Energetic Child Quotes

am blessed. I am prosperous. I am successful.” “I am victorious. I am talented. I am creative.” “I am wise. I am healthy. I am in shape.” “I am energetic. I am happy. I am positive.” “I am passionate. I am strong. I am confident.” “I am secure. I am beautiful. I am attractive.” “I am valuable. I am free. I am redeemed.” “I am forgiven. I am anointed. I am accepted.” “I am approved. I am prepared. I am qualified.” “I am motivated. I am focused. I am disciplined.” “I am determined. I am patient. I am kind.” “I am generous. I am excellent. I am equipped.” “I am empowered. I am well able.” “I am a child of the Most High God.

Love your spirited child for who she is. Because she is more, she will make you more.

In the Russian Orthodox Church there is the concept of the Holy Fool. It means someone who is a fool to the ways of the world, but wise to the ways of God. I think that Ted, from the moment he saw the baby, knew that he could not possibly be the father. ...Perhaps he saw in that moment that if he so much as questioned the baby's fatherhood, it would mean humiliation for the child and might jeopardize his entire future. ...Perhaps he understood that he could not reasonably expect an independent and energetic spirit like Winnie to find him sexually exciting and fulfilling. ...And so he decided upon the most unexpected, and yet the simplest course of all. He chose to be such a Fool that he couldn't see the obvious.

What if you missed hearing the best part of your child’s day because you were on the phone? What if you missed a chance to inhale the sweet scent of your energetic child because you insisted on folding that basket of laundry before bedtime? What if you missed a chance to console your worried spouse because of your mile-long to-do list?

the parents’ primary task, beyond providing for the child’s survival requirements, is to emanate a simple message to the child in word, deed, and (most of all) energetic presence, that he or she is precisely the person they love, welcome, and want. The child doesn’t have to do anything, or be any different, to win that love—in fact, cannot do anything, because this abiding embrace cannot be earned, nor can it be revoked. It doesn’t depend on the child’s behavior or personality; it is just there, whether the child is showing up as “good” or “bad,” “naughty” or “nice.

In an agricultural society, or during a time of exploration and settlement, or hunting and fathering--which is to say, most of mankind's history--energetic boys were particularly prized for their strength, speed, and agility. [...] As recently as the 1950s, most families still had some kind of agricultural connection. Many of these children, girls as well as boys, would have been directing their energy and physicality in constructive ways: doing farm chores, baling hay, splashing in the swimming hole, climbing trees, racing to the sandlot for a game of baseball. Their unregimented play would have been steeped in nature.

As a fringe benefit, practicing silent solitude enables us to sleep less and to feel more energetic. The energy expended in the impostor’s exhausting pursuit of illusory happiness is now available to be focused on the things that really matter—love, friendship, and intimacy with God.

This is the yin and yang of the earth, an energetic feedback. What happens below relates directly to what is happening on the surface and in the atmosphere and vice versa. Tectonics does not end at the ground beneath your feet. It is a dynamic system from the earth's interior all the way into the sky and back.

So what does the life of an empath look like? The short answer to this is “hiding.” Empaths often take extreme measures to contort their true identities into something less painful. They become very good at blending in and figuring out how to be loved and accepted not for who they really are but instead for how they can serve others. For example, if an empathic homosexual child is born into a very conservative family, that child will very quickly know how to suppress his true self in service to his family’s belief system. Or if an empathic, creative, energetic child is born into a family that values logic and study, the child will soon become subdued and work to prove her worth through family-approved pursuits.

Those with the deepest lows also have the loftiest highs.

When you fulfill your needs, you generate the energy to meet your child’s needs.

Just as one would never attempt to turn a sports car into a utility truck, it is also critical to avoid the mistake of telling a child who is temperamentally intense, energetic, and sensitive not to be any of those things.

It almost seems un-American, at times, to have kids who are slow to warm up. Other people tell us to push them—to force them to jump in—and they reprimand us for babying them. When your child adapts slowly, remind yourself that you will appreciate it when he is an adolescent. While all the other kids are running off on some ridiculous impulsive venture, yours will be thinking, moving slowly and cautiously. There are strengths to every temperamental characteristic.

Spirited children experience every emotion and sensation deeply and powerfully. Their hearts pound; the adrenaline flows through their bodies. There is actually a physical reaction that occurs more strongly in their bodies than in less intense individuals. They are not loud because they know it irritates people; they are loud because they really feel that much excitement, pain, or whatever the emotion or sensation might be. Their intensity is real. It is their first and most natural reaction.

Because they are more, much of the advice that works for raising other children is ineffective with spirited kids. To ignore your child’s tantrums is ridiculous. He can rage for an hour because you opened the door when he was expecting to do it himself.

Father Mark, as a child, had been reassured by the imagined proximity of God, whereas adults, perhaps because they so often were up to no good, took more comfort from His remoteness. Though Miles didn’t think of himself as a man up to no good, he did prefer the notion of an all-loving God to that of an all-knowing one. It pleased him to imagine God as someone like his mother, someone beleaguered by too many responsibilities, too dog-tired to monitor an energetic boy every minute of the day, but who, out of

If you are a serious and analytical parent, it is easy to go right past what went well to what you want to be better. Remind yourself to pat yourself on the back for your accomplishments and celebrate each success, no matter how small it might be. Don’t let one problem rob you of the joy of the good moments.

Next time your child starts to lose it, say to her, “I am listening. I am trying to understand.” This simple phrase, “I am listening,” can help her to open herself to other alternatives. It can also help you to change an entrenched pattern of battle with your child because your willingness to work together is so evident.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be born old and fragile but with all the wisdom you will need for life and to grow younger and more energetic as you progress through life and when you die you are like a child, carefree and happy? To start life wise and end it having used all the wisdom and knowledge for good.

You can apply some leverage when your child is feeling energetic, "We can go to the park as soon as these blocks are put away." But when a toddler is tired or hungry, avoid a losing battle. Do it yourself for now. There will be plenty of other opportunities for your child to participate. Don't worry, this is not the last mess!!

The "Avenue," so called by the Newbridge people, was a stretch of road four or five hundred yards long, completely arched over with huge, wide-spreading apple-trees, planted years ago by an eccentric old farmer. Overhead was one long canopy of snowy fragrant bloom. Below the boughs the air was full of a purple twilight and far ahead a glimpse of painted sunset sky shone like a great rose window at the end of a cathedral aisle. Its beauty seemed to strike the child dumb. She leaned back in the buggy, her thin hands clasped before her, her face lifted rapturously to the white splendor above. Even when they had passed out and were driving down the long slope to Newbridge she never moved or spoke. Still with rapt face she gazed afar into the sunset west, with eyes that saw visions trooping splendidly across that glowing background. Through Newbridge, a bustling little village where dogs barked at them and small boys hooted and curious faces peered from the windows, they drove, still in silence. When three more miles had dropped away behind them the child had not spoken. She could keep silence, it was evident, as energetically as she could talk.

