Emerson Eggerichs Quotes

In your marriage, be the first to “seek peace and pursue it” (1 Peter 3:11).

Your husband needs you to love him, but he also needs you to like him as a friend.

YOU CAN BE RIGHT BUT WRONG AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE

When a husband feels disrespected, it is especially hard to love his wife. When a wife feels unloved, it is especially hard to respect her husband.

his love motivates her respect; her respect motivates his love. We

Psalm 119:130: “The unfolding of Your words gives light; it gives understanding

the husband decides he will motivate his wife to become more respectful by acting in unloving ways. This usually proves about as successful as trying to sell a pickup to an Amish farmer.

Unfortunately, a wife’s usual approach is to complain and criticize in order to motivate her husband to become more loving. This usually proves about as successful as trying to sell brass knuckles to Mother Teresa.

We easily see what is done to us before we see what we are doing to our mate.

Tell your spouse you are trying to make changes and THEN appeal to your spouse to understand you.

When God says no, He is saying, ‘Don’t hurt yourself.

Truly, truly, I say to you, everyone who commits sin is the slave of sin. . . . if the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed” (John 8:34, 36). What

No matter how difficult your spouse may be, you cannot blame your negative reactions on your spouse.

Your spouse can affect you, but your spouse does not control you.

You can experience disappointment, but it is your choice to disrespect or be unloving.

Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV).

Sin amor, ella reaccionará sin respeto; sin respeto, usted reaccionará sin amor.

Because he is confused, he doesn’t ask the question, “Don’t you respect me?” for fear she’ll say, “No, I don’t.” That frightens him so he avoids it. As a result, she gets locked into disrespect as a way of communicating her irritation and goading him to change. But over the course of the marriage, something slowly dies between them. She wins the battles, but deep down she knows she is losing the war. WHAT

Feelings can be real but fickle...When we speak based on facts, not on our feelings alone, we temper and restrict our comments before hitting send...[G]ood communicators confirm their feelings with facts.

One of the most popular illustrations we use in Love and Respect Conferences compares women and men to pink and blue. The audience responds immediately when I talk about how she sees through pink sunglasses and hears with pink hearing aids, while he sees through blue sunglasses and hears with blue hearing aids. In other words, women and men are very different. Yet, when blue blends with pink, it becomes purple, God’s color—the color of royalty. The way for pink and blue to blend is spelled out in Ephesians 5:33: “[Every husband] must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV). Living out Ephesians 5:33 is the key to blending together as one to reflect the very image of God.

You thought you were doing the honorable thing by refusing to engage her. But that isn’t going to work now. It won’t stop the craziness. I want you to hear her deeper cry and move toward her. Allow her to vent. Embrace her negativity and anger.” If

Truth be told, the craziness in the family intensifies and worsens because of the parents’ immaturity, not the kids’ immaturity. It is not that our children cause us to be angry, but rather that their actions can reveal our hot-tempered personality.

Ultimately, you practice love or respect because beyond your spouse you see Jesus Christ and you envision a moment when you will be standing before Him at the final judgment, realizing that your marriage was really a tool and a test to deepen and demonstrate your love and your reverence for your Lord.

Give so a child’s basic physical needs can be met. 2. Understand so a child is not provoked or exasperated. 3. Instruct so your child can know and apply God’s wisdom. 4. Discipline so your child can correct poor choices. 5. Encourage so your child can courageously develop God-given gifts. 6. Supplicate in prayer so your child can experience God’s touch and truth.

Here is where couples often run into trouble as they try to work out their problems, even small ones. Women confront to connect. The typical response from a man, however, is that he thinks his wife is confronting to control. If another man talked to this man like that, he would sound intentionally provocative. Is that not why some men feel their wives are picking a fight?

The problem many women have today—including Christian wives —is that they want to be treated like a princess, but deep down they resist treating their husbands like the king. They aren’t willing to recognize that in the depth of his very soul a husband wants to be the one who provides and protects—he wants to be an umbrella of protection who would willingly die for his wife if need be.

It is true that often she doesn't want advice; she wants a listening ear. At the same time, however, the wise wife will realize her husband's desire to help and advise is strong. She should refrain from getting angry and humor him a bit, as one wife did by saying, "Thanks for the input. I know I am not the brightest bulb on the tree when it comes to certain things. I am glad we have each other.

