Ashes To Ashes Funny Quotes

I thought I'd lie on the floor and writhe in pain for a while," he grunted, "It relaxes me." "It does? Oh - you're being sarcastic. That's a good sign probably.

It's not funny, Jace," Alec interrupted, starting to his feet. "Are you just going to let her stand there and call me names?" "Yes," Jace said kindly. "It'll do you good-- try to think of it as endurance training.

Other crack teams get bat boomerangs and wall-climbing powers; we get Aquatruck.

Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon." Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that.

I can't believe he didn't have the dignity and presence of mind just to get drunk and pass out in some gutter," said Jace. "I must say, I'm disappointed in the little fellow.

What I actually want to call you is a hell of a lot more unprintable than your name

If you're texting Magnus to say 'I think u r kewl' I'm going to kill you

That's your truck parked up by the factory isn't it?" Magnus pointed. "It's awfully butch for a bookseller.

Honestly, Clary, if you don't start utilizing a bit of your natural feminine superiority I just don't know what I'll do with you.

Hello, hello.” Magnus swept toward them..."Alec, my darling, Clary. And rat-boy." He swept a bow toward Simon, who looked annoyed. "To what do I owe the pleasure?" "We came to see Jace," Clary said. "Is he all right?" "I don’t know," Magnus said. "Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?" "What –," Alec began, and broke off as Magnus laughed. "That’s not funny." "You’re so easy to tease. And yes, your friend is just fine. Well, except that he keeps putting all my things away and trying to clean up. Now I can’t find anything. He’s compulsive.

I wonder if my entire life will be a series of moments in which I realize I’m an idiot long after I can actually do anything about it. Will I ever feel like I know what I’m doing?

I'm Magnus Bane." he went on in a soothing tone, stretching out his ringed hands. Blue sparks had begun to dance between them like bioluminescence dancing water. "I'm the warlock who's here to cure you. Didn't they tell you I was comming?" "I know who you are, but..." Maia looked dazed. "You look so... so... shiny.

I brought you some coffee.” he held out the cup but she waved it away. “I hate that stuff. It tastes like feet.” At that he smiled. “How would you know what feet taste like?” “I just know.” -Luke and Clary, pg.209-

Goodfellow snickered."Wouldn't be any fun if we didn't run into some sort of catastrophe." Pulling his dagger ,he waved me on."After you,your highness. Puck to Ash

You are the Energizer Bunny for badasses. -Ash

I didn't say he was dating you," he said, "but funny that you knew just what I meant, isn't it?" "We're not dating," Alec said again. "Oh?" Magnus said. "So you're just that friendly with everybody, is that it?

And tell them what?" Jace said witheringly. "That invisible people are bothering you? Trust me, little girl, the police aren't going to arrest someone they can't see

You can't just call the Praetor. It's not like 1-800-WEREWOLF.

There was a small wooden gazebo built out over the water; Isabelle was sitting in it, staring out across the lake. She looked like a princess in a fairy tale, waiting at the top of her tower for someone to ride up and rescue her. Not that traditional princess behavior was like Isabelle at all. Isabelle with her whip and boots and knives would chop anyone who tried to pen her up in a tower into pieces, build a bridge out of the remains, and walk carelessly to freedom, her hair looking fabulous the entire time.

It's funny how, when things seem the darkest, moments of beauty present themselves in the most unexpected places.

When they bombed Hiroshima, the explosion formed a mini-supernova, so every living animal, human or plant that received direct contact with the rays from that sun was instantly turned to ash. And what was left of the city soon followed. The long-lasting damage of nuclear radiation caused an entire city and its population to turn into powder. When I was born, my mom says I looked around the whole hospital room with a stare that said, "This? I've done this before." She says I have old eyes. When my Grandpa Genji died, I was only five years old, but I took my mom by the hand and told her, "Don't worry, he'll come back as a baby." And yet, for someone who's apparently done this already, I still haven't figured anything out yet. My knees still buckle every time I get on a stage. My self-confidence can be measured out in teaspoons mixed into my poetry, and it still always tastes funny in my mouth. But in Hiroshima, some people were wiped clean away, leaving only a wristwatch or a diary page. So no matter that I have inhibitions to fill all my pockets, I keep trying, hoping that one day I'll write a poem I can be proud to let sit in a museum exhibit as the only proof I existed. My parents named me Sarah, which is a biblical name. In the original story God told Sarah she could do something impossible and she laughed, because the first Sarah, she didn't know what to do with impossible. And me? Well, neither do I, but I see the impossible every day. Impossible is trying to connect in this world, trying to hold onto others while things are blowing up around you, knowing that while you're speaking, they aren't just waiting for their turn to talk -- they hear you. They feel exactly what you feel at the same time that you feel it. It's what I strive for every time I open my mouth -- that impossible connection. There's this piece of wall in Hiroshima that was completely burnt black by the radiation. But on the front step, a person who was sitting there blocked the rays from hitting the stone. The only thing left now is a permanent shadow of positive light. After the A bomb, specialists said it would take 75 years for the radiation damaged soil of Hiroshima City to ever grow anything again. But that spring, there were new buds popping up from the earth. When I meet you, in that moment, I'm no longer a part of your future. I start quickly becoming part of your past. But in that instant, I get to share your present. And you, you get to share mine. And that is the greatest present of all. So if you tell me I can do the impossible, I'll probably laugh at you. I don't know if I can change the world yet, because I don't know that much about it -- and I don't know that much about reincarnation either, but if you make me laugh hard enough, sometimes I forget what century I'm in. This isn't my first time here. This isn't my last time here. These aren't the last words I'll share. But just in case, I'm trying my hardest to get it right this time around.

