to be. Oh, and if you’re not a Cool Girl, I beg you not to believe that your man doesn’t want the Cool Girl. It may be a slightly different version – maybe he’s a vegetarian, so Cool Girl loves seitan and is great with dogs; or maybe he’s a hipster artist, so Cool Girl is a tattooed, bespectacled nerd who loves comics. There are variations to the window dressing, but believe me, he wants Cool Girl, who is basically the girl who likes every fucking thing he likes and doesn’t ever complain. (How do you know you’re not Cool Girl? Because he says things like: β€œI like strong women.” If he says that to you, he will at some point fuck someone else. Because β€œI like strong women” is code for β€œI hate strong women.”)
”
”
Gillian Flynn (Gone Girl)
β€œ
When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific.
”
”
Lily Tomlin
β€œ
I think the warning labels on alcoholic beverages are too bland. They should be more vivid. Here is one I would suggest: "Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was.
”
”
George Carlin (When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?)
β€œ
Very slowly using two fingers, Annabeth drew her dagger. Instead of dropping it, she tossed it as far as she could into the water. Octavian made a squeaking sound. "What was that for? I didn't say toss it! That could've been evidence. Or spoils of war!" Annabeth tried for a dumb-blonde smile, like: Oh, silly me. Nobody who knew her would have been fooled. But Octavian seemed to buy it. He huffed in exasperation. "You other two..." He pointed his blade a Hazel and Piper. "Put your weapons on the dock. No funny bus--" All around the Romans, Charleston Harbor erupted like a Las Vegas fountain putting on a show. When the wall of seawater subsided, the three Romans were in the bay, spluttering and frantically trying to stay afloat in their armor. Percy stood on the dock, holding Annabeth's dagger. "You dropped this," he said, totally poker-faced.
”
”
Rick Riordan (The Mark of Athena (The Heroes of Olympus, #3))
β€œ
What about a compromise? I’ll kill them first, and if it turns out they were friendly, I’ll apologize.
”
”
Rick Riordan (The Lost Hero (The Heroes of Olympus, #1))
β€œ
How is it possible to have a civil war?
”
”
George Carlin
β€œ
She's cute, I thought, but you don't need to like a girl who treats you like you're ten: You've already got a mom.
”
”
John Green (Looking for Alaska)
β€œ
When life gives you lemons, chunk it right back.
”
”
Bill Watterson
β€œ
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
”
”
Henny Youngman
β€œ
That sounds terrific, thought Cary, just you, your comatose wife your shell-shocked son, and your daughter who hates your guts. Not to mention that your two kids may be in love with each other. Yeah, that sounds like a perfect family reunion.
”
”
Cassandra Clare (City of Bones (The Mortal Instruments, #1))
β€œ
Isn't it funny how the memories you cherish before a breakup can become your worst enemies afterwards? The thoughts you loved to think about, the memories you wanted to hold up to the light and view from every angle--it suddenly seems a lot safer to lock them in a box, far from the light of day and throw away the key. It's not an act of bitterness. It's an act if self-preservation. It's not always a bad idea to stay behind the window and look out at life instead, is it?
”
”
Ally Condie (First Day)
β€œ
How long have you been standing there?" "Just long enough to see you give Daemon the middle finger." "He deserved it.
”
”
Jennifer L. Armentrout (Obsidian (Lux, #1))
β€œ
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
”
”
Groucho Marx
β€œ
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
”
”
Jon Stewart
β€œ
The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surprise. "Well, of course it is. It has to deal with the male one.
”
”
Terry Pratchett (Unseen Academicals (Discworld, #37; Rincewind #8))
β€œ
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
”
”
Woody Allen
β€œ
Adrian, I'm on a date. Why are you here? On my car?
”
”
Richelle Mead (The Golden Lily (Bloodlines, #2))
β€œ
Scoot over, man. I don't like you that much." "Dick. That's not what you said last night." "Bite me.
”
”
Rachel Caine (Glass Houses (The Morganville Vampires, #1))
β€œ
Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.
