First Impressions Leadership Quotes

Good leaders motivate others by their listening skills. We are to: avoid prejudicial first impressions; become less self-centered; withhold initial criticism; stay calm; listen with empathy; be active listeners; clarify what we hear; and recognize the healing power of listening. Then we are to act on what we hear

It is natural for us to form first impressions when we meet someone. The challenge is to remain open to letting the other perception to change.

It is generally believed that nearly 40 percent of your first impression will be set from the tone of your voice. Your vocal thermometer can be more impactful than the actual words you use.

Communicating on the surface can be easy. But when you want to dig deeper and connect with more profound impact, you’ll need to achieve greater understanding, especially when others have personalities, experiences, needs, and preferences different from your own.

An ambivert navigates the introvert/extrovert spectrum with ease since they do not fit directly into either category. Since neither label applies to them, they are social chameleons who adapt to their environment to maximize their interaction and optimize their results.

UN-Impressives • Lying. • Bragging. • Gossiping. • Cursing and using foul language. • Making self-deprecating comments. • Regularly expressing worry and anxiety. • Criticizing and condemning people and situations. • Demonstrating a lack of emotional intelligence or compassion.

In one respect New Orleans has set an example for all the world in the fight against yellow fever. The first impression was the complete organization of the citizens and the rational and reasonable way in which the fight has been conducted by them. With a tangible enemy in view, the army of defense could begin to fight rationally and scientifically. The... spirit in which the citizens of New Orleans sallied forth to win this fight strikes one who has been witness to the profound gloom, distress, and woe that cloud every other epidemic city. Rupert Boyce, Dean of Liverpool School of Tropical Diseases, 1905

These relationships are driven by much more than charisma or a good first impression. They are based on integrity and delivering on promises. They are based on genuine care for others. For some second chairs, building relationships is easy and natural; for others it is hard work, but for all it is essential.

Your thoughts become your attitudes, which become your actions, which become your behavior, which become your habits, which become your lifestyle, and inevitably determine your outcomes. Utilize this circular truth by using positive thoughts to create positive outcomes. It is a choice you get to make every day. Choose wisely.

Ambiverts typically . . . • Can process information both internally and externally. They need time to contemplate on their own, but consider the opinions and wisdom from people whom they trust when making a decision. • Love to engage and interact enthusiastically with others, however, they also enjoy calm and profound communication. • Seek to balance between their personal time and social time, they value each greatly. • Are able to move from one situation to the next with confidence, flexibility, and anticipation. “Not everyone is going to like us or understand us. And that is okay. It may have nothing to do with us personally; but rather more about who they are and how they relate to the world.

Consider the following: “Will Mindik be a good leader? She is intelligent and strong…” An answer quickly came to your mind, and it was yes. You picked the best answer based on the very limited information available, but you jumped the gun. What if the next two adjectives were corrupt and cruel? Take note of what you did not do as you briefly thought of Mindik as a leader. You did not start by asking, “What would I need to know before I formed an opinion about the quality of someone’s leadership?” System 1 got to work on its own from the first adjective: intelligent is good, intelligent and strong is very good. This is the best story that can be constructed from two adjectives, and System 1 delivered it with great cognitive ease. The story will be revised if new information comes in (such as Mindik is corrupt), but there is no waiting and no subjective discomfort. And there also remains a bias favoring the first impression.

None of them was impressed with Gravel, who at present was their commander. He had, in their eyes, failed them. He had sent Meadows and Downs out on missions that were foredoomed. It wasn’t all his fault, because he was getting pushed around from above, and he had complained about it bitterly and consistently. But part of being a leader was being able to push up as well as down. You didn’t ask men to risk everything on a mission that you did not believe in yourself. Gravel had been doing this now for several days. The men knew when they were being misused. This was the real deal, not some classroom exercise. These were blood decisions. They were the most important ones a military commander is asked to make. If you knew more because of where you were and what you saw, then you stood your ground. You didn’t just protest; if need be, you refused. You put your judgment on the line. This might destroy your career—hell, it would certainly destroy your career—but you accepted that, because whatever happened to you, your career, your reputation, these were minor things by comparison. Lives were at stake. A real leader knew his responsibility was not first and foremost to himself; it was to his men, and the mission. What mattered in combat, what really mattered, was not only understanding why you asked men to risk their lives, but making them understand. Men would willingly risk their lives, but they needed to know that it counted. And they needed to know they had a chance. If the commander believed those things himself, he could convince his men. The problem here was that neither the young company commanders nor Gravel held that belief.

