When St. Kari of the Blade Met Darth Vader, Star Wars Dark Lord of the Sith
(Earlier, the Emperor commanded Lord Vader to make contact . . .
“I have felt a non-tremor in the Nether-Force”
“I have not, my master.”
“Yes, well, that is why I’m ‘the Emp’ and you are not . . . Um, we have a new enemy, the non-entity known as Blade Kári. She’s running around all over the place gunning for that brat kid of yours.”
“Hmm. Interesting,” tight-lipped Darth. “Anyway, I–hey, how can all this mish-mash be?”
“Search your feelings, Lord Vader” the Emperor solemnized. “If you feel nothing as usual, you know it to be true or false. By now your guess is as good as mine with this Force stuff.”
“Damn!–If you say so,” Vader said smacking his hand. “If she could be turned she would make a powerful ally.”
“Yesss . . . can it be done? Bring the Valkyrie creature to me. See to it personally, Lord Vader. The more she is loose the more of a train wreck waiting to happen she becomes to us. Besides, it will break up the monotony until Bingo Wednesday night.”
“Okay. She will join us or die–again and again and again–until we all get it right. “Now, what about my son?” grumbed Vader deeply.
“Why fish for guppies when you can land a Megalodon? Go on. Get out of here. You Annoy me.”
“Yes, my Mahhster . . . ”).
back to the action . . .
“—Oh yeah? Who is he, this Vader person? Someone I should meet?” Kari percolated.
Luke mulled. “No. He is evil and very powerful. A ȿith lord.”
“A Scythian, eh? Humm.—for a minute there, you had me worried.
“Look—there he is!” Luke shouted scrunching down and pulling the girl besides him. Vader stwalked down the landing craft’s platform decked in his usual evil attire looking at the pile of messy clones.
“He doesn’t look so tough’st to me. Pretty trippy wardrobe though. Maybe that is why he is evil. Clothes do that, costuming up n’ all. I think I’ll go down and see him.” Kari launched off to meet him.
Luke trying to pull her back, she running up to the battle line strewn with dead clones.
“Did you do all this? Hmmph. The Force is with you, young Blade Kári, but you are not a Valkyrie yet.”
“Sez ‘st who? You’st? Do not be so blamed melodramatic. This ’tain’t no movie ʎ’know’st, well leastways, not yet. I shall have you know I am a charter member of your friendly neighborhood Valkyrie club and my dues are so in.”
Vader ignited his red lightsaber (he was not one for small talk).
“Where can I get one of those, she asked Vader, pointing to his glowing blade of laser evil. Do they come in assorted colors? I want one!” she yelled back at Luke.
Vader struck savagely at the girl, she mildly pirouetting on her heels to evade the cut then giggling, diminutively popped him squarely in his breather-chest contraption bugging him. Again, he struck, the blade harmlessly passing through her.
“Impressive, most impressive. And you say you can’t get a date?”
“Best take it easy Sith-meister. You’re riling me.”
Luke’s eyes bulged. He could not believe it, remembering his own stupid head words to Yoda, his spry little green master.
Vader paused, breathing heavily as was typical of him like he was a 20-pack a day smoker. “Your destiny lies with me, young Kári. Look here, if you really want one of these red glow in the Nether dark cutters, come with me.”
Luke nodded his head back and forth as if agreeing with himself. Where had he heard that before . . . ? The kid was going to be nothing but trouble from here on out he foresaw.
stay tuned for part iii
Douglas M. Laurent