Cemetery Funny Quotes

Remember why we're doing this." Yadriel steeled himself and spoke with as much courage as he could muster. "So they'll see that I'm a brujo." "Well, yeah, but other than that." "Spite?" Yadriel guessed. "Spite!" Maritza agreed enthusiastically.

Miłość jest jak wędlina: jest salami i jest mortadela.

People talk too much, humans aren't descended from monkeys, they're descended from parrots.

You look exhausted. Will you sleep at all tonight?” Jesper just winked. “Not while the cards are hot. Stay and play a bit. Kaz will stake you.” “Really, Jesper?” she’d said, pulling up her hood. “If I want to watch men dig holes to fall into, I’ll find myself a cemetery.

My Father, the Age I Am Now Time, which diminishes all things, increases understanding for the aging. —PLUTARCH My mother was the star: Smart and funny and warm, A patient listener and an easy laugher. My father was . . . an accountant: Not one to look up to, Ask advice from, Confide in. A man of few words. We faulted him—my mother, my sister, and I, For being this dutiful, uninspiring guy Who never missed a day of work, Or wondered what our dreams were. Just . . . an accountant. Decades later, My mother dead, my sister dead, My father, the age I am now, Planning ahead in his so-accountant way, Sent me, for my records, Copies of his will, his insurance policies, And assorted other documents, including The paid receipt for his cemetery plot, The paid receipt for his tombstone, And the words that he had chosen for his stone. And for the first time, shame on me, I saw my father: Our family’s prime provider, only provider. A barely-out-of-boyhood married man Working without a safety net through the Depression years That marked him forever, Terrified that maybe he wouldn’t make it, Terrified he would fall and drag us down with him, His only goal, his life-consuming goal, To put bread on our table, a roof over our head. With no time for anyone’s secrets, With no time for anyone’s dreams, He quietly earned the words that made me weep, The words that were carved, the following year, On his tombstone: HE TOOK CARE OF HIS FAMILY.

A cemetery?" I chuckle, but the pitch is a bit higher than I expected. "At night? With a full moon? Um ... did you see any, uh, zombies, you, while you were there?" Shiko blinks at me a few times. "No" I slump in relief. "Thank God. I mean, I don't want to be the first to die. The funny guy always dies first, for shock value, you know. Rourke would get killed next, because it's be a heroic sacrifice or something." I motion to Shiko. "You'd live, though, unless you had sex." ... Shiko has the look of an addled kitten, complete with head tilt. Rourke sighs and leans toward her, embarrassed. 'You'll have to excuse him. According to his mother he has an irrational fear of something called the zombie apocalypse." "It's not irrational!

I remember calling the council's cemetery department to ask about body decomposition in different soil types. Once they had verified that I was a novelist and not a sicko, they were extremely helpful.

Telemarketers I love messing with Telemarketers, especially when I am registered with the National No Call list and I still get calls. So the other night I get a call and it is for me, right.  I know some of you might think this is bad karma, but I decide to have a little fun with the man on the other end.  “I tell him the person he is looking for does not live here any longer.  “But,” I explain, “I do have a forwarding number.” The telemarketer is anxious to get the new number. When he calls the number he will be surprised to find it is for the local cemetery.

- The trouble is that man, going back to Freud - and excuse the metaphor - heats up like a light bulb: red hot in the twinkling of an eye and cold again in a flash. The female, on the other hand - and this is pure science - heats up like an iron, slowly, over a low heat, like a tasty stew. But then, once she has heated up, there's no stopping her. Like the steel furnaces in Vizcaya! I weighed up Fermin's thermodynamic theories.

We fell into a grave," Dan said. "Because we were pushed. Then some goon tried to bury us alive." "Two of them chased me across the cemetery," Amy added. Nellie almost swerved off the road as she turned to look at Dan. "That's not funny." "I didn't think it was, either.

Dad’s family, being committed Catholics, were expecting Mum to say something so profound that even the Pope would have sat up and listened. Instead, she grabbed the microphone and said without any hesitation, ‘I want to become Catholic so when I die, I can be buried with the rest of the family in the Catholic section of the cemetery. Thank you.