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SIGNALS THAT BABY IS OVERSTIMULATED As we watched babies playing with their parents, we witnessed how babies say to their parents, “Give me a break for a minute or two!” Here are the signals they give when they need to self-soothe. • LOOKING AWAY. This signal can be very clear, with the baby turning her head away, or it can be simply looking from our face to our less-stimulating shirt. • SHIELDING FACE WITH HANDS. Babies will put their hands in front of their face and look like they are trying to shield themselves. • PUSHING AWAY. When the baby is more coordinated, he may push a toy or other object away to show that he doesn’t want to play with it. • CLEARLY WRINKLED FOREHEAD. When the medial (middle, above the nose) portion of a baby’s forehead is bunched up (that is as much wrinkling as is possible with all the baby fat in the face), it means she is getting upset, often because she is overstimulated. The forehead makes the baby look like she is sad, or angry. However, when the baby’s forehead gets only slightly wrinkled, as though there is a butterfly on her forehead, this is usually not a negative sign and means she is concentrating. • ARCHING THE BACK. One sign that a baby is upset is that she arches her back and tenses her body. • FUSSING. The baby’s voice starts what seems like the beginning of crying and protesting. • SHOWING A MIXTURE OF EMOTION, such as the baby’s expression going back and forth between joy and fear. • CRYING. There are levels of upset in the crying of babies. The baby may eventually build up to a cry in which there is about a second of “winding up” intake of breath. Then the baby really hauls off and lets out a cry that is loud, shrill, and painful to hear. This is called a Valsalva cry. In a Valsalva cry, the lungs are working against a resistance, like when we blow up a stiff balloon, or lift a heavy weight. It is very stressful for the baby. For example, the baby’s blood pressure will increase, and the number of white blood cells in the baby’s blood will increase. WHAT
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John M. Gottman (And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives)