Aj Sherwood Quotes

You ever meet someone and want to buy them a taser for their bathtub?

Sir,” Garrett said cheerfully, in a tone that meant mayhem was imminent, “Request permission to punch the asshole in the mouth.

but if forced to think about it, I was probably borderline demi-sexual. I found people visually appealing all the time, but my libido felt absolutely no motivation to pipe up.

I save lives each day because there are people out there who need to be stabbed. And I don't stab them.

Don’t tempt me. I do not want to go back there. The last time I was in an environment that hostile, I was allowed to shoot back.

I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.

Not to flex, but I'm better at making bad decisions than you.

You have a train of thought?” Wicky asked, mock-surprised. “Wooow, really? Like, on rails and everything? I have a Roomba of thought. It can move ahead, but it likes to bump into things, get stuck where it’s not supposed to, and spin off in totally different directions.

Rather than a prince, she'd take an assassin coming to her rescue any day.

don’t want you editing yourself to say what you think I want to hear. I don’t want that kind of shallow connection with you.

Okay, so, I’m in Ikea, right?” Anh started, looking done with life. “And I’m trying to pronounce some of the names on these tags. Somehow—I have no idea how—but somehow I managed to summon a demon. He’s demanding the reason for his summons. What do I do with him?

The most disturbing thing about accidentally waking up at four in the morning is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise. Really, who in their ever lovin’ mind thinks this a good idea? Just being awake irritated me.

Was there a term like hangry, but in conjunction with sleep?

lips curling up in a smile reminiscent of racks and thumb screws. Dragons about to ravage a village smiled like that.

Ross wasn’t one for seizing the day. He preferred poking at it with a stick.

I’m not procrastinating!” Ross called back, finishing attaching a very scary looking headdress onto a normally shy elf. “I’m doing side quests!

Ours is a tale as old as time...A true romance that has been repeated throughout history. I saw a hottie in a tavern, took one look at him, and thought, I want that.

His mind wandered to a happy place where he could throat punch people and there were puppies and cupcakes after.

I guess, sometimes, it’s really necessary to cut toxic people out of your life.” His expression was loving and supportive as he met my eyes. “It’s okay to do that, Ash. Just don’t use your fabric scissors.

Are you seriously trying to make me use ‘yeet’ in a spell?” Bel didn’t even blink, just drolly responded, “Spellcraft is about intent, and the wording of a spell is often the product of the vernacular at the time, therefore using ‘yeet’ in a banishing spell is perfect acceptable. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

I could safely say I would rather be sunburnt at the lake, covered in skeeter bites, trying to kill a water moccasin with a flip-flop, than be in the trunk of a kidnapper’s car.

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Max’s brain has left the building. We do apologize for any inconvenience at this time. Please try again.

I sent this prayer out to any god, goddess, or saint listening. Please give me patience. Not strength, because if I had strength, I’d also need bail money.

Wicky lifted his head, blinking a little and getting one brown eye open. “I can do all things through spite, which strengthens me.

At this juncture, it was like playing chess with a pigeon. Even if you won, it’d crap all over the board and strut around acting like it won anyway.

A wild, crazy idea crashed through my head. I say crashed because it knocked common sense flat and ran right over it.

Underestimate me. That’ll be fun.

Shirts are crazy if you think about it,” Nico mentioned casually as he snatched up one, then another, and tossed them onto the growing pile on his arm. “Your body goes in one hole and comes out three.

Shit happens? I always liked that one because in my life, a lot of shit happens. You’ve got to keep moving forward. You know why?” “Why?” Baldewin asked, suddenly entranced by the mage’s energetic speech. “If you don’t, you’re just left sitting there in a pile of shit. Who wants that?

Due to enormous personal flaws Ross refused to work on, he neglected to tell the pack he had a lead on Dunham

the little mage was so sweet, so giving, and sometimes Nico just wanted to glomp onto him and squeeze. The cute-aggression was strong in Nico.

Bel had clearly not only failed to make the proper sacrifices to the Gay Porn gods, but had offended them, too. He had no other explanation for why he was in this situation.

What did one sacrifice to porn gods, anyway? Dildos?

The art of being an adult sometimes was knowing when to keep your mouth shut.

Can’t they take a fucking hint? Go AWAY! You’re not wanted, you’re screwing up my whole day, and there’s someone else I would rather be screwing!

I wasn’t saying they were stupid, but if you put a candle next to their ears, their eyes would shine.

And if that trouble comes, call me.” Ross intended to call him on the twelfth of never. Possibly right after the Apocalypse but not before Armageddon. “Thank you for the advice.

Nothing but shock was on Cohen’s face. It made my otherwise good-looking friend seem silly. I wanted to pop his jaw back into place.

Curse you and your inevitable betrayal.

How many towns and cities do I have to collect before they give me the kingdom?" "Taaaan," Devan groaned. "We don't actually want the kingdom.

Do we like Sir Walter?" "His personality would significantly improve with a foot of steel through his heart.

A tisket a tasked, there's no fucks in this basket~" Tan singsonged.

