Daniel Sloss Quotes

The only thing we truly have in common is that we're all going to die one day. Race ya. Last one there is the loneliest.

You are not responsible for the happiness of other human beings. You are absolutely allowed to do everything within your power to make them happy, and you should. But it is not your fucking job. And if it feels like your job, quit. That's not a relationship. That's a job. Fuck that.

Sometimes the way to make someone feel better is by not trying to make them feel better. Let people be sad. It's not your job to fix them.

Grieving people don't want to feel better. We want to grieve. To sit down and shout and cry.

Making decisions for the benefit of yourself should not be frowned upon unless it infringes upon the happiness of others.

I believe love should be the most inconvenient thing in the world. Falling in love should be like, 'Are you fucking kidding me? Shit. I was having a swell old time alone, and then this perfect dumbass turned up and now I want to be with her. What an absolute selfish prick this person is to come out of nowhere and make me feel this. Goddamn it. I was having fun. Oh, well.

Loneliness is like most things in the world: You have to practice it to get good at it.

There is nothing wrong with being selfish as long as you're not selfish every second of every fucking day. Making decisions for the benefit of yourself should not be frowned upon unless it infringes upon the happiness of others.

Blood is thicker than water” is not only wrong as a sentiment, it’s also wrongly quoted. The full proverb is “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” Which means the bonds you make through choice are infinitely more important and powerful than the ones you share by blood.

Jesus fucking Christ. Have some self-respect. You're a full-grown biological, statistical anomaly that has cognitive thought standing on a rock that's hurtling through an infinite universe, could you stop being so fucking basic, please?

My point is that life is long, and parts of it can be immensely shitty. You shouldn't focus on the future because you've got little control over it. All you can do is make sure the steps you take now are going in the direction of the future you want and be prepared for trips and falls along the way. Why focus on the past when you cannot change it? Mistakes will always linger there, and all you can do is learn from them and use them as benchmarks for how much you've improved since then. Focus on the now...Life is a series of infinite Nows.

In the first couple of years of your life, you don't really get to pick your friends. You're assigned to them. School is essentially, "Here's a bunch of kids whose parents fucked the same year that your parents did. Now find something else you have in common." It's a lottery. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.

Just because everything wasn't right doesn't mean some things weren't right, so it's sad. It's a chapter ending.

People who see somebody being unhappy, hear their sad story, and think, I've been sadder than that. As if grief negates grief as opposed to compounding it.

The reason you are typing out how much you love your partner isn’t to convince the world you love them. You are trying to convince yourself. And I see right fucking through you.

That's why friendships that last a long period of time are quite special. You both grow and change over the years but somehow don't outgrow each other. These types of friendships are hard to keep going because once you stop going to school together, you get different jobs or live in entirely separate parts of the country. Friendships shouldn't really take that much effort. They should be effortless most of the time. Life is stressful enough as it is.

Men need to keep other men in line because when women try to do it they're called insane. Or many worse things. I may not believe in fighting fire with fire, but I do think you should fight men with men.

A lot of people like to listen to people talk about death because we don't do it enough...We make it taboo, and I think that gives it too much power...I hope that for some of you, this made sense. That the uncertainty I felt while typing it clicked something into place for you. In a world where we strive to be different, to stand out, to be unique and not be like anyone else, sometimes it's nice to know that we aren't different...We're all scared little apes burdened with thoughts, worries, and uncertainties. Even our fight to be different proves we're the same.

Focus on the now...Life is a series of infinite Nows.

Learn to love being single and being alone. It can be tough, but it can also be brilliant. It's down to you to make it work. If you don't love yourself, you're going to spend the rest of your life auditioning people to do it for you. We all know how crazy it is to leave your emotions in someone else's hands.

True friendship is being able to look your best friends in the eye and make fun of their deepest insecurities, call back the biggest mistakes of their lives, and say things that would normally get you punched in the head without fear of consequence. That is trust. You can say these things to me because I trust that you don't mean a word of them. If you did, it would utterly destroy me. But you don't. That's why it's fun. It's a safe version of the thing that would decimate me. Friends that don't take banter well do not trust you. They think you mean the horrible things you say and that means that they think, underneath it all, you are horrible. Or that they are.

