β
A word to the unwise.
Torch every book.
Char every page.
Burn every word to ash.
Ideas are incombustible.
And therein lies your real fear.
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Ellen Hopkins
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in a woman's womb.
another chance.
to make the world better.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Real love finds you once, if you're lucky.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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God is love," she said. "And he respects love, whether it's between a parents, and child, a man and woman, or friends. I don't think he cares about religion one little bit. Live your life right. Love with all your heart. Don't hurt others, and help those in need. That is all you need to know. And don't worry about heaven. If it exists, you'll be welcome.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Love is only found in books
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Some people never find love at all, count yourself blessed if it ever happens your way
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Would I ever find forever love? Do I really want to, when forever was a word without meaning?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Did you ever, when you were little, endure your parentsβ warnings, then wait for them to leave the room, pry loose protective covers and consider inserting some metal object into an electrical outlet?
Did you wonder if for once you might light up the room?
When you were big enough to cross the street on your own, did you ever wait for a signal, hear the frenzied approach of a fire truck and feel like stepping out in front of it?
Did you wonder just how far that rocket ride might take you?
When you were almost grown, did you ever sit in a bubble bath, perspiration pooling, notice a blow dryer plugged in within easy reach, and think about dropping it into the water?
Did you wonder if the expected rush might somehow fail you?
And now, do you ever dangle your toes over the precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity to suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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But, though I was very much in lust with him, I knew from the start we were nothing like "forever." Maybe because forever is such a scary place.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Do you ever dangle your toes over the precipice, dare the cliff to crumble, defy the frozen deity to suffer the sun, thaw feather and bone, take wing to fly you home?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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In my limited realm of experience, beginnings led to endings.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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You shine like the Milky Way. Now, there are those who might try to take that from you, but you don't have to give it away. Keep on shining.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Something stirred beneath my skin, some being inside I'd only suspected existed, demon or angel, I couldn't say.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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God wasn't love, couldn't be love. Because for me, love was a corpse.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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What's the point of being a hero when everyone thinks you're a villain?
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Ellen Hopkins (Smoke (Burned, #2))
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The love of her life dissolved into dreams.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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You are a gift to all who know you, whether or not they realize it. If they don't, they are blind. You have a special place in this world. All you have to do is find it. Do not give up on yourself, or the truths you have realized. Do not give in to those who could crush your dreams like nutshells. And never turn away from forever love.
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Ellen Hopkins
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Do not give up on yourself, on the truths you have realized. Do not give in to those who would crush your dreams like nutshells. And never turn away from forever love.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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But more importantly, you are a gift, to all who know you, whether or not they realize it. If they don't, they are blind. You have a special place in this world. All you hvae to do is find it.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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I was about six years old, still Daddy's little girl, even though Daddy couldn't care less about me.
How could I expect any man every would?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Me? Beautiful? I'm plain as cardboard.
That may be how you see yourself, but the rest of the world would be hard to agree. You shine brighter than the Milky Way.
Now there are those who might try to take that from you, but you don't have to give it away. Keep on shining Pattyn.
And when the right young man comes along, he'll love you all the more for giftin' this sad planet with your light.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Defiance rose up like vomit.
I swung back and yelled,
"Don't ever do that again!
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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I felt angry,
frustrated.
I felt I didn't belong, not in my,
church, not in my home, not
in my skin.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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You think God would let a girl do something special?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Some people
Are worthy of a bullet straight
to the heart because that is where
cruelty evolves into evil.
Some
humans aren't human at all,
despite how they appear.
Humanity is what lives inside
people,
harbored beneath skin, flesh,
and bone.
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Ellen Hopkins (Smoke (Burned, #2))
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My grandmother used to say God gives us drought years-years drained of happiness-to prepare us for bounteous times. I'm more than ready for bounty.
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Ellen Hopkins (Smoke (Burned, #2))
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I felt angry,
frustrated.
I felt I didn't belong, not in my
church, not in my home, not
in my skin.
Amidst the chaos, i felt
alone,
in need of a friend instead of
a sister, someone detached from
my world.
The "woman's role" theory
disgusted me.
I would soon be a woman, and I
knew I could never perform as
expected.
I was tired of my mom's submission
to her religion, to her husband's
sick quest for an heir,
to his abuse.
I was sick of my dad, of
reaching for
him as he fell farther away
from us and into the arms of
Johnnie WB.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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I had never kissed a boy, had never even considered that I might enjoy such an unclean thing, until literature opened my eyes.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Communication
Was never big in my house.
We sat together over
dinner, but the only sound
you'd hear was crunching
and chewing and the little
ones asking for more, please.
We lived, all boxed up in
invisible containers. We
hardly knew the people
we called sister or father.
Jackie and I were the
exceptions to that rule.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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I knew from the start we were nothing like "forever". Maybe because forever is such a scary place.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Honesty.