”
”
Criss Jami (Killosophy)
β€œ
Your mail could've waited." Daemon followed me into the kitchen. "What is it? Just books?" Grabbing the OJ from the fridge, I sighed. People who didn't heart books didn't understand.
”
”
Jennifer L. Armentrout (Onyx (Lux, #2))
β€œ
Dreams are only dreams until you wake up and make them real.
”
”
Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
”
”
Groucho Marx
β€œ
CALVIN: Isn't it strange that evolution would give us a sense of humor? When you think about it, it's weird that we have a physiological response to absurdity. We laugh at nonsense. We like it. We think it's funny. Don't you think it's odd that we appreciate absurdity? Why would we develop that way? How does it benefit us? HOBBES: I suppose if we couldn't laugh at the things that don't make sense, we couldn't react to a lot of life.
”
”
Bill Watterson
β€œ
A pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it.
”
”
George Bernard Shaw
β€œ
I don't owe people anything, and I don't have to talk to them any more than I feel I need to.
”
”
Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
A real girl isn't perfect and a perfect girl isn't real.
”
”
Harry Styles
β€œ
What's a dementor?" I mean, I can't even. "Nora, you are no longer my sister." "So it's some Harry Potter thing," she says.
”
”
Becky Albertalli (Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda (Simonverse, #1))
β€œ
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.
”
”
Marian Keyes (Watermelon (Walsh Family, #1))
β€œ
Maxon: β€œTo be clear, no one agrees with you.” America: β€œTo be clear, I don’t care.
”
”
Kiera Cass (The One (The Selection, #3))
β€œ
Life is funny isn’t it? Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, just when you finally begin to plan something, get excited about something, and feel like you know what direction you’re heading in, the paths change, the signs change, the wind blows the other way, north is suddenly south, and east is west, and you’re lost. It is so easy to lose your way, to lose direction. And that’s with following all the signposts
”
”
Cecelia Ahern (Love, Rosie)
β€œ
Its so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it's not a mental complaint-it's a physical thing, like it's physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don't come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people's words do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.
”
”
Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
If you can't do anything about it, laugh like hell.
”
”
David Cook
β€œ
To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.
”
”
Gena Showalter (Heart of Darkness (Includes: Lords of the Underworld #4.5))
β€œ
You never laugh," she said. "You behave as if everything is funny to you, but you never laugh. Sometimes you smile when you think no one is paying attention." For a moment he was silent. Then, "You," he said, half reluctantly. "You make me laugh. From the moment you hit me with that bottle." "It was a jug," she said automatically. His lips quirked up at the corners. "Not to mention the way you always correct me. With that funny look on your face when you do it. And the way you shouted at Gabriel Lightwood. And even the way you talked back to de Quincey. You make me..." He broke off, looking at her, and she wondered if she looked the way she felt - stunned and breathless.
”
”
Cassandra Clare (Clockwork Angel (The Infernal Devices, #1))
β€œ
I've had great success being a total idiot.
”
”
Jerry Lewis
β€œ
Hey!" said the guy in the video. "Greetings from your friends at Camp Half-Blood, et cetera. This is Leo. I'm the..." He looked off screen and yelled: "What's my title? Am I like admiral, or captain, or-" A girl's voice yelled back, "Repair boy." "Very funny, Piper," Leo grumbled. He turned back to the parchment screen. "So yeah, I'm...ah..supreme commander of the Argo II. Yeah, I like that! Anyway, we're gonna be sailing towards you in about, I dunno, an hour in this big mother warship. We'd appreciate it if you'd not, like, blow us out of the sky or anything. So okay! If you could tell the Romans that. See you soon. Yours in demigodishness, and all that. Peace out!
”
”
Rick Riordan (The Son of Neptune (The Heroes of Olympus, #2))
β€œ
I love you. I hate you. I like you. I hate you. I love you. I think you’re stupid. I think you’re a loser. I think you’re wonderful. I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with you. I would never date you. I hate you. I love you…..I think the madness started the moment we met and you shook my hand. Did you have a disease or something?
”
”
Shannon L. Alder
β€œ
Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned.
