Dennis Miller Quotes

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.

For some offenses, there is only retribution." Nora Hawks, "One Woman's Vengeance.

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was. She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.

Jack Kerouac was cool because he had no idea he was.

Do you really think that laws made by men and a justice system maintained by men will ever be fair in cases of rape? Nora Hawks from One Bullet Beyond Justice

Quote: You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?

America may be the best country in the world, but that's kind of like being the valedictorian of summer school.

A developer is someone who wants to build a house in the woods. An environmentalist is someone who already has a house in the woods.

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.

When I went to college, I lived on campus, and the guys I hung out with made the characters in Revenge of the Nerds look like the Rat Pack in 1962. I, myself made that kid Booger look like Remington Steele.

It's your living room, it's your life, go nuts. You like Home Improvement? Tape it and go over it like it's the Zapruder film.

Storytelling? God started that. Discovery. Lust. Murder. Revenge. Power. Sin. Redemption. Forgiveness. Miracles. We simply retell the stories in the language of our generation.

I don’t care that it has been going on since the Old Testament. Rape is wrong and I will keep fighting violent men. Everything starts with one person and the determination to see it through. Nora Hawks from One Bullet Beyond Justice.

Remember, when you connect with another computer, you're connecting to every computer that computer has connected to.

For me, all writing -- storytelling and style -- gets back to the Bible, Twain and Hemingway, and not in that order.

Writing is easy. Writing is hard. It's a breeze and a struggle, just like life.

I know we don’t like to vote – marking your ballot nowadays is like choosing between the 3am showing of Beastmaster on Showtime and the 3am showing of Beastmaster 2 on Cinemax.

But, when I was growing up, the one thing that did help me not to feel so isolated and crazy was reading - especially books by authors who fearlessly examined and exposed their highly imperfect inner lives. Books like "Confessions of a Mask" by Yukio Mishima; "Tropic of Cancer" by Henry Miller; "Try" by Dennis Cooper; and, of course, the works of authors like Bukowski, Salinger, Hesse, Bataille, Iceberg Slim, and Murakami. These writers revealed the things that existed beneath most humans' seemingly secure and confident exteriors. I suddenly realized, after reading their work, that I wasn't unique - that my doubts and fears and insecurities were more universal that I could've ever imagined. Their words gave me strength. They have me permission to start trying to accept my flaws, my darkness, my insanity. They let me know that it was okay not to fit in with everyone else - to be a sensitive person - and that others struggled just like I did. It was such a relief when I finally began to understand this. It was like I could breathe - maybe for the first time.

Writing a novel is like traveling the universe on foot.

And by the way, my belief is that if men were the ones getting pregnant, abortions would be easier to get than food poisoning in Moscow

And the reason parenting is becoming increasingly crucial is that we now live in a world that is more fucked up than Peter O’Toole on his birthday.

Another drink, another sentence, and the writing continues on. . . .

What fascinates me about writing is wrestling thought into reality and creating a new world that is forever.

This realization is much like Donald Miller's awakening after a day of protesting President Bush: "More than my questions about the efficacy of social action were my questions about my own motives. Do I want social justice for the oppressed, or do I just want to be known as a socially active person? I spend 95 percent of my time thinking about myself anyway. I don't have to watch the evening news to see that the world is bad, I only have to look at myself.... I was the very problem that I had been protesting. I wanted to make a sign that read "I AM THE PROBLEM!" " I cannot plead innocent. I have contributed to the sum total of misery in the world. ...Or, as Casey incisively remarks, "I have more evidence of crime against myself than I have for any other human being. My conscience accuses me directly of so much malice, whereas I know only by hearsay of the evil done by others. To be humble before God is to know that I am blameworthy." " Such Christian humility is not the same thing as low self-esteem or poor self-image. It is simply the refusal to be deluded by the lie that I am guiltless: "Empowered by the intensity of God's unconditional love for me, I find it possible to demolish my defenses and admit to the truth of my condition. There is nothing in my constitution or personal history that would give me any confidence in my own competence to bring my life to a happy conclusion.

When I'm writing, really writing, everything but breathing is an ignorable distraction.

On Writing About Nora Hawks I write about a female character to try, in vain, to understand two things: the purpose of life, and women.

We are living in the era of the violent do-gooder.

I have a prescription here for Obecalp for [patient’s name], but I can’t find it listed anywhere.” He said, “Oh. That’s placebo spelled backwards.

Guilt is the reason they put articles in Playboy.

Pop – Pop culture has turned the brain into the body’s new appendix – no real function, and it could quite possibly blow up and mill you. As organs go, you just don’t need your brain anymore!

And yet a third myth is that men think that women like guys who are dangerous. As a result, guys will often smoke cigarettes, drink too much, and ride a motorcycle without a helmet. Women don’t like guys who are dangerous. Women want us to think that because women are trying to kill us.

