A Fault In Our Stars Quotes

We've searched our database for all the quotes and captions related to A Fault In Our Stars. Here they are! All 200 of them:

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As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world...but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The marks humans leave are too often scars.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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What a slut time is. She screws everybody.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Oh, I wouldn't mind, Hazel Grace. It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The world is not a wish-granting factory.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves.
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William Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)
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I'm in love with you," he said quietly. "Augustus," I said. "I am," he said. He was staring at me, and I could see the corners of his eyes crinkling. "I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Some tourists think Amsterdam is a city of sin, but in truth it is a city of freedom. And in freedom, most people find sin.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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It's a metaphor, see: You put the killing thing right between your teeth, but you don't give it the power to do its killing.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Maybe 'okay' will be our 'always
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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That’s part of what I like about the book in some ways. It portrays death truthfully. You die in the middle of your life, in the middle of a sentence
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and an infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I'm a grenade and at some point I'm going to blow up and I would like to minimize the casualties, okay?
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Because you are beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Without pain, how could we know joy?' This is an old argument in the field of thinking about suffering and its stupidity and lack of sophistication could be plumbed for centuries but suffice it to say that the existence of broccoli does not, in any way, affect the taste of chocolate.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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But it is the nature of stars to cross, and never was Shakespeare more wrong than when he has Cassius note, β€˜The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars / But in ourselves.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I believe the universe wants to be noticed. I think the universe is inprobably biased toward the consciousness, that it rewards intelligence in part because the universe enjoys its elegance being observed. And who am I, living in the middle of history, to tell the universe that it-or my observation of it-is temporary?
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Headline?" he asked. "'Swing Set Needs Home,'" I said. "'Desperately Lonely Swing Set Needs Loving Home,'" he said. "'Lonely, Vaguely Pedophilic Swing Set Seeks the Butts of Children,'" I said.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I’m on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Whenever you read a cancer booklet or website or whatever, they always list depression among the side effects of cancer. But, in fact, depression is not a side effect of cancer. Depression is a side effect of dying.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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there is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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May I see you again?" he asked. There was an endearing nervousness in his voice. I smiled. "Sure." "Tomorrow?" he asked. "Patience, grasshopper," I counseled. "You don't want to seem overeager. "Right, that's why I said tomorrow," he said. "I want to see you again tonight. But I'm willing to wait all night and much of tomorrow." I rolled my eyes. "I'm serious," he said. "You don't even know me," I said. I grabbed the book from the center console. "How about I call you when I finish this?" "But you don't even have my phone number," he said. "I strongly suspect you wrote it in this book." He broke out into that goofy smile. "And you say we don't know each other.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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But I believe in true love, you know? I don't believe that everybody gets to keep their eyes or not get sick or whatever, but everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, because there was no longer anyone to remember with. It felt like losing your co-rememberer meant losing the memory itself, as if the things we'd done were less real and important than they had been hours before.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever. There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it. God knows that’s what everyone else does.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You have a choice in this world, I believe, about how to tell sad stories, and we made the funny choice.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book. And then there are books like An Imperial Affliction, which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like betrayal
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I'll fight it. I'll fight it for you. Don't you worry about me, Hazel Grace. I'm okay. I'll find a way to hang around and annoy you for a long time.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The only person I really wanted to talk to about Augustus Water's death with was Augustus Waters.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Tell me my copy is missing the last twenty pages or something. Hazel Grace, tell me I have not reached the end of this book. OH MY GOD DO THEY GET MARRIED OR NOT OH MY GOD WHAT IS THIS?!
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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And I wondered if hurdlers ever thought, you know, 'This would go faster if we just got rid of the hurdles.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I told Augustus the broad outline of my miracle: diagnosed with Stage IV thyroid cancer when I was thirteen. (I didn’t tell him that the diagnosis came three months after I got my first period. Like: Congratulations! You’re a woman. Now die.)