The first impression a speaker makes on his audience is by his appearance and demeanor. Well-groomed or not? Self-Confident or not? Nervous or not? Paper-shuffler or not? All this and more before he says a word. The next impression is how the speaker talks. Forceful or not? Correct diction or not? Too much use of hands? Walking around? If so, too much? Any distracting mannerisms (such as always shoving his spectacles back up his nose)? Speaks too loud? Too soft? “Talks down” to the audience?The next impression is about what he says—the content of his talk. Are the thoughts well-organized? Or is he just “winging it?

Introverts typically . . . • Process information internally. It is normal for them to continuously contemplate, generate, circulate, evaluate, question, and conclude. • Are rejuvenated and energized by rest, relaxation, and down-time. • Need time to process and adapt to a new situation or setting, otherwise it is draining. • Tend to be practical, simple, and neutral in their clothing, furnishings, offices, and surroundings. • Choose their friends carefully and focus on quality, not quantity. They enjoy the company of people who have similar interests and intellect. • May resist change if they are not given enough notice to plan, prepare, and execute. Sudden change creates stress and overwhelm.

India had a very long independence movement. It started in 1886, [with] the first generation of Western-educated Indians. They were all liberals. They followed the Liberal Party in Britain, and they were very proud of their knowledge of parliamentary systems, parliamentary manners. They were big debaters. They [had], as it were, a long apprenticeship in training for being in power. Even when Gandhi made it a mass movement, the idea of elective representatives, elected working committees, elected leadership, all that stayed because basically Indians wanted to impress the British that they were going to be as good as the British were at running a parliamentary democracy. And that helped quite a lot.

Our entrenched cultural ideas associate men with leadership qualities and women with nurturing qualities and put women in a double bind,” she said. “We believe not only that women are nurturing, but that they should be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression and makes us uncomfortable.”7 If a woman is competent, she does not seem nice enough. If a woman seems really nice, she is considered more nice than competent. Since people want to hire and promote those who are both competent and nice, this creates a huge stumbling block for women. Acting in stereotypically feminine ways makes it difficult for women to reach for the same opportunities as men, but defying expectations and reaching for those opportunities leads to being judged as undeserving and selfish.

seminar on Intel strategy and operations. Resident professor: Dr. Andy Grove. In the space of an hour, Grove traced the company’s history, year by year. He summarized Intel’s core pursuits: a profit margin twice the industry norm, market leadership in any product line it entered, the creation of “challenging jobs” and “growth opportunities” for employees.* Fair enough, I thought, though I’d heard similar things at business school. Then he said something that left a lasting impression on me. He referenced his previous company, Fairchild, where he’d first met Noyce and Moore and went on to blaze a trail in silicon wafer research. Fairchild was the industry’s gold standard, but it had one great flaw: a lack of “achievement orientation.” “Expertise was very much valued there,” Andy explained. “That is why people got hired. That’s why people got promoted. Their effectiveness at translating that knowledge into actual results was kind of shrugged off.” At Intel, he went on, “we tend to be exactly the opposite. It almost doesn’t matter what you know. It’s what you can do with whatever you know or can acquire and actually accomplish [that] tends to be valued here.” Hence the company’s slogan: “Intel delivers.

You could be a very trustworthy person. It doesn't matter! If they just met you, they decide to trust you or not in the 1st 3 - 4 seconds...

Professor Gruenfeld was able to explain the price women pay for success. “Our entrenched cultural ideas associate men with leadership qualities and women with nurturing qualities and put women in a double bind,” she said. “We believe not only that women are nurturing, but that they should be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression and makes us uncomfortable.