Yes she met with a slight accident involving a stake." Ash said "funny how that happens sometimes...

Enormous? Did you just call me fat?

We came to see Jace,” Clary said. “Is he all right?” “I don’t know,” Magnus said. “Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?” “What-” Alec began, and broke off as Magnus laughed. “That’s not funny.” “You‘re so easy to tease. And yes, your friend is just fine. Well, except that he keeps putting all my things away and trying to clean up. Now I cant find anything. He‘s compulsive.” “Jace does like things neat,” Clary said… “Well I don’t.

Where’s all that bravery?” Ash asked. “My bravery ends when I’m faced with something that can swallow me whole.

Did you think I was helping you out of the goodness of my heart? Or am I just the only warlock you know?” (Magnus) … “No,” he said now, “but you are the only warlock we know who happens to be dating a friend of ours.” (Jace) For a moment everyone stared at him-Alec in sheer horror, Magnus un astonished anger, and Clary and Simon in surprise. It was Alec who spoke first, his voice shaking. “Why would you say something like that?” Jace looked baffled. “Something like what?” “That I‘m dating-that we‘re-its not true,” Alec said, his voice rising and dropping several octaves as he fought to control it. Jace looked at him steadily. “I didn’t say he was dating you,” he said, “but funny that you knew just what I meant, isn’t it?” “We‘re not dating,” Alec said again. “Oh?” Magnus said. “So you‘re just that friendly with everybody, is that it?” -pg.241-

It's funny how people can change your life without meaning to. Even the fucked-up, crazy people leave everything different when they go away.

I need to get ready. Ash? Touch the food and I won't take you for a driving lesson tomorrow. Dad? Touch it and I'll make you take him for a driving lesson tomorrow." Dad backed away from the counter. Ash scowled. I laughed and continued upstairs.

Who is your favorite character in the series? Or...if that's too hard, why do you like each one and who drives you crazy? Puck: Well, she likes me best, of course. I'm the handsome, charming one. Ash: Yes, that's why she gave you your own book. Oh, wait. Puck: No one asked you, ice-boy.

Kieran took out another as his lip curled in disgust. “Just kill them.” “Oh, well, I was thinking about keeping one.” Cold, clammy fingers grazed my arm as I whirled around. “You know, as a—” “If you say pet, I’m going to think you’re more demented than Cas.” “I was going to say friend.” Kieran looked over at me, brows arched. “That’s even worse.

Ash went over to the closet, and Sloane maintained his stoic expression. There was no way Dex would be hiding in the closet. It was too obvious. Ash opened the door, looking unimpressed. “There’s a fuckwit naked in your closet.” Dex looked up at Ash with wide eyes. “This isn’t what it looks like. I dropped some change, it rolled under the closet door, and when I went to pick it up, my clothes fell off. True story.

Ahhh, you two are special friends." Nick "How do you mean?" Kyrian "He thinks we're a couple" Ash "No No No Definitely not. Not that Acheron is not an attractive man, not that I've ever really noticed whether or not he's attractive, but male is not my type." Kyrian

I would ask what it is you think you're doing, but... you are a teenager. I should have known better than to leave you in the car unattended. Next time, I'll seal you in there...probably with bricks. Maybe even mortar." Nick ignored his dry tone. "Just so long as you make sure nothing can get inside to kill me, I'm good with that." Ash frowned. "What are you talking about?" "The kid dead on the ground. Fourteen, Ash. Fourteen. I'm fourteen." "Yeah..." "Ash, I'm fourteen" "Got it. You're fourteen. I'm so proud you can count that high. It's a testament to the modern American educational system. But I should probably point out that you're no the only one. I'm told you go to a school with a whole class of -get this- kids who are fourteen." Nick rolled his eyes at the sarcasm. No wonder his mom wanted to hurt him for it. He finally understood. "Yeah, but they're not dead. Someone's killing fourteen-year-old boys, which I happen to be one. The cops said so. This is the second one in a day who's been murdered." "Yeah well given the lippiness of the average teenager, I can understand the urge" "You're not funny." "And you need to calm down. The only person you need to fear killing you when I'm around is me.

If Sloane’s quiet words hadn’t been enough to get Dex squirming in his towel, Sloane’s quick kiss to his lips sealed the deal. Oh God, he was about to get a hard-on at work, and the bastard that was the cause of it was loving every moment of it. Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts. Ash’s growl echoed through the showers. “What are you two gay boys doing in there?” Aaand done. --Dex

I'm the son and heir to the Duke of Sardis. I could walk into that ballroom naked with Alcibiades balanced on my head, and they'd still want to marry me." "Most likely. But if you try it, I'll horsewhip you on the front steps.

Isabelle looked dubious. "Mom and Dad won't be pleased if they find out." "That you freed a possible criminal by trading away your brother to a warlock who looks like a gay Sonic the Hedgehog and dresses like the Child Catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Band? Simon inquired. "No, probably not.

Ash opened the door, stopping the males before they could go in, “Learn some manners.” Letty gave them a salute before walking in, rifle in hand. “That’s rather chauvinistic,” one of the males huffed. Ash let out an amused laugh. “I didn’t let her in first because she’s female, you jackass. I let her in first because she likes to shoot things, and I’m very considerate that way.

I would make a poor princess,' she said. 'Why?' 'Have you ever wished to be a princess?' Ash challenged her. 'That depends,' Kaisa said. 'On what?' 'On whether I'd have to marry a prince,' she said and her tone was lighthearted, inviting Ash to share her smile.

