Alanon Quotes

Your best days are ahead of you. The movie starts when the guy gets sober and puts his life back together; it doesn't end there.

We've been there and come back. When you fall in the pit, people are supposed to help you up. But you have to get up on your own. We'll take your arms, but you have to get your legs underneath you and stand.

If there’s one thing I learned in Alanon, it’s that you got to face the music because it just grows louder when you ignore it.

Just as others pray daily, you should think to yourself daily about what you can do to be closer to this Ideal Image. Think: "What can I do today to make my life better?" "What can I do to become more like my Ideal Image?

They got drunk and high on a regular basis, but this is a vestige of youth that you either quit while you're young or you become an addict if you don't die. If you are the Old Guy In The Punk House, move out. You have a substance abuse problem.

While these loved ones may not meet our expectations, it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down.

I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone.

Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with.” Peter Marshall

Al-Anon’s Three Cs: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t cure it.

If you don’t like being a doormat, then get off the floor. AL-ANON

I was dating the same man over and over again, expecting a different relationship. Where's the sanity in that!?

In attempting to protect ourselves, we let our personalities slip away until we were emotionally numb. Struggling

Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I’m trying to control someone else or whether I’m simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable—agrees with what I’ve said or takes my advice—then I know I’ve lost my focus.

We are asked to forgive those who have injured us. Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them. Rather we would have to forgive ourselves for judging. If we do judge-no matter how great the injury or how premeditated-we are at fault. Following this train of thought to its logical conclusion, we see that we can forgive only ourselves. In doing so, we also forgive the person whose action we have resented.

I’ve learned I can take care of myself, and what I can’t do, God will do for me. —Al-Anon member

We are powerless over another’s alcoholism. We didn’t cause the disease. We can’t control it. And we can’t cure it.

The process of turning our life and will over to the care of God in Step Three begins by working the rest of the Steps and it involves more than giving up our defects. It involves giving God our assets, too.

I can attain real dignity, importance and individuality only by admitting my dependence on a Power which is great and good beyond anything I can imagine or understand. I want to use this help in making all my decisions. Even though my little human mind cannot figure out what the outcome will be, I am confident that whatever comes will be for my ultimate good. “Thank God I am not dependent on my own resources alone. Having tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God’s help, I will now step aside and let Him take over.

daily visual reminder of the depths drink sunk him to, so Mrs. O. had gone around with her nose bent over flat against her left cheek—Bud O.’d tagged her with a left cross—until U.H.I.D. referred her to Al-Anon, which

When I can’t find a solution to a problem, when I have nagging doubts, fears, or frustrations, when I feel lost or confused, a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself can make a tremendous difference. Whenever I work the Steps, I tell my Higher Power that I am willing to heal, to find a solution, to feel better. The energy that would have been dumped into worry, tears, and obsession can be turned into positive action. “We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.

At many meetings, you will be able to sit there with a cup of coffee and a handful of cookies. How much better do you want your life? You haven't been treated this well since kindergarten. Cookies, coffee, and the story of The Little Junkie That Could. The only thing better would be if it came with a nap.

We’re so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —AL-ANON MEMBER

the non-drinking person in a relationship with an alcoholic got just as out of control, was in just as much pain, and needed just as much healing as the alcoholic. Al-Anon

can take steps to make amends, we cannot change the fact

By seeing the person as separate from the disease, by detaching, we can stop being hurt by groundless insults or angered by outrageous lies.

We have a right to expect more from life than mere survival.

Humility, the state of being humble, is often misunderstood; it is not a state of weakness, but of strength. It does not mean inferiority, resignation or submission; these imply that we are still resisting our need for help. When we are humble, we are totally willing to accept God's help, knowing that without it we cannot progress further. In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others. We are learning to recognize humility in others; we are attracted to them and we learn from them.

She just has to get out of her own way." I've heard the expression countless times—from my brief forays into Al-Anon to Grace—but it's only now that I hear it, as Grace would say. I'm my own worst enemy. It's great to recognize the problem. How to stop doing it is the biggie.

Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case. As it says so eloquently in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon (ODAT), Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation.

If you go to an Al-Anon meeting, you’ll probably hear someone say “Don’t JADE!” The term “JADE” stands for “justify, argue, defend, explain.” When you try to defend yourself against a false accusation, you legitimize it by even acknowledging it. The only way to respond to these tactics is to stand up and walk away.