In March Miles opened for Steve Miller at the Fillmore East, but Miles’s low opinion of Miller created complications. Miller “didn’t have shit going for him,” wrote Miles, “so I’m pissed because I got to open for this non-playing motherfucker just because he had one or two sorry-ass records out. So I would come late and he would have to go on first, and then when we got there, we just smoked the motherfucking place and everybody dug it, including Bill [Graham]!

understating

Me habría resultado igual de fácil hacer que Miller escribiera sobre Hazlitt o Southey o De Quincey, pues sé mucho sobre ese grupo concreto. Vivieron y trabajaron, en tiempos más cultos, epistolares y ambulantes, cuando la relación entre escritores podía ser tan complicada y febril, tan devoradora, humillante para uno mismo o mutuamente esclarecedora como aquella que existe de forma natural entre amantes consternados y entusiasmados por el delicado equilibro de la dependencia entre ambos. Hoy en día, los escritores se cruzan monosílabos idiotas al teléfono, o se encorvan sobre mesas rematadas con melanina en las cantinas de las fábricas de sueños sosteniendo la cabeza con las manos. Hemos perdido demasiado, y lo hemos perdido para siempre.

CVS is an extreme case among retailers. Its new hires are almost always either recent grads or people who have bounced around the pharmacy world so often that they have nowhere left to go.

We are overeducated pharmacy clerks (with doctorate degrees) answering the phone, running the cash register, ringing up donuts and dish soap while juggling 10 or more drug related issues per minute with our one technician yelling “Override!

10. Medicaid patients who bitch about $1 copay, then go up front and buy cigarettes & beer.

I remember once my kid got in trouble for saying to his teacher, “What time is fucking recess?” and I remember thinking, “Now where would he fucking pick up something like that?

Schadenfreude is as old as the Scriptures. Believe me, when the girls in the Red Sea bowling league heard that Lot’s wife had morphed into a pillar of salt, the deer-lick jokes flew.

And you know, while I’m at it, I don’t care what arcane passage you pull out of the Old Testament and run through your Jeremiah-begat-Jedediah Decoder Ring, one of the definitive tenets of Christianity is tolerance. Trust me, there’s no version of the Bible that says Love thy neighbor unless he’s a Peter Allen fan. Any supposedly Christian doctrine must have at the core a belief in the concept of unqualified love for your fellow man. Unless of course he proves himself to be a total asshole. Then you can ditch him. Sure, God understands that, who do you think booked Satan’s flight? What he can’t understand is turning against someone because you don’t happen to agree with their sexual preference. Forget your linear, biblical interpretation that tells you to ostracize gays, and follow your heart. It’s like when your driving test instructor would tell you to run the stop sign. And you would, and then he’d flunk you. And you’d say, “But you told me to.” And he’d say, “Sorry, but you never run a stop sign.” And you never carpet bomb a group of people with hate because they’re different from you. Case closed, Tail-gunner Joe.

And obviously everybody has a different sense of what’s funny. If you need confirmation of that, I would remind you that “Saved By the Bell” recently celebrated the taping of their one-hundredth episode.

The schools are there to teach your kids to read, write, and add – skills they will need if they are going to apply for and wisely invest their unemployment checks one day.

Now I’m not pro-drug. They obviously cause a lot of damage. But I am pro-logic, and you’re never going to stop the human need for release through altered consciousness. The government could take away all the drugs in the world and people would spin around on their lawn until they fell down and saw God.

Power is the most sought-after, addictive, seductive, abused drug there is. Compared to power, crack is Fruitopia.

FIVE – This is very important. During lovemaking: Don’t ask, “Who’s your daddy?” Even as a joke. All right? It’s not funny.

And then, as so frequently happens in human endeavors, one or the other sexual partners inadvertently hurts the other person by accidentally elbowing them, or leaning on their hair.

Big Pharma prefers the model of mail order pharmacy where prescription drug orders are filled the same way that Amazon.com fills orders for books. To

I know from personal experience and the vast amount of available research on emotional intelligence that people who can understand and manage their own and others’ emotions make better leaders. Leaders who possess a high level of emotional intelligence recognize and regulate their behavior, embrace open communication and show a greater ability to adapt to different work situations. They are also able to express empathy for others and collaborate more effectively with their executive team members and their boards.

An organization’s success often rests on a shared sense of passion and on a collective pursuit of excellence at every level of the organization.

As I near the locker room, I see Coach Sal—AKA my dad—out there with his clipboard, and he waves me over. “Dennis, what the fuck?” “Morning, Coach Sal.

As a result, a core competency of today’s nonprofit leader is the ability to build trusting relationships. Leaders who can bring out the best in others and make people feel their voices, concerns and actions matter are most likely to build successful organizations.

5) “lost” prescriptions (for example, a customer dropped off a prescription on Tuesday and returned on Wednesday only to find that the pharmacy staff can find no trace of that prescription—it happens more often than you think!).