Boundaries Dr Henry Cloud Quotes

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.

Emotions, or feelings, have a function. They tell us something. They are a signal....Anger tells us that our boundaries have been violated. Much like a nation's radar defense system, angry feelings serve as an "early warning system" telling us we're in danger of being injured or controlled.

The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.” It lets others know that we exist apart from them and that we are in control of ourselves.

Misinformation about the Bible's answers to these issues has led to much wrong teaching about boundaries. Not only that, but many clinical psychological symptoms, such as depression, anxiety disorders, guilt problems, shame issues, panic disorders, and marital and relational struggles, find their root in conflicts with boundaries.

If I am not forgiving them, I am still in a destructive relationship with them. Gain grace from God, and let others' debts go. Do not keep seeking a bad account. Let it go, and get what you need from God and people who can give. That is a better life. Unforgiveness destroys boundaries. Forgiveness creates them, for it gets bad debt off of your property.

We are ultimately responsible for what we do with our injured, immature souls.

We can't terrorize or make others feel guilty and be loved by them at the same time.

book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and found it very helpful, validating, and encouraging.

Ask yourself: “If the person I can’t hear no from were to die tonight, to whom would I go?” It’s crucial to develop several deep, significant relationships. This allows those in our lives to feel free to say no to us without guilt because we have somewhere else to go. When we have a person we can’t take no from, we have, in effect, handed over the control of our lives to them. All they have to do is threaten withdrawal, and we will comply. This occurs quite often in marriages, where one spouse is kept in emotional blackmail by the other’s threat to leave. Not only is this no way to live—it doesn’t work, either. The controller continues withdrawing whenever he or she is displeased. And the boundaryless person continues frantically scrambling to keep him or her happy. Dr. James Dobson’s Love Must Be Tough is a classic work on this kind of boundary problem.2