Discomfort Growth Quotes

Temporary discomfort is an investment in your future self. Accept a small and uncomfortable transition now, for a lifetime of growth and self-development.

[...] we need to cultivate the courage to be uncomfortable and to teach the people around us how to accept discomfort as a part of growth.

Authentic antiracism is rarely comfortable. Discomfort is key to my growth and thus desirable.

She gave up trying to understand herself, and the vast armies of the benighted, who follow neither the heart nor the brain, and march to their destiny by catch-words. The armies are full of pleasant and pious folk. But they have yielded to the only enemy that matters — the enemy within. They have sinned against passion and truth, and vain will be their strife after virtue. As the years pass, they are censured. Their pleasantry and their piety show cracks, their wit becomes cynicism, their unselfishness hypocrisy; they feel and produce discomfort wherever they go.

I hope that if parts of this book make you uncomfortable, you can sit with that discomfort for awhile to see if it has anything else to offer you.

There is no such thing as change without pain, no growth without discomfort. It’s why it is impossible to become someone new without first grieving the loss of who you used to be.

Being uncomfortable is good, beta. It’s in discomfort that growth happens.

Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge. No newspapers or magazines. No TV. No candy, cookies, or sweets. No sex. No cuddling. No reading of anything at all while you eat or sit on the toilet. Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No movies. No conversation that isn't about truth, love, or the divine. If you take on these disciplines for a few weeks, as well as any other disciplines that may particularly cut through your unique habits of dullness, then your life will be stripped of routine distraction. All that will be left is the edge you have been avoiding by means of your daily routine. You will have to face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction that is the hidden texture of your life. You will be alive with the challenge of living your truth, rather than hiding form it. Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source. By putting all your attention into work, TV, sex, and reading, your suffering remains unpenetrated, and the source remains hidden. Your life becomes structured entirely by your favorite means of sidestepping the suffering you rarely allow yourself to feel. And when you do touch the surface of your suffering, perhaps in the form of boredom, you quickly pick up a magazine or the remote control. Instead, feel your suffering, rest with it, embrace it, make love with it. Feel your suffering so deeply and thoroughly that you penetrate it, and realize its fearful foundation. Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born. Two hours of absorption in a good Super Bowl telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering. By eliminating the safety net of comforts in your life, you have the opportunity to free fall in this moment between birth and death, right through the hole of your fear, into the unthreatenable openness which is the source of your gifts. The superior man lives as this spontaneous sacrifice of love.

A life of growth means a life of exhilarating discomfort.

Growth is often the parent or the child of pain.

The ego might resist change until a person’s level of discomfort becomes unbearable. A person can employ logic to overcome the ego’s defense mechanism and intentionally integrate needed revisions in a person’s obsolete or ineffective beliefs and behavior patterns. The subtle sense that something is amiss in a person’s life can lead to a gradual or quick alteration in a person’s conscious thoughts and outlook on life. Resisting change can prolong unhappiness whereas implementing change can establish internal harmony and instate joy in a person’s life.

We are all animals of this planet. We are all creatures. And nonhuman animals experience pain sensations just like we do. They too are strong, intelligent, industrious, mobile, and evolutional. They too are capable of growth and adaptation. Like us, firsthand foremost, they are earthlings. And like us, they are surviving. Like us they also seek their own comfort rather than discomfort. And like us they express degrees of emotion. In short like us, they are alive.

What lived on-in me- was the discomfort of how completely I'd outgrown the novel I'd once been so happy to live in

The runner knows something the rest of us are busy forgetting: to get stronger, you have to go on until you are uncomfortable, and then go on a while longer. It is in that place where discomfort happens but activity is still possible that growth and development happen.

Be willing to tolerate the discomfort necessary for growth.

Temporary discomfort is a part of growth

There is no growth without discomfort.

I had started keeping a journal, and I was discovering that I didn't need school in order to experience the misery of appearances. I could manufacture excruciating embarrassment in the privacy of my bedroom, simply by reading what I'd written in the journal the day before. Its pages faithfully mirrored my fraudulence and pomposity and immaturity. Reading it made me desperate to change myself, to sound less idiotic. As George Benson had stressed in Then Joy Breaks Through, the experience of growth and self-realization, even of ecstatic joy, were natural processes available to believers and nonbelievers alike. And so I declared private war on stagnation and committed myself privately to personal growth. The Authentic Relationship I wanted now was with the written page.

Becoming a creature of discomfort can unlock hidden potential in many different types of learning. Summoning the nerve to face discomfort is a character skill—an especially important form of determination. It takes three kinds of courage: to abandon your tried-and-true methods, to put yourself in the ring before you feel ready, and to make more mistakes than others make attempts. The best way to accelerate growth is to embrace, seek, and amplify discomfort.

