Alanon Quotes

Your best days are ahead of you. The movie starts when the guy gets sober and puts his life back together; it doesn't end there.

We've been there and come back. When you fall in the pit, people are supposed to help you up. But you have to get up on your own. We'll take your arms, but you have to get your legs underneath you and stand.

If there’s one thing I learned in Alanon, it’s that you got to face the music because it just grows louder when you ignore it.

Just as others pray daily, you should think to yourself daily about what you can do to be closer to this Ideal Image. Think: "What can I do today to make my life better?" "What can I do to become more like my Ideal Image?

While these loved ones may not meet our expectations, it is our expectations, not our loved ones, that have let us down.

They got drunk and high on a regular basis, but this is a vestige of youth that you either quit while you're young or you become an addict if you don't die. If you are the Old Guy In The Punk House, move out. You have a substance abuse problem.

I must learn to give those I love the right to make their own mistakes and recognize them as theirs alone.

Al-Anon’s Three Cs: “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, you can’t cure it.

Lord, when we are wrong, make us willing to change. And when we are right, make us easy to live with.” Peter Marshall

If you don’t like being a doormat, then get off the floor. AL-ANON

In attempting to protect ourselves, we let our personalities slip away until we were emotionally numb. Struggling

I was dating the same man over and over again, expecting a different relationship. Where's the sanity in that!?

Sometimes the only way I can determine whether I’m trying to control someone else or whether I’m simply expressing my feelings is by noticing how many times I say the same thing. If I mention something that is on my mind and then let it go no matter what response I get, I am speaking sincerely. If I repeatedly make similar suggestions or ask prodding questions again and again, I am probably trying to control. If I am satisfied only when the other person responds in a way I consider desirable—agrees with what I’ve said or takes my advice—then I know I’ve lost my focus.

We are asked to forgive those who have injured us. Unless we have first judged and condemned them for what they did, there would be no reason for us to forgive them. Rather we would have to forgive ourselves for judging. If we do judge-no matter how great the injury or how premeditated-we are at fault. Following this train of thought to its logical conclusion, we see that we can forgive only ourselves. In doing so, we also forgive the person whose action we have resented.

I’ve learned I can take care of myself, and what I can’t do, God will do for me. —Al-Anon member

We are powerless over another’s alcoholism. We didn’t cause the disease. We can’t control it. And we can’t cure it.

The process of turning our life and will over to the care of God in Step Three begins by working the rest of the Steps and it involves more than giving up our defects. It involves giving God our assets, too.

I can attain real dignity, importance and individuality only by admitting my dependence on a Power which is great and good beyond anything I can imagine or understand. I want to use this help in making all my decisions. Even though my little human mind cannot figure out what the outcome will be, I am confident that whatever comes will be for my ultimate good. “Thank God I am not dependent on my own resources alone. Having tried to bring order and meaning into my life without God’s help, I will now step aside and let Him take over.

daily visual reminder of the depths drink sunk him to, so Mrs. O. had gone around with her nose bent over flat against her left cheek—Bud O.’d tagged her with a left cross—until U.H.I.D. referred her to Al-Anon, which

When I can’t find a solution to a problem, when I have nagging doubts, fears, or frustrations, when I feel lost or confused, a searching and fearless moral inventory of myself can make a tremendous difference. Whenever I work the Steps, I tell my Higher Power that I am willing to heal, to find a solution, to feel better. The energy that would have been dumped into worry, tears, and obsession can be turned into positive action. “We all wish good things to happen to us, but we cannot just pray and then sit down and expect miracles to happen. We must back up our prayers with action.

At many meetings, you will be able to sit there with a cup of coffee and a handful of cookies. How much better do you want your life? You haven't been treated this well since kindergarten. Cookies, coffee, and the story of The Little Junkie That Could. The only thing better would be if it came with a nap.

the non-drinking person in a relationship with an alcoholic got just as out of control, was in just as much pain, and needed just as much healing as the alcoholic. Al-Anon

We have a right to expect more from life than mere survival.