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Look, let me just say it: He was hot. A nonhot boy stares at you relentlessly and it is, at best, awkward and, at worst, a form of assault. But a hot boy . . . well.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Augustus Waters was a self-aggrandizing bastard. But we forgive him. We forgive him not because he had a heart as figuratively good as his literal one sucked, or because he knew more about how to hold a cigarette than any nonsmoker in history, or because he got eighteen years when he should've gotten more.' 'Seventeen,' Gus corrected. 'I'm assuming you've got some time, you interupting bastard. 'I'm telling you,' Isaac continued, 'Augustus Waters talked so much that he'd interupt you at his own funeral. And he was pretentious: Sweet Jesus Christ, that kid never took a piss without pondering the abundant metaphorical resonances of human waste production. And he was vain: I do not believe I have ever met a more physically attractive person who was more acutely aware of his own physical attractiveness. 'But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.' I was kind of crying by then.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The weird thing about houses is that they almost always look like nothing is happening inside of them, even though they contain most of our lives. I wondered if that was sort of the point of architecture.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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The risen sun too bright in her losing eyes.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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It's just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.' 'Right, it's primarily his hotness,' I said. 'It can be sort of blinding,' he said. 'It actually did blind our friend Isaac,' I said. 'Terrible tragedy, that. But can I help my own deadly beauty?' 'You cannot.' 'It is my burden, this beautiful face.' 'Not to mention your body.' 'Seriously, don't even get me started on my hot bod. You don't want to see me naked, Dave. Seeing me naked actually took Hazel Grace's breath away,' he said, nodding toward the oxygen tank.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Come over here so I can examine your face with my hands and see deeper into your soul than a sighted person ever could.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I've gotten really hot since you went blind.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I'm in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we're all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we'll ever have, and I am in love with you.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I wanted to know that he would be okay if I died. I wanted to not be a grenade, to not be a malevolent force in the lives of people I loved.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Thank you for explaining that my eye cancer isn't going to make me deaf. I feel so fortunate that an intellectual giant like yourself would deign to operate on me.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Our fearlessness shall be our secret weapon.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You do not immortalize the lost by writing about them. Language buries, but does not resurrect.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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It seemed like forever ago, like we've had this brief but still infinite forever. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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He responded a few minutes later. Okay. I wrote back. Okay. He responded: Oh, my God, stop flirting with me!
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Sometimes people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Gus: "It tastes like..." Me: "Food." Gus: "Yes, precisely. It tastes like food, excellently prepared. But it does not taste, how do I put this delicately...?" Me: "It does not taste like God Himself cooked heaven into a series of five dishes which were then served to you accompanied by several luminous balls of fermented, bubbly plasma while actual and literal flower petals floated down around your canal-side dinner table." Gus: "Nicely phrased." Gus's father: "Our children are weird." My dad: "Nicely phrased.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Men at some time are masters of their fates. The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars, but in ourselves, that we are underlings.
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William Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)
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That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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That's why I like you. Do you realize how rare it is to come across a hot girl who creates a adjectival version of the word pedophile? You are so busy being you that you have no idea how utterly unprecedented you are.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Because there is no glory in illness. There is no meaning to it. There is no honor in dying of.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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What's that?" "The laundry basket?" "No, next to it." "I don't see anything next to it." "It's my last shred of dignity. It's very small.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I was blind and heart broken and didn't want to do anything and Gus burst into my room and shouted, "I have wonderful news!" And I was like, "I don't really want to hear wonderful news right now," and Gus said, "This is wonderful news you want to hear," and I asked him, "Fine, what is it?" and he said, "You are going to live a good and long life filled with great and terrible moments that you cannot even imagine yet!
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you.
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John Green
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Ma'am," Augustus said, nodding toward her, "Your daughter's car has just been deservingly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Only now that I loved a grenade did I understand the foolishness of trying to save others from my own impending fragmentation: I couldn’t unlove Augustus Waters. And I didn’t want to.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up," he said. "And it is my privilege and my responsibility to ride all the way up with you," I said.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You say you're not special because the world doesn't know about you, but that's an insult to me. I know about you.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Issac:"I dislike living in a world without Augustus Waters." Computer: "I don't understand-" Issac: "Me neither. Pause
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Augustus," I said. "Really. You don't have to do this." "Sure I do," he said. "I found my Wish." "God, you're the best," I told him. "I bet you say that to all the boys who finance your international travel," he answered.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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People will say it's sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it's not sad, Van Houten. It's triumphant. It's heroic. Isn't that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You're arguing that the fragile, rare thing is beautiful simply because it is fragile and rare. But that's a lie, and you know it.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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All salvation is temporary," Augustus shot back. "I bought them a minute. Maybe that's the minute that buys them an hour, which is the hour that buys them a year. No one's gonna buy them forever, Hazel Grace, but my life bought them a minute. And that's not nothing.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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There was time before organisms experienced consciousness, and there will be time after. And if the inevitability of human oblivion worries you, I encourage you to ignore it.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Pain is like fabric: The stronger it is, the more it’s worth.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Augustus, perhaps you’d like to share your fears with the group.” β€œMy fears?” β€œYes.” β€œI fear oblivion,” he said without a moment’s pause. β€œI fear it like the proverbial blind man who’s afraid of the dark.” β€œToo soon,” Isaac said, cracking a smile. β€œWas that insensitive?” Augustus asked. β€œI can be pretty blind to other people’s feelings.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I love you present tense.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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So dawn goes down today... Nothing gold can stay. -- Robert Frost