”
”
Laurell K. Hamilton (Circus of the Damned (Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter, #3))
β€œ
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man, and our politicians take advantage of this prejudice by pretending to be even more stupid than nature made them.
”
”
Bertrand Russell (New Hopes for a Changing World)
β€œ
Rejection is an opportunity for your selection.
”
”
Bernard Branson
β€œ
She didn't care that people called her a bitch. 'It's just another word for feminist,' she told me with pride.
”
”
Gayle Forman (If I Stay (If I Stay, #1))
β€œ
Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?
”
”
Becca Fitzpatrick (Crescendo (Hush, Hush, #2))
β€œ
The moment the door opened I knew an ass-kicking was inevitable. Whether I'd be giving it or receiving it was still a bit of a mystery.
”
”
Rachel Vincent (Stray (Shifters, #1))
β€œ
Your brain is doing some great work when it's laughing.
”
”
Jon Scieszka (Funny Business)
β€œ
V-Day…if you need this one day in a year to show everyone else you truly care for β€œyour loved one” I think it’s quite stupid. I hate this commercialism. It’s all artificial, and has nothing to do with real love.
”
”
Jess C. Scott (EyeLeash: A Blog Novel)
β€œ
I'm bad and I'm going to hell, and I don't care. I'd rather be in hell than anywhere where you are.
”
”
William Faulkner
β€œ
Harry Potter isn’t real? Oh no! Wait, wait, what do you mean by real? Is this video blog real? Am I real if you can see me and hear me, but only through the internet? Are you real if I can read your comment but I don’t know who you are or what your name is or where you’re from or what you look like or how old you are? I know all of those things about Harry Potter. Maybe Harry Potter’s real and you’re not.
”
”
John Green
β€œ
Sometimes I just think depression's one way of coping with the world. Like, some people get drunk, some people do drugs, some people get depressed. Because there's so much stuff out there that you have to do something to deal with it.
”
”
Ned Vizzini (It's Kind of a Funny Story)
β€œ
I cannot go to school today" Said little Peggy Ann McKay. "I have the measles and the mumps, A gash, a rash and purple bumps. My mouth is wet, my throat is dry. I'm going blind in my right eye. My tonsils are as big as rocks, I've counted sixteen chicken pox. And there's one more - that's seventeen, And don't you think my face looks green? My leg is cut, my eyes are blue, It might be the instamatic flu. I cough and sneeze and gasp and choke, I'm sure that my left leg is broke. My hip hurts when I move my chin, My belly button's caving in. My back is wrenched, my ankle's sprained, My 'pendix pains each time it rains. My toes are cold, my toes are numb, I have a sliver in my thumb. My neck is stiff, my voice is weak, I hardly whisper when I speak. My tongue is filling up my mouth, I think my hair is falling out. My elbow's bent, my spine ain't straight, My temperature is one-o-eight. My brain is shrunk, I cannot hear, There's a hole inside my ear. I have a hangnail, and my heart is ... What? What's that? What's that you say? You say today is .............. Saturday? G'bye, I'm going out to play!
”
”
Shel Silverstein
β€œ
Fat’ is usually the first insult a girl throws at another girl when she wants to hurt her. I mean, is β€˜fat’ really the worst thing a human being can be? Is β€˜fat’ worse than β€˜vindictive’, β€˜jealous’, β€˜shallow’, β€˜vain’, β€˜boring’ or β€˜cruel’? Not to me; but then, you might retort, what do I know about the pressure to be skinny? I’m not in the business of being judged on my looks, what with being a writer and earning my living by using my brain… I went to the British Book Awards that evening. After the award ceremony I bumped into a woman I hadn’t seen for nearly three years. The first thing she said to me? β€˜You’ve lost a lot of weight since the last time I saw you!’ β€˜Well,’ I said, slightly nonplussed, β€˜the last time you saw me I’d just had a baby.’ What I felt like saying was, β€˜I’ve produced my third child and my sixth novel since I last saw you. Aren’t either of those things more important, more interesting, than my size?’ But no – my waist looked smaller! Forget the kid and the book: finally, something to celebrate! I’ve got two daughters who will have to make their way in this skinny-obsessed world, and it worries me, because I don’t want them to be empty-headed, self-obsessed, emaciated clones; I’d rather they were independent, interesting, idealistic, kind, opinionated, original, funny – a thousand things, before β€˜thin’. And frankly, I’d rather they didn’t give a gust of stinking chihuahua flatulence whether the woman standing next to them has fleshier knees than they do. Let my girls be Hermiones, rather than Pansy Parkinsons.