Think of what it must have been like in the Scholomance for all those years it was closed,” said Dru, her eyes gleaming with horror-movie delight. “All the way up in the mountains, totally abandoned and dark, full of spiders and ghosts and shadows . . .” "If you want to think about somewhere scary, think about the Bone City,” said Livvy. The City of Bones was where the Silent Brothers lived: It was an underground place of networked tunnels built out of the ashes of dead Shadowhunters. “I’d like to go to the Scholomance,” interrupted Ty. “I wouldn’t,” said Livvy. “Centurions aren’t allowed to have parabatai.” “I’d like to go anyway,” said Ty. “You could come too if you wanted.” “I don’t want to go to the Scholomance,” said Livvy. “It’s in the middle of the Carpathian Mountains. It’s freezing there, and there are bears.” Ty’s face lit up as it often did at the mention of animals. “There are bears?” “Enough chatter,” said Diana.

I brushed the curtain aside, scowling. Hadn't even spoken to the girl and I felt like a stalker staring out the window, waiting once more...waiting for what? To catch a glimpse of her? Or to better prepare myself for the inevitable meeting? If Dee saw me now, she'd be on the floor laughing. And if Ash saw me right now, she'd scratch out my eyes and blast my new neighbor into outer space.

Come on, big guy. Let’s hit the showers.” Cael patted Ash’s chest and walked off. Ash followed, but not before shoving Dex. He grinned when Dex fell into Taylor, his cheese snacks soaring through the air and hitting the carpet. “My Cheesy Doodles!” Dex dropped to his hands and knees. “Noooooo! They were so young. So delicious.

Count yourself fortunate." He made an elegant sweep of his hand toward the sun. "Daylight does not make them turn to ash, but they become bloody damn infants, whinging on about irritated eyes and sluggish limbs and so forth.

I thought you came down right on the side of go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not collect two hundred dollars.

When did you get that?" "The shirt? At Macy's. Winter sale.

At the point when Jared relayed Ash's habit of hiding his cuddly toys in the freezer, Kami started to laugh in the movie theater. Ash glanced over at her. "Sorry," Kami murmured. "Just - the movie's funny." Ash looked back at the movie, in which a small blond child was dying of leukemia. "I have a very warped sense of humor," Kami whispered.

We are all caught in the stream of a complicated legacy - a proof of the limits of human reason, a proof of our boundlessness. A declaration that were were down here on this crowded, lonely planet, a declaration that we mattered, we living clumps of ash, that each of us was once somebody, that we strove for what we could never have, that we could admit as much. That was us - funny and lousy and great all at once.

You know this shirt was beyond repair, right?' 'Wha-?' The sound of cloth tearing was my only explanation.

Stay in the car Nick" "okay." Ash gets out abd goes to look at the dead body. "For an immortal being with 11,000 years under his belt Ash sure is stupid." Nick gets out and sees the blood. "That's a lot of blood." Nick's book starts sending him an alert. "What Lassie? You going to tell Timmy about the well?" pulls out book, and opens it. words start to appear. LOOK AND YOU WILL SEE THAT WHICH WAS CAN NEVER BE. WHEN THEY SEEK A BOY YOUR AGE... ... RUN, YOU FLIPPIN MORON, RUN! "I'm not gonna argue with my book on that. The safest place is with Ash.

Kools never did get along with partners. He once stabbed a fella over whose turn it was to drive. Kools says I want to drive and the other fella says sure and Kools stabbed him in the face.

Owllwin was easiest the most contrary person Cricket had ever known. He was arrogant but humble, cowardly but brave, foolish but wise. He was funny, but sometimes she caught him crying when he was off on his own. It were as if he pushed himself to be a better person in spite of himself, in spite of his own failings, and Cricket secretly admired the fact: not many people were willing to admit they had faults in the first place.

Real men drink liquor, Reid. Not Coors. And whatever the hell this is.” He turned Wyatt’s bottle around so he could see the label. “Pabst?” Wyatt, pulled his beer away from Ash’s grasp. “Fuck you. I like PBR just fine.” Ash held up his hands disarmingly. “You know who drinks PBR? Hipsters. And nobody over the age of four.

Mary had the same face as ma used to have sitting staring into the ashes it was funny that face it slowly grew over the other one until one day you looked and the person you knew was gone. And instead there was a half-ghost sitting there who had only one thing to say: All the beautiful things of this world are lies. They count for nothing in the end.

You didn't allow me,' I reminded him. 'You just couldn't stop me.

His agility surprised Phoebe Ash. She saw the plaster cast on his right leg. Funny messages in ink—“Go break the left one, tiger!”—had been written on the off-white plaster.

We the living are to blame for the painfulness of being dead.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions,' he said. 'Perhaps you've heard that?' 'Sounds like something you'd have embroidered on a pillow.

It's exhausting always being right.

Nature has a funny way of deceiving. The weak always think they’ve got a chance at survival. But the world burns in the end, and all things fade to ash.

Go get sandblasted in the urethra.

-  Why did Ash get arrested? Because while you were in the bathroom he took a Pikachu.

You can let go. I'm not going to stab you.' 'I find that oddly disappointing.' 'And I find that extremely disturbing.

I have good news, potentially bad news, and hopefully good news,' ...

That... that's really sad.' 'Some say all great love stories are.' 'Some people are stupid.

You know what I would love right about now?' 'For there to be no talk of giant, people-eating rats?

