“
No one–and I mean no one!–ever sat me down, nudged me, or gave me the elbow or the wink that getting old would be like
this.
Why is that?! If I had known, I would have been at least a bit prepared for the cyclone event that would befall me.
No elderly person I’ve known ever looked hysterical, ran around panting like a dog, or screamed like a banshee while ripping off their clothes and diving into the sea!
So, why no muffled screams from the cheap seats? Why no letter have I received, sealed with an emblem in blood and no return address, simply marked: “Warning—dated material enclosed—Run!”
Come on now, elderly people look so cute and sweet. I see them on the bus, at church, on laxative commercials, but always smiling.
Have they been warned that if you scream your bloody guts off—you will be banished to Century Park Village, sans any golf cart or Ibuprofen?
What I have witnessed my body do in the past 10 years would scare a newborn back into the womb.
And trust me, if ‘Seth spoke’, he’d definitely have a few things to say about this shit show!
And where the hell is “Bridget Jones’s Diary: Menopocalypse!” Knee-Deep in a Hot Flash!?
”
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