I had invited God to come into my life but I had no idea how I thought things should be or how often I would close the door to God and let my will run wild. But with each struggle I have with God, I learn more about His beauty, love and patience. He isn't so far removed from me now. He's become my best friend. I still say, "No God, this time I think you're wrong. I won't." And God waits until my whole being realizes that I'm incapable of doing it alone, that His way is the best way. He has miraculously given me the strength and courage to face life as it is. I have His help and guidance to weather the storms and enjoy the beauty I had not seen before.

You will learn about A.A. and Al-Anon in the Red Road to Wellbriety but you will also learn about Talking Circles, Helping Spirits, the sweat lodge, the Medicine Wheel, sacred dances, smudging rituals, and praying with the eagle feather.  You will hear men and women of many tribes and traditions illustrating the diversity of how they came to live sober, meaningful lives. The

The way out is to surrender, and then to become, gradually, a co-creator of life. This is where the spiritual aspect of recovery comes into play as a powerful aid. Attendance at and working 12 Step recovery programs such as Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, ACA/ACoA, CoDA, and Overeaters Anonymous and others are helpful. Other spiritual paths may also be helpful.

What happened to my son? Where did I go wrong? According to Al-Anon, it is not my fault. But I feel solely responsible. I repeat the litany: if only I had set stricter limits; if only I had been more consistent; if only I had protected him more from my adult life; if only I had not used drugs; if only his mother and I had stayed together; if only she and I had lived in the same city after the divorce.

And so my advice: do whatever it takes—therapy, Al-Anon, lots of Al-Anon—for you to contain it. And be patient with yourself. Allow yourself to make mistakes. Be easy on yourself and extra loving toward your spouse or partner. Do not keep secrets. As they often repeat in AA, you’re as sick as your secrets. Though it is not a solution, openness is a relief. Our shared stories help us remember what we’re dealing with.

Being a Sponsor is as much a commitment to myself as it is to someone else. It is not a favor. Sponsorship gives me a chance to share intimately, to care, to practice detaching with love, and to apply the Al-Anon principles more consciously than ever. And, if I listen to my own words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear. “Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Amazingly, parents of these children have learned to lead more comfortable, more productive lives by becoming active, enthusiastic, participating, long-term members of Al-Anon. And subsequently their children have often dramatically recovered from the above situations. But this happened only after the parents got out of the way, stopped putting energy into the problem, stopped “helping” their children, stopped doing what wasn’t working and became willing to try something different.

When I first stopped trying to fix other people, I turned my attention to 'curing' myself. I was in a hurry to get this healing process over. I wanted immediate recovery from the effects of growing up in a family riddled with alcoholism and from being married to an alcoholic. I looked forward to the day I would graduate from Al-Anon and get on with my life. As year two and year three passed, I was still in the program. I began to despair as the character defects I had worked so long to overcome came back to haunt me, particularly during times of stress and during periods when I didn't attend meetings. I have severe arthritis in my joints. To cope with my condition, I have to assess my body each day and patiently respond to its needs. Some days I need a warm bath to get going in the morning. On other days I apply a medicated rub to the painful areas. Yet other days some light stretching and exercise help to loosen me up. I'ave accepted that my arthritis will never go away. It's a condition I manage daily with consistent, on-going care. One day I made a connection between my medical condition and my struggle with recovery. I began to look at myself as having 'arthritis of the personality,' requiring patient, continuous care to keep me from 'stiffening' into old habits and attitudes. This care includes attending meetings, reading Al-Anon literature, calling my sponsor, and engaging in service. Now, as long as I practice patience, recovery is a manageable and adventurous process instead of an arduously sought end point.

I can’t control the rollercoaster At a recent meeting, the speaker said that life was a rollercoaster ride, and that we should expect to have ups and downs. That resonated with me. With an alcoholic wife and two kids experimenting with drugs, I’ve often felt like my life was careening out of control. But the times that I’ve felt worse were when I tried to control others. It was as if I reached over and grabbed their rollercoaster and got thrown around as it went through its motions. I can’t control that rollercoaster any more than I can stop or slow a real-life ride. It’s hard enough to deal with my own ride. I don’t need to take on someone else’s ride as well. I try to remember that when I see a loved one experiencing their ups and downs, I must resist the urge to grab on and try to control their ride, or go along on the ride with them. If I refrain from trying to control, my own ride becomes a little slower and a little straighter. I can’t make anyone else’s well-being more important to me than it is to them. By Rick, California