The big challenge for leaders is getting our heads and hearts around the fact that we need to cultivate the courage to be uncomfortable and to teach the people around us how to accept discomfort as a part of growth. For

Discomfort is often a door opening to growth.

To deny your discomfort is ultimately to deny part of yourself.

To see weakness as purely negative is a mistake. Weakness befalls us all, and in many ways. It has its discomforts to be sure and entails loss. But it is also an opportunity—to connect more deeply with others; to see the sacredness in suffering; even to find new areas of growth and success. Stop hiding it, and don’t resist it. Doing so has another benefit for strivers—maybe the most important one of all: you can finally relax a little. When you are honest and humble about your weaknesses, you will be more comfortable in your own skin. When you use your weaknesses to connect with others, love in your life will grow. And finally—finally—you will be able to relax without worrying about being exposed as less than people think you are.

But the strength of women lies in recognizing differences between us as creative, and in standing up to those distortions which we inherited without blame, but which are now ours to alter. The angers of women can transform difference through insight into power. For anger between peers births change, not destruction, and the discomfort and sense of loss it often causes is not fatal, but a sign of growth.

Discomfort is a pain. Boredom is a pain. A perfect piece of music can reduce us to tears. Every one of these pains is essential to the growth of the soul. Pain is part of the beauty of life. It enriches us.

Truth or reality is avoided when it is painful. We can revise our maps only when we have the discipline to overcome that pain. To have such discipline, we must be totally dedicated to truth. That is to say that we must always hold truth, as best we can determine it, to be more important, more vital to our self-interest, than our comfort. Conversely, we must always consider our personal discomfort relatively unimportant and, indeed, even welcome it in the service of the search for truth. Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs.

As life moves we need to move with it, not against it. Transition happens whether we’re ready or not. Of course it’s difficult to let go, to stretch, to accommodate, and to be in between here and there yet- discomfort is inevitable whether you remain in a stagnant story that no longer serves or you decide to choose growth. So choose growth.

Nobody ever died of discomfort, yet living in the name of comfort has killed more ideas, more opportunities, more actions, and more growth than everything else combined. Comfort kills! If your goal in life is to be comfortable, I guarantee two things. First, you will never be rich. Second, you will never be happy. Happiness doesn’t come from living a lukewarm life, always wondering what could have been. Happiness comes as a result of being in our natural state of growth and living up to our fullest potential.

Across our research, nostalgia emerged as a double-edged sword, a tool for both connection and disconnection. It can be an imaginary refuge from a world we don't understand and a dog whistle used to resist important growth in families, organizations, and the broader culture and to protect power, including white supremacy. What's spoken: I wish things were the way they used to be in the good ol' days. What's not spoken: When people knew their places. What's not spoken: When there was no accountability for the way my behaviors affect other people. What's not spoken: When we ignored other people's pain if it caused us discomfort. What's not spoken: When my authority was absolute and never challenged.

When we can accept reality as it is and are okay with it without needing to change it, we then can begin to take steps toward creating a brighter reality for ourselves and others, coming from a place of understanding. But when we are motivated to change reality due to our discomfort with it, we do not think clearly. The reason that there is so much suffering in the world is because people are too busy judging everyone and everything, and through the judgments they perpetuate the suffering. People are so focused on changing outside conditions, all the while forgetting the judgment and separation within their own heart.

According to scientists at the University of Oregon, people who exercised in a 100-degree room for ten days, for example, increased their fitness performance markers significantly more than a group who did the exact same workout in an air-conditioned room. The hot exercise caused “inexplicable changes to the heart’s left ventricle.” This can improve the heart’s health and efficiency. Hot exercise also activates “heat shock proteins” and “BDNF.” The former are inflammation fighters linked to living longer, while the latter is a chemical that promotes the survival and growth of neurons. BDNF might be protective against depression and Alzheimer’s, according to the NIH.

When we microdose bravery strategically and intentionally, we can experience the therapeutic benefits: fun, growth, freedom, and connection that makes discomfort worthwhile.

Our obsession with chasing comfort and happiness is leading us down the wrong road... because circumstances (like these) only lead to short-term happiness.

Surrendering is difficult to do, much like getting into the practice of confronting the discomfort. The more you practice it, the more aware and present you become.

Do one thing every day that scares you.” If there’s no romancing the discomfort zone, there’s no growth.

True healing, just like all growth, requires being willing to work our edge of discomfort.

We shrink ourselves to fit into places we’ve outgrown. Then we find ways to anesthetize the pain and discomfort. Stop spiritually and emotionally starving yourself. Let go. Move on. Grow.