We’re so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —AL-ANON MEMBER

By seeing the person as separate from the disease, by detaching, we can stop being hurt by groundless insults or angered by outrageous lies.

can take steps to make amends, we cannot change the fact

Humility, the state of being humble, is often misunderstood; it is not a state of weakness, but of strength. It does not mean inferiority, resignation or submission; these imply that we are still resisting our need for help. When we are humble, we are totally willing to accept God's help, knowing that without it we cannot progress further. In humility we possess self-esteem, accept ourselves as we are, assets and defects alike, and extend the same acceptance to others. We are learning to recognize humility in others; we are attracted to them and we learn from them.

She just has to get out of her own way." I've heard the expression countless times—from my brief forays into Al-Anon to Grace—but it's only now that I hear it, as Grace would say. I'm my own worst enemy. It's great to recognize the problem. How to stop doing it is the biggie.

Still, we may hesitate to accept an unpleasant reality because we feel that by accepting, we condone something that is intolerable. But this is not the case. As it says so eloquently in One Day at a Time in Al-Anon (ODAT), Acceptance does not mean submission to a degrading situation.

If you go to an Al-Anon meeting, you’ll probably hear someone say “Don’t JADE!” The term “JADE” stands for “justify, argue, defend, explain.” When you try to defend yourself against a false accusation, you legitimize it by even acknowledging it. The only way to respond to these tactics is to stand up and walk away.

I had invited God to come into my life but I had no idea how I thought things should be or how often I would close the door to God and let my will run wild. But with each struggle I have with God, I learn more about His beauty, love and patience. He isn't so far removed from me now. He's become my best friend. I still say, "No God, this time I think you're wrong. I won't." And God waits until my whole being realizes that I'm incapable of doing it alone, that His way is the best way. He has miraculously given me the strength and courage to face life as it is. I have His help and guidance to weather the storms and enjoy the beauty I had not seen before.

You will learn about A.A. and Al-Anon in the Red Road to Wellbriety but you will also learn about Talking Circles, Helping Spirits, the sweat lodge, the Medicine Wheel, sacred dances, smudging rituals, and praying with the eagle feather.  You will hear men and women of many tribes and traditions illustrating the diversity of how they came to live sober, meaningful lives. The

The way out is to surrender, and then to become, gradually, a co-creator of life. This is where the spiritual aspect of recovery comes into play as a powerful aid. Attendance at and working 12 Step recovery programs such as Al-Anon, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, ACA/ACoA, CoDA, and Overeaters Anonymous and others are helpful. Other spiritual paths may also be helpful.

Being a Sponsor is as much a commitment to myself as it is to someone else. It is not a favor. Sponsorship gives me a chance to share intimately, to care, to practice detaching with love, and to apply the Al-Anon principles more consciously than ever. And, if I listen to my own words, I find that I usually tell those whom I sponsor exactly what I myself need to hear. “Give what you have. To someone, it may be better than you dare to think.” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Amazingly, parents of these children have learned to lead more comfortable, more productive lives by becoming active, enthusiastic, participating, long-term members of Al-Anon. And subsequently their children have often dramatically recovered from the above situations. But this happened only after the parents got out of the way, stopped putting energy into the problem, stopped “helping” their children, stopped doing what wasn’t working and became willing to try something different.

When I first stopped trying to fix other people, I turned my attention to 'curing' myself. I was in a hurry to get this healing process over. I wanted immediate recovery from the effects of growing up in a family riddled with alcoholism and from being married to an alcoholic. I looked forward to the day I would graduate from Al-Anon and get on with my life. As year two and year three passed, I was still in the program. I began to despair as the character defects I had worked so long to overcome came back to haunt me, particularly during times of stress and during periods when I didn't attend meetings. I have severe arthritis in my joints. To cope with my condition, I have to assess my body each day and patiently respond to its needs. Some days I need a warm bath to get going in the morning. On other days I apply a medicated rub to the painful areas. Yet other days some light stretching and exercise help to loosen me up. I'ave accepted that my arthritis will never go away. It's a condition I manage daily with consistent, on-going care. One day I made a connection between my medical condition and my struggle with recovery. I began to look at myself as having 'arthritis of the personality,' requiring patient, continuous care to keep me from 'stiffening' into old habits and attitudes. This care includes attending meetings, reading Al-Anon literature, calling my sponsor, and engaging in service. Now, as long as I practice patience, recovery is a manageable and adventurous process instead of an arduously sought end point.