Does your tone match your intention? Is your tone of voice confusing or clarifying? Are you coming across to others as you had hoped? Once you begin to notice your tone, you can adjust as needed to make it work in your favor.

Asking permission to call someone by their first name is a gesture of gentility and consideration. And once permission is granted, the gate is open for mutual respect and mutual purpose. Simply demonstrating this courtesy before making an assumption is impressive. Once permission is granted, you have earned points on both sides.

Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name, and they're always glad you came. You wanna be where you can see, our troubles are all the same. You wanna be where everybody knows your name.

Is your voice value delivering the image you wish to convey? Is your voice coming across as smart, friendly, and positive or ignorant, rude, and negative?

What can you do to ensure that your voice value translates into impression value?

Using names with respect and consideration tells a person that you care, are present and engaged, and that you are genuinely interested in making a connection. You make them feel remembered!

Uh-Oh . . . One year I was the guest speaker at an annual conference. The person who coordinated the agenda mistakenly typed my name as “Sue” rather than “Susan.” I felt odd and a little disrespected because they didn’t take the time to ask the spelling of my name. It felt awkward when I saw it on all the tables throughout the ballroom, to say the least. I asked, “Please make sure that you introduce me as Susan because I’ve never been called Sue.” The initial impression was sticky for an instant, but they quickly made it right. The correction was shared and everything turned out fine. Even an innocent and unintentional name error can impact your first impressions. Making a joke about it once I was on stage was a light-hearted way to confirm my real name.

To make a positive first impression, where is the best place to wear a nametag? Since we shake hands with our right hand, placing your nametag on the right side of your body will make it quickly visible for the best eye contact. Within a few inches of your collar bone and right shoulder will provide greater visibility even when you are sitting down.

Wearing Nametags- On Others I enjoy reading nametags and calling people by their names before we have officially met or been introduced. It provides an instant icebreaker. Walking up to someone and saying, “Hi Brenda! I’m Susan!” creates a quick connection that might not have happened were her name not displayed.

Business Cards “Do you attend events where business cards are exchanged in a networking environment? My friend Brian Haugen is a networking ninja. His gregarious personality and love for people have enabled him to easily win friends and influence people. He has a lot of tips, but one of his best is regarding how to best handle business cards. When I asked him for his thoughts on being an effective networker, he shared that there is an art to how to receive someone’s business card with respect and interest. He continued by saying, “When someone hands you their card, take a moment to hold it, read it, repeat their name and then make a comment or ask a question. And make notes on their card to help you remember the exchange.” This small action communicates you are genuinely interested and want to remember them.

Too often when people hand us their cards, we quickly slip them into our pockets or purses without giving notice to what it says. Subliminally, it tells the other person that we don’t care or are not interested. Take a moment to demonstrate your interest; this will help your newfound relationship be off to a good start. Small actions can make a significant impact!

Have you ever met a new person and within seconds forgotten his or her name? It can be embarrassing, can’t it? Many people will laugh, brush it off, and say, “I simply can’t remember names!” But you should take remembering seriously.

To remember people’s names, use usual Imagery—Connect the name with a mental picture that will remind you of that person. If his name is Barry, think of berries. If her name is Cheri, imagine her drinking cherry punch.

To remember people’s names, Pay Attention—Minimize distractions and focus on what they are saying. Making a concerted effort to concentrate will help you improve your memory.

Make a Connection to remember people’s names, —Connect their name or a feature on their face with something you already know. This connection will help anchor their name in your mind for future recall.

To remember people’s names, “Write it Down! —Whether you write their name down on the back of a card, a receipt, a handout, or in a notebook, this simple act will help you remember.

To remember people’s names, wash, rinse, repeat—Repeat a person’s name upon introduction, throughout the conversation, and as you bid farewell. Try it both in your mind as well as out loud. Avoid nicknames unless otherwise invited.

The Words You Think “Your thoughts lay the foundation for your life’s experience. Are you utilizing your thoughts for your highest good or are they harmful to you and others? Are your thoughts building you up or tearing you down? Notice the quality of your words and ask yourself these questions.