When you’re stuck — in one area or in every area — it really is just an inaccurate view of reality you’re dealing with..that place of stickiness isn’t a sign that you’re trapped; it’s a sign that it’s time to make a change.

Conversely, we must always consider our personal discomfort relatively unimportant and, indeed, even welcome it in the service of the search for truth. Mental health is an ongoing process of dedication to reality at all costs.

Obsess to find ways to win. Work ethic separates the great from the good." "Be so focused on your own ambitions that no one can distract you from achieving them." "Have a maniacal work ethic. You want to overprepare so that luck becomes a product of design." "Stay hungry. Dominate each day with ambition unknown to humankind." "Goals motivate you. Bad habits corrode you." "Operate with love. It fuels the desire to become great." "Be comfortable with being uncomfortable. Growth comes at the end of discomfort." "Don't wait for opportunity. Create it. Seize it. Shape it." "Learn every aspect of your craft and substance will follow." "Find your killer instinct. Impose your will. But also realize you are part of a team.

When a white woman starts to cry, I ask her to take some deep breaths as I invite the group to let her experience her feelings and not try to take care of her or rescue her in the moment. I clearly state that this person can easily be in her feelings and continue engaging and doesn’t need to be comforted or saved by anyone. I then refocus my attention onto the white woman and say how I really respect people who can express their emotions and talk through their tears. I then ask if she is ready to share her reactions to the feedback. In the vast majority of situations, white women are able to continue engaging effectively, and group members realize a number of things, including: people can cry and talk at the same time; jumping in to support someone may be more about trying to avoid our own feelings of discomfort; interrupting the learning moment by handing out Kleenex, rubbing someone’s back or challenging the person of color’s comments may deny the white woman a potentially important growth opportunity; and the entire group may benefit from fully experiencing and processing this emotional moment.

Very few breakthroughs come without a few breakdowns along the way. Stay the course. Our personal evolution brings so much brilliance to our life, but it can also bring some pain and discomfort with it. While our spiritual and emotional shifts do bring us closer to our best selves, they also simultaneously move us away from the space in which we may have been comfortably living before. These transitional periods, while necessary to our growth, often leave us feeling incredibly vulnerable. Be gentle with yourself. Moving from where you were to where you are takes some getting used to.

Once someone understands how their well-intentioned question was actually harmful, they may now expect you—the hurt party—to comfort them because they feel so bad. You don’t have to do this. In fact, trying to “fix” their discomfort only gets in the way of their growth, and may rob them of an important life lesson.

When you are in the ether you remember that you are a part of consciousness and that you are being sent out into the world to experience, learn, and grow. You know that physical life is temporary, and that the pain and adversity you face as a physical being is but a moment in your existence. Why do people choose to enter a life that is filled with pain and torment? Because from the perspective of the ether, any pain or adversity is but a blip of discomfort in the grand scheme of things. It’s like asking if you are willing to suffer a paper cut in order to gain vast wisdom and knowledge and tremendous personal growth. When we incarnate, we forget that, so yeah, it can be extremely difficult to understand why horrible things happen to you and even more disconcerting to think you chose for it to happen! This is why I feel it is so important to remember where we came from. When you remember that this life is temporary and that your goal is growth, it can make even the most horrible conditions bearable.

On this journey to grasp what really matters, discomfort often comes before growth; hurt before healing; regret before promise. By going to the darkest places in our soul, we find light. This first and most difficult step in the journey offers the chance of a new beginning — a chance to grasp the moments that matter from this day forward.

Positive reappraisal involves recognizing that sitting in traffic is worth it. It means deciding that the effort, the discomfort, the frustration, the unanticipated obstacles, and even the repeated failure have value—not just because they are steps toward a worthwhile goal, but because you reframe difficulties as opportunities for growth and learning.3

We spend so much time attempting to avoid the pain and anguish of growth that we deny ourselves opportunities to become who we are meant to be. In a relentless effort to be happy and joyous, we dissociate ourselves from anything that looks like sacrifice or service. It is in those moments of discomfort and despair, however, that we grow a tad taller and a bit smarter.

When a feeling hits, keep breathing. Let air flow through your body. Let your heart beat as it always faithfully does. And let the feeling pass through you. Maybe it will be momentary, or maybe it will spend the night. But it will not last forever. If you can be with it, sit with it, even if “it” brings a lot of discomfort, that feeling will keep moving. It will move through you, and you will move on. You will move forward.

the goal is not “getting comfortable with hard conversations” but normalizing discomfort. If leaders expect real learning, critical thinking, and change, then discomfort should be normalized: “We believe growth and learning are uncomfortable so it’s going to happen here—you’re going to feel that way. We want you to know that it’s normal and it’s an expectation here. You’re not alone and we ask that you stay open and lean into it.