I have a feeling if you don't leave, he's just going to stand there and drain precious air from my room-' 'While looking exceptionally handsome, ' he added. 'You forgot to add that.

Does she comprehend love? On the days when she teases me about talking in my sleep, or tells strange, funny tales because she knows I ache for Laia, it seems as if she does. But now . . .

I lost myself immediately in one of the books, only emerging when the phone rang. “Dashiell?” my father intoned. As if someone else with my voice might be answering the phone at my mother’s apartment. “Yes, Father?” “Leeza and I would like to wish you a merry Christmas.” “Thank you, Father. And to you, as well.” [awkward pause] [even more awkward pause] “I hope your mother isn’t giving you any trouble.” Oh, Father, I love it when you play this game. “She told me if I clean all the ashes out of the grate, then I’ll be able to help my sisters get ready for the ball.” “It’s Christmas, Dashiell. Can’t you give that attitude a rest?” “Merry Christmas, Dad. And thanks for the presents.” “What presents?” “I’m sorry—those were all from Mom, weren’t they?” “Dashiell …” “I gotta go. The gingerbread men are on

Kieran?' He looked at me. 'Please... please try to be careful.' He lifted his brows. 'Are you worried about me?' Crossing my arms, I nodded. 'Don't be nice to me,' he replied, and I sensed amusement from him. 'It weirds me out.' 'Sorry.' He smiled then as he walked to where I stood. 'You don't sound remotely sorry.' I grinned at him. 'Do me a favour,' Kieran said, looking down at me. 'Protect your Prince, Poppy.

She bit her lip; she missed Ash. It was like a pain in her ribs, an ache that wouldn’t cease. His experience would have been a big help, but more than that, he never made her feel inferior. Funny how her father was so good at that.

I go by several names. The Dark One. Bastard. Cas. Prince Casteel Da' Neer,' he said, and there was no mistaking the slight widening of her eyes. She hadn't known that- who he truly was. 'Call me whatever you like as long as you know it will be my voice that will be the last sound you hear.

It stung,' he growled, head straightening. 'Deeply.' 'Sorry?' His chin lowered. 'You are not sorry.' I actually was. Sort of. 'You grabbed me.' 'Do you stab everyone who grabs you?' 'Yes!' I exclaimed. 'Especially when I'm in a home with a dead body and someone grabs me from behind without any warning!

I have always been fascinated by youth. This fire that makes us feel glorious, insolent, immortal. I will have to come to terms with it - everything has been reduced to ashes. (I tried in vain not to burn myself in the way.) I believe that the deep tenderness I feel for man comes from the fact that he is so full of certainty – yet, he doubts all the time. It is a funny paradox. He is constantly misled. He gives great importance to things that do not have any, and misses those which have. I would like to be like a flower. Going through life, just like this, regardless of whether I will be born again or if anyone will remember my beauty. Just passing by like this, to make the world a little more beautiful, or a little more breathable, for a little while. I would like to be a flower of those in the bouquets for the hospitals. Of those who are plucked to die near those who are going to die. Or those who are just born. So that we can watch life together for a moment, as long as it is there. To die because I am beautiful and I represent life. To die because the love of the flower never offers itself as a trophy, for the love of the flower is always humble. And I love to love with humility. We should always love with humility.

You're an absolutely stunning, murderous little creature,' he murmured. 'There'll be time for all the sweet whispers later,' Jasper said, and when Casteel pulled back, there was a fire in his eyes. 'You do look quite lovely, Penellaphe.' 'Thank you,' I said. 'What about me?' Casteel asked, and behind him, Naill sighed. 'You look passable.' 'That was rude,' he replied. 'Would you like to go sit in the shade and nurse your wounded feelings? Like you did when you were young and inevitably injured yourself doing something incredibly stupid?' Casteel's brows lowered as he looked over at Jasper. 'This marriage ceremony is starting off in a really weird way.

I was a little angry.' Casteel arched a brow as he glanced at me. 'A little?' I narrowed my eyes. 'Okay, I was very angry.' 'I didn't know that,' Alastir said from behind the rim of his cup. 'Obviously, Casteel takes after his father when it comes to women with sharp objects,' Jasper commented with a snort. 'I feel like I'm missing some vital information that Delano conveniently left out when he met me halfway.' I frowned, but at least I knew where Delano had been. 'You stabbed Casteel?' Jasper repeated. 'In the heart? With bloodstone? And you thought it would kill him?' 'In my defence, I felt bad afterward.' 'She did cry,' Casteel remarked. I was going to stab him again.

I smiled. 'I win.' 'It's not about winning, Poppy.' 'It's not?' I lowered the dagger, stepping back. 'It's about surviving.' 'Isn't that winning, though?' He shot me a sidelong glance as he dragged his arm over his forehead. 'I suppose you can look at it that way, but it's never a game.' 'I know that.' ... 'But if it were a game, I still would've won.

Let me go.' 'I don't know if I should.' His thumb moved in an idle circle along the inside of my wrist as he said. 'Someone is likely to be very irritated if you stab me, and I end up bleeding all over the bed.' 'You could always clean up after yourself.' 'There's something innately wrong with the idea of being stabbed and then having to clean up my own blood.

As wonderful as it is to see you, Feyre, darling,' Rhysand said, sprawled on the bed, his head propped up by a hand, 'do I want to know why you're digging through my fireplace?' I bent my knees slightly, preparing to run, to duck, to do anything to get to the door that felt far, far away. 'They said I had to clean out lentils from the ashes, or you'd rip off my skin.' 'Did they now?' A feline smile.