A Credo for Parents of Spirited Children 1. You’re not alone. According to the personality research 10 to 15 percent of all children living in this country fit the description of the spirited child. That means that there are millions of parents who empathize with you and understand the challenges you face. Your child is not an oddity or a freak. You are not the world’s worst parent. You are not the only one. You are among friends.

1. INTENSITY: The loud, dramatic spirited children are the easiest to spot. They don’t cry; they shriek. They’re noisy when they play, when they laugh, and even when they take a shower, singing at the top of their lungs while the hot-water tank empties. But quiet, intently observant children may also be spirited. They assess each situation before entering it as though developing a strategy for every move; their intensity is focused inward rather than outward. No matter where their intensity is focused, the reactions of spirited children are always powerful. There is rarely a middle of the road. They never whimper; they wail. They can skip into a room, smiling and laughing only to depart thirty seconds later inflamed. Their tantrums are raw and enduring.

My Webster’s dictionary defines spirited as: lively, creative, keen, eager, full of energy and courage, and having a strong assertive personality. Spirited—it feels good, sounds good, communicates the exciting potential of these children, and yet honestly captures the challenge faced by their parents. When we choose to see our children as spirited, we give them and ourselves hope. It pulls our focus to their strengths rather than their weaknesses, not as another label but as a tool for understanding. The Characteristics Each spirited child is unique, yet there exists distinct characteristics in which more is very apparent. Not all spirited children will possess all of the following five characteristics, but each will exhibit enough of them to make her stand out in the crowd.

Parents of spirited children who are learning to manage their intensity well are talking about intensity and naming the emotions. They soothe the wailing baby by telling him that they understand it’s frustrating to wait for the bottle to warm. They tell the toddler that they understand she is angry. It’s hard for her to stop playing outside and come into the house. Soon, the children will be able to use these words themselves. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. And according to John Gottman, from the Gottman Institute, the research demonstrates that children who receive these types of messages are “emotion coached” and are more effective at soothing themselves and focusing attention. As a result, they do better in school and with peers, experience fewer behavior problems, and demonstrate more positive emotions.

Nothing could have been more childish than her snubbed nose, freckled face or the purplish spot on her naked neck where a fairytale vampire had feasted, or the unconscious movement of her tongue exploring a touch of rosy rash around her swollen lips; nothing could be more harmless than to read about Jill, an energetic starlet who made her own clothes and was a student of serious literature; nothing could be more innocent than the part in that glossy brown hair with that silky sheen on the temple; nothing could be more naive—But what sickening envy the lecherous fellow whoever he was—come to think of it, he resembled a little my Swiss uncle Gustave, also a great admirer of le découvert—would have experienced had he known that every nerve in me was still anointed and ringed with the feel of her body—the body of some immortal demon disguised as a female child.

Today temperament continues to be a major focus of researchers in the fields of psychology, anthropology, physiology, and neurobiology. While they agree about the reality of temperament and the important role it plays in how children experience their world, they tend to use a variety of names to describe the temperament traits. I choose to use the terms coined by Dr. Stella Chess and the late Dr. Alexander Thomas because of their positive, parent-friendly approach. They include not only our typical energy level but also our speed in adjusting to new situations; the intensity of our emotions; our sensitivity to sights, sounds, smells, feelings, and tastes; and more. A child who is temperamentally active not only likes to move but needs to move. Telling this child to sit still for extended periods of time, and that he could do it if he really wanted to, is like telling you to ignore a full bladder. The pressure builds—a need that is inside and real.

As a close friend commented: “She seems to dread Charles’s appearance. The days when she is happiest is when he is in Scotland. When he is at Kensington Palace she feels absolutely at a loss and like a child again. She loses all the ground she has built up when she is on her own.” The changes in her are physical. Her speech, normally rapid, energetic, coloured and strong, degenerates instantly when he is with her. Diana’s voice becomes monosyllabic and flat, suffused with an ineffable weariness. It is the same tone that infects her speech when she talks about her parents’ divorce and what she calls “the dark ages”, the period in her royal life until the late 1980s when she was emotionally crushed by the royal system. In his presence she reverts to the girl she was a decade ago. She giggles over nothing, starts biting her nails--a habit she gave up some time ago--and takes on the hunted look of a nervous fawn. The strain in their home when they are together is palpable. As Oonagh Toffolo observes: “It is a different atmosphere at Kensington Palace when he is there. It is tense and she is tense. She doesn’t have the freedom she would like when he’s around. It is quite sad to see the stagnation there.” Another frequent guest simply calls it “The Mad House.

INTENSITY A Summary Intensity is the driving force behind the strong reactions of the spirited child. It is the invisible punch that makes every response of the spirited child immediate and strong. Managed well, intensity allows spirited children a depth and delight of emotion rarely experienced by others. Its potential to create as well as wreak havoc, however, makes it one of the most challenging temperamental traits to learn to manage. Intense spirited kids need to hear: You do everything with zest, vim, vigor, and gusto. You are enthusiastic, expressive, and full of energy. Your intensity can make you a great athlete, leader, performer, etc. Things can frustrate you easily. Being intense does not mean being aggressive. Teaching tips: Help your child learn to notice her growing intensity before it overwhelms her. Provide activities that soothe and calm, such as warm baths, stories, and quiet imaginative play. Use humor to diffuse intense reactions. Protect her sleep. Make time for exercise. Teach your child that time-out is a way to calm herself. If you are intense too: Do not fear your child’s intensity. Diffuse your own intensity before you step in to help your child. Take deep breaths, step away from the situation, get the sleep you need, or ask for help to cope with your own intensity. Review in your own mind the messages you were given about intensity. Dump those that negate the value of intensity or leave you feeling powerless.