Leadership expert Michael Hyatt reflected on Karnazes’s life and drew three conclusions about why we should embrace discomfort: 1. Comfort is overrated. It doesn’t lead to happiness. It makes us lazy—and forgetful. It often leads to self-absorption, boredom, and discontent. 2. Discomfort can be a catalyst for growth. It makes us yearn for something more. It forces us to change, stretch, and adapt. 3. Discomfort is often a sign we’re making progress. You’ve heard the expression, “no pain, no gain.” It’s true! When you push yourself to grow, you will experience discomfort.

We can pretend neither exists. We can try to stifle the fires of both or merely let them smolder. Yet in the end, neither will be denied. In the short term, the confusion may be discomforting. If we have the patience, however, to look beyond the changes, if we have the humility to realize that still there are events beyond our control, we might just act wisely. For when the winds of change come, we can be among the trees that snap. Or we can be the growth that sprouts beneath the sun. We cannot stop the wind. But we can choose whether we will grow, or whether we will wither.

What holds us back in life is the invisible architecture of fear. It keeps us in our comfort zones, which are, in truth, the least safe places in which to live. Indeed, the greatest risk in life is taking no risks. But every time we do that which we fear, we take back the power that fear has stolen from us—for on the other side of our fears lives our strength. Every time we step into the discomfort of growth and progress, we become more free. The more fears we walk through, the more power we reclaim. In this way, we grow both fearless and powerful, and thus are able to live the lives of our dreams.

Second letter: Embrace your fear What holds us back in life is the invisible architecture of fear. It keeps us in our comfort zones, which are, in truth, the least safe place in which to live. Indeed the greatest risk in life is taking no risk. But every time we do that which we fear , we take back the power that fear has stolen from us - for on the other side of fear lives our strength. Every time we step into the discomfort of growth and progress, we become more free. The more fears we walk through, the more power we reclaim. In this way, we grow both fearless and powerful, and thus are able to live the lives of our dreams.

If you’re comfortable, I’m not teaching and you’re not learning. It’s going to get uncomfortable in here and that’s okay. It’s normal and it’s part of the process.” The simple and honest process of letting people know that discomfort is normal, it’s going to happen, why it happens, and why it’s important, reduces anxiety, fear, and shame. Periods of discomfort become an expectation and a norm. In fact, most semesters I have students who approach me after class and say, “I haven’t been uncomfortable yet. I’m concerned.” These exchanges often lead to critically important conversations and feedback about their engagement and my teaching. The big challenge for leaders is getting our heads and hearts around the fact that we need to cultivate the courage to be uncomfortable and to teach the people around us how to accept discomfort as a part of growth. For the best guidance on how to give feedback that moves people and processes forward, I turn to my social work roots. In my experience the heart of valuable feedback is taking the “strengths perspective.” According to social work educator Dennis Saleebey, viewing performance from the strengths perspective offers

4Paul Gaydos My Books Browse ▾ Community ▾ The Way of the Superior Man Quotes The Way of the Superior Man by David Deida The Way of the Superior Man: A Spiritual Guide to... by David Deida Read Austerity means to eliminate the comforts and cushions in your life that you have learned to snuggle into and lose wakefulness. Take away anything that dulls your edge. No newspapers or magazines. No TV. No candy, cookies, or sweets. No sex. No cuddling. No reading of anything at all while you eat or sit on the toilet. Reduce working time to a necessary minimum. No movies. No conversation that isn't about truth, love, or the divine. If you take on these disciplines for a few weeks, as well as any other disciplines that may particularly cut through your unique habits of dullness, then your life will be stripped of routine distraction. All that will be left is the edge you have been avoiding by means of your daily routine. You will have to face the basic discomfort and dissatisfaction that is the hidden texture of your life. You will be alive with the challenge of living your truth, rather than hiding form it. Unadorned suffering is the bedmate of masculine growth. Only by staying intimate with your personal suffering can you feel through it to its source. By putting all your attention into work, TV, sex, and reading, your suffering remains unpenetrated, and the source remains hidden. Your life becomes structured entirely by your favorite means of sidestepping the suffering you rarely allow yourself to feel. And when you do touch the surface of your suffering, perhaps in the form of boredom, you quickly pick up a magazine or the remote control. Instead, feel your suffering, rest with it, embrace it, make love with it. Feel your suffering so deeply and thoroughly that you penetrate it, and realize its fearful foundation. Almost everything you do, you do because you are afraid to die. And yet dying is exactly what you are doing, from the moment you are born. Two hours of absorption in a good Super Bowl telecast may distract you temporarily, but the fact remains. You were born as a sacrifice. And you can either participate in the sacrifice, dissolving in the giving of your gift, or you can resist it, which is your suffering. By eliminating the safety net of comforts in your life, you have the opportunity to free fall in this moment between birth and death, right through the hole of your fear, into the unthreatenable openness which is the source of your gifts. The superior man lives as this spontaneous sacrifice of love.