I can’t control the rollercoaster At a recent meeting, the speaker said that life was a rollercoaster ride, and that we should expect to have ups and downs. That resonated with me. With an alcoholic wife and two kids experimenting with drugs, I’ve often felt like my life was careening out of control. But the times that I’ve felt worse were when I tried to control others. It was as if I reached over and grabbed their rollercoaster and got thrown around as it went through its motions. I can’t control that rollercoaster any more than I can stop or slow a real-life ride. It’s hard enough to deal with my own ride. I don’t need to take on someone else’s ride as well. I try to remember that when I see a loved one experiencing their ups and downs, I must resist the urge to grab on and try to control their ride, or go along on the ride with them. If I refrain from trying to control, my own ride becomes a little slower and a little straighter. I can’t make anyone else’s well-being more important to me than it is to them. By Rick, California

Taking control of the situation There are a great many parents—as I’ve learned by attending endless parent support group meetings— who had the same high hopes for their families as I. If you’re such a parent, then you probably know that it isn’t just the child who can be out of control, but also the parent. Possibly you are also aware that continuous reacting on your part is useless as well as extremely hazardous to your health and well-being. The most ruinous thing you can do is to allow the situation to continue on its present destructive course. Here are some simple steps you can take to deactivate the negativity so rampant in your family dynamics. Please note that it takes courage and determination to carry this off successfully. Cut off all funds to the addict. Holding onto the purse strings with an iron fist will have immediate results, as well as repercussions. (Keep an eye on family valuables. In fact, lock them away.) Cut off all privileges accorded to your addicts— such as use of the family car or having their friends in your house. Carry out all threats you make. The fastest way to lose credibility with addicted children is to become a “softie” at the last minute. Refuse to rescue your addicts when they get into legal jams. Don’t pay their fines or their bail. Get yourself into a support group such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or Tough Love as fast as you can. Attempt to get your addicted kids into rehabs. If they’re underage you can sign them in. Adult admission is done on a voluntary basis, so you may be out of luck. Drugs erase any trace of conscience. Be aware that many of today’s drugged youths will think nothing of injuring or even murdering their parents for money. If you suspect that your child could resort to this level of violence, get in touch with the police. If you’re a single parent there will be one voice, but if you’re married there’ll be two. It’s important to merge those two voices so that a single, clear message reaches the addict. If you can work with your partner as a team to institute these simple steps when dealing with the addict, you’ll have done yourself and your family a great service. If, however, you entertain the notion that you were responsible for your child’s addictions in the first place, chances are you won’t be effective in enforcing these guidelines. That’s what the next chapter is all about. Note 1. Drug abuse and alcoholism are officially listed in The International Classification of Diseases, 4th edition, 9th revision, the World Health Organization’s directory on diseases.

We cannot climb up a rope that is attached only to our own belt.” William Ernest Hocking

When we refuse to enable unhealthy practices, we become quite powerful. Therapy, Codependents Anonymous, and Al-Anon can help you discover how you’ve enabled your parents’ unhealthiness and how to stop doing it. Refusing to enable old practices can have amazingly quick results.

When our preoccupation with others distracts us from our responsibilities to attend to our own physical, emotional, and spiritual health, we suffer. Our health and self-esteem decline. We become incapable of accepting reality, coping with change, or finding happiness. Our lives fly out of control.