Biden’s victory was a relief for the rest of the world, but only a brief one. Trump wasn’t the problem. He was a symptom of the cancer that exists deep within America. A willfully uneducated population combined with deep-rooted race problems, fear of the outside world, and an inability to accept criticism, means that the next Trump is going to be worse. I don’t know what the cure is. I don’t know how to fix America. Happily, that’s not my job. My job is to make fun of it all and puncture the hypocrisy. Yeah, I know the mantra is “We all must join together, jerk each other off, and heal as a nation,” but how do you heal something that was never truly together? How do you fix something that won’t admit it’s broken? How do you stop the most powerful nation in the world from tearing itself apart from the inside because they’ve become so scared that they now wish death on their fellow Americans?

I started to berate myself for having the audacity to be sad when I knew other people were having it worse. Which is an absolutely batshit mental way to try to process emotions. It’s very common, though. I bet you do it, too, you fucking idiot. “Well, I’m having a hard time at the moment, but it’s not as bad as so-and-so who is going through all this PLUS these extra things.” Ah yes, turning emotions into a competition. How incredibly healthy. I can’t see how this could ever go wrong.

We have arrived in Ljubljana, a title that reads more like a WIFI password than a place name.

Women react very well to being treated like human beings and I recommend doing so, even when not trying to get laid.

For women, having sex involves another person physically inside of your body. It's got to be the most trusting thing in the entire world. You're at your most vulnerable. You're naked, you're as open as can be, and there is another human being literally inside of you. I think men need to try and empathize with that a bit more.

I never realised the fear women feel while walking home at night. It had never occurred to me. I'd be at home and Jean would come back in tears talking about how some random guy had just followed her for a bit. I don't follow women home. It had never occurred to me this was not only something that happened, but something that happened often. That doesn't make me a bad person for not knowing any of this. How would I know that? The problem is most men don't know what women go through because we don't go through it or do it. It's out of our realm of imagination.

So many toxic relationships exist and are allowed to thrive because none of us are much good at being lonely. Having something awful is better than having nothing at all. I'm not criticizing the logic. I get it. A rotten apple core while you're starving is better than nothing. But don't eat shit food for the rest of your life.

I started to berate myself for having the audacity to be sad when I knew other people were having it worse. Which is an absolutely batshit mental way to try to process emotions. It's very common, though. I bet you do it, too, you fucking idiot. "Well, I'm having a hard time at the moment, but it's not as bad as so-and-so who is going through all this PLUS these extra things." Ah yes, turning emotions into a competition. How incredibly healthy. I can't see how this could ever go wrong.

Therapy isn't going to stop life's being brutal and hard. But it will make it less likely that life gives you a condition that causes you to rot silently from the inside out.

Most Americans are truly kind people. Every time I’ve been to a red state, a part of the country where I do not align with the locals politically, religiously, romantically, or even ethically, I have been welcomed with open arms. I’ve been blown away by the friendliness of the locals. There are definitely plenty of cunts, too. But I find that the people are not filled with genuine hate, just fear and wrong information.

That comes from the fact that most men I know are good. They are flawed, they make mistakes, and they get things wrong. But that also applies to every single person that ever existed. Except for Keanu Reeves, who is perfect in every way, and we must protect him at all costs.

I'm thirty years old, and I have signed five separate divorce papers. None of them were mine. Don't worry. I was merely autographing the papers of people whose divorces I've caused. They lined up, in the rain, to meet me and thank me for causing their breakup and then asked me to sign the papers as a memento of their lives - which they said I had saved. Like a white Jesus. If that opening doesn't get you to buy this book, then honestly, just put it down and fuck off. It's not for you. I don't even want you to read it. Have a wonderful life. Still here? Brialliant. Thanks for the money.