Stop calling me that!' I squirmed. 'And you should stop doing that,' he said, his voice rougher, deeper. 'Then again. Please continue. It's the perfect kind of torture.' ... 'You're sick.' 'And twisted. Perverse, and dark.' The rough stubble of his chin dragged over my cheek, and my spine arched in response. He seemed to get even close as his fingers spread over mine. 'I'm a lot of things-' 'Murderer?

I'm not most people.' 'Most people aren't as insane as you,' I said in a throaty voice that wasn't mine. 'That's not a very nice thing to say.' He scraped harder with his sharp teeth, just below where he'd bitten me before, and I gasped as my body jerked. 'And the truth is, you like my brand of insanity.' My blood pounded through me in a dizzying push. 'I don't like anything about you.' He laughed as his lips skimmed the side of my throat. 'I love how you lie.

On reflection, looking at shows like this and considering my own experiences, what fascinated me was that we have so many stories like this that help us empathize with monstrous men. “Yes, these men are flawed, but they are not as evil as this man.” Even more chilling, they tend to be stories that paint women as roadblocks, aggressors, antagonists, complications—but only in the context of them being a bitch, a whore, a Madonna. The women are never people. Stories about monstrous men are not meant to teach us how to empathize with the women and children murdered, but with the men fighting over their bodies. As a woman menaced by monsters, I find this particularly interesting, this erasure of me from a narrative meant to, if not justify, then explain the brokenness of men. There are shows much better at this, of course, which don’t paint women out of the story—Mad Men is the first to come to mind, and Game of Thrones—but True Detective doubled down. The women terrorized by monsters in real life are active agents. They are monster-slayers, monster-pacifiers, monster-nurturers, monster-wranglers—and some of them are monsters, too. In truth, if we are telling a tale of those who fight monsters, it fascinates me that we are not telling more women’s stories, as we’ve spun so many narratives like True Detective that so blatantly illustrate the sexist masculinity trap that turns so many human men into the very things they despise. Where are the women who fight them? Who partner with them? Who overcome them? Who battle their own monsters to fight greater ones? Because I have and continue to be one of those women, navigating a horror show world of monsters and madmen. We are women who write books and win awards and fight battles and carve out extraordinary lives from ruin and ash. We are not background scenery, our voices silenced, our motives and methods constrained to sex. I cannot fault the show’s men for forgetting that; they’ve created the world as they see it. But I can prod the show’s exceptional writers, because in erasing the narrative of those whose very existence is constantly threatened by these monsters, including trusted monsters whose natures vacillate wildly, they sided with the monsters. I’m not a bit player in a monster’s story. But with narratives like this perpetuated across our media, it wouldn’t surprise me if that’s how my obituary read: a catalogue of the men who sired me, and fucked me, and courted me. Stories that are not my own. Funny, isn’t it? The power of story. It’s why I picked up a pen. I slay monsters, too.

This is highly inappropriate,' I muttered. His answering chuckle stroked my nerves in all the wrong- and right- ways. 'More inappropriate than you masquerading as a wholly different kind of maid at the Red Pearl?' My jaw snapped shut so quickly and tightly, I was surprised I didn't crack a molar. 'Or more inappropriate than the night of the Rite, when you let me-' 'Shut up,' I hissed. 'I'm not done yet,' he said, his chest pressing against my back. 'What about sneaking off to fight the Craven on the Rise? Or that diary-?' 'I get your point, Hawke. Can you stop talking now?' 'You're the one who started this.' 'Actually, no, I did not.' 'What?' A low laugh left him. 'You said, and I quote, "this is wildly, grossly, irrefutably...' 'Did you just learn what an adverb is today? Because that is not what I said.' Hawke sighed. 'Sorry.' He didn't sound sorry about it at all.

Open your eyes, Eva. I want you to see who’s inside you. She did as he asked and opened her eyes. And stiffened in surprise. He was red. And his eyes were black. And, as she watched, he grew to his seven-foot-tall size. He grew everywhere, in fact, and she gasped at the sudden stretch inside her, the tightness almost unbearable. Those freaky, all-black eyes narrowed in challenge. He was daring her to accept him, she realized. Accept all of him. Even his hands had turned to claws, though he was careful where he held her not to scratch her. “Your eyes are glowing again,” he growled. “You’re so beautiful.” He did a slow slide out of her and then pushed back in, finishing with a roll of his hips that made her see stars. She moaned at the exquisite fullness, bordering on the edge of pain. “Who’s fucking you right now, Eva?” “You are.” His hips rolled again. “Who am I?” “Asmodeus.” And again. “Who am I.” “My demon. My big, red demon with his big, red co— Oh, fuck, Ash.” His next thrust sent her core clenching up, and it was his turn to moan. “You feel so good. So damned tight, you’re squeezing me like a fist.” “More, baby. I want more.

Open your eyes, Eva. I want you to see who’s inside you. She did as he asked and opened her eyes. And stiffened in surprise. He was red. And his eyes were black. And, as she watched, he grew to his seven-foot-tall size. He grew everywhere, in fact, and she gasped at the sudden stretch inside her, the tightness almost unbearable. Those freaky, all-black eyes narrowed in challenge. He was daring her to accept him, she realized. Accept all of him. Even his hands had turned to claws, though he was careful where he held her not to scratch her. “Your eyes are glowing again,” he growled. “You’re so beautiful.” He did a slow slide out of her and then pushed back in, finishing with a roll of his hips that made her see stars. She moaned at the exquisite fullness, bordering on the edge of pain. “Who’s fucking you right now, Eva?” “You are.” His hips rolled again. “Who am I?” “Asmodeus.” And again. “Who am I.” “My demon. My big, red demon with his big, red co— Oh, fuck, Ash.” His next thrust sent her core clenching up, and it was his turn to moan. “You feel so good. So damned tight, you’re squeezing me like a fist.” “More, baby. I want more.