Taking control of the situation There are a great many parents—as I’ve learned by attending endless parent support group meetings— who had the same high hopes for their families as I. If you’re such a parent, then you probably know that it isn’t just the child who can be out of control, but also the parent. Possibly you are also aware that continuous reacting on your part is useless as well as extremely hazardous to your health and well-being. The most ruinous thing you can do is to allow the situation to continue on its present destructive course. Here are some simple steps you can take to deactivate the negativity so rampant in your family dynamics. Please note that it takes courage and determination to carry this off successfully. Cut off all funds to the addict. Holding onto the purse strings with an iron fist will have immediate results, as well as repercussions. (Keep an eye on family valuables. In fact, lock them away.) Cut off all privileges accorded to your addicts— such as use of the family car or having their friends in your house. Carry out all threats you make. The fastest way to lose credibility with addicted children is to become a “softie” at the last minute. Refuse to rescue your addicts when they get into legal jams. Don’t pay their fines or their bail. Get yourself into a support group such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or Tough Love as fast as you can. Attempt to get your addicted kids into rehabs. If they’re underage you can sign them in. Adult admission is done on a voluntary basis, so you may be out of luck. Drugs erase any trace of conscience. Be aware that many of today’s drugged youths will think nothing of injuring or even murdering their parents for money. If you suspect that your child could resort to this level of violence, get in touch with the police. If you’re a single parent there will be one voice, but if you’re married there’ll be two. It’s important to merge those two voices so that a single, clear message reaches the addict. If you can work with your partner as a team to institute these simple steps when dealing with the addict, you’ll have done yourself and your family a great service. If, however, you entertain the notion that you were responsible for your child’s addictions in the first place, chances are you won’t be effective in enforcing these guidelines. That’s what the next chapter is all about. Note 1. Drug abuse and alcoholism are officially listed in The International Classification of Diseases, 4th edition, 9th revision, the World Health Organization’s directory on diseases.

We lose the battles. We lose the wars. We lose our selves—our lives. Borrowing a tidbit from Al-Anon: You didn’t cause it; you can’t control it; and you can’t cure it. So stop trying! We become utterly frustrated when we try to do the impossible. And we usually prevent the possible from happening. I believe that clutching tightly to a person or thing, or forcing my will on any given situation eliminates the possibility of my Higher Power doing anything constructive about that situation, the person, or me. My controlling blocks God’s power. It blocks other people’s ability to grow. It stops events from happening naturally. It prevents me from enjoying people or events. Control is an illusion. It doesn’t work. We cannot control alcoholism. We cannot control anyone’s compulsive behaviors—overeating, sexual, gambling—or any of their behaviors. We cannot (and have no business trying to) control anyone’s emotions, mind, or choices. We cannot control the outcome of events. We cannot control life. Some of us can barely control ourselves. People ultimately do what they want to do. They feel how they want to feel (or how they are feeling); they think what they want to think; they do the things they believe they need to do; and they will change only when they are ready to change. It doesn’t matter if they’re wrong and we’re right. It doesn’t matter if they’re hurting themselves. It doesn’t matter that we could help them if they’d only listen to, and cooperate with, us. IT DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER, DOESN’T MATTER. We cannot change people. Any attempts to control them are a delusion as well as an illusion. People will either resist our efforts or redouble their efforts to prove we can’t control them. They may temporarily adapt to our demands, but the moment we turn our backs they will return to their natural state. Furthermore, people will punish us for making them do something they don’t want to do, or be something they don’t want to be. No amount of control will effect a permanent or desirable change in another person. We can sometimes do things that increase the probability that people will want to change, but we can’t even guarantee or control that.

Daily vigilance will turn out to be a small price to pay for my peace of mind.

If I continue to do what I have always done, I will continue to get what I have always gotten. I want the benefits that this spiritual program has to offer. Therefore, I must take the risk and let go and let God.

If the alcoholic hits upon something we feel guilty about, we find it difficult not to believe it as the truth.

God seldom delivers . . . virtues all wrapped in a package and ready for use. Rather He puts us in situations where by His help we can develop those virtues.

I had such a low opinion of myself.

If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.” Zen proverb

…Desprenderse emocionalmente no significa menos atención sino más atención a mi propia serenidad.

Sometimes I go about pitying myself And all the while I am being carried across the sky By beautiful clouds.” Ojibway Indian saying

will” refers to our thoughts and feelings and that “lives” refers to our actions.

