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Socrates: So now you won't acknowledge any gods except the ones we do--Chaos, the Clouds, the Tongue--just these three?
Strepsiades: Absolutely--
I'd refuse to talk to any other gods,
if I ran into them--and I decline
to sacrifice or pour libations to them.
I'll not provide them any incense...
I want to twist all legal verdicts in my favor,
to evade my creditors.
Chorus Leader: You'll get that, just what you desire. For what you want is nothing special. So be confident--give yourself over to our agents here.
Strepsiades:
I'll do that--I'll place my trust in you. Necessity is weighing me down--the horses, those thoroughbreds, my marriage--all that has worn me out. So now, this body of mine I'll give to them, with no strings attached, to do with as they like--to suffer blows, go without food and drink, live like a pig, to freeze or have my skin flayed for a pouch-- if I can just get out of all my debt and make men think of me as bold and glib, as fearless, impudent, detestable, one who cobbles lies together, makes up words, a practiced legal rogue, a statute book, a chattering fox, sly and needle sharp, a slippery fraud, a sticky rascal, foul whipping boy or twisted villain, troublemaker, or idly prattling fool. If they can make those who run into me call me these names, they can do what they want--no questions asked. If, by Demeter, they're keen, they can convert me into sausages and serve me up to men who think deep thoughts.
Chorus: Here's a man whose mind's now smart, no holding back--prepared to start. When you have learned all this from me you know your glory will arise among all men to heaven's skies.
Strepsiades: And what will I get out of this?
Chorus: For all time, you'll live with me a life most people truly envy.
Strepsiades: You mean one day I'll really see that?
Chorus: Hordes will sit outside your door wanting your advice and more-- to talk, to place their trust in you for their affairs and lawsuits, too, things which merit your great mind. They'll leave you lots of cash behind.
Chorus Leader: [to Socrates] So get started with this old man's lessons, what you intend to teach him first of all--rouse his mind, test his intellectual powers.
Socrates: Come on then, tell me the sort of man you are--once I know that, I can bring to bear on you my latest batteries with full effect.
Strepsiades: What's that? By god, are you assaulting me?
Socrates: No--I want to learn some things from you. What about your memory?
Strepsiades: To tell the truth, it works two ways. If someone owes me something, I remember really well. But if it's poor me that owes the money, I forget a lot.
Socrates: Do you have a natural gift for speech?
Strepsiades: Not for speaking--only for evading debt.
Socrates: ... Now, what do you do if someone hits you?
Strepsiades: If I get hit, I wait around a while, then find witnesses, hang around some more, then go to court.
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