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Of course, we do need to change in a long-term relationship. We do so willingly; ideally, we do so enthusiastically. We give up sleeping with other people. We start to share our living space and our daily routine. Our perspective becomes more long-term and we start to think about developing the “we” instead of just walking the path solo. Yet sometimes we end up mothballing important, joy-bringing parts of us—the dancer (our partner doesn’t like to dance), the fisherman, the museum-goer, the aspiring yogi, the film buff, the person who travels or who doesn’t count calories on Saturdays. Part of this is a function of adulthood, not just of coupling, but how much of it is really required, and how much of it is a prison of our own making? What would my clients say to those who might listen—or, more poignantly, to their former selves, though it’s too late to salvage the marriage? This, in essence, is what I hear them saying: You stay interesting to your partner by staying interested in things outside your life together. You stay interesting to yourself—therefore better equipped to stay interesting to your partner—by stepping outside the marriage, from time to time, to find satisfaction. Your spouse can be a lot of things for you without being everything. Why the hell did we start trying to have one person be everything? Who thought that was a good idea?
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James J. Sexton (How to Stay in Love: A Divorce Lawyer's Guide to Staying Together)