The directive we have so often heard, “Change your thoughts, change your life,” is indeed based on the power of words. The key to your happiness, well-being, and interactions with others begins, continues, and concludes with the nature and quality of the words you hold in your mind as thoughts. Make them work for your highest good.

If you want to attract greater success, prosperity, health, and to enjoy more fulfilling relationships, craft your speech to affirm and manifest them.

The Words You Write “Few things scream ‘unprofessional’ faster than a poorly written letter or resume filled with errors, misspellings, misuse, and negligence.

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Review and reread your work before you hit send, post, or publish. Thankfully, many of the social media channels allow you to edit what you have created after they have been posted. However, there will be times when what you send out will be un-retractable. In some cases, they are there forever. So choose your words wisely!

Even with my focused intention to be eloquent and reflect perfect grammar, syntax, and punctuation in my writing, I still flub up occasionally. Thank heavens for spell check, auto-correct, and the brilliance of my amazing editor Elizabeth Dixon. None of us is perfect, but our editing needs to be as thorough as possible if we hope to make a great impression.

Having a second set of eyes to review what you do is an effective practice. Sometimes you will be so close to your own work that your blinders will cause you to miss tiny details which can create huge errors, and reflect poorly on your intelligence and expertise.

As a professional speaker and author, excellent grammar is crucial in my profession. Without the proper use of words and language, I would lose credibility and respect.

A fast way to get a clear understanding of yourself and others is through personality a profile assessment. Many companies and hiring managers administer these tests to ensure that personalities are well matched to positions. They also help build dream teams to optimize the combinations of strengths and complementary qualities among their people.

Understanding a wide range of personalities will help improve your communication, connection, and engagement not only at work, but in your relationships at home, in life, and in love.

I am sharing this wonderful information with the caveat that I am not promising, endorsing, guaranteeing, judging, or predicting any outcomes for you. I’m simply providing you with tools which I have enjoyed and hope you will too!

We all have individual ideas and agendas for managing our days and our lives. However, it is when we foster a sense of wonder and nurture a sincere curiosity that we can move beyond the predictable and mundane.

Align your voice value with the tone, pace, and pitch of your listeners will help you connect on all levels.

A high-pitched voice may sound less authoritative, more youthful, and less experienced, whereas, a lower pitched voice may be perceived as being more authoritative, confident, and credible. It is unfortunate that listeners will make assumptions based on these differences before even knowing the depth and value of your message. Play with your ranges and find a comfortably low pitch. Practice it to see if it makes a difference in conveying more authority and brilliance.

When your speaking style is clear, confident, and concise, your listeners will perceive you as such.

The list below begins to illustrate how different personalities can be assigned to different vocal qualities . . . • Warm • Loving • Breathy • Gravelly • Dull • Nasal • Rough • Hoarse • Gruff • Melodious • Whiny • Sultry • Twangy • Energetic • Shrill

What determines whether the usage is acceptable or inappropriate? If you want to make a great first impression with positive impact, it is essential that you know there is a difference.

Using titles such as Mr., Mrs., Miss, Dr., etc. demonstrates respect. In previous generations, it was a social necessity and simply good manners. One would consider you rude and uncultured if you were so presumptuous as to go straight to a “first name basis.” First names can imply an intimacy that does not exist and it may offend a new person until they know you better. Be wary of making assumptions.

I was raised in an era when part of respecting your elders was to call them by Mr. or Mrs. When my children were growing up, an occasional child would call me Susan. It was jarring, felt disrespectful, and I did not like it. We reached a mutual agreement and their friends began calling me Ms. Susan. Perhaps this is more prevalent in the South, however, your awareness and consideration can help prevent social missteps.

It is wise to use titles for people in positions of power, higher education, seniority, or maturity, unless otherwise instructed. This may sound old-fashioned, but practicing respectful traditions will earn you points and inevitably make you seem more cultured and sophisticated. This is especially true with older generations.

Every professional voice coach worth their salt will bring you back to the importance of tone, pace, and pitch. While these concepts were introduced earlier in The Art of Body Language section, we can now elaborate and take a deeper dive into how you can use your voice to improve your communications.