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I will not tell you our love story, becauseβ€”like all real love storiesβ€”it will die with us, as it should.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I want to leave a mark. But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I'm in love with you, and I'm not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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You used," he said, and then took a sharp breath, "to call me Augustus.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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If you don't live a life in service of a greater good, you've gotta at least die a death in service of a greater good, you know? And I fear that I won't get either a life or a death that means anything.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Are you currently at your house?" he asked. "Um, no," I said. "That was a trick question. I knew the answer, because I am currently at your house.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I hadn’t been in proper school in three years. My parents were my two best friends. My third best friend was an author who did not know I existed.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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As the tide washed in, the Dutch Tulip Man faced the Ocean: "Conjoiner rejoinder poisoner concealer revelator. Look at it, rising up and rising down, taking everything with it." "What’s that?" Anna asked. "Water," the Dutchman said. "Well, and time.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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When you go into the ER, one of the first things they ask you to do is rate your pain on a scale of one to ten, and from there they decide which drugs to use and how quickly to use them. I'd been asked this question hundreds of times over the years, and I remember once early on when I couldn't get my breath and it felt like my chest was on fire, flames licking the inside of my ribs fighting for a way to burn out of my body, my parents took me to the ER. nurse asked me about the pain, and I couldn't even speak, so I held up nine fingers. Later, after they'd given me something, the nurse came in and she was kind of stroking my head while she took my blood pressure and said, "You know how I know you're a fighter? You called a ten a nine." But that wasn't quite right. I called it a nine because I was saving my ten. And here it was, the great and terrible ten, slamming me again and again as I lay still and alone in my bed staring at the ceiling, the waves tossing me against the rocks then pulling me back out to sea so they could launch me again into the jagged face of the cliff, leaving me floating faceup on the water, undrowned.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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And then the line was quite but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenuous third space that could only be visited on the phone.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Sometimes people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said. Isaac shot me a look. β€œRight, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway. Don’t you believe in true love?
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Is it still cool to go to the mall?' she asked. 'I take quite a lot of pride in not knowing what's cool,' I answered.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I fell in love like you would fall asleep: slowly and then all at once.
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John Green
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Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, becauseβ€”like all real love storiesβ€”it will die with us, as it should. I'd hoped that he'd be eulogizing me.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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He called out to his fellow monks,'Come quickly I am tasting stars.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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One swing set, well worn but structurally sound, seeks new home. Make memories with your kid or kids so that someday he or she or they will look into the backyard and feel the ache of sentimentality as desperately as I did this afternoon. It's all fragile and fleeting, dear reader, but with this swing set, your child(ren) will be introduced to the ups and downs of human life gently and safely, and may also learn the most important lesson of all: No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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There were five others before they got to him. He smiled a little when his turn came. His voice was low, smoky, and dead sexy. β€œMy name is Augustus Waters,” he said. β€œI’m seventeen. I had a little touch of osteosarcoma a year and a half ago, but I’m just here today at Isaac’s request.” β€œAnd how are you feeling?” asked Patrick. β€œOh, I’m grand.” Augustus Waters smiled with a corner of his mouth. β€œI’m on a roller coaster that only goes up, my friend.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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How are the eyes?' 'Oh, excellent,' he said. 'I mean, they're not in my head is the only problem.' 'Awesome, yeah,' Gus said. 'Not to one-up you or anything, but my body is made out of cancer.' 'So I heard,' Issac said, trying not to let it get to him. He fumbled toward Gus's hand and found only his thigh. 'I'm taken,' Gus said.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I had a moral opposition to eating before dawn on the grounds that I was not a nineteenth-century Russian peasant fortifying myself for a day in the fields.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Augustus Waters," I said, looking up at him, thinking that you cannot kiss anyone in the Anne Frank House, and then thinking that Anne Frank, after all, kissed someone in the Anne Frank House, and that she would probably like nothing more than for her home to have become a place where the young and irreparably broken sink into love.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Okay.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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We are literally in the heart of Jesus," he said. "I thought we were in a church basement, but we are literally in the heart of Jesus." "Someone should tell Jesus," I said. "I mean, it's gotta be dangerous, storing children with cancer in your heart." "I would tell Him myself," Augustus said, "but unfortunately I am literally stuck inside of His heart, so He won't be able to hear me.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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There is only one things in this world shittier than biting it from cancer when you're sixteen, and that's having a kid who bites it from cancer.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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Keep your shit together," I whispered to my lungs.