My mouth dropped open. 'You're naked!' 'I am,' Kieran replied. And he was. Like completely naked, and I saw way too much tawny-hued skin. Way too much. I quickly spun around, my wide eyes clashing with Casteel's. 'You should see your face right now,' Casteel gripped the arrow in his stomach. 'It looks like you've been sunbathing.' 'Because he's naked,' I hissed. 'Like, super naked.' 'What do you think happens when he shifts forms?' 'The last time his pants actually stayed on!' 'And sometimes they don't.' Casteel shrugged. 'Those pants were looser, I suppose,' Kieran stated. 'There's no need to be embarrassed. It's only skin.' What I saw was not only skin. He was... well, his body was a lot like Casteel's. Lean, hard muscle and... I wasn't going to think about what I saw. At a loss for what to say, I blurted out in a whisper. 'He has to be cold!' 'Wolven body temperatures run higher than normal. I'm just a little chilled,' Kieran commented. 'As I'm sure you noticed.' Casteel smirked. 'I doubt she knows what you're referencing.' I inhaled deeply through my nose and exhaled slowly. 'I know exactly what you're referencing, thank you very much!' 'How do you know that?' Casteel lifted his brows, and I noticed that his pupils seemed to have returned to their normal size. 'If you know what that means, than someone has been very naughty.

Tomo did not join them. Kami saw that he had taken one of his violent fancies to Ash, the way he had taken to lemonade, Mr. Stearn’s bulldog, and his favorite toy race car that had burned with everything else in their house. He walked happily alongside Ash, holding on to his hand, and clearly wished for nothing more. Ash seemed alarmed to have been so firmly taken possession of by an eight-year-old. He and Tomo fell back a little, until they were walking with Jared and Kami. “I am so sad about my underwear,” Kami announced, and Ash looked as if he regretted all of his life decisions. “Not in front of the little boy!” he said reproachfully. “Anyway, you were saying that you would borrow clothes from Holly and Angela.” “I’m the third tallest in my class,” Tomo informed him, with the air of one out to impress. “And I know all about underwear.” “You heard the man,” said Kami. “Besides which, no. I cannot possibly borrow underclothes from Holly and Angela. Bras especially.” “I know,” said Jared. “Oh, you do, do you?” Kami inquired. “And how do you know, may I ask?” There was a slight flush along the lines of Jared’s cheekbones. “Observation.” It was probably sad that this cheered Kami up, but Jared usually seemed so wary about her body, the physical fact of it, that the simple knowledge that he had been looking did please her. She leaned back infinitesimally closer into the warm line of his arm around her shoulders, the warm line of his body against her side. “Kami, would you maybe stop mentioning your unmentionables,” Ash said, spoiling the moment. “I shall not,” Kami told him. “It’s a serious problem. I am, and I mean this absolutely literally, in need of support.” I’d suspect you of going funny in the head from smoke inhalation, said Ash, but you always talk like this.

Rhys laughed, finally sauntering toward the other end of the hall, which ended in a veranda open to the stars. 'I'm willing to accept your thanks at any time, you know,' he called to me without looking back. Red exploded in my vision, and I couldn't breathe fast enough, couldn't think above the roar in my head. One heartbeat, I was staring at him- the next, I had my shoe in a hand. I hurled it at him with all my strength. All my considerable, immortal strength. I barely saw my silk slipper as it flew through the air, fast as a shooting star, so fast that even a High Lord couldn't detect it as it neared- And slammed into his head. Rhys whirled, a hand rising to the back of his head, his eyes wide. I already had the other shoe in my hand. Rhys's lip pulled back from his teeth. 'I dare you.' Temper- he had to be in some mood today to let his temper show this much. Good. That made two of us. I flung my other shoe right at his head, as swift and hard as the first one. His hand snatched up, grabbing the shoe mere inches from his face. Rhys hissed and lowered the shoe, his eyes meeting mine as the silk dissolved to glittering black dust in his fist. His fingers unfurled, the last of the sparkling ashes blowing into oblivion, and he surveyed my hand, my body, my face. 'Interesting,' he murmured, and continued on his way. I debated tackling him and pummelling that face with my firsts, but I wasn't stupid. I was in his home, on top of a mountain in the middle of absolutely nowhere, it seemed. No one would be coming to rescue me- no one was even here to witness my screaming. So I turned toward the doorway he'd indicated, heading for the dim stairwell beyond. I'd nearly reached it, not daring to breathe too loudly, when a bright, amused female voice said behind me- far away, from wherever Rhys had gone to at the opposite end of the hall, 'So, that went well.' Rhys's answering snarl sent my footsteps hurrying away.