Your dad says you have a boyfriend,” she says and smiles. I nod. “Matthew,” I tell her. She doesn’t deserve the details. “The one with the tattoos,” she says. “He’s very handsome.” “He’s good and kind,” I correct. Then I smile, because thinking of him brings it out in me. “And handsome.” “Do you love him?” she asks. I nod my head. “As much as I know about love,” I say. “If I have to say yes or no, I say yes. But I’m not completely sure what that means.” “I’m sorry we made you doubt yourself so much. You’re worth so much more.” She swipes a hand beneath her nose. “We were terrible examples.” “I don’t trust him with my heart,” I admit. “I’m terrified to love him.” “Afraid he’ll turn on you?” she asks. “Or that he’ll walk away?” “Or that he’ll love me till the end of time,” I say. That’s just as scary, because I don’t know what to do with it. “You should look into some Al-Anon meetings,” she says. “They’re for families of addicts.” “Okay,” I say. She taps my leg. “For you,” she says. “Not for me.” She lights a new cigarette. I raise my brow at her. She laughs. “I’ve never felt quite so exposed. It’s a new and scary feeling. So, forgive me my vices. I’ll quit when I get through this.” “Okay.” I understand. I think. “Don’t be afraid to let him love you, Sky,” she says quietly. “I was afraid to let your dad love me. I didn’t think I deserved it, after the things I did when I was drinking. So I shut him out. Let Matthew in. Let him love you. Take it all in and let it seep into your bones. Don’t let it go. If he breaks your heart, at least you’ll know you still have one. Don’t die inside, like me. Let love in. Let it surround you and keep you on your feet when you can’t go anymore. Let. Love. In.

We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives.

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal

You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life . . .” Jane Seymour

We cannot climb up a rope that is attached only to our own belt.” William Ernest Hocking

When we refuse to enable unhealthy practices, we become quite powerful. Therapy, Codependents Anonymous, and Al-Anon can help you discover how you’ve enabled your parents’ unhealthiness and how to stop doing it. Refusing to enable old practices can have amazingly quick results.

son moda çift taraflı-içteki-çocuk işlevsizlik hadisesini, bu çok-fazla-seven-ama-kafası-pek-işlemeyen-erkeklerde rastlanan tanafili sorununu sahiplendi ve edilgen 2-Boyutlu Sissie Nar'ın en derin hasletlerinin zamanın ötesinde yer alan ideal nesnesi olduğuna inanmakla kalmayıp bu aşkın doğası gereği acımasız günışığının 3-boyutlu gerçekliğinde yaşanmasının imkansız olduğunu kabullendi. (Bu arada, Los Angeles bölgesi Alanon grubu da, bunu ölümcül bir Narsizm-Kendine Acıma bileşimi diye teşhis edecekti.)

direction, we needn’t take it any more personally than we would take

Making amends isn’t just saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ It means responding differently from our new understanding.

Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.” Henry David Thoreau

We may serve as the enabler, rescuing the alcoholic from unpleasant consequences of his or her own making. Or we may play the victim, unwillingly stepping in and covering for the alcoholic who is too drunk or hung over to fulfill job or family responsibilities. Perhaps we find that our role has been to take the blame whenever anything goes wrong, even when we weren’t remotely involved. Others provide

After a while, I saw that my fears had little to do with the alcoholic. Instead, they indicated that I needed to work my program.

Even if we come under criticism from those outside our program, we cannot afford to be lured into controversy. Just as we learn to stop reacting to an alcoholic’s provocation, we need not react to anyone’s opinions or prodding or be tempted to adopt a defensive or aggressive position.

We learn to speak for ourselves, but never presume to speak for anyone else. We respect the privacy of others and acknowledge their right to have their own ideas and grow at their own pace. Likewise, we acknowledge and fulfill our own right to do the same.

Our recovery from the effects of alcoholism allows us to become more fully the men and women we are capable of being. As we grow, we learn to choose behavior that we can feel good about.

They were living a life I had chosen to leave back in 1982 when I had started going to Al-Anon.

After a lifetime of self-sufficiency, most of us need to be reminded that there are limits to what we can achieve without help.

And chief among those limitations is the fact that we cannot cure ourselves. By accepting that God can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves, we begin to achieve the humility that is necessary for change to take place. In Step Seven, we put that acceptance to work. We take action.

By showing us how to make peace with the past, the Steps help us learn to live in the reality of the present. We begin to take care of ourselves, even to challenge ourselves. We come to forgive ourselves as well as others—and ultimately to love more profoundly than ever before. But

After a while, we try to understand the Steps in greater depth. Hoping to grasp their wisdom, we read about them, think about them, write about them, talk about them, and listen to what others have learned from their explorations.

But if we set all self-justification aside and keep the focus strictly on ourselves, we must admit that we were responsible for causing harm.

We are the only ones who will ever really know. If we wish to be free from the terrible, suffocating weight of guilt, we must take whatever action is necessary to make amends for the harm we have caused. Only then will we find real relief.