”
”
J.K. Rowling
β€œ
Take off your shirt." Jace raised his eyebrows. "I'm not going to attack you," she said impatiently. "I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning." "Are you sure?" he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. "Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.
”
”
Cassandra Clare (City of Lost Souls (The Mortal Instruments, #5))
β€œ
Want to play baseball?’” she asked. Shane’s eyes opened, and he stopped stroking her hair. β€œWhat?’” β€œFirst base,’” she said. β€œYou’re already there.’” β€œI’m not running the bases.’” β€œWell, you could at least steal second.’” β€œJeez, Claire. I used to distract myself with sports stats at times like these, but now you’ve gone and ruined it.
”
”
Rachel Caine (The Dead Girls' Dance (The Morganville Vampires, #2))
β€œ
We were kissing. I thought: This is good. I thought: I am not bad at this kissing. Not bad at all. I thought: I am clearly the greatest kisser in the history of the universe. Suddenly she laughed and pulled away from me. She wiggled a hand out of her sleeping bag and wiped her face. "You slobbered on my nose," she said, and laughed
”
”
John Green (Looking for Alaska)
β€œ
And now," Eric yelled into his mircophone, "we're going to sing a new song-one we just wrote. This one's for my girlfriend. We've been going out for three weeks, and, damn, our love is true. We're gonna be together forever, baby. This one's called 'Bang You Like a Drum.
”
”
Cassandra Clare (City of Fallen Angels (The Mortal Instruments, #4))
β€œ
Do you want a cookie? - What? - A cookie. Like an Oreo. Do you want one? - No. - How can you not want a cookie? - I just don't. - Okay, fine,let's say you did want a cookie. Let's say you were dying for a cookie, and there were cookies in the cupboard. What would you do? - I'd eat a cookie? - Exactly. That's all I'm saying. - What are you saying? - That if people want cookies, they should get a cookie. It's what people do. - Let me guess. Dad won't let you have a cookie? - No. Even though I'm practically starving to death, he won't even consider it. He says I have to have a sandwich first. - And you don't think that's fair. - You just said you'd get a cookie if you wanted one. So why can't I? I'm not a little kid. I can make my own decisions. - Hmm. I can see why this bothers you so much. - It's not fair. If he wants a cookie, he can have one. If you want a cookie, you can have one. But if I want a cookie, the rules don't count. Like you said, it's not fair. - So what are you going to do? - I'm going to eat a sandwich. Because I have to. Because the world isn't fair to ten-year-olds.
”
”
Nicholas Sparks (The Last Song)
β€œ
The three of you have one solution to every problem. Murder. No key fits every lock.” Cardan gives us all a stern look, holding up a long-fingered hand with my stolen ruby ring still on one finger. β€œSomeone tries to betray the High King, murder. Someone gives you a harsh look, murder. Someone disrespects you, murder. Someone ruins your laundry, murder.
”
”
Holly Black (The Wicked King (The Folk of the Air, #2))
β€œ
I am a Jew. Hath not a Jew eyes? Hath not a Jew hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, as a Christian is? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that.
”
”
William Shakespeare
β€œ
If I should have a daughterβ€¦β€œInstead of β€œMom”, she’s gonna call me β€œPoint B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say β€œOh, I know that like the back of my hand.” She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried. And β€œBaby,” I’ll tell her β€œdon’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.” But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, β€˜cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it. I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, β€œThere’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say β€œthank you,” β€˜cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away. You will put the β€œwind” in win some lose some, you will put the β€œstar” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life. And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it. β€œBaby,” I’ll tell her β€œremember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.” Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining. Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.