The Pakistani film International Gorillay (International guerillas), produced by Sajjad Gul, told the story of a group of local heroes - of the type that would, in the language of a later age, come to be known as jihadis, or terrorists - who vowed to find and kill an author called "Salman Rushdie" . The quest for "Rushdie" formed the main action of the film and "his" death was the film's version of happy ending. "Rushdie" himself was depicted as a drunk, constantly swigging from a bottle, and a sadist. He lived in what looked very like a palace on what looked very like an island in the Philippines (clearly all novelists had second homes of this kind), being protected by what looked very like the Israeli Army (this presumably being a service offered by Israel to all novelists), and he was plotting the overthrow of Pakistan by the fiendish means of opening chains of discotheques and gambling dens across that pure and virtuous land, a perfidious notion for which, as the British Muslim "leader" Iqbal Sacranie might have said, death was too light a punishment. "Rushdie" was dressed exclusively in a series of hideously coloured safari suits - vermilion safari suits, aubergine safari suits, cerise safari suits - and the camera, whenever it fell upon the figure of this vile personage, invariably started at his feet and then panned [sic] with slow menace up to his face. So the safari suits got a lot of screen time, and when he saw a videotape of the film the fashion insult wounded him deeply. It was, however, oddly satisfying to read that one result of the film's popularity in Pakistan was that the actor playing "Rushdie" became so hated by the film-going public that he had to go into hiding. At a certain point in the film one of the international gorillay was captured by the Israeli Army and tied to a tree in the garden of the palace in the Philippines so that "Rushdie" could have his evil way with him. Once "Rushdie" had finished drinking form his bottle and lashing the poor terrorist with a whip, once he had slaked his filthy lust for violence upon the young man's body, he handed the innocent would-be murderer over to the Israeli soldiers and uttered the only genuinely funny line in the film. "Take him away," he cried, "and read to him from The Satanic Verses all night!" Well, of course, the poor fellow cracked completely. Not that, anything but that, he blubbered as the Israelis led him away. At the end of the film "Rushdie" was indeed killed - not by the international gorillay, but by the Word itself, by thunderbolts unleashed by three large Qurans hanging in the sky over his head, which reduced the monster to ash. Personally fried by the Book of the Almighty: there was dignity in that.

Real Quick" [Intro:] Valuable lesson, man I had to grow up That's why I never ask for help I'll do it for you niggaz and do it for myself [Chorus:] I go 0 to 100 nigga, real quick Real quick, whole squad on that real shit 0 to 100 nigga, real quick Real quick, real fuckin quick nigga 0 to 100 nigga, real quick Real quick, whole squad on that real shit 0 to 100 nigga, real quick Real quick, real fuckin quick nigga! [50 Cent:] I'll run my blade 'cross a nigga ass {"real quick"} I'm so for real I'm on some real real nigga shit You playin boy I'll get you hit {"real quick"} You better hope the parademics come {"real quick"} Got me fucked up you think it's different now a nigga rich Before I get to cuttin know you niggaz better cut the shit Boy, you gon' have ya head popped, pull a trigger for me And my lil' niggaz trigger op' like it's legal homie No game when I bang, boy I empty the clip You run like a bitch, you ain't 'bout that shit Hey hey hey hey, I'll catch you another day day day day It's the Unit back to the bullshit [Tony Yayo:] Yeah! Nothin in life is out of bounds AK hold about a hundred rounds 60 shots like K.D. at the Rucker's Okay! When I see you on respirators Southside nigga 'til the day I'm gone Indulge in the violence when the drama on Yeah, these rap niggaz lukewarm I'm two sleeves of dope, when the mic on [Chorus] [Kidd Kidd:] Real quick, Rida Gang fuck nigga, huh! Don't Tweet me, see me when you see me Down to make the news just to say that I'm on TV (Kidd Kidd) This clip rated R, niggaz PG Them shells burn like a bootleg CD (huh?) Fuck love, I want the money When you get too much of it they gon' say you actin funny "Kidd, how you feel now that the Unit's back?" Like a million bucks, muh'fucker do the math! [Young Buck:] Cold-blooded, boy my heart don't feel shit Get with me, ask 50, I'll take the hit {"real quick"} Balenciagas, you can still get ya ass kicked Take a rapper nigga bitch and make a real flick I know I'm different from what you usually be dealin with Don't need a mic, give me some white to make a million with Single borough, six shots on the Brooklyn Bridge I'll let the nigga Drake tell you what I just did (yeah) [Chorus] [Lloyd Banks:] Nigga gettin money new to you (uh) I give a fuck if shit get ugly, there'll be a beautiful funeral You fit the script I'm gon' assume it's true Can't manuever through the street without a strategy, ain't nobody to tutor you And man was lucky Unit's through, you know why he flows 15 years, switchin dealers like casinos And my goon'll clip you on the arm (uhh) I'm out the country every week and dumpin ash out on the Autobahn Auto-pilot's always on Rather better livin, I've been [?] green bills callin me all day long This is homicide, more tears in your mama eyes More reason to wake up, real niggaz arrive [Chorus]

From behind me, Jaz let out an outraged cry, "Ash! I can take care of myself. I'm saur!" I ignored him, and so did Hatches. She pranced closer, and pictures started to form in my mind, giving me a view of the world from the perspective of the smallest of the saurs. Trying to join in games with the others, and always being pushed away. Having her meat killed for eve, even though the other younglings were hunting for themselves. Swimming in the shallows of the seven pools while the others leaped from the rocks into the deeps. Then came images of the new saur who was even smaller than she was. Jaz flinging himself into a saur game, being immediately tossed out, and diving right back in again. Jaz trying to eat raw meat, throwing up, and starting a cooking fire that set the grasses alight and had to be stomped out with tough saur feet. Jaz chattering endlessly - would Hatches help him shape very small rocks so he could glue them to his fingers to make claws? Could Hatches listen to him practise his hissing to see if he had it right? Did Hatches think, if he was extra good, that Tramples-my-Enemies might let him ride on his back?