THE OBEDIENCE GAME DUGGAR KIDS GROW UP playing the Obedience Game. It’s sort of like Mother May I? except it has a few extra twists—and there’s no need to double-check with “Mother” because she (or Dad) is the one giving the orders. It’s one way Mom and Dad help the little kids in the family burn off extra energy some nights before we all put on our pajamas and gather for Bible time (more about that in chapter 8). To play the Obedience Game, the little kids all gather in the living room. After listening carefully to Mom’s or Dad’s instructions, they respond with “Yes, ma’am, I’d be happy to!” then run and quickly accomplish the tasks. For example, Mom might say, “Jennifer, go upstairs to the girls’ room, touch the foot of your bed, then come back downstairs and give Mom a high-five.” Jennifer answers with an energetic “Yes, ma’am, I’d be happy to!” and off she goes. Dad might say, “Johannah, run around the kitchen table three times, then touch the front doorknob and come back.” As Johannah stands up she says, “Yes, sir, I’d be happy to!” “Jackson, go touch the front door, then touch the back door, then touch the side door, and then come back.” Jackson, who loves to play army, stands at attention, then salutes and replies, “Yes, sir, I’d be happy to!” as he goes to complete his assignment at lightning speed. Sometimes spotters are sent along with the game player to make sure the directions are followed exactly. And of course, the faster the orders can be followed, the more applause the contestant gets when he or she slides back into the living room, out of breath and pleased with himself or herself for having complied flawlessly. All the younger Duggar kids love to play this game; it’s a way to make practicing obedience fun! THE FOUR POINTS OF OBEDIENCE THE GAME’S RULES (MADE up by our family) stem from our study of the four points of obedience, which Mom taught us when we were young. As a matter of fact, as we are writing this book she is currently teaching these points to our youngest siblings. Obedience must be: 1. Instant. We answer with an immediate, prompt “Yes ma’am!” or “Yes sir!” as we set out to obey. (This response is important to let the authority know you heard what he or she asked you to do and that you are going to get it done as soon as possible.) Delayed obedience is really disobedience. 2. Cheerful. No grumbling or complaining. Instead, we respond with a cheerful “I’d be happy to!” 3. Thorough. We do our best, complete the task as explained, and leave nothing out. No lazy shortcuts! 4. Unconditional. No excuses. No, “That’s not my job!” or “Can’t someone else do it? or “But . . .” THE HIDDEN GOAL WITH this fun, fast-paced game is that kids won’t need to be told more than once to do something. Mom would explain the deeper reason behind why she and Daddy desired for us to learn obedience. “Mom and Daddy won’t always be with you, but God will,” she says. “As we teach you to hear and obey our voice now, our prayer is that ultimately you will learn to hear and obey what God’s tells you to do through His Word.” In many families it seems that many of the goals of child training have been lost. Parents often expect their children to know what they should say and do, and then they’re shocked and react harshly when their sweet little two-year-old throws a tantrum in the middle of the grocery store. This parental attitude probably stems from the belief that we are all born basically good deep down inside, but the truth is, we are all born with a sin nature. Think about it: You don’t have to teach a child to hit, scream, whine, disobey, or be selfish. It comes naturally. The Bible says that parents are to “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

Although I am still far from this kind of interior understanding of myself, with profound respect for its significance I have sought to preserve my individuality―worshipped the unknown God. With a premature anxiety I have tried to avoid coming in close contact with those things whose force of attraction might be too powerful for me. I have sought to appropriate much from them, studied their distinctive characteristics and meaning in human life, but at the same time guarded against coming, like the moth, too close to the flame. I have had little to win or to lose in association with the ordinary run of men, partly because what they do―so-called practical life―does not interest me much, partly because their coldness and indifference to the spiritual and deeper currents in man alienate me even more from them. With few exceptions my companions have had no special influence upon me. A life that has not arrived at clarity about itself must necessarily exhibit an uneven side-surface; confronted by certain facts [*Facta*] and their apparent disharmony, they simply halted there, for, as I see it, they did not have sufficient interest to seek a resolution in a higher harmony or to recognize the necessity of it. Their opinion of me was always one-sided, and I have vacillated between putting too much or too little weight on what they said. I have now withdrawn from their influence and the potential variations of my life's compass resulting from it. Thus I am again standing at the point where I must begin again in another way. I shall now calmly attempt to look at myself and begin to initiate inner action; for only thus will I be able, like a child calling itself "I" in its first consciously undertaken act, be able to call myself "I" in a profounder sense. But that takes stamina, and it is not possible to harvest immediately what one has sown. I will remember that philosopher's method of having his disciples keep silent for three years; then I dare say it will come. Just as one does not begin a feast at sunrise but at sundown, just so in the spiritual world one must first work forward for some time before the sun really shines for us and rises in all its glory; for although it is true as it says that God lets his sun shine upon the good and the evil and lets the rain fall on the just and the unjust, it is not so in the spiritual world. So let the die be cast―I am crossing the Rubicon! No doubt this road takes me into battle, but I will not renounce it. I will not lament the past―why lament? I will work energetically and not waste time in regrets, like the person stuck in a bog and first calculating how far he has sunk without recognizing that during the time he spends on that he is sinking still deeper. I will hurry along the path I have found and shout to everyone I meet: Do not look back as Lot's wife did, but remember that we are struggling up a hill." ―from_Journals_, (The Search for Personal Meaning)

These children, the spirited ones, when surprised or faced with a potential threat startle more easily, their pulse races, blood pressure rises, stress hormones flood into their systems, and on an EEG, their brain even shows more activity on the right side.

One of the greatest tragedies in human interaction is that we believe ‘will’ can change everything—it can’t.

The difference between perseverance and obstinacy is that one comes from a strong will and the other from a strong won’t. —Howard Ward Beecher

A brilliant child, a potential Rhodes Scholar, repeatedly called stupid by a father that feels inferior to his son’s brilliance, might take in this comment as a fact, take on the self-concept of someone who is not bright and then live within the energy and belief of this projection, never fully realizing or developing the brilliant mind that he has.

Being inconsistent in reducing the accommodation also has other disadvantages. If you are inconsistent, that is, sometimes accommodating and sometimes not, then something is going to be determining which times you accommodate and which times you don’t. What is that something going to be? It won’t be your plan, because your plan is not to accommodate at all. Instead, what will determine whether you accommodate is more likely to be something such as, what mood you happen to be in, how tired or energetic you happen to feel, how much time you have at the moment, or how you happen to feel about your child right then. It makes sense that these things would influence whether or not you accommodate, but they are not at all helpful.

First, redesign your relational field. Psychically add green to it if you are dealing with a physical illness or trauma; add pink if your core issues are relational in nature, such as social phobias or abuse issues. Add gold if the most striking symptoms are chronic, repetitive, or addictive in nature; if your issues are spiritual (linked with entities or attachments); or if you are lacking in boundaries altogether. You can also combine these colors. Now ask the Divine to link your inner child with a healing stream of grace and to then plug the same stream of grace into your relational field. Request that the Divine fill this field (and surround the child) with the appropriate hue, intensity, and amount of the heart colors just described. Know that this incoming energy will push out all undesirable energies. Allow this healing stream and the incoming energy to continue flowing as long as necessary.

