Boundaries Cloud And Townsend Quotes

We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing. Consequences give us the pain that motivates us to change.

Leave your pride, ego, and narcissism somewhere else. Reactions from those parts of you will reinforce your children's most primitive fears.

Don't go overboard in praising required behavior: 'We have only done our duty' (Luke 17:10). But do go overboard when your child confesses the truth, repents honestly, takes chances, and loves openly. Praise the developing character in your child as it emerges in active, loving, responsible behavior.

Values are sometimes worth living and dying for, and are certainly worth dating and breaking up over.

Training moments occur when both parents and children do their jobs. The parent's job is to make the rule. The child's job is to break the rule. The parent then corrects and disciplines. The child breaks the rule again, and the parent manages the consequences and empathy that then turn the rule into reality and internal structure for the child.

Emotions, or feelings, have a function. They tell us something. They are a signal....Anger tells us that our boundaries have been violated. Much like a nation's radar defense system, angry feelings serve as an "early warning system" telling us we're in danger of being injured or controlled.

The most basic boundary-setting word is “no.” It lets others know that we exist apart from them and that we are in control of ourselves.

Be careful not to give your child the impression that you love her perfect, performing parts more than you do her mediocre, stumbling parts.

A strong strand throughout the Bible stresses that you are to GIVE to needs and put LIMITS on sin. Boundaries help you do just that.

Our real concern with others should not be "Are they doing what I would do or what I want them to do?" but "Are they really making a free choice?" When we accept others' freedom, we don't get angry, feel guilty, or withdraw our love when they set boundaries with us. When we accept others' freedom, we feel better about our own.

Boundaries in no way mean to stop loving. They mean the opposite: you are gaining the freedom to love.

Misinformation about the Bible's answers to these issues has led to much wrong teaching about boundaries. Not only that, but many clinical psychological symptoms, such as depression, anxiety disorders, guilt problems, shame issues, panic disorders, and marital and relational struggles, find their root in conflicts with boundaries.

When boundaries are not established in the beginning of a marriage, or when they break down, marriages break down as well. Or such marriages don't grow past the initial attraction and transform into real intimacy. They never reach the true "knowing" of each other and the ongoing ability to abide in love and to grow as individuals and as a couple-the long-term fulfillment that was God's design.

If I am not forgiving them, I am still in a destructive relationship with them. Gain grace from God, and let others' debts go. Do not keep seeking a bad account. Let it go, and get what you need from God and people who can give. That is a better life. Unforgiveness destroys boundaries. Forgiveness creates them, for it gets bad debt off of your property.

We can't terrorize or make others feel guilty and be loved by them at the same time.

Many times we have boundary problems because we lack initiative - the God-given ability to propel ourselves into life. We respond to invitations and push ourselves into life.

We are ultimately responsible for what we do with our injured, immature souls.

Setting boundaries isn't an alternative to loving your child. It is a means of loving her.

When you refuse to forgive someone, you still want something from that person, and even if it is revenge that you want, it keeps you tied to that person forever.

book Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend and found it very helpful, validating, and encouraging.

I will always be poor in spirit. But by boundaries help me find the time to receive the kingdom of heaven. I will always mourn the losses I suffer in this lifetime. But setting limits helps me find the comfort I need from God and others. I will always be meek and gentle. But being a separate person helps me take the initiative to inherit the earth. Thank you Lord. Thank you for the hope you gave me. And for taking me and those I love along your path.