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John Green
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She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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And okay, fair enough, but there is this unwritten contract between author and reader and I think not ending your book kind of violates that contract.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
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I thought being an adult meant knowing what you believe, but that has not been my experience.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You realize that trying to keep your distance from me will not lessen my affection for you," he said.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Mom sobbed something into Dad's chest that I wish I hadn't heard, and that I hope she never finds out that I did hear. She said, "I won't be a mom anymore." It gutted me pretty badly.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I missed the future. Obviously I knew even before his recurrence that I'd never grow old with Augustus Waters. But thinking about Lidewij and her boyfriend, I felt robbed. I would probably never again see the ocean from thirty thousand feet above, so far up that you can't make out the waves or any boats, so that the ocean is a great and endless monolith. I could imagine it. I could remember it. But I couldn't see it again, and it occurred to me that the voracious ambition of humans is never sated by dreams coming true, because there is always the thought that everything might be done better and again.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Love is keeping the promise anyway.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You should see it. V for Vendetta I mean. "I'll look it up." No. With Me. At my house. Now
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Everybody should have true love, and it should last at least as long as your life does.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
the world wasn't made for us, we were made for the world
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Neither novels or their readers benefit from any attempts to divine whether any facts hide inside a story. Such efforts attack the very idea that made-up stories can matter, which is sort of the foundational assumption of our species.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I told myself – as I’ve told myself before – that the body shuts down when the pain gets too bad, that consciousness is temporary, that this will pass. But just like always, I didn’t slip away. I was left on the shore with the waves washing over me, unable to drown.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You could hear the wind in the leaves, and on that wind traveled the screams of the kids on the playground in the distance, little kids figuring out how to be alive, how to navigate a world that wasn't made for them by navigating a playground that was.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I am in the midst of a soliloquy! I wrote this out and memorized it and if you interrupt me I will completely screw it up,' Augustus interrupted. 'Please to be eating your sandwich and listening.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You are a side effect," Van Houten continued, "of an evolutionary process that cares little for individual lives. You are a failed experiment in mutation.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
that while the world wasn't built for humans, we were built for the world.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
So I wasn't lying, exactly. I was just choosing among truths.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
No matter how hard you kick, no matter how high you get, you can't go all the way around.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Augustus: "I can still dominate your blind ass at Counterinsurgence," Isaac: "I'm pretty sure all asses are blind,
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great sat-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won't be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us, as it should. I'd hoped that he'd be eulogizing me, because there's no one I'd rather have..." I started crying. "Okay, how not to cry. How am I-okay. Okay." I took a few deep breaths and went back to the page. "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Where is my chance to be somebody's Peter Van Houten?' He hit the steering wheel weakly, the car honking as he cried. He leaned his head back, looking up. 'I hate myself I hate myself I hate this I hate this I disgust myself I hate it I hate it I hate it just let me fucking die.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I love you present tense,” I whispered, and then put my hand on the middle of his chest and said, β€œIt’s okay, Gus. It’s okay. It is. It’s okay, you hear me?” I hadβ€”and haveβ€”absolutely no confidence that he could hear me. I leaned forward and kissed his cheek. β€œOkay,” I said. β€œOkay.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
There was quite a lot of competitiveness about it, with everybody wanting to beat not only cancer itself, but also the other people in the room. Like, I realize that this is irrational, but when they tell you that you have, say, a 20 percent chance of living five years, the math kicks in and you figure that’s one in five . . . so you look around and think, as any healthy person would: I gotta outlast four of these bastards.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Dad had a sign of his own. MY BEAUTIFUL FAMILY, it read, and then underneath that (AND GUS).
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
My third best friend was an author who did not know I existed.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
His every syllable flirted. Honestly, he kind of turned me on. I didn't even know that guys could turn me on-not, like, in real life
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
But it was sure a privilege to love him, huh?" I nodded into his shirt. "Gives you an idea how I feel about you," he said. My old man. He always knew just what to say.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Maybe 'Okay' will be our 'always'...
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You’re arguing that the fragile, rare thing is beautiful simply because it is fragile and rare. But that’s a lie, and you know it.