More importantly, a child needs you to be energetically present with them, to play with them, to listen to them and to show them you care. Look them in the eyes and say, “You are so important to me.” Then with your actions demonstrate your reverence for them by spending time interacting with them and mentoring them. Even if they do something ‘wrong’ be gentle. They are just learning how to be in this world. If they ‘act out,’ it is always a call for love. If they make a ‘mistake,’ it is always a call for love. Teach them how to make better choices by mentoring them lovingly.

Willpower is a child on a journey . . . enthusiastic and energetic at the onset but quick to tire and lose interest.

Eventually, I came to the conclusion that the cost was too great. I was energetically drained, unfulfilled, and resentful. I decided to set the ultimate boundary: a complete separation. It was a decision for my inner child, showing her that, yes, I could take time and space away and could make choices that were good for me, even at the “expense” of others. For the first time ever, I authentically showed up for myself, while learning how to show up authentically for others, too. That boundary—one born of extremely painful deliberation—completely reoriented my life.

In my classes I’ve whittled the guidelines for rules down to three basic questions: 1. Is the behavior safe? 2. Is it respectful of self and others? 3. Is it respectful of the environment?

Remember introverts only like to share feelings after they’ve had a chance to think about them. Let them know you’re available when they’re ready to talk, but give them the time and space they need to think through their emotions before you expect them to share them. If you push them, they’ll only withdraw. Introverts need their space.

Sensitivity combines with intensity to make spirited kids very tenderhearted. They form deep and lasting relationships. They have a tremendous sense of justice. They are easily hurt. It is critical that they understand both their sensitivity and intensity, to realize that life may have dumped a bucket of water on their head but they aren’t drowning. They will survive.

Save it, pup,” cried Dick, pointing to the child, which had been caught in an eddy, and was for a few moments hovering on the edge of the stream that rushed impetuously towards the fall. The noble Newfoundland did not require to be told what to do. It seems a natural instinct in this sagacious species of dog to save man or beast that chances to be struggling in the water, and many are the authentic stories related of Newfoundland dogs saving life in eases of shipwreck. Indeed, they are regularly trained to the work in some countries; and nobly, fearlessly, disinterestedly do they discharge their trust, often in the midst of appalling dangers. Crusoe sprang from the bank with such impetus that his broad chest ploughed up the water like the bow of a boat, and the energetic workings of his muscles were indicated by the force of each successive propulsion as he shot ahead. In a few seconds he reached the child and caught it by the hair. Then he turned to swim back, but the stream had got hold of him. Bravely he struggled, and lifted the child breast-high out of the water in his powerful efforts to stem the current. In vain. Each moment he was carried inch by inch down until he was on the brink of the fall, which, though not high, was a large body of water and fell with a heavy roar. He raised himself high out of the stream with the vigour of his last struggle, and then fell back into the abyss.

Whether it’s revving up, getting louder, testing the rules, fussing over a decision, or becoming less coordinated, spirited kids are letting you know when their intensity is rising. You don’t have to wait until they are weeping uncontrollably to detect their sadness or screaming in fury to sense their anger. Emotions are much easier to manage when they are at a lower level of intensity. It’s very likely that you have indeed felt your child’s cues in your gut but may have ignored them because you were too tired or rushing to get somewhere. Perhaps you ignored them because you thought responding to these cues reinforces your child’s negative behavior, but reading the cues is like smelling smoke. If you follow up quickly, you may be able to smother the fire before it engulfs you, saving you an hour of total turmoil.

Ultimately we want the children to catch their growing intensity themselves, to rely on their inner control rather than our control. By giving them the words, we can expect that by the time they are three and a half or four years of age, we will be hearing things like: “Mom, I’m starting to bounce off the walls, help me.” Or, “Dad, I’m really revved up.” Or, “I’m having a very hard morning.

Using Words Learning to express their potent reactions in words rather than in actions is critical for spirited children. If they can tell us they are angry, they don’t have to kick us to get the message across. It’s our labels that they turn to as they are building their vocabulary—the words we use to describe and explain intensity. Three-year-old Al is a blond, tousled-haired minitornado. “I’ve got gusto,” he informed me. “My dad says it’s okay to do things with gusto—as long as you don’t hurt anybody!” “I’m full of it,” a five-year-old shared, “just like my Grandpa Dick.” “My mom plays whisper games with me to help me practice my soft voice because usually I’ve very dramatic,” six-year-old Chrissie exclaimed. “I have powerful reactions,” eight-year-old Kerry told me. These children, as young as three (and sometimes even two) understand their intensity and feel good about it. They haven’t been told they were wild, aggressive, or mean. The words to describe their intensity have focused on the vim, vigor, and energy racing through their body in a positive way. It is those words that help them to feel comfortable with their intensity rather than embarrassed or frightened by it. As a result, they don’t have to run wild, scream, hit, or throw things to express themselves—at least most of the time. They can talk about it instead.

2. PERSISTENCE: If an idea or an activity is important to them, spirited children can “lock” right in. They are committed to their task, goal-oriented, and unwilling to give up. Getting them to change their minds is a major undertaking. They love to debate and are not afraid to assert themselves.

3. SENSITIVITY: Keenly aware, spirited kids quickly respond to the slightest noises, smells, lights, textures, or changes in mood. They are easily overwhelmed in crowds by the barrage of sensations. Getting them through a shopping center, long religious service, carnival, or family gathering without losing them to a fit of tears is a major achievement. Dressing can be a torture. A wayward string or a scratchy texture can render clothes intolerable. Every sensation and emotion is absorbed by them, including your feelings. They’ll tell you that you are having a rotten day before you realize it yourself and they’ll even scream and sulk for you.

4. PERCEPTIVENESS: Send them to their room to get dressed and they’ll never make it. Something along the way—perhaps a commercial on the television—will catch their attention as they walk by and they’ll forget about getting dressed. It can take ten minutes to get them from the house to the car. They notice everything—the latest oil spill, the white feather in the bird’s nest, and the dew in the spider web. They’re often accused of not listening.