By being honest and admitting that the power we tried to wield over alcoholism was never readily available to us, we let go of the illusion that kept us imprisoned in an endless cycle of repetitious, self-defeating behavior and inevitable disappointment.

Sure, you love him. . . but is it time to love yourself MORE!?

After a while, I saw that my fears had little to do with the alcoholic. Instead, they indicated that I needed to work my program.

will” refers to our thoughts and feelings and that “lives” refers to our actions.

How important is it? As far as I’m concerned, pretty darn important!

bitterness and anger. Taking control of the situation There are a great many parents—as I’ve learned by attending endless parent support group meetings— who had the same high hopes for their families as I. If you’re such a parent, then you probably know that it isn’t just the child who can be out of control, but also the parent. Possibly you are also aware that continuous reacting on your part is useless as well as extremely hazardous to your health and well-being. The most ruinous thing you can do is to allow the situation to continue on its present destructive course. Here are some simple steps you can take to deactivate the negativity so rampant in your family dynamics. Please note that it takes courage and determination to carry this off successfully. Cut off all funds to the addict. Holding onto the purse strings with an iron fist will have immediate results, as well as repercussions. (Keep an eye on family valuables. In fact, lock them away.) Cut off all privileges accorded to your addicts— such as use of the family car or having their friends in your house. Carry out all threats you make. The fastest way to lose credibility with addicted children is to become a “softie” at the last minute. Refuse to rescue your addicts when they get into legal jams. Don’t pay their fines or their bail. Get yourself into a support group such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, Parents Anonymous, or Tough Love as fast as you can. Attempt to get your addicted kids into rehabs. If they’re underage you can sign them in. Adult admission is done on a voluntary basis, so you may be out of luck. Drugs erase any trace of conscience. Be aware that many of today’s drugged youths will think nothing of injuring or even murdering their parents for money. If you suspect that your child could resort

direction, we needn’t take it any more personally than we would take

You have to count on living every single day in a way you believe will make you feel good about your life . . .” Jane Seymour

We talk about the part we played in our problems and how we change our attitudes and actions by applying the Al-Anon program to our lives.

Making amends isn’t just saying, ‘I’m sorry.’ It means responding differently from our new understanding.

All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit quiet in a room alone.” Blaise Pascal

son moda çift taraflı-içteki-çocuk işlevsizlik hadisesini, bu çok-fazla-seven-ama-kafası-pek-işlemeyen-erkeklerde rastlanan tanafili sorununu sahiplendi ve edilgen 2-Boyutlu Sissie Nar'ın en derin hasletlerinin zamanın ötesinde yer alan ideal nesnesi olduğuna inanmakla kalmayıp bu aşkın doğası gereği acımasız günışığının 3-boyutlu gerçekliğinde yaşanmasının imkansız olduğunu kabullendi. (Bu arada, Los Angeles bölgesi Alanon grubu da, bunu ölümcül bir Narsizm-Kendine Acıma bileşimi diye teşhis edecekti.)

Your dad says you have a boyfriend,” she says and smiles. I nod. “Matthew,” I tell her. She doesn’t deserve the details. “The one with the tattoos,” she says. “He’s very handsome.” “He’s good and kind,” I correct. Then I smile, because thinking of him brings it out in me. “And handsome.” “Do you love him?” she asks. I nod my head. “As much as I know about love,” I say. “If I have to say yes or no, I say yes. But I’m not completely sure what that means.” “I’m sorry we made you doubt yourself so much. You’re worth so much more.” She swipes a hand beneath her nose. “We were terrible examples.” “I don’t trust him with my heart,” I admit. “I’m terrified to love him.” “Afraid he’ll turn on you?” she asks. “Or that he’ll walk away?” “Or that he’ll love me till the end of time,” I say. That’s just as scary, because I don’t know what to do with it. “You should look into some Al-Anon meetings,” she says. “They’re for families of addicts.” “Okay,” I say. She taps my leg. “For you,” she says. “Not for me.” She lights a new cigarette. I raise my brow at her. She laughs. “I’ve never felt quite so exposed. It’s a new and scary feeling. So, forgive me my vices. I’ll quit when I get through this.” “Okay.” I understand. I think. “Don’t be afraid to let him love you, Sky,” she says quietly. “I was afraid to let your dad love me. I didn’t think I deserved it, after the things I did when I was drinking. So I shut him out. Let Matthew in. Let him love you. Take it all in and let it seep into your bones. Don’t let it go. If he breaks your heart, at least you’ll know you still have one. Don’t die inside, like me. Let love in. Let it surround you and keep you on your feet when you can’t go anymore. Let. Love. In.