”
”
John Green
β€œ
While I did not fancy myself a particularly good person, I never thought my first real sexual action would be prostitutional.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
And so much depends, I told Augustus, upon a blue sky cut open by the branches of the trees above. So much depends upon the transparent G-tube erupting from the gut of the blue-lipped boy. So much depends upon the observer of the universe.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Your driving is unpleasant, but it isn't technically unsafe.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I was a bit of a Victorian Lady, fainting-wise.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I like this world. I like drinking champagne. I like not smoking. I like Dutch people speaking Dutch.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
When you’re as charming and physically attractive as myself, it’s easy enough to win over people you meet. But getting strangers to love you...now, that’s the trick.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
When surprised and excited and innocent Gus emerged from Grand Gesture Metaphorically Inclined Augustus, I literally could not resist.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
We live in a universe devoted to the creation, and eradication, of awareness. Augustus Waters did not die after a lengthy battle with cancer. He died after a lengthy battle with human consciousness, a victim - as you will be - of the universe's need to make and unmake all that is possible.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
its a metephor, see: you put the killing thing right between your teeth but you dont give it the power to do its killing.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
It's total bullshit," he said. "The whole thing. Eighty percent survival rate and he's in the twenty percent? Bullshit. He was such a bright kid. It's bullshit. I hate it. But it was sure a privilege to love him, huh?
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
The pleasure of remembering had been taken from me, there was no longer anyone to remember with.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I believe in that line from An Imperial Affliction. 'The risen sun too bright in her losing eyes.' That's God, I think, the rising sun, and the light is too bright and her eyes are losing but they aren't lost.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
To be fair to Monica," I said, "what you did to her wasn't very nice either." "What'd I do to her?" he asked, defensive. "You know, going blind and everything." "But that's not my fault," Isaac said. "I'm not saying it was your fault. I'm saying it wasn't nice.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
You get all these friends just when you don’t need friends anymore.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Don't worry. Worry is useless. I worried anyway
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I liked being a person. I wanted to keep at it.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Do you have a Wish?' he asked, referring to this organization, The Genie Foundation, which is in the business of granting sick kids one wish. 'No' I said. 'I used my Wish pre-Miracle.' 'What'd you do?' I sighed loudly. 'I was thirteen,' I said. 'Not Disney,' he said. I said nothing. 'You did not go to Disney World.' I said nothing. 'HAZEL GRACE!' he shouted. 'You did not use your one dying Wish to go to Disney World with your parents.' 'Also Epcot Center,' I mumbled. 'Oh, my God,' Augustus said. 'I can't believe I had a crush on a girl with such clichΓ© wishes.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I went on spouting bullshit Encouragements as Gus's parents, arm in arm, hugged each other and nodded at every word. Funerals, I had decided, are for the living.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Writing does not resurrect. It buries.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
He really was beautiful. I know boys aren’t supposed to be, but he was.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I am a grenade," I said again. "I just want to stay away from people and read books and think and be with you guys because there's nothing I can do about hurting you: You're too invested, so just please let me do that, okay? "I'm going to go to my room and read for awhile, okay? I'm fine. I really am fine: I just want to go read for a while.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
We were very different, and we disagreed about a lot of things, but he was always so interesting, you know?
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I fear oblivion. I fear it like the proverbial blind man who's afraid of the dark.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
It took me a sleeve of Girl Scout Thin Mints and forty minutes to get over that boy.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Girls think they’re only allowed to wear dresses on formal occasions, but I like a woman who says, you know, I’m going over to see a boy who is having a nervous breakdown, a boy whose connection to the sense of sight itself is tenuous, and gosh dang it, I am going to wear a dress for him.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars/ But in ourselves.
”
”
William Shakespeare (Julius Caesar)
β€œ
Support Group featured a rotating cast of characters in various states of tumor-driven unwellness. Why did the cast rotate? A side effect of dying.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I really thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going to die, too.