7. ENERGY: The tales of spirited kids I hear from parents are truly amazing, like that of the two-week old baby that “crawled” the entire length of a queen-sized bed and was about to land on the floor when his father found him. Or the toddler who opened the oven door, used it to crawl onto the counter and from there to the top of the refrigerator. Not all spirited kids are climbers and leapers. But they do tend to be busy—fidgeting, taking things apart, exploring, and creating projects—from the time they wake up until they finally fall asleep. Although sometimes viewed as “wild,” their energy is usually focused and has a purpose.

5. ADAPTABILITY: Spirited children are uncomfortable with change. They hate surprises and do not shift easily from one activity or idea to another. If they’re expecting hot dogs on the grill for supper, heaven forbid if you come home and suggest going out to a restaurant. Even if it is their favorite restaurant, they’ll say, “No, I want hot dogs.” Adapting to change, any change, is tough: ending a game in order to come to lunch, changing clothes for different seasons, sleeping at Grandma’s house instead of at home, getting in the car, and getting out of the car. All of these activities signal a struggle for slow-to-adapt spirited children.

WHILE EACH SPIRITED CHILD IS UNIQUE, most are more intense, persistent, sensitive, perceptive, and uncomfortable with change. Many, but not all, possess four additional “bonus” characteristics: aspects of their personality that can make being their parent even more challenging.

6. REGULARITY: Figuring out when they will sleep or eat is a daily puzzle for parents of spirited children who are irregular. It seems impossible to get them onto any kind of schedule. An eight-hour night of undisturbed sleep is a mere memory lingering in your mind from the days before their birth.

7. ENERGY: The tales of spirited kids I hear from parents are truly amazing, like that of the two-week old baby that “crawled” the entire length of a queen-sized bed and was about to land on the floor when his father found him. Or the toddler who opened the oven door, used it to crawl onto the counter and from there to the top of the refrigerator. Not all spirited kids are climbers and leapers. But they do tend to be busy—fidgeting, taking things apart, exploring, and creating projects—from the time they wake up until they finally fall asleep. Although sometimes viewed as “wild,” their energy is usually focused and has a purpose. It may surprise you that not all spirited children have a high energy level because for those who do, it is often the energy that first catches a parent’s attention, and that is why I have included it in the subtitle of this book. However, if you look more closely, it is usually the intensity of the motion or the persistence of it rather than the energy itself which is at issue.

9. MOOD: The world is a serious place for some spirited kids. They’re analytical, meticulously reviewing experiences, finding the flaws, and making suggestions for change. Even if they scored three goals in a soccer game, they’ll focus on the one they missed. If they are excited about an event or pleased with a gift, you may not be aware of it, as their smiles are a rare treat.

THE BONUS CHARACTERISTICS are not common to all spirited kids, but if your child possesses any of them, you will need to be even more enterprising. Not only are you living with a child who is more, but you’re also faced with the exhaustion of life with a child who is energetic, rarely falls into a predictable sleeping and eating schedule, expresses a strong resistance to new situations and things, and shares fewer rewarding smiles. Don’t despair. These too have their potential.

8. FIRST REACTION: A quick withdrawal from anything new is typical of many spirited kids. Any unfamiliar idea, thing, place, or person may be met with a vehement “NO!” or a quick disappearance behind your leg or to another room. They need time to warm up before they’re ready to participate.

2. You did not make your child spirited. There is a genetic factor to being spirited, but how one’s genes are expressed is significantly influenced by life events. You are but one of the many influences in your child’s life. Other parents, relatives, siblings, teachers, neighbors, friends, life experiences, and the world at large all play a part. You make a big difference, but not the only difference.

3. You are not powerless. There is information in this book to help you understand your spirited child. You can read it and use it. You can strengthen skills you already have and learn new ones. You can reduce the hassles and live peacefully with your spirited child—most days. Progress not perfection is our goal.

4. You have permission to take care of yourself. Your own need for sleep, quiet, uninterrupted adult conversation, lovemaking, a leisurely bath, a walk around the block, and time to complete your own projects is real and legitimate. It is not a sign of failure to ask a friend for help, to hire a sitter, or to allow relatives the opportunity to build a relationship with your child while you take a break. When you fulfill your needs, you generate the energy to meet your child’s needs.

5. You may celebrate and enjoy the delights of your spirited child. You can concentrate on strengths, appreciate her tender heart, and tickle your fancy with her wild stories and crazy creations. It is appropriate and right to tell her when she is good, instead of when she is bad, to teach her the right way to behave rather than to punish her for innocent errors. Your spirited child possesses personality traits that we value in adults. It is never too early to begin proclaiming her virtues.

obstacles nosy curious wild energetic extreme tenderhearted inflexible traditional manipulative charismatic impatient compelling anxious cautious explosive dramatic picky selective whiny analytical distractible perceptive

You Do Make a Difference But biology is not destiny. What we now know is that nature and nurture matter. How your child’s temperament is ultimately expressed depends on his age, experience, and training. David Reiss of George Washington University, states, “Whether and how strongly genes that underlie behaviors are turned on or expressed depends on the interaction and relationships a child has with the important people in his life.” You don’t get to choose your child’s temperament, nor does your child, but you do make a big difference. It is you who helps your child understand his temperament, emphasizes his strengths, provides him with the guidance he needs to express himself appropriately, and gently nudges him forward. The researchers now believe that by doing so you provide the practice needed to create new pathways within the brain and as a result fresh ways of responding and functioning. So when you recognize your child’s intense reaction, move in to soothe and calm him, and ultimately teach him how to compose himself, you change not only his behavior but the physical reaction within his body as well.

And while the temperamentally active child will always be an energetic individual, how that looks can change over time. With guidance from you, your spirited child can learn to channel his energy in positive ways. Instead of jumping on Grandma’s couch, he may be jumping on a diving board. The slow-to-accept-change child may always find shifting from one activity to another a bit disconcerting, but with your assistance and support he can learn to cope with change. With a little forewarning and preparation, initially on your part and ultimately on his, he can learn to: arise in the morning, arrive at the dinner table promptly, and get into and out of the car without a major meltdown. By adapting your parenting techniques to fit his temperament and his style, and teaching him the skills he needs, you help him to live cooperatively with others and to be all that he can be. To deny him his energy, his need for preparation before shifts, or any of his other temperamental traits is telling him “don’t be”—don’t be who you are.