Sometimes I go about pitying myself And all the while I am being carried across the sky By beautiful clouds.” Ojibway Indian saying

People-Pleasing Is a Form of Assholery” Whitney wrote, produced and starred in Whitney, which aired on NBC from 2011 to 2013: “I was so apologetic and afraid of people not liking me, that . . . [I] slowed down the writing process and confused employees. In the room, people would pitch jokes, and I would just say ‘yes’ to all of them, because I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I’d have to go later and change them, and then—all of a sudden—the script comes out and their jokes aren’t there, and they feel betrayed and lied to. “When I first went in to Al-Anon [support group for addiction] I heard someone say, ‘People-pleasing is a form of assholery,’ which I just loved, because you’re not pleasing anybody. You’re just making them resentful because you’re being disingenuous, and you’re also not giving them the dignity of their own experience and [assuming] they can’t handle the truth. It’s patronizing.” TF: After this conversation with Whitney I reread Lying by Sam Harris. The types of “white lies” Whitney describes can be hugely destructive, and Sam makes a compelling case for stopping the use of a wide spectrum of half-truths.

I had such a low opinion of myself.

Let us spend one day as deliberately as Nature, and not be thrown off the track by every nutshell and mosquito’s wing that falls on the rails.” Henry David Thoreau

know

Daily vigilance will turn out to be a small price to pay for my peace of mind.

By showing us how to make peace with the past, the Steps help us learn to live in the reality of the present. We begin to take care of ourselves, even to challenge ourselves. We come to forgive ourselves as well as others—and ultimately to love more profoundly than ever before. But

After a while, we try to understand the Steps in greater depth. Hoping to grasp their wisdom, we read about them, think about them, write about them, talk about them, and listen to what others have learned from their explorations.

But if we set all self-justification aside and keep the focus strictly on ourselves, we must admit that we were responsible for causing harm.

We are the only ones who will ever really know. If we wish to be free from the terrible, suffocating weight of guilt, we must take whatever action is necessary to make amends for the harm we have caused. Only then will we find real relief.

But it is only the beginning of a lifelong process of spiritual renewal and growth.

Now they are free to enjoy the fruits of their positive efforts and to reap the consequences of their more destructive behavior. Regardless of what they choose to do about it, by minding our own business and getting out of the way, we allow others to be themselves. Meanwhile, we free ourselves from all kinds of burdens that were never ours to carry. Thus, we, too, have the opportunity to face ourselves.

Instead of hanging on for dear life, we “Let Go and Let God.

the thoughts and concerns that waste our time and energy because we cannot resolve them by ourselves. And we let God take care of them.

Let Go and Let God.” This slogan gives us permission to replace stress, worry, and suffering with serenity and faith.

As Shakespeare suggested, “There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” Consciously or otherwise, our attitudes affect the way we perceive everything that happens in our lives, so that the life we experience often has more to do with the way we interpret what happens than with the events themselves.

When looking toward the future, we imagine the worst, becoming so busy worrying or trying to protect ourselves that we neglect to enjoy ourselves along the way.

Changing such self-defeating attitudes is essential to recovery, but we have to be honest with ourselves. There is no value in pretending to have a sunny outlook when we really perceive a situation to be painful or frightening, or when we feel the world is a gloomy place. We are seeking genuine change, not denial. And the first step in changing our negative attitudes is becoming aware of them, a process that rarely happens overnight.

