Astrology Funny Quotes

(Aries can be impatient) I wouldn't call myself impatient. I just like to get things done really fast.

When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're black, that's racism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're female, that's sexism. When you say someone is stubborn and irrational because they're a leo, that's astrology. Notice a pattern? It's all nonsense.

Retrograde mercury is the only enemy that writers have.

Astrology is superstition. A remnant of the ignorant dark ages, when people knew nothing about how the world works. They believed the earth is flat and the center of the universe. Astrology might have made sense a long time ago, when people didn't know any better. Back then people believed that the stars were gods, with names like Zeus or Mars, the God of war, who had nothing better to do than to watch us down here on earth, and fuck with us. And gods have superpowers. So it would make sense for gods to be able to influence our lives or our decisions. Back then it sounded like there was an internal logic to it all. But nowadays we know better. Now we know that the earth is not flat and not the center of the universe. And now we know that the stars are not gods with superpowers, but simply suns and planets, millions of miles away. Big balls of gas and rock, flying through space, minding their own business. Mars is not the God of War. Mars is just a big red rock. There is simply no mechanism by which a big rock, flying through space millions of miles away, is gonna affect whether you're gonna get a raise tomorrow or not. Think about how self-centered and narcissistic that idea actually is. Astrology is the idea that this endlessly big universe and all the trillions of planets in it, are only here to affect whether you are gonna have a good day tomorrow. Because all these big rocks flying through space millions of miles away have nothing better to do than worry about you. Because you're so special, and everything is about you. The idea behind astrology is so stupid, it's actually kinda funny.

Funny though. If he finds a way to make a morally just cause heard, he becomes a saint...His worst enemy is himself. Which is what you have to deal with if you want to be with him. He's anxious like the show-off drunk at a karaoke bar when the words don't come up on the screen. Make sure you give him the script so he has something to read from.

Believing in race can be compared to believing in astrology. People who have faith in astrology find constant confirmation that horoscope predictions are reliable and that astrological signs determine personality types. For the faithful, the twelve divisions of the zodiac are as accurate as Blumenbach’s five divisions of human beings. The funny thing is, biostatisticians can find significant medical differences according to astrological signs. In the 1990s, a major randomized clinical trial compared the effectiveness of an intravenous drug, an oral aspirin, and a placebo to treat 17,000 patients who were hospitalized with signs of a heart attack. The study found a huge overall statistical benefit for patients who got the aspirin over the placebo. To test the strength of the outcome, the researchers divided the patients into twelve subgroups by their astrological signs. They found that the zodiac made a difference: their statistical analysis showed that patients born under Gemini or Libra suffered an adverse effect from aspirin.72 Unsurprisingly, physicians laughed off this finding because it was more scientifically plausible to interpret the results as an insignificant coincidence. But an astrology enthusiast would take it as proof that zodiac signs determine people’s health and drug response.

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David, in particular, possessed a distinct way with words; Nancy’s originality of perception and phrase can without any doubt be traced back to him. It did not come from Sydney, although she was a natural writer, which David was not. Of the two Sydney was also much the more logical and consistent. It was from her that the Mitfords inherited their ability to express themselves clearly and in a sustained manner. A revelation in preparing this present book has been the quality of Sydney’s unpublished writings. But though this material has, particularly for us who knew her, an evocative and special charm, and although it is shrewd and in places funny, it completely lacks the Mitford iridescence – the stylistic fantasy, the queer, sudden illuminations. This iridescence is Nancy’s particular quality. It comes straight from David, and it is a paradox that this man, who was in most ways so conventionally masculine, had a mind that was entirely intuitive, non-logical: the kind of mind often thought of as feminine. Changing one’s mind is said to be a woman’s prerogative; no woman has changed her mind as suddenly or as repeatedly as David, though at any given moment his views appeared solid as a rock. (It is curious that adherents of the pseudo-science of astrology have the opportunity to nod their heads at all this and say but of course, he was a typical Pisces subject.)