The Second World War has swept over Europe. The Führer is dead. The Greater German Reich has been smashed. German cities lie in ruins. The German folk has been surrendered to the interest slavery of its enemy. As in the First, so in the Second World War, too, English, American and Russian soldiers have been the executors. But who is the real victor of this war? Is it the folks from whom those soldiers had come? The takeover of the government by the Führer in 1933 was for World Jewry the signal to attack. The World Jewish press agitated for the global boycott against Germany. Germany’s reply was the 24 hour boycott of Jewish businesses on April 1, 1933. No Jew lost his life in the process, and no Jewish business building was damaged. The counter-boycott, ordered by the party leadership and carried out under my leadership, was supposed to warn World Jewry against challenging National Socialist Germany. Since that time, malicious attacks against National Socialist Germany have appeared in the world press again and again. It was unmistakable that with that propaganda in the world, carried out without interruption, the view was supposed to be bred that the existence of a National Socialist Germany meant a danger for the other folks. The Jewish writer Emil Ludwig, who emigrated to France, spoke especially clearly about Jewish wishes and intentions in the magazine „Les Annales”: „Hitler does not want war, but he will be forced to it.” The Polish ambassador in the USA, Count Potocky, wrote at a time when in Europe nobody thought a Second World War would come or must come, to his government in Warsaw that he had gained the impression that influential Jews in Washington would work toward a new world war. (See the German White Book.) The report of the Polish Ambassador Potocky, whom nobody can reproach with bias against World Jewry and who also was no friend of National Socialist Germany, would alone suffice to be able to thoroughly answer the question of war guilt. The guilt for the Second World War, too, was born at the moment when god Jehovah, through the mouth of Field Marshal Moses, gave the Jewish folk the instructions: „You should devour all the folks!” With the defeat of National Socialist Germany in the Second World War, World Jewry has won the greatest victory in its history.

Our entrenched cultural ideas associate men with leadership qualities and women with nurturing qualities and put women in a double bind,” she said. “We believe not only that women are nurturing, but that they should be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression and makes us uncomfortable.

Professor Gruenfeld was able to explain the price women pay for success: "Our entrenched cultural ideas associate men with leadership qualities and women with nurturing qualities and put women in a double blind," she said. "We believe not only that women are nurturing, but that they *should* be nurturing above all else. When a woman does anything that signals she might not be nice first and foremost, it creates a negative impression and makes us uncomfortable.

To technical people, these seem like minor oversights that take only a minute to fix. “Oops. I forgot to change the server name to the production server.” Or, “Oh, the new screens are there. I just forgot to link the button.” But to users who are already feeling a bit skittish about trying out the new technology, these first impressions are a big deal. To you, these events probably seem inconsequential, carrying no inherent meaning, but to them it sets off major alarm bells. It signals things like, “This technology must be a sloppy piece of crap,” and, “These IT people must be completely incompetent,” and, “They must think I’m not important enough for them to check their work.

Heed Your Speed. Are you a fast or a slow talker? Be mindful towards the person with whom you are speaking to ensure that your message is being comprehended, understood, and absorbed. If they are listening at a slower rate than you are speaking, disconnect can occur.

Have you ever paid notice to the full sound range of your voice? If you have ever been in a chorus or a singing group, you already know that they will separate the group based on each singer’s pitch and assign their roles accordingly. While my speaking voice has a soprano pitch, my singing voice is a lower alto.

Developing your eloquence and enunciation will reduce the likelihood of misinterpretation and misunderstanding, making your delivery more powerful.

By speaking in a competent and confident way, your message will sound more relevant and appropriate, reflecting you in a favorable light.

Variety is the Spice of Life. Voices come in all shapes, tones, and sizes. Some are compelling and effective, while others are grating and agitating.

Neen James (NeenJames.com) is an eloquent and successful international speaker who stands at four-feet-eleven with a rich Australian dialect and a high-pitched voice. For years, fellow speakers with good intentions told her she needed to take voice lessons to lower her pitch to give her more depth for a compelling stage presence. With complete confidence and loyalty to her uniqueness, she ignored the naysayers and her amazing signature voice has become a powerful brand.

