Breaking Up With A Narcissist Quotes

An educational strategy to help you maintain your clear boundaries is the JADE technique. JADE is an acronym and it stands for: J = Justify: Don’t try to justify yourself to toxic people. It’s unproductive. A = Argue: Do not waste your energy arguing with toxic people. D = Defend: Don’t waste your breath trying to defend yourself to those who don’t care. E = Explain: Never explain yourself, especially to those who discredit you. The goal of the JADE technique is to take back your power. To stand up for yourself without needing to defend or explain yourself. It’s essential to not engage in this ridiculous mind-game with abusive people.

When a narcissist and flying monkeys see that you are onto their sly tricks, they will argue with you. This is their final attempt to find a way out of getting caught. No matter how much they scream, cuss, and fight with you, their arguments are to trip you up. They want to provoke you into more conflicts. Remember, they crave narcissistic supply. This is why they are projecting and gaslighting you. They need you to have a negative emotional reaction to them. It feeds the fuel with them. Don’t participate in the drama, denial, and dysfunction.

This is why sociopaths cling on to people they have used. They do not like ending relationships, although they know they are hurting and ruining the other person. When a sociopath refuses to break up with a lover, it does not mean that he cannot live without the person or that he truly cares. His refusal to let go stems from his fear of losing control over the other person and the fear of being exposed.

One day, we wake up to the narcissist’s cunning masquerade. We watch their fake mask slip off their face. Everything becomes crystal clear. We see right through their phony disguise. To anyone who’s dealt with the pain and torment of a narcissist, a silver lining is a sign of hope. Hope that someday you can break free from the abuse. Hope to rebuild a better life. Hope to find comfort and peace within. Hope to recover from your trauma. Hope to embrace a brighter future. We can no longer unsee their hideous charade. We accept how lethal a malignant narcissist is. We actively set healthy boundaries. We walk away from hurtful relationships. Like the Phoenix, we rise above the fiery ashes. We stand up, dust ourselves off, and march forward.

If you think the other woman caused the break up of your marriage you would be wrong. If your husband loves you, there is no other woman. Put blame where it deserves to be--on him!

The broken heart will heal and you will have peace like never before.

If we ignore our abuse and trauma, it will continue to reveal itself to us. It may be subtle or it may be intense. Trauma can show up in our sleep. We may battle insomnia and nightmares. We can experience physical pain and emotional distress. We may struggle with anxiety and depression. Or we may suffer hypervigilance, dissociation, and Complex PTSD/PTSD. We may have flashbacks. We may battle triggers. Or we can suddenly be slammed with fight, flight, freeze, or fawn mode. Each of these signs are a normal trauma response. Even if we are unaware that it’s linked to our emotional trauma.

As I picked up the pieces, it became apparent that she was a narcissist, who took pleasure in breaking down this beautiful self I built up with much care. A damaged and misguided empath, she used her emotional intelligence to manipulate those around her, living multiple lies and pumping up her fake public image. I can only hope that she heals and finds herself one day and that her victims survive her.

Feeders (A Narc in Love): They'll feed off your energy, Soak up your adoration, Seem perfect in your eyes, As the love-bombing ignites the manipulation They will never truly love you, They do not love themselves, But they'll break you down from the inside-out And demolish your sense of self And then when they see they cannot control you, They'll shout, and shut the door, As you elevate from the ashes, Gone, is the backing down you had displayed before Then, they'll drop you, And from a shaky, fantastical ivory tower you'll fall, Because they've realised, They cannot keep you on their puppet-strings anymore

What did theories matter any more? She wanted to say. The rats have taken over the ship, it's often as simple as that; the rest is narcissistic crap. It must be. (...) For exploitation read property and you have the whole bit. First the exploiter hits the wage-slave over the head with his superior wealth; then he brainwashes him into believing that the pursuit of property is a valid motive for breaking him at the grindstone. That way he has him hooked twice over. (...) "You disappoint me, Charlie. All of a sudden you lack consistency. You've made the perceptions. Why don't you go out and do something about them? Why do you appear here one minute as an intellectual who has the eye and brain to see what is not visible to the deluded masses, the next you have not the courage to go out and perform a small service - like theft - like murder - like blowing something up - say, a police station - for the benefit of those whose hearts and minds are enslaved by the capitalist overlords? Come on, Charlie, where's the action? You're the free soul around here. Don't give us the words, give us the deeds." (...) Anger suspended her bewilderment and dulled the pain of her disgrace (...) She wished terribly that she could go mad so that everyone would be sorry for her; she wished she was just a raving lunatic waiting to be let off, not a stupid little fool of a radical actress (...) (part I, chapter 7)

Perhaps the hardest thing of all is to leave the illusion. A part of what you are leaving is an illusion, a mirage—something that actually is not there. And it is not real. And yet, it hurts. Ending a relationship is stressful, challenging, and psychologically difficult. Whether it has been going on for months or years, breaking up is hard to do. We consider issues, including what we are getting out of our relationship, whether there is someone else out there who might be better for us who is available and a good option, as well as what we might lose if we left. We do that algebra of the heart and if the numbers favor staying, we stay. If the numbers favor leaving, we leave.