”
”
John Greem
β€œ
Funerals...are for the living.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
It's hard as hell to hold on to your dignity when the risen sun is too bright in your losing eyes, and that's what I was thinking about as we hunted for bad guys through the ruins of a city that didn't exist.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
According to the conventions of the genre, Augustus Waters kept his sense of humor till the end, did not for a moment waiver in his courage, and his spirit soared like an indomitable eagle until the world itself could not contain his joyous soul. But this is the truth, a pitiful boy who desperately wanted not to be pitiful, screaming and crying, poisoned by an infected G-tube that kept him alive, but not alive enough. I wiped his chin and grabbed his face in my hands and knelt down close to him so that I could see his eyes, which still lived. 'I'm sorry. I wish it was like that movie, with the Persians and the Spartans.' 'Me too,' he said. 'But it isn't,' I said. 'I know,' he said. 'There are no bad guys.' 'Yeah.' 'Even cancer isn't a bad guy really: Cancer just wants to be alive.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
there are books which you can't tell people about, books so special and rare and yours that advertising your affection feels like a betrayal.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I thought of my dad telling me that the universe wants to be noticed but what we want is to be noticed by the universe, to have the universe give a shit what happens to us- not the collective idea of sentient life but each of us as individuals.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Observation: It would be awesome to fly in a superfast airplane that could chase the sunrise around the world for a while.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
The dead are visible only in the terrible lidless eye of memory.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
How strange and how lovely it is to be anything at all.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
It lit up like a Christmas Tree Hazel Grace...
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Like all sick children," he answered dispassionately, "you say you don't want pity, but your very existence depends upon it.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
In the darkest days, the Lord puts the best people into your life." (p. 28)
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Caroline was always moody and miserable, but I liked it. I liked feeling as if she had chosen me as the only person in the world not to hate, and so we spent all this time together just ragging on everyone, you know?
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Hazel has to realize that her mom was wrong when she said, β€œI won’t be a mother anymore.” The truth is, after Hazel dies (assuming she dies), her mom will still be her mom, just as my grandmother is still my grandmother even though she has died. As long as either person is still alive, that relationship survives. (It changes, but it survives.)
”
”
John Green
β€œ
Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That’s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
The food was so good that with each passing course, our conversation devolved further into fragmented celebrations of its deliciousness: 'I want this dragon carrot risotto to become a person so I can take it to Las Vegas and marry it.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
We sat out there in silence for a minute and then Gus said, " I wish we had that swing set sometimes." "The one from my backyard?" "Yeah. My nostalgia is so extreme that I am capable of missing a swing my butt never actually touched." "Nostalgia is a side effect of cancer," I told him. "Nah, nostalgia is a side effect of dying," he answered. Above us, the wind blew and the branching shadows rearranged themselves on our skin. Gus squeezed my hand. "It is a good life, Hazel Grace.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I imagined the Augustus Waters analysis of that comment: If I am playing basketball in heaven, does that imply a physical location of a heaven containing physical basketballs? Who makes the basketballs in question? Are there less fortunate souls in heaven who work in a celestial basketball factory so that I can play? Or did an omnipotent God create the basketballs out of the vacuum of space? Is this heaven in some kind of unobservable universe where the laws of physics don't apply, and if so, why in the hell would I be playing basketball when I could be flying or reading or looking at beautiful people or something else I actually enjoy? It's almost as if the way you imagine my dead self says more about you than either the person I was or whatever I am now.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Me: β€œI refuse to attend Support Group.” Mom: β€œOne of the symptoms of depression is disinterest in activities.” Me: β€œPlease just let me watch America’s Next Top Model. It’s an activity.” Mom: β€œTelevision is a passivity.” Me: β€œUgh, Mom, please.” Mom: β€œHazel, you’re a teenager. You’re not a little kid anymore. You need to make friends, get out of the house, and live your life.” Me: β€œIf you want me to be a teenager, don’t send me to Support Group. Buy me a fake ID so I can go to clubs, drink vodka, and take pot.” Mom: β€œYou don’t take pot, for starters.” Me: β€œSee, that’s the kind of thing I’d know if you got me a fake ID.” Mom: β€œYou’re going to Support Group.” Me: β€œUGGGGGGGGGGGGG.” Mom: β€œHazel, you deserve a life.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
He flipped himself onto his side and kissed me. "You're so hot," I said, my hand still on his leg. "I'm starting to think you have an amputee fetish," he answered, still kissing me. I laughed. "I have an Augustus Waters fetish," I explained.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Okay,” he said. β€œI gotta go to sleep. It’s almost one.” β€¨β€œOkay,” I said.
 β€œOkay,” he said. 
I giggled and said, β€œOkay.” And then the line was quiet but not dead. I almost felt like he was there in my room with me, but in a way it was better, like I was not in my room and he was not in his, but instead we were together in some invisible and tenuous third space that could only be visited on the phone. β€œOkay,” he said after forever. β€œMaybe okay will be our always.”
 β€œOkay,” I said.