Shereketa” is a Shona word ordinarily meaning to fidget, to be restless, and to show discomfort. Whilst this word has largely been used negatively, the Shereketa principle channels it into a different dimension to be used positively for success. Shereketa re–defined refers to deliberate movements, actions and adjustments inspired by the calling to excellence & success, driven by a conviction against and a growing discomfort with mediocrity. The movements and actions take place in two realms - the inner spirit/convictions of your heart and the outer execution platforms of your physical and material world (Shereketa within and Shereketa without).

Just like the body responds with sore muscles when we add mileage, the initial discomfort felt when we listen to the Voice Inside reflects growth. The good news: anxiety initially triggered by listening to our inner dialogue is short-term vs. the unnamed, interminable dread that piggybacks suppression. Even better, we can manage it with self-talk, deep breathing (inherent to running), the Tribe and social support.

The idea that spiritual growth begins with discomfort is a fact many church members and church leaders have been unwilling or unable to embrace.

If leaders expect real learning, critical thinking, and change, then discomfort should be normalized: “We believe growth and learning are uncomfortable so it’s going to happen here—you’re going to feel that way. We want you to know that it’s normal and it’s an expectation here. You’re not alone and we ask that you stay open and lean into it.

Leadership expert Michael Hyatt reflected on Karnazes’s life and drew three conclusions about why we should embrace discomfort: 1. Comfort is overrated. It doesn’t lead to happiness. It makes us lazy—and forgetful. It often leads to self-absorption, boredom, and discontent. 2. Discomfort can be a catalyst for growth. It makes us yearn for something more. It forces us to change, stretch, and adapt. 3. Discomfort is often a sign we’re making progress. You’ve heard the expression, “no pain, no gain.” It’s true! When you push yourself to grow, you will experience discomfort.2

Being a transformational leader increases productivity and bottom line results whether people decide to stay or go because the motivation to succeed is internally based on individual growth not externally based on organizational goals.

Regardless of how one approaches quadratos, it is not a mere re-working of the Gospel as it has been taught for many, many years. It is a genuine metamorphosis—one I believe to be entirely consistent with early Christianity’s view—but nonetheless, far different from Christian thought and interpretation of the last few centuries. However, the fourfold journey teaches us that growth often comes from necessity, and its arrival not only yields benefit, but also exacts cost, most often discomfort and adjustment, sometimes severe.

Every time we step into the discomfort of growth and progress, we become more free. The more fears we walk through, the more power we reclaim. In this way, we grow both fearless and powerful, and thus are able to live the lives of our dreams. I

When you aim for only the good feelings and don’t allow any discomfort or imperfection—two places where wisdom, growth, and transformation often happen—the opposite of freedom occurs.

Habits are familiar and comfortable, putting our reactions on autopilot and often leading us, instead, to great discomfort.

That’s the thing with humans. We don’t change unless we are taken to the edge. Unless we are shaken at our core, we don’t stop to listen and honour the messages that life is communicating to us and yet “all roads lead to Rome”. No matter what path we end up choosing, we are always being guided back “home”, where our truth and essence lies. No path is free from pain. Pain is what makes us stronger. From the moment we are born into this world, we are born into immense pain. We feel pain when we grow our first teeth. We experience pain when we first learn to take our first steps. We feel it when our bones grow bigger and stronger into adolescence. Pain is inevitable. Suffering, however, is optional. Depending on how and when you choose to grow in consciousness, you can lead a life that is free from suffering. You will not be free from discomfort and challenges, but you will be liberated from suffering.

Fear, uncertainty, and discomfort are your compasses toward growth.

Subjecting" yourself to physical, intellectual & emotional challenges, sometimes even discomfort & pain, is necessary to be your best self.

As with strong network effects, when potential customers face high switching costs, entrepreneurs are motivated to race for growth. As discussed in previous chapters, customers incur these switching costs when they change from one otherwise similar supplier to another. These costs include expenditures of time or money, risks and inconveniences, and psychological discomfort.

essentials to remember on tough days: practice patience accept what you feel do not punish yourself make sure you get good rest give yourself ample kindness accomplish smaller goals that day do things that will calm your mind a bad moment does not equal a bad life struggle can be a space for deep growth this current discomfort is not permanent

Most of the actions you're taking in life are not based on reality, but rather your view of reality.

You’re going to have to suffer some discomfort to grow into your new role, alet. You can choose to do so in a way that minimizes that discomfort… or you can in a way that maximizes the growth. But you can’t have both.