Tan tried to feel sympathetic. No? No sympathy? Damn, was he out of stock already?

Do we have a plan?" Topaz asked. Tan's answer was quick and decisive. "Bonk." "If they don't stop, then we bonk," Devan corrected.

It's important for couples to take on each other's qualities. The most important one is to want to kill the same motherfucker.

when the bright white light popped out in a two-foot expanse, his eyes went wide as he felt childlike wonder. So pretty. So shiny. He could cut all the things with this.

no matter what branch of the military you went into, you had to fill out forms for shooting things. In triplicate, god help him.

Fuck,” Zia said in despair. “There’s two of them. Why did the universe make two of them?

He's moving about as fast as a slug in a snowstorm, but he's moving.

Theon, don’t do this. I’m a very weak man. I will absolutely try to seduce you if you don’t tone it down.

I spent too much of my life not feeling wanted, so I focused on being needed.

Is this place outside?” “Sadly, yes, but it’s right outside the kitchen door. Not far.” “Do I have to wear pants?” “Afraid that’s also a yes.

Tan extended his hands like he was summoning something from on high. “Behold—! Wait. Wait, I can’t find it. I can’t find my last fuck. Nope, I’m good with burning down the forest.

It’s okay.” He smiled at me. “I may not understand, but I don’t have to. It felt real, and you’re feeling real emotions, and those emotions are valid.

Bel, relax. They’re on an Army base. It’s not like they can find much trouble here.” Bel had no such faith. Find trouble? No, probably not. Create trouble? Absolutely.

That man is an asshole.” “Verner? Oh yeah, always has been.” Tori’s tone turned mischievous. “I’m pretty sure he was conceived via anal sex. Only way to explain why he’s such an asshole.

Personally, Devan thought the name itself was a good clue to not drink the former. Banana. Ale. Just no. The problem with brewers these days was that they asked could they, not should they.

First, though, I had to get past the guards. Who were eyeing me nervously. I jerked a thumb to indicate the palace that was half sinking into bedrock. “I did that to a building. You really want to try me?

want to wake up to you every morning, see the sunlight caress you, and taste it when I kiss you awake. I want to stop the flow of time so I can just bask in your smile. Because even when you drive me absolutely insane, you suit me right to the ground.

I opened the air conditioner panel in the hotel room, and it looked like a face, and after I saw it like that, I couldn’t unsee it. I may have ended up staring at it for far too long.” Wicky paused a beat. “The hotel air conditioner has seen things. Horrible things.

Of all the things I expected out of you, swords were not it." "Why? I like shiny things that make other things go squish." [...] “Tell me that’s a lightsaber.” Zia came around to join them, and she was quick to correct. “No, not quite. It’s a bejeweled magical sword, activated by runes that—” “It’s totally a lightsaber,” Wicky cut in, handing it over with glee. [...] Nico was already bounding ahead, lightsaber in full swing. “My name is Nicholas di Rocci. You threatened my mage. Prepare to die!” And then he promptly started making lightsaber noises as he cut into two ROUSes. “Vrãu, vrãu—

Kyou handed him a small USB drive, barely bigger than his thumbnail. “Wireless bridge. Plug it into the back of the camera and give me five minutes. We’ll be set.” “You want me to bullshit my way through measuring for hardware for five minutes?” Kyou patted him on the arm. “You’re charming. You’ll be fine.

Brandon getting a sword had been something of a side quest on this trip. It had started when we’d gone to one of the castles, and Brandon had seen a sign that said “Unattended children will be given kilts and swords.” My six-foot-five lover had gone right up to one of the employees and explained he was an unattended child. He needed his kilt and sword, please.

Hello, date money.” Asher sipped at his coffee before waving at the money. “You keep saying that, but where are we going on a date? You have a plan?” I gave him the most innocent expression I could muster. Kinda hard, though, as I knew he'd love what I was about to say. “I thought I’d take you to the bookstore and turn you loose.” Asher’s eyes went heart shaped. “You do love me.

You’ve got a good heart, my love. You adopt things that need protection. Cats, people, cities—it’s all the same to you.” “There’s this tone in your voice, this little insidious suggestion that I’m responsible, and how fucking dare you.” Returning to Tan’s side, Devan leaned down to kiss him. “It’s a good look. You should try it more often.” “Curse you and your inevitable betrayal.

I was a bartender for two years,” Ross informed him dryly. “Drunk people I can handle. It’s like daycare, but for adults.” Glenn’s head canted to the side, the beginnings of delight tugging at his mouth. “Do tell. I’m fascinated by the reasoning.” Ross lifted a finger and started counting. “You give them sippy juice and snacks and supervise them while they play and practice their social skills. Usually badly.