”
”
Sarah Kay
β€œ
The Death Eaters can't all be pure-blood, there aren't enough pure-blood wizards left," said Hermione stubbornly. "I expect most of them are half-bloods pretending to be pure. It's only Muggle-borns they hate, they'd be quite happy to let you and Ron join up" "There is no way they'd let me be a Death Eater!" said Ron indignantly...."My whole family are blood traitors! That's as bad as Muggle-borns to Death Eaters!" "And they'd love to have me," said Harry sarcastically. "We'd be best pals if they didn't keep trying to do me in.
”
”
J.K. Rowling (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (Harry Potter, #6))
β€œ
No problem," Gale replies. "I wake up ten times a night anyway." "To make sure Katniss is still here?" asks Peeta. "Something like that,"... "That was funny, what Tigris said. About no one knowing what to do with her." "Well, WE never have,"... "She loves you, you know," says Peeta. "She as good as told me after they whipped you." "Don't believe it,"Gale answers. "The way she kissed you in the Quarter Quell...well she never kissed me like that." "It was just part of the show," Peeta tells him, although there's an edge of doubt in his voice. "No, you won her over. Gave up everything for her. Maybe that's the only way to convince her you love her." There's a long pause. "I should have volunteered to take your place in the first Games. Protected her then." "You couldn't," says Peeta. "She'd never have forgiven you. You had to take care of her family. They matter more to her than her life." ... "I wonder how she'll make up her mind." "Oh, that I do know." I can just catch Gale's last words through the layer of fur. "Katniss will pick whoever she thinks she can't survive without
”
”
Suzanne Collins (Mockingjay (The Hunger Games, #3))
β€œ
One word, Ma'am," he said, coming back from the fire; limping, because of the pain. "One word. All you've been saying is quite right, I shouldn't wonder. I'm a chap who always liked to know the worst and then put the best face I can on it. So I won't deny any of what you said. But there's one more thing to be said, even so. Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan himself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that's a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We're just babies making up a game, if you're right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That's why I'm going to stand by the play world. I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia. So, thanking you kindly for our supper, if these two gentlemen and the young lady are ready, we're leaving your court at once and setting out in the dark to spend our lives looking for Overland. Not that our lives will be very long, I should think; but that's a small loss if the world's as dull a place as you say.
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C.S. Lewis (The Silver Chair (Chronicles of Narnia, #4))
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Did you know I always thought you were braver than me? Did you ever guess that that was why I was so afraid? It wasn't that I only loved some of you. But I wondered if you could ever love more than some of me. I knew I'd miss you. But the surprising thing is, you never leave me. I never forget a thing. Every kind of love, it seems, is the only one. It doesn't happen twice. And I never expected that you could have a broken heart and love with it too, so much that it doesn't seem broken at all. I know young people look at me and think my youth seems so far away, but it's all around me, and you're all around me. Tiger Lily, do you think magic exists if it can be explained? I can explain why I loved you, I can explain the theory of evolution that tells me why mermaids live in Neverland and nowhere else. But it still feels magic. The lost boys all stood at our wedding. Does it seem odd to you that they could have stood at a wedding that wasn't yours and mine? It does to me. and I'm sorry for it, and for a lot, and I also wouldn't change it. It is so quiet here. Even with all the trains and the streets and the people. It's nothing like the jungle. The boys have grown. Everything has grown. Do you think you will ever grow? I hope not. I like to think that even if I change and fade away, some other people won't. I like to think that one day after I die, at least one small particle of me - of all the particles that will spread everywhere - will float all the way to Neverland, and be part of a flower or something like that, like that poet said, the one that your Tik Tok loved. I like to think that nothing's final, and that everyone gets to be together even when it looks like they don't, that it all works out even when all the evidence seems to say something else, that you and I are always young in the woods, and that I'll see you sometime again, even if it's not with any kind of eyes I know of or understand. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the way things go after all - that all things end happy. Even for you and Tik Tok. and for you and me. Always, Your Peter P.S. Please give my love to Tink. She was always such a funny little bug.
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Jodi Lynn Anderson (Tiger Lily)