A Prayer of Commitment Dear Father, I need You. I cannot love or respect perfectly, but I know You hear me when I ask You for help. First, please forgive me for the times I’ve been unloving or disrespectful. And help me to forgive my spouse for being unloving or disrespectful toward me. I open my heart to You, Father. I will not be fearful or angry at You or my spouse. I’m seeing myself and my spouse in a whole new light, and I will appreciate my spouse as being different, not wrong. Lord, I also ask You to fill my heart with love and reverence for You. After all, this marriage is ultimately about You and me. It isn’t about my spouse. Thank You for helping me both understand this truth and realize that my greatest reward will come from being a spouse as unto You. Now prepare me this day for those inevitable moments of conflict. I especially ask You to put respect or love in my heart when I feel unloved or disrespected. I know there is no credit for loving or respecting when doing so is easy. Finally, I believe that You hear my prayer, and I anticipate Your response. I thank You in advance for helping me take the next loving or respectful step in my marriage. I believe You will empower me, bless me, and even reward me for my effort as I approach marriage as unto You. In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Few seem to have considered 1 Peter 3:1–2. The apostle Peter reveals that husbands who “are disobedient to the word” (meaning they are undeserving of respect) “may be won . . . by . . . respectful behavior.” A simple application is that a wife is to display a respectful facial expression and tone when he fails to be the man she wants. She can give her husband unconditional respect in tone and expression while confronting his unloving behavior and without endorsing his unloving reactions. He may deserve contempt, but that doesn’t win him any more than harshness and anger wins the heart of a woman.

Letting envy create nasty and complaining communications will not lead to a rescue from those who read what we write or hear what we speak. Instead, they’ll hit delete on our e-mails and cross to the other side when they see us on the street.

lack of self-control, unforgiveness, selfishness, pride, deceit, laziness, and lack of faith.

remember Jesus’ warning about “every careless word that people speak.” Every word from your mouth counts. Every last one. According to our loving Lord, there is no backspace button in life.

Yes, love is vital, especially for the wife, but what we have missed is the husband’s need for respect.

Dreagostea - ceea ce-si doreste ea cel mai mult. Respectul - ceea de ce el are nevoie cu disperare.

creo que el amor se expresa con acciones y no con reacciones

Si me fío de mis sentimientos (o de experiencias anteriores en las que el menosprecio ha resultado efectivo), voy a sentir temor de hacerlo de forma diferente. Si doy un paso de fe, declarando que la Palabra de Dios es el fundamento de mis acciones, eso muestra que confío en que Dios hará lo que dijo que haría. ¡No puedo fallar en eso! He determinado que ese será el camino que voy a seguir sin importar cuán desconocido sea para mí.

¡Confiar y obedecer la Palabra de Dios porque amamos y reverenciamos a Dios nunca, nunca nos hace hipócritas! Cuando suena el despertador en la mañana, nos levantamos, aunque no sintamos ganas de levantarnos. Hacer lo que no tenemos ganas de hacer, ¿nos convierte en hipócritas? No, es una señal de que somos gente responsable. Mostrar una conducta respetuosa cuando «no lo sentimos» es evidencia de madurez, no de hipocresía.

«Esposos, amen a sus esposas, y no sean duros con ellas» (Colosenses 3.19).

Las desenfrenadas estadísticas de divorcio revelan que la «insensatez [está] en su corazón» (Eclesiastés 9.3).

Cuando una esposa «se reviste de […] dignidad», ella se conduce de manera honorable y actúa con respeto (Proverbios 31.25, NVI).

PUEDO EXPERIMENTAR DOLOR, PERO YO ELIJO ODIAR O NO.

«El que es malo, de su maldad produce el mal […] que abunda en su corazón» (Lucas 6.45, NVI).

Jesus said, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her” (John 8:7).

Always do or say what you do or say knowing your speech or actions reflect who you are, not who your spouse is.

Your first goal is to obey and please Christ.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband

about praying but never really pray. Scripture says, “You do not have because you do not ask

If I can’t say anything respectful, I won’t say anything at all.” For

(The good news, as my mom used to say, is that in prison they can get a Bible, whereas in school they cannot.)

Since wisdom “will honor you if you embrace her” (Proverbs 4:8), I believe a good-willed wife will honor you when you love her.

«El que mucho habla, mucho yerra; el que es sabio refrena su lengua» (Proverbios 10.19, NVI).

Tension has a way of tearing down your self-image.

only sin that a wife will readily admit to is her negative reaction to her husband’s failure to be loving or for losing patience with the children. Beyond these areas, women do not see themselves as sinning, even though they readily admit bad habits and wrong attitudes. They write these off to chemical imbalance, hormonal problems, or dysfunction due to family of origin. For

Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “Each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband” (NIV). Of

When offended, husbands should “act like men, be strong”(1 Corinthians 16:13).