As we become willing, (78) we search for positive aspects in every situation and find gifts hidden in even the most trying times. Gradually, and at first imperceptibly, our outlook shifts until the world actually appears brighter and more inviting. In time, situations that would have given rise to any number of negative attitudes pass almost unnoticed.

Instead of feeling drained, overwhelmed, and stressed by the circumstances we encounter, we begin to feel empowered and capable of coping

we can stop trying to play God and accept the very real possibility that the people and events in our lives are part of the greater vision of a Higher Power. In doing so, it becomes easier to accept the things we cannot change.

So it is only natural that we would want to take whatever actions we can to consciously improve our relationship with the God of our understanding.

Vindictiveness, vengeance, resentment, blame, and hard-heartedness do us far more harm than anyone else.

Al-Anon members to live life comfortably and emotionally sober no matter what the alcoholic, or anyone else, is doing or not doing.

we alcoholics, when we are willing, can also learn a great deal by attending Al-Anon meetings.

Being asked to sponsor someone affirms I do indeed have something valuable to offer a fellow human. “Realize that a sponsor is only one channel for Al-Anon’s message of hope, and avoid thinking that it is necessary to know all the answers.” Sponsorship, What It’s All About, p.

If you understand, things are just as they are; if you do not understand, things are just as they are.” Zen proverb

If the alcoholic hits upon something we feel guilty about, we find it difficult not to believe it as the truth.

…Desprenderse emocionalmente no significa menos atención sino más atención a mi propia serenidad.

If I continue to do what I have always done, I will continue to get what I have always gotten. I want the benefits that this spiritual program has to offer. Therefore, I must take the risk and let go and let God.

Just for today I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

to stop focusing so intently on what those around us say, do, and feel, and instead to put the focus on ourselves.

Let It Begin with Me” is a way to change the things we can—especially our own attitudes—instead of waiting for everyone else to change to suit us.

What price are we willing to pay to win an argument or prove to other people that we are right?

Must we take it personally? Is it worth the price of self-recrimination, resentment of others, or hours of worry? Just “How Important Is It?

to set aside petty worries, minor irritations, and baseless judgments so that we might celebrate the extraordinary richness and wonder that life offers.

One of the effects of alcoholism is that most of us tend to react to everything we encounter, often perceiving minor incidents as major crises. Rather than choosing to act on our own behalf, we allow other people’s actions and demands to dictate what we do and thus show little regard for our own interests.

peering into the future and trying to anticipate and resolve every glitch we think we might encounter, making decisions based upon information we do not really possess because the future has not yet happened.

But wasting today worrying about tomorrow will not make us any better prepared for difficulties that may present themselves. If they do manifest, those painful problems will not hurt any less tomorrow, whether we have stewed about them or set them aside today. All of our preparation will not have spared us a single ounce of pain.

One Day at a Time” is that we break huge, overwhelming tasks into smaller, more attainable goals.

We cannot do what we cannot do. Worrying about going hungry tomorrow won’t put more food on the table, it will only make us forget to appreciate the food we have today. This day is ripe with opportunities for joy, for sorrow, for experiencing the full range of human emotion and experience.

Prayer and meditation take many different forms, but they all have a common goal—to put us in better and more conscious touch with the God of our understanding, the proven source of strength, love, and hope in our lives.

We learn to speak for ourselves, but never presume to speak for anyone else. We respect the privacy of others and acknowledge their right to have their own ideas and grow at their own pace. Likewise, we acknowledge and fulfill our own right to do the same.

Our recovery from the effects of alcoholism allows us to become more fully the men and women we are capable of being. As we grow, we learn to choose behavior that we can feel good about.

They were living a life I had chosen to leave back in 1982 when I had started going to Al-Anon.

As for learning communication skills, where would A.A. and Al-Anon be without communications, without the caring and honest sharing that activate the meetings? And where better to practice these skills than at home?