Most people are familiar with the rich, resonant tones of James Earl Jones and Morgan Freeman. Their signature voices bring strength, authority, and lyrical enjoyment. Are there aspects of your voice that you can capitalize on to make a great impression and be simply unforgettable?

Think of the times that others remembered your name and used it kindly. How did it make you feel? When you use someone’s name it makes him or her feel recognized, appreciated, and special.

To call certain people, such as your boss, teachers, professors, doctors, your parent’s friends, etc. by their first names might be considered disrespectful. It is best to err on the side of caution until you know what is appropriate.

Every time you speak, you are using your voice to connect with others, whether it is in-person, on the phone, or in a recorded message.

I attended a symposium to hear Shilagh Mirgain, Ph.D. speak on Mindful Leadership. Throughout her program, I made sure to make eye contact and smile to support, affirm, and engage with her presentation. When audience members do this for me, it adds an extra punch of dynamic energy that enriches my presentations and improves my performance.

Why is this disengagement epidemic becoming the new norm? A few reasons I have witnessed in speaking with companies across the country include . . . • Information overload • Distractions • Stress/overwhelmed • Apathy/detachment • Short attention span • Fear, worry, anxiety • Rapidly changing technology • Entitlement • Poor leadership • Preoccupation • Social media • Interruptions • Multitasking • Budget cuts • Exhaustion • Boredom • Conflict • Social insecurity • Lack of longevity These challenges not only create separation and work dysfunction, but we are seeing it happen in relationships and personal interactions.

Wearing Nametags- On Yourself The purpose of wearing nametags in the first place is for people to see your name. Otherwise, why bother? We have all seen nametag placements that range from proper to downright raunchy. People can get pretty creative about where they place them and it is not always appropriate. For this book, we will focus on the best practices.

To remember people’s names, use rhyming, rhythm, adjectives, and alliteration—Use rhyming (trim Kim), rhythm (Sally sells seashells), adjectives (kind Kevin), and alliteration (Mike likes milk). These ideas may sound silly, but they stimulate your mind to improve your memory.

To remember people’s names, use association—Creating a connection to something that has been important to you will give a name sticking power. Did you go to the same college? Did you work for his company at one time? Does she have the same car as your best friend? Begin looking for associations and it will make the names more memorable.

To remember people’s names, create a New Contact—Saving someone’s name shortly after meeting will help you retain it longer. Whether it is on a piece of paper, your cell phone contacts, “friending” him on Facebook, or inviting him to join your LinkedIn network, adding the name to your contacts will make it easy to remember him for a long time into the future.

To remember people’s names, introduce a “Just-Met” to someone else—Introduce your newfound acquaintance or friend to someone else. As you share her name with another person, the name will become locked into your memory.

The "Law of Attraction," based on the principle of cause and effect, is not only a process of reaping what you sow through your actions. Its magnetic impact derives from the words you use, attracting and reinforcing whatever you are thinking about and putting out into the world through your speech.

Growing up with well-educated parents and an older sister with her Master’s Degree in English Language and Literature, I was left with little wiggle room as a child to use poor grammar. When I would inadvertently slip, I would be corrected in a matter of moments—excuse me, seconds! While it may have been irritating for a 10-year-old, I am eternally grateful as an adult that the grammar police kept me in line.

Rather than using these pages for a boring English lesson, I will simply encourage you to become keenly aware and pay close attention to your articulation and grammar.

The wonderful world of human relationships is a rich mixture of backgrounds, perceptions, habits, preferences, behaviors, and motivators. These differences can create barriers to communication and connection, creating a lack of understanding or clarity. Just as we each have our own genetic DNA that makes us unique, we also have personality traits that do the same.

To master The Art of First Impressions for Positive Impact, it is imperative to understand some basic personality differences so that you can navigate and nurture relationships from a position of awareness, empathy, and acceptance. This understanding will greatly enhance your communication skills, regardless of the differences, so that you can make positive impressions on people who are different from you.

Is there overlap and similarity among personality profile assessments? Absolutely! Although each assessment packages information differently, you will recognize the common threads for basic personality differences which apply throughout humanity—and gain great material for your relationship toolbox!

The "spot-on" accuracy of the results may astound you. Once you understand yourself and realize that other people have their own sets of unique traits and preferences, you can find ways to communicate more effectively with them.

Some will reveal how you interact with the world around you, where you direct your energy, how you make decisions, how you approach work, and how you tend to communicate. Others will reveal how you give and receive love and what it takes to feel appreciated.

Different Strokes for Different Folks “First things first—differences abound! Race, creed, color, gender, national origin, handicap, age, familial status, socio-economics, education, politics, religion, geography, and job status. Does that list look like a poster ad for the ACLU? Add in our vastly different life experiences and things really start to get interesting.

As if these diverse characteristics weren’t enough, bring them all into a social context where we must work, live, love, and engage with people different from ourselves—is it any wonder that communications can be challenging?

The fact that someone is different from you does not make them wrong—it just makes them different. Why would we ever want everyone to be alike anyway? That would make the world boring!

Labels have always represented limitation, conformity, and narrow-mindedness to me since the human personality is multi-faceted and continuously evolving. Perhaps that is why I am so intrigued by the concept and labels of “introvert” and “extrovert.” Neither description accurately defines the state of my social interactions. What about yours?

The concept is made even more fascinating when you consider it as a psychological spectrum. Imagine a sliding scale of personalities that range from being an “introvert” to an “extrovert” and placing “ambivert” smack dab in the middle. This linear scale illustrates a continuum of experiences, because these descriptions do not apply to every person at all times. We all have tendencies, preferences, and comfort zones that change according to the people we are surrounded by, the environment we find ourselves in, and our levels of confidence in the moment. Using the scale above, where do you typically fall in the spectrum?

Although my sister, Liz, is socially engaging and very confident with people, she tends to more of an introvert. She generates energy from the inside, from center to circumference, and would rather have one-on-one conversations to connect quietly and deeply. I, on the other hand, am energized by walking into a room filled with three hundred strangers; I like to meet as many people as possible and walk out with new friends. After all that excitement, however, I am content to go home and curl up with a good book in complete silence. Is one of us right and the other one wrong? No. We are just different.

It is not unusual for people to believe that their way is the best way—that they are right and everyone else is out-of-sync or mistaken. The divine irony is that since we are better at being ourselves, how can we expect others to be less like themselves to fulfill our expectations? We cannot change who we are wired to be and neither can others.

By becoming aware of the differences and developing an understanding of each person’s uniqueness, you will improve your interactions to make more positive first impressions.

Extroverts typically . . . • Process information externally by verbalizing, collaborating, brainstorming, discussing, sharing their ideas, and communicating until they achieve desired results. • Are rejuvenated and re-charged by being around people, interacting with friends and family, and having dynamic conversations. • Enjoy the excitement and adventure of a new situation or setting. • Tend to be more colorful, unpredictable, daring, stylish, and cluttered in their clothing, home furnishings, offices, and surroundings. • Love meeting new people and making new friends. They enjoy variety and engaging on all levels. • Are very spontaneous, resilient, and adapt well to change.

Not everyone is going to like us or understand us. And that is okay. It may have nothing to do with us personally; but rather more about who they are and how they relate to the world.

In his book, The Four Agreements, Miguel’s Ruiz encourages us to “not take things personally; people behave for their reasons, not ours.” Our personality differences and life experiences shape how we perceive, engage, react, and respond.

Conversational Chameleon We know that chameleons are lizards who are famous for their ability to change their colors and fit in as their environments require. This ability enables them to change themselves for safety, survival, and healthy well-being. Their colors adjust to reflect their mood, their surroundings, and serve as camouflage when necessary. Fossils prove they have been on this planet for over eighty million years, so they must be doing something right. Their innate ability for adaptability deserves appreciation, respect, and further consideration. It obviously works!

When you strive to become a conversational chameleon, you can more swiftly adapt to your environment and surroundings for your own safety, survival, and healthy well-being.