When you’re in the middle and stuck, you need to know when to back out and call for help. If that person is someone you live with, set up your signals as Molly and her husband did. Use expressions or words that clearly signify “I need your help now!” It is imperative that parents of spirited children work together. It is not a sign of failure to let others assist you. It is a recognition and acceptance of your own intensity and limits. Blaming or ridiculing only fuels the intensity levels. Teamwork is essential. You have to talk about how you react when your child is upset. You have to decide how you can help and support each other. By working together, you take the sting out of your child’s strong responses. You create a lifeline that keeps you from falling into the abyss of the red zone. If it seems impossible for you and your partner to work together, seek counseling, and make weekly dates a priority so that you can work together. Researchers at the Gottman Institute have found that children of unhappily married parents are chronically aroused physiologically and it takes them much longer to recover from emotional arousal. Your children need you to work together so that they can stay in the green zone, where they are calm and open to your guidance. If you are a single parent, you might think that you can’t ask someone else for help. Single parents often say, “What if I call and interrupt their meal or family time?” Or, “I don’t want to bother anyone.” But good friends don’t mind being bothered. They appreciate the opportunity to help and the joy of giving. Look for someone you know who likes your child and won’t be critical of him or you. You have to be able to trust that they’ll support you, and then feel free to call. As the parent of a spirited child, you have to know and use your resources well. Step Away from It Of course there are times when your kids are plummeting into the red zone and you are all alone, with no one to help. If you realize you’re going over the edge with them, give yourself permission to step out of the fire. It’s much better to take a breather than to have two bulls charging head to head into each other.

Words control the impulses; without them children have no protective devices to slow their reactions. Frequently I am asked, “Aren’t you just begging for a blowup when you talk about intensity with kids? Aren’t you feeding them ideas or creating words for feelings that don’t really exist?” My experience, observations, and interviews tell me that spirited children feel intensely whether anyone has talked to them about it or not. Ignoring it does not make it go away. Ask children what is happening inside their bodies, and they will tell you that they can feel their blood buzzing in their veins or hornets zipping through their body. If no one has informed them that other people experience these feelings or if no one has helped them by giving names to these feelings—like anxiety, frustration, excitement, and elation—they become frightened by them. Some worry that they are sick. Some feel odd, others lost and overwhelmed. Talking verifies the sensations and emotions. It gives them legitimacy and allows the child to own them without being frightened. It also helps kids to know what to do with them, how to react, and how to manage their intensity. Most

Intense spirited kids need to hear phrases like: You are enthusiastic. You are expressive and lively. That can be frustrating. You are very upset, but you are a problem solver and will figure out what to do. Being intense does not mean being aggressive. I’m wondering if you are feeling anxious, angry, sad (or whatever the emotion might be). Your body gets very excited. When kids hear these messages over and over again, they are able to turn them into “I” messages. An intense spirited child can learn to tell himself: I am getting upset I’m going into the red zone. I can be angry without hurting someone. I am really excited. I like being enthusiastic. My blood is starting to boil. I need to step out of here. I’m feeling crabby. I experience very strong emotions, but I don’t have to let them overwhelm me. By giving them the words, we give them the tools to get their needs met appropriately.

Children learn best from the adults they love. They watch carefully to see how you handle your strong emotions. Most of us, however, have not been taught to enjoy the richness intensity adds to our lives; nor have we been instructed in the safety measures needed to use it appropriately. To help our children understand and manage their intense emotions, we have to feel comfortable with our own. DEALING WITH YOUR OWN INTENSITY The intensity of spirited kids sizzles and snaps. It can burn you to the core. You breathe deeply trying your best to block the blows. At first, like drops on a rainproof jacket they roll off. But the torrent grows heavier, the drops more penetrating, roaring in your ear, and piercing your composure until you may find yourself also in the red zone screaming, threatening and slamming doors.

I’m not sure if it was the despondent look in a parent’s big brown eyes and the hopeless shake of her head or if it was listening to my husband the other morning screaming at the kids, “I promised myself I wasn’t going to yell this week” that made me realize that recommending that spirited parents keep their cool was a denial of their own intensity. Somehow, some way, spirited adults have to find an acceptable outlet for their own intense reactions before they can help their children handle theirs. It doesn’t work to simply say, “I am supposed to be cool.” The fact is, you’re not. The

Small, inquisitive and solitary, the only child of an only son, growing up in rented lodgings or hotel rooms, constantly on the move as a boy, Anthony Powell needed an energetic imagination to people a sadly under-populated world from a child's point of view. His mother and his nurse were for long periods the only people he saw, in general the one unchanging element in a peripatetic existence.

As a child, she believed he was the kindest man she knew. But slowly over the years, Baba became a stranger and she feels nothing but a dull ache for the energetic, gleeful father she once knew. People change. Everyone. And all love ends. She knows this now. Only hardened exiles refuse to change; they dig their feet in and try to root everywhere they land, even if the soil poisons them. They hang on and on, afraid to move forward. They don't let go of dead things. They don't toss the lime juice. They hoard trinkets in ragged suitcases. They pile up photographs of long-ago days, begging their children for doubles. They build a fortress in the corner of a closet. Maybe Gui was right. You're still waiting, he said - it's true. She's so terrified of losing her every small advantage that now her own Baba poses a threat. If she had accepted Gui as her home, would she shield herself so zealously? Would she be a secure kind of woman with a dozen purses strewn everywhere, each containing an old ID or a document she once thought important - none of it vital enough to save, because her entitlement to her life isn't granted by these things, but intrinsic? No one can snatch it away. Maybe that's the difference between refugees and expats. The difference isn't Yale or naturalization papers, a fat bank account or invitations to native homes. In that way, she is the same as Mam'mad and Karim. When you learn to release that first great windfall after the long migration, when you trust that you'll still be you in a year or a decade, even without the treasures you've picked up along the way, always capable of more - when you stop carrying it all on your back - maybe that's when the refugee years end.

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Family meals are also critical. Research consistently demonstrates that the family meal is a better indicator of academic achievement than participation in sports or the arts.

CV-17 Chinese Point name: Shan Zhong;20 English translation: “Chest Center;” Special Attributes: Intersection Point of the Spleen, Small Intestine, Triple Warmer and the Conception Vessel. Additionally, it is the alarm point for the Pericardium Meridian; Location: On the centerline of the body on the same level as the nipples; Western Anatomy: Branches of the internal mammary artery and vein are found with the anterior cutaneous branch of the fourth intercostal nerve; Comments: This is a major point of interest to combative martial artists. A blow to CV-17 can affect the electrical pattern of the heart resulting in arrhythmia. Western science refers to this as Commotio cordis and it is documented with strikes to the chest as in a baseball striking the chest of a child. While interviewing a former infantry point man who served in Vietnam confirmation was added to the lethality of a strike to CV-17. According to this individual, a life-long karate practitioner, while he was walking point one night he actually bumped into an enemy soldier who was traveling down the same trail from the opposite direction. The American struck the Viet Cong with a strong punch to CV-17 killing him instantly. His small frame combined with the larger stature of the American allowed for a perfect 45-degree strike (strikes to CV-17 should be downward at a 45-degree angle). These strikes will generally be open palm or hammer fist type strikes given the height of an average sized opponent and the location of the point. Additional energetic disruption can be added by rotating your striking hand outward on contact.