Two words sum up being the daughter of a narcissistic mother: deep sorrow. It was like a massive boulder sat on my chest. Choking me. Suffocating me. Drowning me. Spinning my life out of control. My memories of growing up to become an adult woman who suffered ritual narcissistic abuse had a common thread: Tears. Drama. And compounded trauma.

Raised by a narcissist, I yearned for a Prince Charming to rescue me from my metaphorical tower. Ironically, I ended up with a narcissist who dubbed himself Prince Charming. The outcome wasn’t what I envisioned. Despite his attempts to break me, he inadvertently spurred my growth, making me the best version of myself. I am now free from his false life.

Avoid confusing compromise with negating yourself. The surrender that often has to occur in a relationship with a narcissist as “compromise” it can keep your submissive and fruitless behaviors and expectations alive. The red flags were made apparent within the first three months of the relationship. Everyone told me not to marry her or at least to wait a little longer. She was doing everything he had accused me of. Whenever she did not like how things were going, she would break up with me, and then take me back quickly.

Imagine the daughter of a narcissistic father as an example. She grows up chronically violated and abused at home, perhaps bullied by her peers as well. Her burgeoning low self-esteem, disruptions in identity and problems with emotional regulation causes her to live a life filled with terror. This is a terror that is stored in the body and literally shapes her brain. It is also what makes her brain extra vulnerable and susceptible to the effects of trauma in adulthood.                              Being verbally, emotionally and sometimes even physically beaten down, the child of a narcissistic parent learns that there is no safe place for her in the world. The symptoms of trauma emerge: disassociation to survive and escape her day-to-day existence, addictions that cause her to self-sabotage, maybe even self-harm to cope with the pain of being unloved, neglected and mistreated. Her pervasive sense of worthlessness and toxic shame, as well as subconscious programming, then cause her to become more easily attached to emotional predators in adulthood. In her repeated search for a rescuer, she instead finds those who chronically diminish her just like her earliest abusers. Of course, her resilience, adept skill set in adapting to chaotic environments and ability to “bounce back” was also birthed in early childhood. This is also seen as an “asset” to toxic partners because it means she will be more likely to stay within the abuse cycle in order to attempt to make things “work.” She then suffers not just from early childhood trauma, but from multiple re-victimizations in adulthood until, with the right support, she addresses her core wounds and begins to break the cycle step by step. Before she can break the cycle, she must first give herself the space and time to recover. A break from establishing new relationships is often essential during this time; No Contact (or Low Contact from her abusers in more complicated situations such as co-parenting) is also vital to the healing journey, to prevent compounding any existing traumas.

The narcissistic mother will manipulate other family members to gang up against you by focusing on everything that’s wrong with you. This conveniently takes the focus away from the real perpetrator, which is of course her. It’s interesting to think about the manipulation that’s actually going on. So if you have been labelled as the black sheep and that has been your permanent role in the family, it actually allows all the other family members to start feeling better about themselves. They actually start to believe that they are healthier and more obedient to the narcissistic mother than you, and again this creates a division within the family. Another important point is that if a child is scapegoated from an early age, he or she may fully internalize all of their narcissistic mother’s criticism and shame. This means that the scapegoats develop this harsh inner critic that will continue that inner dialogue that constantly reminds them of how bad and flawed they are. I guess you could call that “inner scapegoating,” and it is extremely toxic to a young impressionable child whose identity is still being formed. So, the scapegoat may struggle with low self-esteem and often continues to feel deeply inadequate and unlovable. Adult scapegoat children also tend to suppress a huge amount of abandonment anxiety because they were emotionally or even physically abandoned by the narcissistic mother over and over again. Adult scapegoat children therefore become super sensitive to observing any potential signs of approval or disapproval. These are all important aspects of the profound impact that a toxic family dynamic may continue to have on adult relationships. Perhaps you may still have issues with authority. Maybe you’re still used to justifying yourself or somehow proving your worth. This is an unconscious pattern that you may still not be aware of and that you are perpetuating because you don’t realize how powerful these dysfunctional family dynamics still are. And once you wake up and understand you can let go of that label, you can break that pattern by choosing to think and behave completely different. You can learn to choose your battles and do not always have to be defensive. You do not always have to feel victimized. You need to become more self-aware and notice if you are still trying to get your parents’ approval or validation. Maturing into adulthood means that you may need to understand that you may never have a healthy relationship with an intentional perpetrator of abuse. You need to process your feelings of frustration, loneliness, rage, and grief.

We have to keep in mind that the person doing the gaslighting is hiding something. They aren’t all necessarily secret criminals like Gregory in the movie, but they each have a terrible secret. They’re insecure, and some sick part of themselves believes that making someone who trusts and loves them feel terrible will build them up.