But it is only the beginning of a lifelong process of spiritual renewal and growth.

we must learn to attend to our own well-being first. We owe it to ourselves to give ourselves the love, care, and attention we need and deserve, even if the needs of others sometimes have to wait.

By attending to our physical needs, we go a long way toward making our lives more manageable.

we can find appropriate ways to express ourselves. We might examine our emotions, whether alone, with a Sponsor, or with professional help. Because recovery involves tremendous inner change and upheaval in addition to whatever outside changes are occurring, many of us need to take extra care of ourselves emotionally.

Change, even wonderful, positive change, almost always involves some grief for the old way of life we are letting go, even if that way of life kept us miserable.

to provide ourselves with a place to express these feelings where we will receive the support and encouragement we need,

Therefore, they are not necessarily the best basis for decision-making. Other people can help us to value the experience of our emotions without acting on them in ways that we might regret once the feelings have passed.

Of course, this experience will eventually pass and the feelings will depart, but in the meantime we need to treat ourselves with extra tenderness.

But not all of our emotional experiences are unpleasant. We may also discover new joy, passion, creativity, excitement, and a sense of wonder. It is essential to make room in our lives and in our psyches for all of these new, positive feelings that can energize the pursuit of further growth and make life so much more enjoyable.

As important as it is to set time aside for spiritual “exercise,” it is even more important to recognize that our spiritual selves require ongoing attention. Morning prayers may not provide all of the spiritual sustenance we need for the entire day any more than a mid-morning snack will satisfy all of our nutritional needs. We seek to make our Higher Power a constant companion, turning to the God of our understanding for guidance and spiritual nourishment throughout the day and night.

We actively pursue this goal when we say a prayer before answering the phone or take a moment to listen for that still small voice inside us before making a decision, even a minor decision. And when we notice opportunities and gifts, even in difficult situations, we are strengthened by keeping our gratitude for our Higher Power’s loving assistance in the forefront of our minds.

Halt!” and to tend to these needs as soon as possible. This simple, loving reminder can prevent our saying or doing things we might regret, and can help us to avoid rash decisions.

limits help us to know in advance what our options are and how we feel about them so that, when faced with a stressful situation where we may not be thinking clearly, we will have some idea of what is in our best interest. (91)

It is entirely up to us to determine what is acceptable to us and what is not. The same behavior that is intolerable to one person won’t bother another person at all.

Our personal limits, however, do not dictate a code of behavior for others.

We might also pause before voicing these limits to be sure we are prepared to follow through. Otherwise, we risk seriously diminishing our credibility and diminishing our own self-esteem.

We certainly don’t love ourselves. In order to overcome these feelings of inadequacy and self-hatred, many of us must force ourselves mechanically to go through the motions of taking care of ourselves. We learn to act as we love ourselves and behave accordingly.

Even if we are only going through the motions, our loving behavior will help us to feel better about ourselves. In time, our actions will become more (92) comfortable, and we will begin to feel more deserving until our self-esteem gradually reaches a healthier level.

Sometimes we have to surround ourselves with those who accept and love us before we can learn to love ourselves.

We must make an effort to alter our self-image and combat self-loathing so that we will no longer feel at all inclined to accept the unacceptable.

Only when we finally stop, take stock of what our efforts have produced, and admit that we have been pursuing an illusion, can we turn in a direction that will actually meet our needs. Likewise, when we let go of the illusion of power over alcohol and over other people, we move in a more positive, productive, and rewarding direction. We move toward hope.

But by doing so, we have opened a door for help and stepped out of the way. We can only deepen our commitment every time we surrender anew.

It makes no more sense to berate ourselves for being short on patience than it does to berate ourselves because teddy bears are in short supply in our toy store. By looking at and accepting ourselves as we truly are, we can make decisions about who we choose to become.

So it is only natural that we would want to take whatever actions we can to consciously improve our relationship with the God of our understanding.

Prayer and meditation take many different forms, but they all have a common goal—to put us in better and more conscious touch with the God of our understanding, the proven source of strength, love, and hope in our lives.

Vindictiveness, vengeance, resentment, blame, and hard-heartedness do us far more harm than anyone else.

Now they are free to enjoy the fruits of their positive efforts and to reap the consequences of their more destructive behavior. Regardless of what they choose to do about it, by minding our own business and getting out of the way, we allow others to be themselves. Meanwhile, we free ourselves from all kinds of burdens that were never ours to carry. Thus, we, too, have the opportunity to face ourselves.

Instead of hanging on for dear life, we “Let Go and Let God.