When a parent finds it difficult to connect with their autistic child and receives no, low or unexpected feedback, they may modify their style of interacting with the child and become more directive[ci][cii][ciii] or hyper-stimulating[civ]. In such a scenario, the parent’s vocal pitch may rise and their prosody alter, their facial expression may become exaggerated, they may enter further and more frequently into their child’s personal space and may become more physical, energetic and vocal in their interactions with the child. For an autistic infant experiencing sensory trauma, such modifications in parental interaction style, inspired by the parent’s desire to connect, may paradoxically make it even more difficult, if not impossible, for the infant to connect with their parent.

Managed well, intensity adds flavor and excitement to our lives. It’s the trait that allows our spirited children to be animated, vivacious, and zealous. It provides them with the drive needed to become the karate champ, the tumbling tiger, the enthusiastic creator, the lively entertainer, and the charismatic leader. If we can fill ourselves with positive messages about intensity, we can stand in front of a mirror and proudly tell ourselves: “Intensity adds value to my life.” “I am comfortable with intensity.” “I can accept my child’s intensity.” “I can help my child learn to manage her intensity.” “I do not fear intensity.

Living with the “raw gem” of a persistent child is not easy. To tell these kids no, to thwart their efforts, is to risk their wrath. Even as infants they are incredibly determined and strong. They push where other kids don’t push. They demand more than other kids demand. And they never give up. It is nearly impossible to ignore them or distract them. In every situation they meet us head-on, ready to do battle. Persistence is the temperamental trait that plays a major role in power struggles. Spirited kids need, want, and seek power. But we can learn to choose our battles wisely. We don’t have to fight every day. By recognizing our children’s drive and goal orientation, we can teach them to channel their persistence appropriately—to use it as an asset rather than a weapon. We can be a problem-solving family where persistence and commitment to one’s goals is celebrated, and the ability to work with others is a honed skill.

What Can You Do About a Passive Child? Parents of passive children have a double problem. These kids have the same boundary problems of irresponsibility or resistance to ownership, but it’s harder to engage them in the learning process. Here are some ways children exhibit passivity: • Procrastination. The child responds to you at the last possible moment. He finishes school tasks late and “makes” you wait in the car for him to get ready for school or other meetings. When you ask him to turn the music down or set the dinner table, a normally energetic and quick-moving child slows his pace down immeasurably. He takes enormous time to do what he doesn’t want, and little time to do what he wants. • Ignoring. Your child shuts your instruction out, either pretending not to hear you or simply disregarding you. She keeps attending to her toy, her book, or her daydreaming. • Lack of initiative and risk-taking. Your child avoids new experiences, such as meeting new friends or trying out a sport or artistic medium, and he stays in familiar activities and patterns. • Living in a fantasy world. Your child tends to be more inward-oriented than invested in the real world. He seems happier and more alive when he is lost in his head, and he retreats there at the first sign of problems or discomfort. • Passive defiance. The child resists your requests by looking blankly or sullenly at you, then simply doing nothing. She is obviously angry or contemptuous of your authority, but shows you without words. • Isolation. Your child avoids contact with others, preferring to stay in her room. Rather than confront, argue, or fight with you, she instead reacts against some problem you present by leaving you. Passive kids aren’t bad or evil. They simply have a particular way of approaching life that

Your spirited child possesses personality traits that we value in adults. It is never too early to begin proclaiming her virtues.

Extroverts need to know that sitting too close, standing too near, touching when touch is unwanted, or walking into a private room unannounced will drive introverts nuts and drain their energy.

when we hold positive thoughts, it changes our behavior. We are more open, tolerant, and creative, and as a result we smile more, give more information, and are more patient.

This happened one afternoon after I had set out some old National Geographic magazines for the Pirahãs to thumb through. They love pictures of animals and peoples, whether from the Amazon or other parts of the world. Xiooitaóhoagí (i-owi-taO-hoa-gI) sat on the floor, looking through the magazine, with her baby suckling at her breast. Her legs straight out in front of her, dress pulled down to her knees, in the normal Pirahã manner, she was humming rhythmically to the child on her lap as he nursed energetically. I watched for a bit before I realized that what she was humming was a description of the whale and Eskimos whose pictures she was examining. The boy would look away from her breast to the picture from time to time, and she would point and hum louder.

Love your spirited child for who she is. Let her make you laugh. Let her share with you how she sees, hears, and experiences the things around her. Allow her to enrich your life. Because she is more, she will make you more.

J. J. Goodnow found in his research that parents whose children were very socially competent did not see their children’s occasional social “tussles” as signs of aggressiveness but attributed the missteps to something more temporary, like a high-energy child who had played too long. As a result, instead of getting angry with their child, they simply made a mental note to help him avoid getting into trouble in the future, by pointing out when to call it quits. That optimistic perspective kept them working together.

Many parents of spirited children are baffled by the fact that spirited children can be both persistent and perceptive. They wonder how spirited kids can forget two directions from their parents, yet remember the Kentucky Fried Chicken stand fifty miles back and insist on going there. The answer is simple. Spirited kids are persistent when they are motivated and personally interested in the idea or activity. If it’s their idea, they won’t let go of it. If it’s yours, they are much more interested in what else is going on in the world around them. The world needs people who are persistent, but as their parent you can expect to expend more energy and skill to win cooperation.

Instead of telling yourself that if there’s another blowup this morning you’re going to be really angry or feel like a complete failure, or that you are certain your child really is trying to sabotage the day, you can say, “I’m expecting that this morning may not go smoothly. Whatever happens, I am proud of myself for not letting it upset me.” Or, “I understand that it’s difficult for my child to separate in the morning. She’s really not just trying to get me.” Or, “Something must be upsetting her. We can figure it out.” Or, “This morning may be tough, but she really is learning. Six months ago every day had a blowup, now it’s only once or twice a week.

When a child feels safe, his brain unconsciously directs his facial muscles to make eye contact, vocalize with an appealing inflection and rhythm, and adjust the middle ear muscle to distinguish the human voice from background sounds more efficiently. But if he feels threatened, the brain spontaneously signals these same muscles to let the eyelids droop, reduce voice inflection, and adjust the muscle in the middle ear so that the human voice becomes less acute and the sounds in the environment more pronounced instead.