No matter the provocation, the pains and the discomfort, we need to mindful of the seeds we are sowing today, once sown, it will grow, after the growth, it will manifest.

If you expect an hour of sympathetic head-nodding, you’ve come to the wrong place. Therapists will be supportive, but our support is for your growth, not for your low opinion of your partner. (Our role is to understand your perspective but not necessarily to endorse it.) In therapy, you’ll be asked to be both accountable and vulnerable. Rather than steering people straight to the heart of the problem, we nudge them to arrive there on their own, because the most powerful truths—the ones people take the most seriously—are those they come to, little by little, on their own. Implicit in the therapeutic contract is the patient’s willingness to tolerate discomfort, because some discomfort is unavoidable for the process to be effective.

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s an intentional choice.

We aren’t automatically ready when tough things happen to us. They usually catch us by surprise and seem like an unwelcomed burden or obstacle. But we are instinctively prepared. If we are willing to welcome the discomfort that comes with growth and change, we can begin to shift our perspective and learn from those experiences.

If you have a dominant Overthinker Imposter in your driver’s seat, you rarely get out of your comfort zone, where meaningful personal growth happens, because you’re too busy manufacturing questions in your head. But by keeping your discomfort zone at bay, you also keep at bay experiences that can enhance your creative, emotional, or professional mojo. Then you wonder why life feels so empty. And you overthink that.

Whites are / I am unconsciously invested in racism. Bias is implicit and unconscious; I don’t expect to be aware of mine without a lot of ongoing effort. Giving us white people feedback on our racism is risky for people of color, so we can consider the feedback a sign of trust. Feedback on white racism is difficult to give; how I am given the feedback is not as relevant as the feedback itself. Authentic antiracism is rarely comfortable. Discomfort is key to my growth and thus desirable. White comfort maintains the racial status quo, so discomfort is necessary and important. I must not confuse comfort with safety; as a white person, I am safe in discussions of racism. The antidote to guilt is action.

Therapy is hard work- and not just for the therapist. That's because the responsibility for change lies squarely with the patient. If you expect an hour of sympathetic head-nodding, you've come to the wrong place. Therapists will be supportive, but our support is for your growth, not for your low opinion of your partner. (Our role is to understand your perspective but not necessarily to endorse it.) In therapy, you'll be asked to be both accountable and vulnerable. Rather than steering people straight to the heart of the problem, we nudge them to arrive there on their own, because the most powerful truths- the ones people take most seriously- are those that they come to, little by little, on their own. Implicit in the therapeutic contract is the patient's willingness to tolerate discomfort, because some discomfort is unavoidable for the process to be effective.

healing = discomfort > acceptance > growth

essentials to remember on tough days: practice patience accept what you feel do not punish yourself make sure you get good rest give yourself ample kindness accomplish smaller goals that day do things that will calm your mind a bad moment does not equal a bad life struggle can be a space for deep growth this current discomfort is not permanent before you can see someone else clearly you must first be aware that your mind will impulsively filter what it sees through the lens of your past conditioning and present emotional state

To the untrained eye, turbulence is judged as bad and labeled as wrong. We wish things would go back to the way they were. So we would feel safer. Yet the discomfort of growth is always better than the illusion of safety. Seriously. Standing still is an immensely harmful act for anyone dedicated to becoming an everyday hero.

He points out that it's not enough to simply accept failure when it happens and move on, more or less hoping to avoid it going forward. We need to understand failure not as something to fear or try to avoid, but as a natural part of learning and exploration. Just as learning to ride a bike entails the physical discomfort of skinned knees or bruised elbows, creating a stunningly original movie requires the psychological pain of failure. Moreover, trying to avoid the pain of failure in learning will lead to far worse pain. Catmull: “for leaders especially, this strategy – trying to avoid failure by outthinking it – dooms you to fail.

You are not who you become when life throws the most difficult situations at you. You are not timid, faint-hearted, or sunk in gloom. You are not absent from this world, disinterested, or discouraging. You are what swells within you when you are joyful, spirited, and hopeful. You are what roams within every crevice of your body when you are most inspired. You are who you are when you are most at peace and ease. You are what makes your belly ache when you laugh alongside your favorite people. You are not who you are during the most turbulent periods of your life. You are meant to feel discomfort when life facilitates your growth and expansion. You are meant to feel alarmed and pulled out of your natural element during your evolution. Please don’t gloss over all that you are during your transformation.

They understand that life requires growth, and when that growth stagnates, discomfort begins to arise.

At each season of our journey with Christ, whenever Geri and I have taken steps to more clearly define who we are and who we are not in Christ, there has always been a consequence. It will happen with you too. But keep making changes. Be willing to tolerate the discomfort necessary for growth. Pray for the Holy Spirit’s power to continue. You are doing something that has never been done before in your history! In some cases you will be challenging deep multigenerational patterns. Expect that you may stir up some profound emotionality!

