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Here's the truth my mother won't speak: if I hadn't known what I wanted, and worked out how to get it, I wouldn't have got anywhere. I had to learn how to get my way. Because my mother wasn't going to be any bloody help. I look at her, in her frothy black chiffon - like a negative of a wedding gown - and her glittering earrings, holding her sparkling glass of champagne, and I think: You don't get this. This isn't your moment. You didn't create it. I created it in spite of you.
I grip the edge of the table with one hand, hard, anchoring myself. With the other I pick up my glass of champagne and take a long swig. 'Say you're proud of me', I think. And it will just about make everything all right. 'Say it, and I'll forgive you.'
"This might sound a little immodest," Mum says, touching her breastbone. "But I have to say that I'm proud of myself, for having brought up such a strong-willed, independent daughter." And she does a little bow, as though to an adoring audience. Everyone claps dutifully as she sits down.
I'm trembling with anger. I look at the champagne flute in my hand. I imagine, for one delicious, delirious second, smashing it against the table, bringing everything to a halt. I take a deep breath. And instead I rise to make my own toast. I will be gracious, grateful, affectionate.
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