Crypt Keeper Quotes

I don’t know about you driving. What if your beast comes out? I don’t think he’s got a driver’s permit.” In a weird voice, she said, “He don’t even have his license, Lisa.” “Who’s Lisa?” She blinked at him. “Weird Science? Never mind, crypt keeper. I’ll shoot you a YouTube sometime, through this thing we youngsters like to call ‘electronic mail.

If it makes you feel any better, this isn’t my first apocalypse. There is hope.” – Sasha “Obviously the world survived.” – Abigail “Yeah, not really. It kind of blew everything back to the Stone Age. The good news is, people are resilient, and that which doesn’t kill you merely serves as a cautionary tale for others. It also makes one hell of a bedtime story, especially if the Crypt-Keeper’s your audience.” – Sasha

Excuse me soldiers, but do you mind stepping away from your lady friends?" We were here for the prostitutes. "And why should we do that crypt Keeper?

1. Dark Lord of the Screaming Abyss 2. Protector of the Night-Gaunts 3. Messenger of the Crypt Gods 4. Vile Master of the Blood-Soaked Torments 5. Father of the Black Scorpions 6. Uncle of the Flesh-Eating Hawks 7. Second-Cousin of the Accursed Pharaoh with Pubic Dandruff 8. Niles Lathotep 9. The Killjoy of Kadath 10. Discount Abdul, the Persian Carpet King—Half-Off This Week Only 11. Keeper of the Sacred Camel-Toes 12. He Who Doth Swing Both Ways in Darkness 13. Minty Belasco 14. Big Jake

When life gives you lemons you make lemonade. Then find someone whose life has given them vodka and have a party!

The woman had a blown-tight face only a wind tunnel could love and the hands of a crypt keeper.

I don’t care if you’re a decrepit old crypt keeper with saggy skin and white hair as long as you’re you.” “Thank you for that lovely visual of my old age.

I was only twenty-eight, but my parents acted like I would shrivel into the Crypt Keeper the second midnight struck on my thirtieth birthday.

nineteen-year-olds look at thirty-two-year-olds like they’re crypt keepers. The brain’s not fully developed at that age,

Traffic was light, but Tommy was nevertheless driving at his standard speed of twenty miles below the legal limit. I wondered, sometimes, what drivers on the freeways of Greater Los Angeles thought when they passed Tommy. Expecting to see some centenarian crypt keeper behind the wheel, they instead saw a Cro-Magnon profile, wild black hair, and Blade Runner sunglasses