These are attempts to make a victim’s compassion bubble up and turn anger into understanding, even when the narcissist does real harm. Most narcissists target exceptionally kind and generous people because they see an opportunity to take that kindness and sharpen it to a point. You’re kind? What happens when I stab at you with your own emotion, then tell you it’s not my fault? Are you still a nice person?

To have our own emotions used against us can feel terrifying. Instead of standing up for ourselves we start to see ourselves as mean, uncaring, even evil. Again, this takes the pressure off the narcissist. They can feel free to strut away from any problem, no matter how badly destroyed he’s left the one he loves.

It’s not productive for us to sit here and criticize each other. I’m ready to talk about this like an adult. When you’re ready, you know where to find me.” Then get up and walk away. Don’t say you’re leaving or where you’re going; get out the door without apologies.

Most people cannot stand up in the face of this for as long as it would take for the narcissist to realize that this behavior will not work any longer. Even when it does not include violence, it can include hours, days or even weeks of nonstop harassment, insults, accusations, begging, pleading, screaming, sobbing, hysteria, threats of self-harm or suicide, threats of violence, breaking things, silent treatment, constant attempts at manipulation, constant selling and pitching and convincing... Most of these personalities will legitimately beat you to death psychologically and wear you down over time. Most people simply cannot stand up to this without reacting somehow, and then the narcissist's behavior has been rewarded (even though this is completely unintentional on the other person's part), thus reinforcing it further and helping to guarantee that it will continue.

I loved myself and since I loved me, I loved him because I realized he was good for me. A type of self worth, a type of narcissistic love.

Remember that all of this is designed to make you—the one on the receiving end of the abuse—feel better. I don’t want you to waste time trying to fix your abuser or hanging onto the belief that one day they’ll wake up a saint. We can’t control others’ actions because it’s an impossible feat. What we can control is how well we take care of ourselves and how much we value ourselves as people.

The trauma recovery with a narcissistic mother (or father) is not an easy one. There may be bumps in the road. You may have grown up feeling rejected, ostracized, or condemned. You may have moments when your inner critic screamed awful words to you. Essentially, healing means you must release codependent relationships with toxic folks. It starts by identifying and understanding the shameful messages and beliefs that were transferred from the perpetrators to you, which are false. In effort to heal your mother wound (or father wound), it requires you to replace the negative, internalized messages to be transformed into positive self-talk that is kind, loving, nurturing, and respectful.

Aside from PTSD, depression, anxiety, chronic stress, and everything else it brings along with it, a victim of a gaslighting narcissist can also experience a lot of complicated emotions. Former victims find it incredibly difficult to trust anyone. How can they? Someone who swore up and down that they loved them suddenly became their worst enemy. After that, anyone who shows any interest in them or extends any kindness will suddenly be suspect. Everyone is a possible enemy in disguise.

You don't know if you have been denied heaven or spared from hell.

It is true that when single, I swiftly chased off any men whose threatened disruption of my Saturday mornings, which I set aside for breakfast on my own and aa ridiculous apartment-cleaning ritual that involved dancing, I found too irritating to bear. I felt smothered by suitors who called too often, claustrophobic around those who wanted to see me too frequently, and bugged by the ones who didn't want to try the bars or restaurants I liked to go to, or who pressured me to cut out of work earlier than I wanted to cut out. I got used to doing things my way; I *liked* doing things my way. These men just mucked it all up. I knew how I sounded, even in my own head: picky, petty, and narcissistic. I worried about the monster of self-interest that I had become. In retrospect, however, I see that the fierce protection of my space, schedule, and solitude served as prophylactic against relationships I didn't really want to be in. Maybe I was too hard on those guys, but I am also certain that I wasn't very interested in them. I am certain of that because when, after six years without a relationship that lasted beyond three dates, I met a man I was interested in and didn't think twice about Saturday mornings, about breaking my weirdo routines or leaving work early; I was happy every single time he called.

As an Empath likely raised by a house that was not understanding of Empaths, your belief system has probably been wired in a way that reduced your self-esteem. Because you were not well-understood growing up, a lot of the beliefs you gained from family, friends, and society itself may have insinuated that you were “broken” and that you needed fixing. In other words, they did not understand you, they were intimidated by your differences, and they wanted to break you down and make you more “normal.” This can lead to low self-esteem as a result of not feeling confident in your ability to express yourself as who you are. You may have even learned to express yourself in a way that is not accurate to who you truly are, causing you to feel dissociated from your own identity. If this happened in adolescence when you were in the process of discovering your identity, this could be particularly damaging to your self-esteem.

They aren’t just insensitive and selfish, arrogant and devaluing, manipulative and exploitative. They are also endlessly demanding. They want attention. They want approval. They want admiration. They want agreement. They want everyone around them to validate their distorted self-serving reality and continuously hold up a mirror reflecting that false reality back to them as if it were irrefutable fact.