Motivate your child to listen with words of support and love that let him know he is safe with you. Send your message in many different ways including talking, writing, drawing, and demonstrating. Touch your child lightly to help him attend to your instructions. Make sure you have his attention by making eye contact. Keep your message simple. Avoid asking a question if there really isn’t a choice. Tell him what he can do. Limit the number of instructions you give at one time.

Spirited children need to hear: You feel uncomfortable the first day your stepsister comes to stay with us because it changes our routine. You can say, “I’m having a tough time.” Change is difficult for you, but you can change and you do all of the time. Remember last week when you… The shift from school to home is very tough for you, but together we can come up with a plan to make it better. You like to know what to expect. Let’s talk about the plan for the day. I think you are upset because you were surprised. I can wait for you to finish. Or, where would you like to save it? You can be flexible. Our family works together. I will respect you, but I also need you to work with me.

Sharing is one of the most challenging social skills for all children to learn. The limits are so unclear. Moms and Dads don’t share their cars with the neighbors, and yet kids are supposed to. Mom takes a sip of Dad’s soda, but a toddler isn’t supposed to snitch a drink from someone else’s bottle. We share some things but not everything. It is all very confusing.

• Inattention: Perhaps because of sensory over- or underresponsiveness, the child may have a short attention span, even for activities he enjoys. He may be highly distractible, paying attention to everything except the task at hand. He may be disorganized and forgetful. • Impulsivity: To get or avoid sensory stimulation, the child may be heedlessly energetic and impetuous. She may lack self-control and be unable to stop after starting an activity. She may pour juice until it spills, run pell-mell into people, overturn toy bins, and talk out of turn.

And then, on the day when his grandfather had turned him out of doors, he had been only a child, now he was a man. He felt it. Misery, we repeat, had been good for him. Poverty in youth, when it succeeds, has this magnificent property about it, that it turns the whole will towards effort, and the whole soul towards aspiration. Poverty instantly lays material life bare and renders it hideous; hence inexpressible bounds towards the ideal life. The wealthy young man has a hundred coarse and brilliant distractions, horse races, hunting, dogs, tobacco, gaming, good repasts, and all the rest of it; occupations for the baser side of the soul, at the expense of the loftier and more delicate sides. The poor young man wins his bread with difficulty; he eats; when he has eaten, he has nothing more but meditation. He goes to the spectacles which God furnishes gratis; he gazes at the sky, space, the stars, flowers, children, the humanity among which he is suffering, the creation amid which he beams. He gazes so much on humanity that he perceives its soul, he gazes upon creation to such an extent that he beholds God. He dreams, he feels himself great; he dreams on, and feels himself tender. From the egotism of the man who suffers he passes to the compassion of the man who meditates. An admirable sentiment breaks forth in him, forgetfulness of self and pity for all. As he thinks of the innumerable enjoyments which nature offers, gives, and lavishes to souls which stand open, and refuses to souls that are closed, he comes to pity, he the millionnaire of the mind, the millionnaire of money. All hatred departs from his heart, in proportion as light Free eBooks at Planet eBook.com 1167 penetrates his spirit. And is he unhappy? No. The misery of a young man is never miserable. The first young lad who comes to hand, however poor he may be, with his strength, his health, his rapid walk, his brilliant eyes, his warmly circulating blood, his black hair, his red lips, his white teeth, his pure breath, will always arouse the envy of an aged emperor. And then, every morning, he sets himself afresh to the task of earning his bread; and while his hands earn his bread, his dorsal column gains pride, his brain gathers ideas. His task finished, he returns to ineffable ecstasies, to contemplation, to joys; he beholds his feet set in afflictions, in obstacles, on the pavement, in the nettles, sometimes in the mire; his head in the light. He is firm serene, gentle, peaceful, attentive, serious, content with little, kindly; and he thanks God for having bestowed on him those two forms of riches which many a rich man lacks: work, which makes him free; and thought, which makes him dignified. This is what had happened with Marius. To tell the truth, he inclined a little too much to the side of contemplation. From the day when he had succeeded in earning his living with some approach to certainty, he had stopped, thinking it good to be poor, and retrenching time from his work to give to thought; that is to say, he sometimes passed entire days in meditation, absorbed, engulfed, like a visionary, in the mute voluptuousness of ecstasy and inward radiance. He had thus propounded the problem of his life: to toil as little as possible at material labor, in order to toil as much as possible at the labor which is impalpable; in other words, to bestow a few hours on real life, and to cast the rest to the 1168 Les Miserables infinite. As he believed that he lacked nothing, he did not perceive that contemplation, thus understood, ends by becoming one of the forms of idleness; that he was contenting himself with conquering the first necessities of life, and that he was resting from his labors too soon. It was evident that, for this energetic and enthusiastic nature, this could only be a transitory state, and that, at the first shock against the inevitable complications of destiny, Marius would awaken.

The Child Within refers to that part of each of us which is ultimately alive, energetic, creative and fulfilled; it is our Real Self—who we truly are.

What is it?” Reve asks, retrieving my belongings. His eyes dart everywhere. He loops the strap over his shoulder along with his knapsack. My bag looks like a child’s toy on his stocky, muscular frame. He positions himself protectively by my side. “I don’t know. There are too many energetic signatures to discern one from the other. But something is...” I tremble. “I don’t know. I sense a disturbance. A big one. It’s probably one of the Meta freaks. A witch. A necromancer. Who knows?” “Easy, sis. You’re probably on overload. Take deep breaths. I’ve got you. We’ll get through this.” I puff out my cheeks and blow out a huge, gusty sigh. He gently turns me around and places his hands over mine on either side of my face. He trains his warm hazel eyes on mine.

Each of us shines in a different way, but this doesn’t make our light less bright. —Albert Einstein

have forty-three years behind me and I feel as lonely as if I were a child.” All remains to be done and said. His work is still only the outline of an idea, a promise, and he would falter at his task if it were not for music. “She alone delivers me from myself, she sobers me up, orientates me towards myself, as if I looked down on myself from a great height, as if I had the sensation of being at a very high vantage point. She fortifies me, and regularly, following an evening of music (I have listened to Carmen now four times), a morning dawns redolent with energetic sights and discoveries. It is quite remarkable. It is as if I have bathed in a more neutral element. Life without music is simply a mistake, enfeeblement, an exile.” (Letter to Gast.)