He turned and looked directly at me and Quinn. “I’ve two broadswords, both iron, that will work wonders on yon brute. Takes a man with a significant amount of strength to wield them for more than ten minutes. Would ye like to kilt up and join me?” Quinn looked as delighted by this offer as I felt. “I’m all for going out and swinging a sword around, but I don’t have much experience with sword fighting.” “Pointy end goes in the beastie,” McTavish said helpfully. “Right,” Quinn responded with a laugh. “I think I can manage that. Kilts, though?” “Tradition, man. Ye cannae fight a monster and nae wear a kilt.” Quinn didn’t offer another protest, just nodded. “Sold. Brandon?” Swords? Kilts? “I’m in.” I woke up to the sight of my lover standing next to the bed, dressed in a Scottish kilt, sans shirt.

He licked me,” Warin gasped. “Huh. I don’t think Cameron licked Alric.” Gunter paused, and a little smirk twisted his lips. “Well, I don’t think Cameron licked Alric right away. But we’re getting off the subject we should be discussing.

I save lives each day because there are people out there who need to be stabbed. And I don’t stab them.

Neither of them were morning people at this ungodly hour,

I started with the ships and then moved on to planes and cars. More recently, I’ve found myself getting lost in miniature houses and buildings. Putting all the pieces together and getting everything just so helps me relax and clear my mind after a long day.

This is a really old building. Hundred years old, give or take, that’s my guess.

Brahms allowed, and while he looked ready to keep arguing, he let the matter go.

The way the firelight gave him a visible aura made this moment almost surreal, as if I’d stepped into a webtoon. “I am Theon Nox, Duke of Rehobath. You are in Northgaard, land of Eternal Winter.

his moral compass left his body when the villain was sexy.

Devan said more firmly, pulling out what Tan had dubbed his King Voice. It was the voice he used for training recruits, since it made people move with alacrity. It worked just as well on stubborn mages with sticks up their asses. “I will ask nicely only once.

Every time I get a gray hair, it's my body saying the working conditions here suck, and I am done. Management has created a toxic work environment.” “But you’re management,” he pointed out, eyes crinkling up in a laugh. “That’s precisely the problem.

Until Glenn comes for you, you're are warded into this room with only a bed and the occasional tray of food." That was probably meant to sound terrible, but compared to the last few months? Man-Shik had just described heaven. Ross gave him a brilliant smile. "Oh my god - meals, sleep, and silence?" Man-Shik glared at him, a visible tic at the corner of his mouth. "I mean...oh nooo....

Are you telling me that you have two hot men in your vicinity and you want to jump both of them?” “That’s…a scarily accurate summary.

couldn’t understand how anyone would look at this man, who was not only cute but also good natured, and think he wasn’t worth the effort of protecting. Of supporting. Were the people around him just selfish or blind? And could I smack them? I wanted to smack them.

Ye speak of the Christianized version,” Agnes corrected him. “Originally, the sluagh was known to hang about houses and weaken a healthy person till they sickened and died. Then it would consume their soul. After, it became the sinners that it would do that with.

Instead, the shelves lining the walls are now filled with Xavier’s extensive collection of sourdough starters. Much of the time, the jars are out in the world with him—hanging out in the living room, getting some sun out in the yard, traveling back and forth between Harlan and Sherwood. After a while, the young starters mature and get dehydrated so they can be stored for longer. But when they aren’t having recreation time with Xavier, in the kitchen being used for recipes, or stashed in powder form, they hang out here. And apparently, now they have a new wardrobe.

Granted,

I did ask if you wanted to go on an adventure! You said you’d love to!” “You didn’t clarify that meant go to another world and wield new magic powers.

The earth is round, the sun rises in the east, and you are my mate. They’re all sure things.

Dimitri brought that old quip to mind: I didn’t fall in love, he tripped me.

More than just being a dragon’s mate, he wanted to be Dimitri’s mate. He wanted to be Dimitri’s Sam. God, he even wanted to be his Sam-I-am, Sam-a-lam, Toucan Sam, and Sir Samalot—not that he would ever admit that out loud.

Yes, they would feed him and tuck him away in their hoard. And books. He appeared to be the type who wanted to be surrounded with books. They would give him books and dusty old artefacts. They’d brought lots of rare relics from the Old Country. Or maybe shiny things filled with magic. That would please the mage. Then they would be allowed to lick him.

Deacon Rot looked at the baby in my arms, then back at me like I’d taken leave of my sanity. Joke was on him. I hadn’t seen any sign of sanity in

Deacon Rot looked at the baby in my arms, then back at me like I’d taken leave of my sanity. Joke was on him. I hadn’t seen any sign of sanity in years.

I did that to a building. You really want to try me?

Adrien had to wonder, were apprentices akin to sunfish? He hoped not—sunfish died if you just looked at them wrong. Surely human beings were sturdier than that.

There were thanks and even a hug—as in, Tan hugged them because hugs, yes—and then Tan whisked he and Devan back to the castle.

Apparently, his moral compass left his body when the villain was sexy.

I want to take a better look below.” “Lead on, sexy.

Oh dear. Zander had fragile willpower even on the best of days. Resisting this man would be a challenge.

His heart thudded in his chest in a way Devan couldn’t ever remember feeling before.

more than a wave on Tan’s

vbetween

If you don’t, you’re just left sitting there in a pile of shit. Who wants that?