To what do I owe the pleasure?” “We came to see Jace,” Clary said. “Is he all right?” “I don’t know,” Magnus said. “Does he normally just lie on the floor like that without moving?” “What—,” Alec began, and broke off as Magnus laughed. “That’s not funny.

At the point when Jared relayed Ash’s habit of hiding his cuddly toys in the freezer, Kami started to laugh in the movie theater. Ash glanced over at her. “Sorry,” Kami murmured. “Just—the movie’s funny.” Ash looked back at the movie, in which a small blond child was dying of leukemia.

She was in hell.” Logan grabbed Blake’s hand, planted a foot against the giant’s thigh and heaved back. “We need to make sure she’s okay.” “Nah-uh.” Blake shoved Logan off. “The record shows babe’s only safe in my arms.” “Don’t be preposterous.” “She’s plenty safe in mine,” Ayden said. “You could burn her to ashes,” Tristan pointed out. Matthias smirked, “I wouldn’t complain.” “Because you’d be crying,” I said. “Completely lost without me.” “Oh, please.” “I would be!” Blake said. Let her go!” Logan hopped up behind Blake and got him in a headlock. “Has anyone ever mentioned that you bicker like old women?” Eros asked. “Sixty-seven times,” Jayden said.

...sleeping requires a certain amount of idleness, which is something I excel at.' I laughed. 'We all have to be good at something.

Correction,' he said, and then he laughed as the trickle of blood seeped down his neck. It wasn't a harsh laugh or a patronizing one. He sounded amused. 'You're an absolutely stunning, murderous little creature.' Pausing, he glanced down. 'Nice weapon. Bloodstone and wolven bone. Very interesting...' His gaze flicked up. 'Princess.

You're as brave as any guard on the Rise.' Taking that as a huge compliment, I smiled. 'Well, thank you.' 'And just as foolish as any new recruit.' My smile turned upside down. 'I take back my thank you.

So, he was just making sure you're still alive and-' 'Breathing?' Hawke suggested, startling both of us. He stood a mere foot from where we sat, having moved with the stealth of a trained guard and the quiet of a ghost. 'Since I am responsible for keeping her alive, making sure she's breathing would be a priority.' My shoulders stiffened. How much had he overheard? Tawny made a poor attempt to smother her giggle with a napkin. 'I'm relieved to hear that.' 'If not, I'd be remiss in my duty, would I not?' 'Ah, yes, your duty.' She lowered her napkin. 'Between protecting Poppy with your life and limb and gathering spilled crystals, you're pretty busy.' 'Don't forget assisting weak Ladies in Wait to the nearest chair before they faint,' he suggested. Those strange, mesmerising eyes glinted with a hint of mischief, and I was... as transfixed with him as I'd been with the Ladies in Wait. This was the Hawke I'd met in the Red Pearl. A well of pain hidden behind a teasing and charming personality. 'I am a man of many talents.' 'I'm sure you are,' Tawny replied with a grin while I fought the urge to reach out with my senses. His gaze flicked to her, and the dimple in his right cheek appeared. 'Your faith in me warms my heart,' ...

After all we shared? You throw a dagger at my face?' 'All we shared? It was a handful of minutes and a few kisses,' I said, and the truth of that struck me with startling clarity. That was all we'd shared. Gods, I was so... sheltered. Because in my limited experience, it had become... so much more to me. The wake-up call that it was only a few kisses was utterly brutal. 'It was more than a few kisses.' His voice dropped low. 'If you've forgotten, I'm more than willing to remind you.' Tiny coils of tension formed in my stomach. Part of me wanted to be reminded of what I surely had not forgotten. Thank the gods, the smarter, logical part of me won out. 'There was nothing worth remembering.' 'Now you insult me after throwing a dagger at my face? You've wounded my tender feelings.' 'Tender feelings?' I snorted. 'Don't be overdramatic.' 'Hard not to be when you threw a dagger at my head and then cut my neck,' he shot back, his grip on me surprisingly gentle compared to the hardness of his tone. 'I knew you'd move out of the way.' 'Did you? Is that why you tried to slice open my throat?' His golden eyes burned from beneath heavy, thick lashes. 'I nicked your skin,' I corrected. 'Because you had a hold of me and wouldn't let go. Obviously, you haven't learnt anything from it.' 'I've actually learned a lot, Princess. That's why your hands and your dagger aren't getting anywhere near my neck.' His thumb slid over the inside of my wrist as a reminder, and my fingers spasmed around the handle of my weapon. 'But if you let go of the dagger, there's a whole lot of me I'll let your hands get close to.

Once you get to know me, you'll find that I can be quite benevolent.' 'I have no intention of getting to know you.' 'So, you just make a habit of sneaking into the rooms of young men and seducing them before running off?' 'What?' I gasped. 'Seducing men?' 'Isn't that what you did to me, Princess?' His thumb made another slow sweep along the inside of my wrist. 'You're ridiculous,' I sputtered. 'What I am is intrigued.

Do you typically question those on the Rise who you don't recognise like this?' I challenged. 'What an odd method of interrogation.' 'Only pretty ladies with shapely, bare legs

Am I unaware of a new recruitment policy where half-dressed ladies in cloaks are now needed on the Rise?' he asked. 'Are we that desperately in need of protection?' Anger hit my blood like wildfire. 'Desperate? Why would my presence on the Rise signal desperation when, as you've seen, I know how to use a bow? Oh, wait. Is it because I happen to have breasts?' 'I've known women with far less beautiful breasts that could cut a man down without so much as blinking an eye,' he said. 'But none of those women are here in Masadonia.