 It was Augustus who finally hung up.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Cause I'm just - I want to go to Amsterdam, and I want him to tell me what happens after the book is over, and I just don't want my particular life, and also the sky is depressing me, and there is this old swing set out here that my dad made for me when I was a kid.' 'I must see this old swing set of tears immediately,' he said. 'I'll be over in twenty minutes.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Me: "Touch the cave wall." Computer: "You touch the cave wall. It is moist." Isaac: "Lick the cave wall." Computer: "I do not understand. Repeat?" Me: "Hump the moist cave wall." Computer: "You attempt to jump. You hit your head." Isaac: "Not jump. HUMP." Computer: "I don't understand." Isaac: "Dude, I've been alone in the dark in this cave for weeks and I need some relief. HUMP THE CAVE WALL." Computer: "You attempt to ju-" Me: "Thrust pelvis against the cave wall." Computer: "I do not-" Isaac: "Make sweet love to the cave." Computer: "I do not-
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths. I can't stop pissing on fire hydrants...I am an animal like any other. Hazel is different. she walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. She knows the truth: We're as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we're not likely to do either. People will say it's sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it's not sad. It's triumphant. It's heroic. Isn't that the real heroism? The real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him ...And then, having made my rhetorical point, I will put my robot eyes on, because I mean, with robot eyes you can probably see through girls’ shirts and stuff. Augustus, my friend, Godspeed.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets, / The muttering retreats / Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels / And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells: / Streets that follow like a tedious argument / Of insidious intent / To lead you to an overwhelming question.../ Oh, do not ask, 'What is it?' / Let us go and make our visit"' 'I'm in love with you,' he said quietly.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
The book was turned to the page with Anne Frank's name, but what got me about it was the fact that right beneath her name there were four Aron Franks. FOUR. Four Aron Franks without museums, without historical markers, without anyone to mourn them. I silently resolved to remember and pray for the four Aron Franks as long as I was around.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
His hand reached for her boob over her shirt and pawed at it, his palm still while his fingers moved around. I wondered if that felt good. Didn't seem like it would, but I decided to forgive Isaac on the grounds that he was going blind. The senses must feast while there is yet hunger and whatever. "I think he's hurting her boob," I said. "Yes, it's difficult to ascertain whether he is trying to arouse her or perform a breast exam.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar (...) What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
I can only hope,” Julie said, turning back to Gus, β€œthey grow into the kind of thoughtful, intelligent young men you’ve become.” I resisted the urge to audibly gag. β€œHe’s not that smart,” I said to Julie. β€œShe’s right. It’s just that most really good-looking people are stupid, so I exceed expectations.” β€œRight, it’s primarily his hotness,” I said. β€œIt can be sort of blinding,” he said. β€œIt actually did blind our friend Isaac,” I said. β€œTerrible tragedy, that. But can I help my own deadly beauty?” β€œYou cannot.” β€œIt is my burden, this beautiful face.” β€œNot to mention your body.” β€œSeriously, don’t even get me started on my hot bod. You don’t want to see me naked, Dave. Seeing me naked actually took Hazel Grace’s breath away,” he said, nodding toward the oxygen tank. β€œOkay, enough,” Gus’s dad said.
”
”
John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
He shook his head, just looking at me. - "What?" I asked. - "Nothing" he said. - "Why are you looking at me like that?" Augustus half smiled. "Because you`re beautiful. I enjoy looking at beautiful people, and I decided a while ago not to deny myself the simpler pleasures of existence." A brief awkward silence ensued. Augustus plowed through: "I mean, particularly given that, as you so deliciously pointed out, all of this will end in oblivion and everything." I kind of scoffed or sighed or exhaled in a way that was vaguely coughy and then said, "I`m not beau-" - "You are like a millennial Natalie Portman. Like V for Vendetta Natalie Portman." - "Never seen it." - "Really?" he asked. "Pixie-haired gorgeous girl dislikes authority and can`t help but fall for a boy she knows is trouble. It`s your autobiography, so far as I can tell." His every syllable flirted. Honestly, he kind of turned me on. I didn`t even know that guys could turn me on - not, like, in real life.
