Baby Shower Registry Quotes

Baby Registry Please give this child a strong stomach, an infectious laugh, an independent spirit. A love of words, numbers, people, and solitude. A fear of poisons, reckless driving, guns—and nothing else. Make him or her contemplative but not to the point of fretfulness. Make him or her generous but not to the point of self-effacement. Let this child inherit Finn’s features, especially his eyes, nose, and mouth. And his trim, athletic limbs. His capable hands. Will-taste-anything tongue. Un-noteworthy feet. Ability to not shower for several days and still smell okay, even good in an earthy way. His musical talent—yes, especially that. Even his resistance to being pinned down, because why settle for anything less than a life full of great adventure? Let this child inherit an enduring faith in the power of secular humanism in a world full of racism, sexism, terrorism, and greed. If you must, my teeth and/or earlobes would be fine.

Good morning to Karen’s fertile and barren friends. I thought I’d send over the plan for the completely unnecessary, mawkish, and expensive non-tradition borrowed from America that is our friend Karen’s baby shower. Karen thinks it’s always good to demand money and time from people to celebrate her own personal life choices and we felt you haven’t given her quite enough in recent history, what, with the $1500 pound hen do in Ibiza, wedding in Majorca with a strict dress code, and gift registry at Selfridges. (NB: ladies-- if you get a new job or buy or flat on your own, you get a card and that’s it! We want to make sure there’s no prprecedent set. We’re not made of money!!) The good news is, after Karen gives birth she won’t see any of her childless friends unless all they want to do is talk about her baby and nothing else. So you can treat this as her farewell party as well as her baby shower. And save those pennies for a couple of years, that is of course until she comes back to you when she’s stopped breast feeding and is bored out of her mind, demands you all go out to drink, dance, and take loads of drugs, then sends you an offish text the following week saying she can’t really have a night out like that again because “I’M A MOTHER NOW.