How to use fear to grow The fear of doing something new is often a sign you should go ahead and do it anyway. This indicates a great opportunity for personal growth. Fear, as with any other emotion, only exists in your mind. This is why we often realize what a fool we’ve been after we’ve completed something we were initially wary of starting. People who end up reaching their wildest goals often do so because they are willing to leave their comfort zone. Over time, they learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable. Picture one thing you were once afraid to do, that is now no big deal for you. For instance, I bet you were scared the first time you drove, or on your first day at work. Now, didn’t you get used to it? The truth is, people have the formidable ability to learn. The key is to grow accustomed to experiencing discomfort once in a while. By not facing your fears on a regular basis, you will greatly limit your potential for development. Staying inside your comfort zone can also erode your sense of self-esteem as, in the back of your mind, you know you’re not doing what you’re supposed to do. There is a law in nature: things either grow or die. The same goes for humans beings. When humans don’t move beyond their comfort zone, they start dying inside. Don’t let that happen to you. As Benjamin Franklin said, “Some people die at twenty-five and aren’t buried until seventy-five.” Make sure ‘some people’ doesn’t include you!

Racism is a multilayered system embedded in our culture. • All of us are socialized into the system of racism. • Racism cannot be avoided. • Whites have blind spots on racism, and I have blind spots on racism. • Racism is complex, and I don’t have to understand every nuance of the feedback to validate that feedback. • Whites are / I am unconsciously invested in racism. • Bias is implicit and unconscious; I don’t expect to be aware of mine without a lot of ongoing effort. • Giving us white people feedback on our racism is risky for people of color, so we can consider the feedback a sign of trust. • Feedback on white racism is difficult to give; how I am given the feedback is not as relevant as the feedback itself. • Authentic antiracism is rarely comfortable. Discomfort is key to my growth and thus desirable. • White comfort maintains the racial status quo, so discomfort is necessary and important. • I must not confuse comfort with safety; as a white person, I am safe in discussions of racism. • The antidote to guilt is action. • It takes courage to break with white solidarity; how can I support those who do? • I bring my group’s history with me; history matters. • Given my socialization, it is much more likely that I am the one who doesn’t understand the issue. • Nothing exempts me from the forces of racism. • My analysis must be intersectional (a recognition that my other social identities—class, gender, ability—inform how I was socialized into the racial system). • Racism hurts (even kills) people of color 24-7. Interrupting it is more important than my feelings, ego, or self-image.

Discomfort caused by chaos leads to growth.

I’m afraid a lot, but I’ve learned to flip fear by facing whatever it is I’m scared of head-on. When I first started to face my fears, I was tentative as fuck. That’s normal, and the emotions and discomfort I felt were proof of how potent this process can be. My anxiety stirred and my adrenaline pumped as my mind edged closer to what I was so desperate to avoid. But within all that energy is a mental and emotional growth factor that can lead to self-empowerment.

Any movement toward wholeness begins with the acknowledgment of our own suffering, and of the suffering in the world. This doesn’t mean getting caught in a never-ending vortex of pain, melancholy, and, especially, victimhood; a new and rigid identity founded on “trauma”—or, for that matter, “healing”—can be its own kind of trap. True healing simply means opening ourselves to the truth of our lives, past and present, as plainly and objectively as we can. We acknowledge where we were wounded and, as we are able, perform an honest audit of the impacts of those injuries as they have touched both our own lives and those of others around us. This can be exceptionally difficult, for myriad understandable reasons. No matter what degree of discomfort our illusions cover over, the truth hurts, and we don’t like hurting if we can help it—even if we sense that something better could lie on the far side of the pain. As Nadezhda Mandelstam wrote in her searing memoir of life under Stalinism, Hope Against Hope, “It is very difficult to look life in the face.” Many of us will be ready to seek the truth only once we have concluded that the cost of not doing so is too high, or once we become sufficiently acquainted with our own ache of longing for the real. The Greek playwright Aeschylus was exquisitely on point when he had his chorus declare: Zeus has led us on to know the Helmsman lays it down as law that we must suffer, suffer into truth.[1] There are exceptions, but I myself have never encountered anyone who was not spurred along their path of growth and change by some setback or loss, some illness, anguish, or alienation. Fortunately—or unfortunately, depending on how we choose to see it—life has a way of delivering the requisite suffering right to our doorstep.

When a person gives attention to unresolved issues of the past, she often must work through resistance and apprehensions. To dismantle rigid defenses, interpret unconscious motives, or reflect on unexplored feelings we must sometimes push the client to the brink of her patience and endurance. She must confront parts of herself that have been deeply buried, and she must risk the consequences of relinquishing coping strategies that have worked fairly well until this point, even with their side effects and collateral damage. There is a risk (or perhaps even a certainty) that some destabilization will occur. In order to attain real growth, the client must often be willing to experience intense confusion, disorientation, and discomfort. She leaves behind an obsolete image of herself, one that was once comfortable and familiar, and she risks not liking the person she will become. She will lose a part of herself that can never be recovered. She risks all this for the possibility of a better existence, and all she has to go on is the therapist’s word.

Going to therapy and talking about healing may just be the go-to flex of our time. It is supposedly an indicator of how profoundly self-aware, enlightened, emotionally mature, or “evolved” an individual is. Social media is obsessed and saturated with pop psychology and psychiatry content related to “healing”, trauma, embodiment, neurodiversity, psychiatric diagnoses, treatments alongside productivity hacks, self-care tips and advice on how to love yourself without depending on anyone else, cut people out of your life, manifest your goals to be successful, etc. Therapy isn’t a universal indicator of morality or enlightenment. Therapy isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution that everyone must pursue. There are many complex political and cultural reasons why some people don’t go to therapy, and some may actually have more sustainable support or care practices rooted in the community. This is similar to other messaging, like “You have to learn to love yourself first before someone else can love you”. It all feeds into the lie that we are alone and that happiness comes from total independence. Mainstream therapy blames you for your problems or blames other people, and often it oscillates between both extremes. If we point fingers at ourselves or each other, we are too distracted to notice the exploitative systems making us all sick and sad. Oftentimes, people come out of therapy feeling fully affirmed and unconditionally validated, and this ego-caressing can feel rewarding in the moment even if it doesn’t help ignite any growth or transformation. People are convinced that they can do no wrong, are infallible, incapable of causing harm, and that other people are the problem. Treatment then focuses on inflating self-confidence, self-worth, self-acceptance, and self-love to chase one’s self-centered dreams, ambitions, and aspirations without taking any accountability for one’s own actions. This sort of individualistic therapeutic approach encourages isolation and a general mistrust of others who are framed as threats to our inner peace or extractors of energy, and it further breeds a superiority complex. People are encouraged to see relationships as accessories and means to a greater selfish end. The focus is on what someone can do for you and not on how to give, care for, or show up for other people. People are not pushed to examine how oppressive conditioning under these systems shows up in their relationships because that level of introspection and growth is simply too invalidating. “You don’t owe anyone anything. No one is entitled to your time and energy. If anyone invalidates you and disturbs your peace, they are toxic; cut them out of your life. You don’t need that negativity. You don’t need anyone else; you alone are enough. Put yourself first. You are perfect just the way you are.” In reality, we all have work to do. We are all socialized within these systems, and real support requires accountability. Our liberation is contingent on us being aware of our bullshit, understanding the values of the empire that we may have internalized as our own, and working on changing these patterns. Therapized people may fixate on dissecting, healing, improving, and optimizing themselves in isolation, guided by a therapist, without necessarily practicing vulnerability and accountability in relationships, or they may simply chase validation while rejecting the discomfort that comes from accountability. Healing in any form requires growth and a willingness to practice in relationships; it is not solely validating or invalidating; it is complex; it is not a goal to achieve but a lifelong process that no one is above; it is both liberating and difficult; it is about acceptance and a willingness to change or transform into something new; and ultimately, it is going to require many invalidating ego deaths so we can let go of the fixation of the “self” to ease into interdependence and community care.

Embrace the discomfort of change, 'cause that's where greatness begins.

Time never stops. Discomfort is temporary, but the growth on the other side of your discomfort is permanent.

discomfort often points us toward where we are most primed for growth, whereas hurt points us toward where we can no longer grow.

They threw everything at you, hoping you'd crumble, but you stayed solid as a rock. Their issue isn’t with you—it’s with your unyielding strength. You didn’t bend, crack, or even flinch, and that’s what really upsets them. Your resilience is your secret weapon and their discomfort? Just a side effect of your awesomeness. So, keep standing tall and indestructible. Let them deal with their own fragility while you continue to sparkle like the unbreakable star you are. Shine bright!

Discomfort isn’t an indicator of bravery; it’s an indicator of… discomfort. In the act of being brave or courageous or ambitious, you will very likely encounter discomfort, but to aim “for” it, in my mind, is to miss the point and the goal. I feel the same way about “doing something every day that scares you.” Being scared every day is a recipe for anxiety, not necessarily personal growth.

Growth of any kind means discomfort, potential embarrassment and the high likelihood of failure. And that’s okay.

Temporary discomfort is an investment in your future self. Accept a small and uncomfortable transition now for a lifetime of potential growth and self-development.