”
”
John Green
β€œ
HELPED are those who are content to be themselves; they will never lack mystery in their lives and the joys of self-discovery will be constant. HELPED are those who love the entire cosmos rather than their own tiny country, city, or farm, for to them will be shown the unbroken web of life and the meaning of infinity. HELPED are those who live in quietness, knowing neither brand name nor fad; they shall live every day as if in eternity, and each moment shall be as full as it is long. HELPED are those who love others unsplit off from their faults; to them will be given clarity of vision. HELPED are those who create anything at all, for they shall relive the thrill of their own conception, and realize an partnership in the creation of the Universe that keeps them responsible and cheerful. HELPED are those who love the Earth, their mother, and who willingly suffer that she may not die; in their grief over her pain they will weep rivers of blood, and in their joy in her lively response to love, they will converse with the trees. HELPED are those whose ever act is a prayer for harmony in the Universe, for they are the restorers of balance to our planet. To them will be given the insight that every good act done anywhere in the cosmos welcomes the life of an animal or a child. HELPED are those who risk themselves for others' sakes; to them will be given increasing opportunities for ever greater risks. Theirs will be a vision of the word in which no one's gift is despised or lost. HELPED are those who strive to give up their anger; their reward will be that in any confrontation their first thoughts will never be of violence or of war. HELPED are those whose every act is a prayer for peace; on them depends the future of the world. HELPED are those who forgive; their reward shall be forgiveness of every evil done to them. It will be in their power, therefore, to envision the new Earth. HELPED are those who are shown the existence of the Creator's magic in the Universe; they shall experience delight and astonishment without ceasing. HELPED are those who laugh with a pure heart; theirs will be the company of the jolly righteous. HELPED are those who love all the colors of all the human beings, as they love all the colors of the animals and plants; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them. HELPED are those who love the lesbian, the gay, and the straight, as they love the sun, the moon, and the stars. None of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them. HELPED are those who love the broken and the whole; none of their children, nor any of their ancestors, nor any parts of themselves, shall be hidden from them. HELPED are those who do not join mobs; theirs shall be the understanding that to attack in anger is to murder in confusion. HELPED are those who find the courage to do at least one small thing each day to help the existence of another--plant, animal, river, or human being. They shall be joined by a multitude of the timid. HELPED are those who lose their fear of death; theirs is the power to envision the future in a blade of grass. HELPED are those who love and actively support the diversity of life; they shall be secure in their differences. HELPED are those who KNOW.
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Alice Walker
β€œ
Van Houten, I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. We’d make a good team. I don’t want to ask you any favors, but if you have time – and from what I saw, you have plenty – I was wondering if you could write a eulogy for Hazel. I’ve got notes and everything, but if you could just make it into a coherent whole or whatever? Or even just tell me what I should say differently. Here’s the thing about Hazel: Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death. We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That’s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and inglorious war against disease. I want to leave a mark. But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. You build a hideous minimall or start a coup or try to become a rock star and you think, β€œThey’ll remember me now,” but (a) they don’t remember you, and (b) all you leave behind are more scars. Your coup becomes a dictatorship. Your minimall becomes a lesion. (Okay, maybe I’m not such a shitty writer. But I can’t pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into constellations.) We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths. I can’t stop pissing on fire hydrants. I know it’s silly and useless – epically useless in my current state – but I am an animal like any other. Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either. People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad, Van Houten. It’s triumphant. It’s heroic. Isn’t that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm. The real heroes anyway aren’t the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention. The guy who invented the smallpox vaccine didn’t actually invented anything. He just noticed that people with cowpox didn’t get smallpox. After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I just walked in behind a nurse with a badge and I got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I really thought she was going to die, too. It was brutal: the incessant mechanized haranguing of intensive care. She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar. A nurse guy came in and told me I had to leave, that visitors weren’t allowed, and I asked if she was doing okay, and the guy said, β€œShe’s still taking on water.” A desert blessing, an ocean curse. What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)
β€œ
My name is Hazel. Augustus Waters was the great star-crossed love of my life. Ours was an epic love story, and I won't be able to get more than a sentence into it without disappearing into a puddle of tears. Gus knew. Gus knows. I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us, as it should. I'd hoped that he'd be eulogizing me, because there's no one I'd rather have..." I started crying. "Okay, how not to cry. How am I-okay. Okay." I took a few deep breaths and went back to the page. "I can't talk about our love story, so I will talk about math. I am not a mathematician, but I know this: There are infinite numbers between 0 and 1. There's .1 and .12 and .112 and infinite collection of others. Of course, there is a Bigger infinite set of numbers between 0 and 2, or between 0 and a million. Some infinities are bigger than other infinities. A writer we used to like taught us that. There are days, many of them, when I resent the size of my unbounded set. I want more numbers than I'm likely to get, and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. I wouldn't trade it for the world. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.
”
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John Green (The Fault in Our Stars)