Amelia Vega Quotes

Right! You see me as superhuman! That’s some serious pressure.” Amelia laughs a little. “Sometimes it feels good, yeah, that people like how I look and act. But sometimes it’s just so much. I already have a ton of pressure on me from my parents and from myself, so it’s extra hard coming from you. Because we’re equals, me and you. Imperfect equals. And you’ve seen my struggles and you’ve been there right alongside me for the ride. I mean, I was a hot mess when I was trying to figure out if I wanted to have sex with Sid. I couldn’t face my parents over a dinner with my new girlfriend. I sometimes don't have the courage to stick up to people or for myself.” “But those are just normal human things.” “Yeah, exactly! This is my point! You look at me and you see me struggle through things and you root for me regardless, thinking I’m, like, killing it out there in the world, but when it’s you, you don’t cut yourself any slack and you beat yourself up. But I’m a regular person, and so are you,” she says. “And a pretty badass one, too. You’re so good at everything. You get amazing grades and you’re an incredible writer and you’re so smart-sometimes so smart that teachers assume I am, too, just because I’m around you. When I nearly failed my bio test earlier this semester, Mr. O'Donnell told me I should try to be more like you. And you know what? Maybe that’s a shitty thing to say to a student, but I do find myself wishing I could be more like you all the time. Not because I’m inadequate as a person but because humans yearn! Humans want to be better than they are! Humans feel jealous! And I think it’s okay if sometimes I want to be more like you. Who wouldn’t? You’re smart and hilarious and fashionable and fierce and you would do anything for the ones you love. You put up with a lot of shit and you let it light a fire in you and I admire the hell out of that, babe.

But it was kindness that was the first thing I noticed and loved about her. During my first-ever sleepover at Amelia’s, back when we were kids, she could sense my nerves, and at bedtime she tucked me in and gave me a kiss on the forehead as if I were her own daughter. It meant a lot to me.

Because my whole life, it’s felt like I’ve never been as good as Amelia. My whole life, Brian. I was never as pretty or as charismatic or as anything. I’ve had boys chase after her time and time again—or use me to get closer to her. Or pretend to like me just to be near her.

The acknowledgment that this party has gone off the deep end sends a wave of relief through my body. Sometimes I worry I pick fights with my mom about things I should just let go, but when others around me see the same things—see that my mom is wrong—it helps me feel sane. I could hug Amelia just for saying that.

I nod. “I appreciate that. But that’s just how she is.” He shakes his head. “Doesn’t make it right.” “Amelia says the same thing, but it’s like, what am I supposed to do about it? That’s my mom.” Brian gnaws on his lip, deep in thought. After a moment, he says, “I honestly don’t know. I don’t have a good answer. I just—I need you to know you deserve better. Okay?

Amelia says he treats her well and that it’s nice to have a boyfriend at another school because she doesn’t feel suffocated and it gives her a break from everything, so fine. I deal.

My conspiracy theory is that my mom secretly wishes Amelia was her daughter and is doing this to subtly reveal it to me. My more realistic theory is that my mom doesn’t realize how overtly she dotes on Amelia and that maybe it might make her daughter feel some type of

thought Cal said hi to me because he saw me as a person, but he only says hi to me because I’m a way for him to get close to Amelia. I’m an idiot. An unlovable, sad excuse for a person.

I’m mad at Cal for using me to get close to Amelia. I’m mad at the way he treated me, at the way he discarded me, at the way he may not even fully realize he was unkind to me—or, worse, knew exactly what he was doing and was willing to hurt me to get what he wanted.