Sobriety.
My virginity.
No way to regain
the first two, I almost
gave away the last.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Dad staggered in, eyes eerily lit.
The corners of his mouth foaming spit.
His demons planned an overnight stay.
Mom motioned to take the girls away.
hide them in their rooms, safe in their beds.
We closed the doors, covered our heads,
as if the blankets could mute the sounds of his blows
or we could silence her screams behind out pillows.
I hugged the littlest ones close to my chest,
till the beat of my heart lulled them to rest.
Only then did I let myself cry.
Only then did I let myself wonder why
Mom didn't fight back, didn't defend,
didn't confess to family or friend.
Had Dad's demons claimed her soul?
Or was this, as well, a woman's role?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Aunt J, I've begged for love for seventeen years. Without you, I would never have found it.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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I know it may sound weird, but looking death square in the eye made me question the unknown. What happens after we exhale our last breathe? Do we really see an otherworldly light? Does God send angels to guide us home? Or when our eyes close, do we forfeit sight? And will our earthly spirits forever roam?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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When People Ask
How heβs doing now, I have
no idea what to say except for,
βBetter.β I donβt know if thatβs
true, or what goes on in a place
like Aspen Springs, not that any-
one knows heβs there, thank God.
He has dropped off most peopleβs
radar, although thatβs kind of odd.
Before he took this unbelievable
turn, Conner was top rung on our
social ladder. But with his crash
and burn no longer news of the day,
all but a gossipy few have quit
trying to fill in the blanks.
One exception is Kendra, who
for some idiotic reason still
loves him and keeps asking about
him, despite the horrible way he
dumped her. Kendra may be pretty,
but sheβs not especially bright.
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Ellen Hopkins (Perfect (Impulse, #2))
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One Time, One Day
between Davie and Roberta ,
I asked my mom why she persisted,
kept on having baby after baby,
She looked
at me, at a spot between my eyes,
blinking like I had suddenly fallen
crazy. She paused before answering
as if
to confide would legitimize my fears.
She drew a deep breath, leaned against
the chair. I touched her hand and I thought
she might
cry. Instead she put baby Davie in my arms
Pattyn, she said, it's a woman's role.
I decided if it was my role, I'd rather
disappear.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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Later, Bishop Crandall dropped by
The house to give me a stern
reprimand. He sat across
the cluttered table,
playing with a paper clip.
'Your parents are worries about you, Pattyn.'
I was worried about myself.
But I wasn't about to let him
know it. "Really?"
'Really. What have you got to say for yourself? You've always been such a good girl.'
Good girl. Sit. Stay. Fetch.
Bristles rose up along my
spine. "Define good."
'I don't appreciate your attitude,
Pattyn. Fast and pray. Search your
soul for the inequities in your life.'
"Any inequity in my life
began when I was born
female. Can you fix that?"
'You'll have to fix that yourself,
by concentrating on the things
God expects of you.'
His two-faced rhetoric
was pissing me off. "You
mean like kissing your ass?"
He slammed his hand on the table.
'I will not listen to that sort
of language. Apologize!'
Behind me, I hear Mom
gasp. But I was on a roll.
"I'm sorry, Bishop
I'm sorry I ever believed
you might have something
worthwhile to say.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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If you've never shot a gun,
You canβt understand
how it feels in your hands.
Cool to the touch, all its venom
coiled inside, deadly,
like a steel-scaled serpent. Awaiting your bidding.
You select itβs preyβ¦ paper,
tin, or flesh. You lie in wait,
learn that patience is the killerβs
most trustworthy accomplice.
You choose the moment. What. Where. When. Decided.
But the how is everything.
You lift your weapon,
ease it into place, cock it,
to load it, knowing the
satisfying snitch means a bullet is yours to command.
Now, make or break,
itβs all up to you. You
aim knowing a hair either
way means bullβs-eye or miss.
Success or failure. Life or death.
You have to relax,
convince your muscles
not to be tense, not to betray
you. Sight again. Adjust.
Donβt become distracted by the heat of the hunt.
Instincts take over.
You shoot and adrenaline
screams as your target shreds
or the flesh drops. And for
one indescribable moment you are God.
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))
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But on that night, Dad staggered in, eyes eerily lit.
The corners of his mouth foaming spit.
His demons planned an overnight stay.
Mom motioned to take the girls away,
hide them in their rooms, safe in their beds.
We closed the doors, covered our heads,
as if blankets could mute the sounds of his blows
or we could silence her screams beneath her pillows.
I hugged the littlest ones close to my chest,
till the beat of my heart lulled them to rest.
Only then did I let myself cry.
Only then did I let myself wonder why
Mom didn't fight back, didn't defend,
didn't confess to family or friend.
Had Dad's demons claimed her soul?
Or was this, as well, another woman's role?
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Ellen Hopkins (Burned (Burned, #1))