ha hecho exactamente lo que usted dijo en su conferencia referente a «Su amor sin importar su respeto». Él me amó cuando yo no en absoluto amorosa, y se aferró a su matrimonio y a su familia cuando no había absolutamente NADA a qué aferrarse. En octubre pasado, le pedí por favor que se fuera de la casa. Deseaba estar sola y solo sentía que ya no lo amaba. Se marchó de mala gana durante un par de semanas […] Yo sabía que mi vida y la vida de las niñas cambiaria drásticamente con un divorcio. Pensé en una visita compartida y en cómo haríamos para vender nuestra casa, la cual habíamos terminado de remodelar poco tiempo antes; pero no me importaba. ¡Solo quería terminar con todo eso! [Mientras tanto] él oraba, estudiaba libros y grabaciones sobre el matrimonio, y tomó la decisión de amarme sucediera lo que sucediera. Las niñas estaban empezando a extrañar no tenerlo en casa, entonces decidimos que no regresaría sino «hasta nuevo aviso». Y bien, él ponía su mano sobre la mía y oraba por mí y por nuestro matrimonio, mientras yo miraba el techo esperando ansiosa que terminara. Me dejaba notitas o una pequeña flor en el espejo del baño o en mi coche. Hacía tantas pequeñas cosas para mostrarme que me amaba y que no iba a dejar que su matrimonio terminara tan fácilmente. Todo esto me fastidiaba. ¿No puede entender que ya no lo amo, que ya no quiero estar con él? ¿Para qué está esforzándose tanto? Ya no sentía estar perdidamente «enamorada» de él. Mis necesidades no estaban siendo satisfechas así que quería terminar con todo; era muy egoísta

A menudo, nos centramos en nuestras propias necesidades y simplemente pasamos por alto las necesidades de la otra persona.

Cuando una esposa se queja, critica o llora, ella está enviando el mensaje codificado: «¡Deseo tu amor!». Y cuando el esposo habla con dureza o no habla en absoluto, él está enviando su mensaje codificado: «¡Deseo tu respeto!».

«Un esposo debe obedecer el mandamiento de amar aun si su esposa no obedece el mandamiento de respetar; y una esposa debe obedecer el mandamiento de respetar aun si su esposo no obedece el mandamiento de amar».

We

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Deflated

El esposo no debería actuar en forma independiente de su esposa, y la esposa no debería actuar en forma independiente de su esposo. Esposo y esposa deberían actuar juntos, y pueden hacerlo.2

Once you grasp this basic principle—that the “issue” is not the real issue at all—you are on your way to cracking the communication code.

...a couple got married and decided that he would make all the major decisions and she would make all the minor decisions. After twenty years, he realized that there had not been one major decision yet.

Aware of his silence, a wife often says, “Why are you always quiet?” And he winds up thinking, If I say something, I’m in trouble. If I don’t say something, I’m in trouble. But if I don’t say something, I’m in less trouble. That’s a sad commentary, but that’s what a lot of men are thinking.

...you tell him you like him and you show it (he knows you love him, but he often wonders if you really like him).

Someone has said, just as the devil will do everything he can to bring two people together sexually before marriage, he does everything he can to keep them away from each other after marriage.

A wife may be wondering why her husband isn’t more open when the truth is, she told him many years ago not to be.

The difference between successful couples and unsuccessful couples is that the successful ones keep getting up and keep dealing with the issues. Unsuccessful couples want it easy. They want it now. They want their needs to be met. They don’t want conflict; they just want everything to be “happy.” This approach is the epitome of immaturity.

Don’t play the percentages game with your spouse. It’s an easy way to get yourself off the hook. And once off the hook, you can’t mature spiritually. In fact, a typical result is that you feel like a victim. You get the victim mind-set.

I can experience hurt, but it's my choice to hate.

You begin to resent your spouse and other people because they haven’t healed your hurts or comforted you. Get rid of the victim mind-set! Realize that the only real healing and comfort you’re going to get is by looking to the Lord and trusting Him with your situation, painful as it is.

You should talk to God about others before you talk to others about God. Ask Him for discernment about whether what you want to say is necessary.

When we conclude the other person needs the light of the truth, and we can speak it lovingly, respectfully, and coherently, then we ought to communicate it. We must speak up for the sake of the truth and for the sake of the other person.

Desde entonces hemos descubierto que hay tres preguntas útiles que hacer cuando el Ciclo Alienante comienza a estallar: 1. ¿Está mi hijo sintiendo falta de amor? 2. ¿Me estoy sintiendo irrespetado? 3. ¿Cómo podré ser padre a la manera de Dios a pesar de todo?

«Bien, tu papi no sabe cómo ser papá, porque cuando tenía tres meses su papi murió. Él creció sin su papi, por eso no sabe cómo serlo».

What is this life-changing decision we both have made? I have decided to believe that Sarah does not intend to be disrespectful. Oh, she can get nasty, but that isn’t how she feels in her heart. I know she respects who I am deep inside. Sarah has decided to believe that I do not intend to be unloving, though I still hurt her at times with my comments and attitudes. She knows that in my heart I love her deeply and would even die for her.

couple sits in my office for counseling, it’s helpful to define the

too much in their dispute. I heeded the warning in Proverbs 26:17: “Like one who seizes a dog by the ears is a passer-by who meddles in a quarrel not his own” (NIV).

«¿Qué mérito tienen ustedes al amar a quienes los aman? Aun los pecadores lo hacen así» (Lucas 6.32, NVI).